Hug Me
Rate: T For Character Angst
ZaDr/ZaDf
English is my second language, my apologies if there're any mistakes.
Disclaimer: I do not own invader Zim
One Shot
A/N: Finally writing this one shot, I was kinda sad so this is a vent thingy, I know that Zim may be OOC here, but c'mon, we saw how he broke down in the movie, give this little alien a break!
Like and review! They make me happy!!!! :3
-X-
As the stars glowed in the dark night, people already sleeping peacefully on their beds, in their homes. Families, friends, siblings, lovers, prisoners. All unaware of what's happening around them; sinking into deep dreamless sleep.
All unaware as the small irken sat on the floor of his attic, gazing at the white dots in the sky, the big moon reflected in his magenta red eyes; unblinking while he drowned in his mind; thinking.
How did he end up like this? He wanted to fix his Voot Runner is all, but after a while, he felt tired, physically and somehow, emotionally as well. Sitting and looking at the endless darkness of the night through his eye-through ceiling. At first, he didn't seem to even realize he left his work to look at a place he was in millions of times. He was an irken, he was born among these stars, he's used to them, just like anything anyone could get used to; so why was he now finding interest in them?
His antenna twitched.
Right, the stars reminded him of his home... irk.
Just a week ago, he was informed that all he is was a lie. The tallest laughed, got serious, mocked him, laughed again, then spat words in his face before blocking him; forever.
A lie.
All he could do at that moment was stare. He didn't know for how long, but his mind didn't seem to have accepted this idea. Then he kept ordering the computer to call them, to call his tallest. But nothing, he was blocked, the computer had said that for hundred times but he kept trying. Then he got anxious, about what? He didn't know. All he did was pace around the lab as if someone was hunting him down. He didn't feel safe in his own base anymore. Feeling like he was dead. On the third day, three days without going to school. Dib showed up.
After years of fighting, they realized that they're better at being friends more than enemies. They didn't talk that much, didn't go to places together, and rarely sat in silence beside each other. But they no longer had the same hatred, Dib admitted first, but also said that chasing the alien around was also fun. Zim couldn't agree more. He said that he'll keep up with his plans even if they were friends- almost friends; and Dib didn't say anything about it.
On the third day, Dib came by to ask about the invader- the ex-invader. At this moment that Zim felt real fear. What is he going to say? Why did it matter what he says? So Zim decided to act it cool as if nothing happened, but he knew that Dib wasn't stupid.
"Uh, you okay?..."
He remembered the human asking this. Looking straight at his eyes. It made him feel... special somehow. And now that he thought about it, he didn't want this to end.
"Eh, of course," he answered. Trying his hardest to make his voice stable and even, but even he could hear a slight shiver in his tone.
Dib eyed him, narrowing his gaze, "is it about the world invasion?"
"Yes!" Zim replied maybe faster than he should, sounding anxious.
"Well..." Dib was trying to find his words, "I'll be around if you needed anything," he said as he turned to leave, already knowing that the irken would shout about not needing anyone.
But he heard nothing.
Zim didn't shout but stared at him as he walked away, these words made him rethink a lot of things at some point.
It's been a week since this; since the tallest called. And four days since Dib came to visit him, Zim informed Dib at school that he needed some time alone; he won't come to school maybe for... a while, who knows.
Dib hesitated before nodding, "I'll collect your homework..." he murmured as he saw the irken heading for the exit. He just came to school to tell this to the human then leave.
Now he was sitting on the hard floor of his attic, looking at the sky while replaying all the events that happened in the last week. How fascinating it is that his life could change because of one transmission.
A hot sicking feeling found its way to his chest. Feeling whatever heart he had being squeezed tightly, without any mercy. He knew this was an emotional injury; but why did it feel so real? So real that he wants to grab his heart out of his chest as if it was the reason for his pain.
Oh, he knew what that feeling meant.
He had been feeling it in the last days since that transmission. He wanted to cry. But he was too stubborn to let himself do so. Instead, he kept yanking his antennae, scratch his skin with his claws, destroying his creations, kept hitting his head in the console for hours as the computer kept failing at calling his beloved tallest.
Is that what self-harm is? It's a human term that he didn't understand, nor did he want to understand. Dib did talk about it once, but that was all.
Is this what depression felt like?
He took a deep breath, noting how shaky his breath was. His eyes began to hurt as if he was wearing those damn lenses, but he wasn't.
He doesn't know if he could hold it anymore.
He didn't want to break down. Not here, not now.
But as the feeling kept growing, he found himself shivering anxiously, trying miserably to calm down, but it seemed all the past days he kept holding these feelings, they finally decided to show up. Zim bit his lips, folded his arms, and dig his claws deep into flesh, something to keep his mind away from emotions; this tech helped before, but not now. Now his heart felt like it was burning and so were his eyes.
He needed the Dib, right now!
Yes, Dib would know what to do, these 'feelings' were something humans know about, Dib's smart, he'll surely know what to do, how to remove this pain. But-...
What would he say if he asked why he was crying? He'll have to tell him everything. What if Dib discards him, leaves him, and abandons him, just like the tallest?? no! This won't happen! Or at less he hoped so...
Before he knew it, he found himself walking out of the elevator already holding his disguise, walking from the kitchen to the living room. He put his lenses carefully on his pained eyes, then the wig on his flat antennae.
Gir was sitting on the couch, he seemed quiet the last few days, watching blankly the scary monkey show for god knows how many times.
Was the room always this dark? Suffocating? The air seemed thick, an uneasy feeling sneaked to his spine. Cold, the room was so cold, dark, and no longer felt like his usual missy living room. The colors around him looked like it melted somehow with the dark shadows on it, making the neon green look almost brown...
His home felt like a prison.
"Gir I'm going out, guard the base," he said, voice cracking, heavy breath is all he could hear.
The noises, there wasn't much noises like it used to be, his little SIR unit was watching the show in a low volume, making the place so much creepier. Only his heart and breath were the things that assured he wasn't deaf.
Gir looked from the big screen; lights making his metal shine in the darkroom, his cyan eyes glowing, pointed at his master.
For a moment, Gir only seemed to stare at Zim, as if he saw him for the first time, not moving at all, not laughing or giggling like always,
It made Zim's hands so much colder to stare back at his SIR.
"...Why yous sad?..." Gir finally asked with a low voice, titling his head to the right, frowning slightly.
Funny how a stupid and crazy SIR unit like Gir could actually sense his master's sadness; maybe he's not as useless as he made others think,
Zim hesitated, "... I'm not sad," he answered, but his voice tone said otherwise.
Gir's little antenna dropped sadly on his head, he lacked the words to say to his moody master, then his gaze went to the door, to the window, at the dark streets, "be careful or da monster with two heads will eat yous alive in the dark!" He warned, sounding like Gir but with fear flavored.
"I'll be careful..." Zim walked to the door slowly, he heard Gir say something about piggies- at less his SIR unit didn't lose it as much as he did.
When he opened the door, a cold wind almost made his wig fly away, it was freezing outside at this hour, the streets were dark, everything was quiet, everyone was asleep.
What if there was a monster after all?? Will he ate him?! Now he's scared...
His heart itched, making him remember that feeling, which made him close the door behind, regretting not taking a jacket with him; well, at less it's not raining or snowing.
He walked, head down gazing at nothing but his feet as they dragged him slowly to where the human's house was, everything was a blur, quiet.
Defective...
He always thought the disabled people were something like defectives, they were abandoned, disgraced, and looked at differently among other humans. It made him mad somehow, those people never asked to be like this...
He now felt like a disabled child.
His race disowned him, they probably deleted his files, forgot about him, left him to rot.
He was alone.
His pace quickened.
Dib... Dib was also disowned by his people, his family, they hated him, thought that he was crazy, insane. Why did this made Zim upset? Maybe because he felt the same. Or maybe he cared about this human- his human.
The Dib is different. He's intelligent, kind, strong, determined, stubborn. But yet all humans on this dirtball seem to hate him.
His lungs were full of the cold air, making it that much hard to breathe.
But Dib still had a chance to change all this.
For Zim, no matter what he does his race would hate him forever. But Dib could capture Zim, and everyone will think he's a hero, they'll believe him; he still had a chance!
And Zim will be the one to pay.
But Dib did once told him, not so long ago, that he feared doing this. He talked about what happened in the Zim void, how Zib managed to capture his Zim but yet no one acknowledged him; he lost it. Zib lost it- and Zim now feels like he will too.
Dib was too afraid that this will be the end result if he captured the irken. But then he added that: Zim was more like a friend to him. And he'd choose his friend over fame.
This made Zim feel so special too. Everything the Dib says made Zim feel special.
He couldn't have enough. He needed more.
Yes, the human is kind, he'll help Zim, he won't humiliate him or mock him. Zim was sure of this.
Dib was kind.
He is kind.
He has to be kind and will understand Zim.
Yes, he has to!
Zim started running, his eyes already hot yet cold, he didn't want to break down on the streets. Running in the cold wind, almost falling multiple times, feeling like collapsing and just giving up but his eyes caught the sight of the house.
Finally!
Resting his freezing hand on the door, he pressed the doorbell, waiting anxiously, not knowing if the human was even awake at this moment, but he could see some light coming from their living room, it was a weekend, Gaz' probably staying late to watch TV or play her gameslave.
He heard footsteps before the door slid open slowly, a purple-haired girl peaked at him suspiciously; when she recognized him, she sighed and opened the door much wider.
"What do you wan--?"
Gaz took a double look at the irken who seemed like freezing. His breath was shallow, hands shaking and mouth opening and closing. Dark blue bags under his big eyes like he had never slept in weeks (though irkens rarely needed sleep.)
Feeling slight pity for him, she pointed at the kitchen, "there's leftover pizza. And you can take Dib's jacket when you leave." She offered in her nice-sister-way, trying to smile but she just shrugged and walked back to the couch, watching whatever movie was playing.
"I'm not going to leave..." Zim whispered to himself as he walked slowly upstairs to the human's room; with each step, the sick feeling grew much bigger.
He cracked the door open to the darkroom, his night vision showed him the human was already asleep. half of his face at the pillow while his hand hanged from the bed. He looked around, the room was dark, but the computer screen lighting up the walls with blue and slight pink, it felt better to be here. His gaze went to the table, seeing some papers on it. homework. Dib's homework and his homework.
Huh...
Closing the door so very slowly as to not make a sound, he took his disguise off and put it in his PAK; Zim then looked back at the sleeping human. Dib seemed like he just slept, maybe two hours ago. Was it fair to wake him up?
He felt like suffocating as he took a deep breath, holding his tears from forming.
"...Dib...?" He whispered. His voice loud in the quiet room. The clock ticked by...
Nothing.
Zim got closer to him, dragging his feet, "Dib, please wake up..." he pleaded, sitting on his knees beside the bed, his face too close to the boy. Sneaking his skinny and shaky hands to Dib's shoulder to shake him, "Please..." he heard and felt how his tone began to change.
A bitter taste in his throat.
Dib took a surprised breath unconsciously as he shifted around, already in a light sleep, thankfully. He cracked an eye open, seeing a mix of green and red color blob before him.
Zim.
He gasped and stood straight, shocked to see the irken in his room, without his disguise, at such an hour,
What time was it anyway?
"Zim, you fucking scared me..." he sighed, taking his glasses to put them on his face then looked at his clock:
3:23 AM.
"It's so late--"
"...Dib?" Zim asked his name as if he didn't hear the other talk at all, his tone breaking; it didn't sound like him at all.
Dib took aback at the irken's voice, he focused his sight to stare at the green alien in front of him. Zim looked like a kicked puppy if not worst. As if he was beaten up a second ago before coming here. Big ruby eyes stared at him, he looked tired- no, he was exhausted! And if he wasn't imagining it, he would also point how shiny his eyes were. As if he was about to cry-
"What's wrong, are you okay?..." This was the second time Dib asks this. He was worried, he can't lie.
After all these days of keeping up his emotions locked down under rage, he felt the hot pained feeling sneak one more time from his chest to his eyes, forming a week-long tears in his unblinking eyes, already falling down his cold cheeks, making him shiver; his breath caught in his throat. He got in the bed and rested his heavy head in the warm chest of his enem- friend; he felt the boy gasp.
"...Hug me..." he demanded- no, he PLEADED the human, his hands laid lifelessly beside him, no longer having the energy to hold them. His tears falling ever so painfully and slowly down his face, washing whatever glimmer of hope he ever had.
Dib was shocked, he felt his heart beat out of his chest when the alien leaned in his lap, shaking, demanding comfort. He couldn't help his strong arms that immediately took the irken closer, squeezing him tightly, trying to calm his body from shaking, somehow feeling the sweat that was on Zim's neck from the burning sensation in his chest. Zim was freezing.
Zim managed to lift his arms around the boy's warm chest, burying his face in the soft blue fabric. Returning the hug. It was then when his tears came so fast, making him take a big amount of shaky breath so he won't suffocate; his face was flushed and wet, hot breath went against the other's torso making him that much warmer.
Zim squeezed harder; feeling his body slowly relaxing under the gentle yet strong grip. The energy he had left was draining with his tears, feeling like an overheated computer ready to be turned off or he'd be broken beyond repair.
"It's okay, I dunno what happened but-... everything will be fine..." Dib whispered, his warm breath brushed at Zim's antenna, sending a feeling he never felt before, but he knew for sure that he was safe in his human's arms.
Safe...
Why did he now know about this? No matter how weird this sounded, but he felt something for this human- but not now, his mind was melting, he'll think of this later...
He'll tell Dib everything later. Right now all he could see was a blur, and Dib's voice was far away from him; but the touch made him sure that he'll be fine in the morning, Dib was here, Dib will protect him, Dib understand him and will never pity him.
He liked his human more than he'll ever admit.
Dib kept holding his irken softly, slowly moving his body back and forth, feeling the hot wet tears on his chest, hearing Zim's silent cry as he muffled it in his shirt. He'd never seen the irken this broken, and he never thought he would. If this is how much he was holding for god knows how long, then he'll have to admit that Zim was good at hiding and burying his emotions.
He won't ask anything now. Only whisper with what he remembers his mom was whispering to him when he was a kid, holding him tight into her loving arms and telling him that everything will be fine. He misses her so much...
Now it was Zim's turn. Someone who had never experienced any comfort, someone who was bottling his sadness till now when he broke. Broke in Dib's arms in the middle of the cold night. Zim trusted him. This made him want to tighten his grip much better.
Feeling the irken's breath as they became even, his tears dried on his face leaving a trail of lines down his eyes, he looked so peaceful, so calm.
Zim was already asleep.
Dib sighed and patted the irken's back slowly, feeling it rise and fall with a steady breath. His grip loosed at the small body in his lap, he looked at his face for what felt like forever, how adorable could Zim be when he wasn't angry or stressed; he wished he could see more of a happy irken instead of the broken one in his arms.
He yawned, looking at the clock to find it's been half an hour of them just hugging. Zim let out everything in his heart, and only to one person; Dib. The boy felt a sad smile sneak to his face,
Special. He felt so special.
Dib shifted his weight and leaned back down at his pillow with the irken still in his hands, never letting go. He covered himself and the irken with his blanket and moved Zim closer, noting how strong Zim's grip was to his clothes, he was holding him as if Dib would disappear at any moment.
Sighing, he placed a small kiss on his forehead, feeling the smooth skin before he smiled to himself again.
Maybe this was a beginning of something new, something better; who knows.
But right now he only wanted to sleep.
He'll join the peaceful people in his neighborhood on this night.
And he hopes that...:
Everything will be fine.
The End.
Thanks for reading! I was done with all the unhappy ending of fanfics I've been reading lately, so I decided to make this little thing! I felt so much better when I finished it, it was a pain relief.
This was alien freak, signing off.