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Before - Part 1
Familiar sounds took on a different meaning when filtered through pain and
desperation. Laura Roslin heard the double hum of Galactica's lights and air
purifiers. The beeps of her vital sign monitor in the sick bay added a
counterpoint.
The President of the Twelve Colonies was dying. She'd known she'd been dying
for 189 days. She smiled through the pain; those extra 9 days were a bonus.
The doctor in Caprica City had predicted six months or 180 days.
No matter the number, it wasn't enough. Her job wasn't finished. Laura
hadn't gotten her people to the safety of Earth. She was leaving behind
those souls and the family she'd created since the Cylons blew the other
world she'd known to bits.
Doc Cottle and his staff were in constant attendance. They continued to push
stronger pain medication at her but Laura had business to conduct. She had
obligations and goodbyes to deal with yet.
She was positive that the men who would be in charge after her death would
butt heads over everything. While still the President, she wanted to prevent
some of that by issuing orders now. As usual, when it came to the Cylons,
Gaius Baltar took the easy way out. He didn't want to terminate the Cylon
pregnancy. Admiral William Adama agreed with her, further alienating Baltar.
Laura trusted Bill to continue their work and keep their people safe. He'd
make sure there were babies and she secretly hoped that maybe he'd make
certain of a place for her in this part of the history of the Twelve
Colonies.
Her greatest professional regret was saddling Admiral Adama with Baltar as
her successor. He'd been the best choice for Vice President at the time and
probably still was, which wasn't saying much.
Her greatest personal regret? She refused to allow her mind to focus on
leaving Bill behind. They'd come to count on each other, to lean on each
other and to enjoy each other.
The depth of their feelings was one more thing left in limbo. Laura sighed
at the thought and immediately drew unwanted attention.
Billy Keikeya tightened his grip on her hand, "Madame President?"
"I'm fine, Billy." Her rich voice had faded to the level of a whisper. "No
change and no, no meds." She managed to wave off someone from the medical
staff hovering with a hypo of pain relief.
Her aide nodded and returned to updating her on the activities of the
remaining citizens of the Twelve Colonies. Billy had become adept at
translating her nods, gasps and hand signals into actions when her voice
failed her. He'd learned to make the most of her lucid times.
Laura didn't have a watch on but could discern the time of day by the
activity at her bedside. The medicos were always present and she suspected
Doc Cottle hadn't left since her arrival. She assuaged her guilty feelings
by knowing he'd have a break soon enough. Her imminent death would free up
his time for many more patients.
Billy was there more than anyone else. He didn't just limit his talk to work
matters but things they'd accomplished. He never let go of her hand and
would only leave by Presidential order.
He wouldn't allow her to be alone. Amazingly to Laura, there were plenty of
people willing to sit with her. However, security and the Chief Medical
Officer only allowed a select few.
That annoyed Ellen Tigh who'd been turned down flat. She'd asked for an
audience with the dying President. Laura hid a smile as she remembered
Doctor Cottle grumbling about the woman. He didn't say it but Laura
instinctively knew why Ellen wanted the visit. She figured it would be a big
boost to her social standing especially if she happened to be there when
Laura Roslin flat lined.
As the dying woman drifted in and out of consciousness, she wondered why
anyone still came to offer comfort and support. It never dawned on her that
they thought of her as one of their own. Each one chosen accepted the sad
task gratefully and brought solace in their individual way.
***
Second Class Petty Officer Anastasia Dualla was the first to step up. She'd
already been hovering nearby to keep an eye on Billy's state of mind. Laura
was happy that he wouldn't be alone after her death. Dee shooed Billy away
and immediately took Laura's hand with a touch that was cool and light.
Dee's hands were small and delicate like the President's even though both
women had surprisingly strong grips. It wasn't her touch so much that
soothed. The clasp of hands was paired with Dee's gentle voice humming and
singing softly. She crooned songs from the Twelve Colonies' musical past,
favoring hymns and spirituals.
Laura's breathing rate evened out when Dee was there. She reminded the
President of the priestess, Elosha. That association allowed Laura's mind to
wander towards a possible future for Dee as a religious figure in their new
world.
It was a relief when pain and exhaustion claimed Laura again. She'd stopped
fighting it, knowing that she was approaching the time when she wouldn't
wake up again.
***
But Laura did drift out of the darkness again. Doc Cottle informed her how
long she'd been out and that Billy had come and gone after Dee's visit.
Billy had reluctantly returned to Colonial One for a meeting with Dr.
Baltar.
Captain Kara Thrace was in Billy's place at Laura's bedside. Starbuck had
surprised herself by stepping up. She wasn't normally one for stillness and
quiet time. Still, this was a chance to salute the President by doing
special duty. It was hard and heartbreaking but Kara never shied away from
anything difficult.
Laura folded her hands and listened to Kara's voice. The feisty officer
didn't tell tales of exploits in and out of battle. She revealed her usually
veiled spiritual side by reading from the Scriptures.
The pilot skipped around in the books and Laura concluded the Lieutenant was
reading her favorite passages. Several times the President heard the book
snap shut even as the flow of words continued unabated. Obviously, Kara was
reciting from memory and her voice reflected that in an added warmth and
depth of meaning.
Laura could only nod her thanks most of the time to the passages. Both women
were more comfortable this way and shared small smiles as their eyes brimmed
with tears.
At the end of her session, Kara squeezed Laura's hand and murmured something
that sounded like, "Thanks for being proud of me. My own mother never
bothered to do that." Laura was in too much pain and too exhausted to know
for certain. But she felt close to the troubled young woman.
***
Captain Apollo was next on the daytime relief roster for Billy. Lee Adama
came out of his near death funk to spend part of the day with Laura.
Things had been strained between the President and her military adviser
since Admiral Cain's murder. It didn't matter now to Lee and even less to
Laura. They didn't speak of the recent past. Laura was too weak and Lee too
much like his father to spout effusive platitudes and apologies.
The Captain took a partial cue from Kara. He read to Laura much of the time.
Instead of scriptures, he chose military history books and strategy texts as
if there was still time to teach her about the military.
The rest of the time at her bedside passed in silence. Lee simply stretched
out his legs, locked his hands on the chair and sat staring at the monitor
broadcasting the President's vital signs. Each of Lee's visits ended with
the most correct of military salutes. No one, especially Laura, would have
guessed that he was biting back a sob at the waste.
***
Laura's pain would come and go like her visitors. It had become part of her
life, yet it still stunned her with its worsening grip. She looked forward
to night because the pain seemed less intense. It was calmer in the sick bay
and she didn't feel quite so much like she was a curiosity on display.
And that was when he claimed his spot at her side. Laura sensed him
approaching before he was within her personal space. Bill came when taps
sounded and slid the chair closer to the bed.
She appreciated him eschewing conversation. He understood that being
Presidential and strong for everyone else exhausted her.
Bill simply kept his hand near hers on the bed. Sometimes he linked their
fingers or let her hand rest on his as if that would let her borrow his
strength. It was a silent and gentle interlude until agony clutched at her
through the pain pills. Then, without missing a beat he held onto her
murmuring her name and sharing the burden as best he could.
The hurt ebbed out taking more of her dwindling supply of life. She'd
struggle for calm and clarity. It came as he dabbed a cool cloth on her
after waving off the medics. He smoothed sweat dampened hair away from her
face and tucked the covers back into place.
He would stay until reveille. The farewell ritual never varied. He would
stroke a hand along her face to wake her if she dozed before he kissed her
cheek and softly promised, "I'll see you later, Laura."
That always earned a nod and a smile along with a breathy, "Bill." There was
no question or command in it, just the acknowledgement of the place he held
in her heart.
***
This was her routine over several days. There was no improvement as she
became more ashen with deep shadows under her eyes. Laura had become her
mother slowly wasting away in front of the ones who loved her best.
Laura hated herself for not being brave enough to send them all away and die
alone. And she hated herself for hurting them. Their last memories of her
would be terrible ones.
At this stage she could only tell night from day by the sound of the person
at her bedside. Her last conscious sense of time came with Billy squeezing
her hand. The pain blocked everything else out and it wasn't going to let go
this time.
The President of the Twelve Colonies cried out in despair for the doctor's
help. This spasm was cutting through the knives and arrows already tearing
her body apart. Her plea for relief brought a shot of the strongest pain
medicine available. Through the medicated haze she heard the doctor mention
the Admiral.
Laura heard Bill's voice float in and out of the tunnel of pain as she
fought with the drugs and acceptance. His voice was far away but filled with
emotion and led her to these last conscious thoughts, "I'm sorry Bill to
leave you all this. I'm sorry to leave you."