Imagine Scarlett took an extra step that last day, she took a breath and understood what the sight of that broken down man sitting in the parlor actually meant. Also if anyone wants to rename this, I'd be more than happy to change it (lol provided I think the name works better).
Lessons in Kindness
"You are tired. You better go to bed."
"But I must-" the words froze in her throat as she looked at him again.
He simply looked so exhausted. What had he said, he 'couldn't have borne it.' What had she done to him? What had she done with her infatuation with Ashley? With those horrible words after Bonnie? What had she done all of those months her husband had grieved until it left her once great husband, the once strong man…
She suddenly thought of that Yankee she had killed. She had been kinder to him than she had been to her own love.
She suddenly saw him as a wounded animal. She recalled Big Sam pulling her back as a child from a dog that had been caught in a trap. They were the most vicious when they were wounded. That dog's snarling teeth had nothing on Rhett.
She was reminded of stories during the lean times of neighbors trying to provide aid to those who were starving. Recalled how sick they would get when they ate again, some even died. A starving man had to be fed slowly. His body so unused to food.
Her husband was unused to kindness.
She could not undo it all now with words or actions. She could not undo years of pain in one moment. Although she wished to, more than anything. Desperately wanted to.
She could not wash away their past any more than she could wash away the war.
He had shown his teeth with the mention of divorce.
She had been a fool so long, but she recalled the lessons from long ago. All those moments she spoke to him without thinking. Her Pa's fiery temper. All those moments she had made such big plans and threw herself into them. "Bed. Yes, you're right."
She could see it, just a fraction, the relief he felt with her words. He was so broken and depleted. She wanted nothing more than to drop into his lap and hold him to her. "Good," was the single world he spoke.
She nodded and stood there.
"Will the children be on the morning train?" He asked.
The children… "Yes, I-"
"You did give them the funds to get home, did you not?" His voice took on an accusatory tone.
"Yes, I-" she nodded. "It happened so fast."
"What did you do?" He sat up straight.
"I gave Wade money, told him to watch his sister and I told Prissy to take the train back in the morning."
"You gave Wade the money?"
"I could hardly give it to Prissy," she shot back. "I likely gave him at least twice her monthly wage. Likely three times."
Rhett took a breath, "Prissy is a good person, she is as loyal to the family as Pork."
Scarlett gave him a look of disbelief.
He sighed.
She tried to make it better, "The hotel is paid for, I'm sure they'll wire if-"
"I will ride with you to the station if the children are not on the train, I will ride to Marietta."
She sighed, the other options had been to take the morning train to Marietta that departed before the arriving train or send wires to the hotel to try to have the children placed on the afternoon train.
"I could have wired the hotel immediately if you informed me of this upon your arrival."
"I wasn't thinking Rhett, you were telling me that Melly was dying."
He shook his head in annoyance at his wife, "I will send a telegram to the hotel as soon as the office opens. Perhaps they'll be able to send word back before the morning train departs."
"Thank you, Rhett." Scarlett nodded, still standing directly next to her husband, she placed a hand on the warmth of his shoulder, "We're lucky to have you."
Why hadn't she said that more? Why hadn't she mentioned how wonderful he was aside from when he was buying her things?
The warmth of him felt so good under her palm, she wanted to dig her fingers into the fabric. How starved were they both for touch after Bonnie? After months of no kisses, no hugs.
"Did you need something else?" He questioned looking at her hand still on him.
"Oh," she shook her head, "no. I must be tired. I'll see you in the morning Rhett."
"Goodnight Scarlett."
She made her escape with a breath of relief.
He hadn't brought up divorce again.
It wasn't about winning battles. It was about winning the war.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"Any word from the hotel?" Scarlett asked as she approached her husband at the train station.
"Not as of yet," he said as he brought his cigar back up to his lips. "Did you sleep in?" He hadn't heard any noise from her room and the door had been pulled tight.
"I've been up since dawn in case I need to get on the afternoon train. I will hunt her down if she does not bring the children back. I don't care if she keeps the money and stays on the train."
He let out a short laugh.
"If she does bring the children and herself back she gets the money and a raise."
"Of that we are in agreement. What had you up so early aside from your guilty conscience?"
"Flowers, casket, planning a menu for the dinner, guest list, the printers, I sent staff over to ready the house for visitors, carriage for the procession. I saw Father Jones to make sure he would perform the service and not the reverend, although they are both exceptionally unpleasant men, I can't fathom it makes a difference."
"I must say, I'm impressed Scarlett, it isn't even 10:30."
"Well you're the only one, everyone else is rather annoyed."
"I'm sure they would be more understanding if they knew you left your 6 and 11-year-olds over twenty miles away."
"He's nearly twelve and that poor child is 7 in a matter of weeks."
"Speaking of children how is Beau?"
"I settled he and Dilcey at our house."
"I asked how he was, not where he was."
She shook her head, "Shocked, confused. I don't know."
"The boy just lost his mother Scarlett."
"I know. Do you think I don't know that? Melly was the one that-" tears gathered in her eyes again.
"How were you the one she tasked to care for her child?"
The teeth were showing. "Likely because I'm the one that brought him into this world, putting my own child's life in jeopardy for hers. I'm the one that kept them both alive for over a year." She snapped first.
"That was some time ago," he said softly as if caught in a memory.
"A lifetime," she whispered and looked at the man who had risked his life for her that day. Her eyes briefly closed in pain over how blind she had been. "I do hope you don't have to save Wade again today."
"You and I both my dear." He pulled out his watch to look at the time. "Train's late."
"It's these damn leaves, the rain we had this week brought them all down."
"Be glad we're so far inland, I heard there was a fair amount of damage to the coast."
"Oh no, not like what happened up north?" Her eyes widened.
"No," he shook his head, "nothing like Nova Scotia."
She wanted to remark that this was truly the worst year since the war, possibly including the war, but it occurred to her just as her mouth opened to not mention that to her husband.
"I think I hear the train," he held a hand up to her to be silent.
She found herself praying. Prayers she hadn't even realized she recalled. How many hurtful things had she thought the last few months regarding her children, especially Ella?
She had been shown such warmth and kindness from her own parents, why had it been so hard with them. It hadn't always been that way, Wade had eventually been a cute baby, a fun toddler. He'd certainly been more entertaining than a book. He had adored his mama more than Bonnie ever had. Oh what she wouldn't give to have that little boy back, to feel his little arms around her neck.
"Thank heavens," she said on a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding as they stepped off the train. She opened her arms and bless Ella, she ran to them. Wade walked over slowly with Prissy. "Thank you, Prissy," she nodded.
The woman muttered something about it being her job.
Scarlett made a vow to never again berate the woman for her simple and lazy nature, it had made it so she hadn't realized she should have run with the money. "Wade, give your mother a hug." He was hesitant, which bothered her even more. He wasn't particularly affectionate, but he never hesitated to greet her.
"Hello Mother, what happened?"
Her mouth opened and then closed, she had been so worried about getting the children back, she hadn't actually figured out what she would say to them. "We'll talk in the carriage," she nodded that would at least buy her a few minutes and began to lead the children to where Pork awaited them.
"Uncle Rhett," Ella paused as he didn't climb in after the family, "aren't you coming?"
Scarlett saw it again; saw the man she saw last night. So broken and tired. She couldn't destroy the children in front of him, she couldn't expect him to console the children and mend their broken hearts. "Uncle Rhett rode here; he'll meet us back at the house."
"Okay," Ella smiled, "we'll see you at home."
o-o-o
Ella was still in her arms sobbing as they pulled up to the house. Wade sat across from her looking shocked.
He would cry, he would grieve, but he would move on. He would survive. She knew in that moment that he was her child and just as the war had shaped her, it had shaped him. He was resilient in a way the other children weren't.
She didn't quite know what to do as she sat holding her daughter. She had consoled Ella before after a nightmare or an animal encounter. Hugs, a hand running along her arm or back, soft murmurs. Those were all inadequate for this. She nearly cried herself when she heard, "Hand her to me," and saw her husband at the side of the carriage.
Ella was thankfully still so small, taking after her mother's frame. She and Bonnie hadn't been more than an inch apart in height despite their two and a half year age gap. Scarlett managed to stand and pass the crying child off to Rhett, who took her weight easily.
Scarlett could see though that he didn't take the sobs into his neck easily, but still his large hand ran up and down Ella's back as if he did. He spoke kind and gentle words as if he did.
Wade immediately set out to either find his cousin or cry, she wasn't quite sure which.
"Do you need to go to the Wilkes?" Rhett questioned as he stood holding Ella.
"No," she answered without hesitation. She had realized that the moment Ella broke down. She had half a dozen things she should do at the Wilkes, but India and Aunt Pitty could figure it out, "I'll send word I'm at home if they need me." No, she would have to phrase it better than that or they would summon her.
Melly's last words had told her to be kind to Rhett. There would be no kindness in abandoning him again, abandoning him with three grieving children, while he still grieved for their daughter, while he was grieving for the woman, the only woman to be there for him after Bonnie was lost.
"I'm more than certain they need you," her husband pointed out that basic fact.
"I'm needed here more, I'm more than certain that Melly would find me staying with the children more important than holding the hands of adults."
"She would," he nodded.
"Ella, sweetheart, you're going to make yourself sick. Aunt Melly-"
"I don't care, she's gone," and then she cried louder into her stepfather's jacket.
"Why don't you go check on Wade and Beau," Rhett nodded at her.
o-o-o
"I still want my mother," Scarlett admitted the truth accidentally to the boys she was talking to. "It doesn't matter if you're 9 or 19. It's never fair that they leave you." Beau was pressed up alongside her, he had never hesitated to show his aunt affection, she placed a kiss into his pale blonde hair. "You were born on the same day my mother died. Did your mother ever tell you that?"
He shook his head.
"We were all forged in fire that day. It made us stronger than most and I'm here to take care of you just like I was then. We can be scared, we can be sad, but we'll survive as we always do."
"Everyone's dying," Beau spoke softly.
"I won't lie, it certainly does feel that way. I lost my Bonnie and you lost your mother. We have each other though, I know it won't be the same, but I promise you, we'll be fine."
"Are you going to die too?"
"I certainly hope not," she remarked dryly. "People are born and people die. We can't do much about it."
"Mothers shouldn't have babies," Wade remarked from across the room.
"We'd hardly be mothers without babies," she pointed out. "You'll both think differently about that when you're older."
"I don't think so," Wade remarked.
She looked at her son and recalled how ill she'd been two years prior. The children had all been in the house. She didn't want to know what they'd seen and heard that awful day. And now this, now Melly.
For a moment she wished they were ignorant of it all. Wade was nearly twelve though, in a few years he would leave for school and become a man. Five years between his age now and the age she became his mother. Men often didn't understand what it took to become mothers, more interested in the five minutes it took for them to become fathers. Wade would understand though, he would understand what he would ask of the woman he married. "I don't regret any of my children, even the ones I lost. One day you'll understand."
She wondered if she was particularly maudlin because she'd thought she lost Wade and Ella as well. Flashes of fear had run through her during the night and morning. She'd always known how fragile life was, but she charged at it. In the last few years, she'd almost managed to bury those possible losses. Life had simply been so good and there had been so much of it. Now though, she wanted to savor them, to hold them. She had felt that for years when she got to quietly sit with Rhett at meals, in the last few months when it had been Wade and Ella with her and Rhett. There was something to be said for that quiet peace. A glamor to it-a perfection, a symmetry like Grecian art.
She had heard Ashley's words that day and she had felt what was once between them as no more. Why had she still clung to it, why had it remained in the back of her mind, why had she not cast it out?
She knew what she had felt in her soul about Rhett that morning after the party, but she hadn't seen him as that wounded dog. Hadn't realized all those nasty words were because he thought she didn't love him. How had she ever been so cruel to him that he had to hide his love for her?
They had wasted so much time and caused so much hurt.
"Uncle Rhett, you and Mother won't have any more babies, right?"
Scarlett's head snapped around to find Rhett in the doorway, how long had he been listening? His mouth began to open, and she felt a desperate need to stop it. She couldn't bear to hear his answer. "That is a matter between parents and not children," she turned and snapped at her son.
"What would happen to us if you died? He quickly retorted.
Her mouth snapped shut. "I would send you to live with your Aunt Suellen right now if I didn't imagine you'd like it." She turned back to her husband, "Where is Ella?"
"She fell asleep on my shoulder, I put her in bed."
Scarlett's eyes closed briefly; Ella had cried herself to sleep. Rhett was right she was a wretched mother.
o-o-o
She found herself in her bedroom after leaving the boys because once Rhett appeared the boys had wanted to play like boys. She wasn't quite sure what Rhett had in store for them, but she was sure they could all use the break.
She could certainly use a break.
However, she was currently filled with an overwhelming fear. She had stopped her husband last night from leaving her, but what about the next time.
What if he gave up before she got him to forgive her?
What if she pushed him too far while trying?
She was sure in the moment that Wade asked the question that Rhett would say no. There would be no more children. No more babies. No more because there would never be anything between them again.
No more just as it had been for over two years.
She had wanted that baby and she needed a baby now.
She still had no idea how to accomplish it just as she'd had no idea when Dr. Meade suggested it.
Rhett hadn't gone to her bed since '71.
Had he really had no interest in her? Could he love her and not want her intimately? What exactly did Belle's girls do that a wife didn't? How could there possibly be things left that they hadn't done that night?
They had to have a baby. She understood Melly's desperation now. She yearned to feel that sweet weight in her arms again.
That time Rhett had fled with Bonnie, she'd at least had her baby. It had been so much easier to bear once she knew of the baby. She knew he had to come back because of the baby. The baby that would love her and smile at her and want her near.
Her breath felt shallow and she wanted to call for someone to loosen her stays only then they would see her like this. See her in a panic over Rhett.
o-o-o
She knocked at his bedroom door that evening. It wasn't the room he'd shared at night with Bonnie, but the room that had held his clothes since changing with their daughter in the room would have been highly inappropriate. He had taken to sleeping in the room as well since they'd lost Bonnie. She knew he still went into the old room, but not as often as he had.
"This is a first," he said seeing her as he opened the door.
It was, why was that. Why had she not sought him out to talk about the children or the house or anything. She had always enjoyed talking to him before that damn morning when it all went to hell. An inch of her waist, an inch. She would take 10 now to have Bonnie back, they could roll her down Peachtree if it brought her daughter and husband back.
"May I come in, I don't want to disturb the children," she did her best to not let her pounding heart influence her tone.
He waved a hand into the room.
She had put on a green dressing gown, she had brushed her hair, she'd applied her cream to her face that promised to keep her youthful. She was well aware it wasn't working. No cream could heal what losing a child had done to her, the hours crying, days barely eating. The muscles in her face felt as if they had given up, they had all simply fallen.
She wouldn't mind being old and broken with Rhett.
"I wanted to know if you'd be coming to the dinner tomorrow." She spoke softly.
"Am I invited?"
"Of course, you are Rhett, I didn't think I needed to have an invitation printed for the person paying for it."
He gave her a displeased look.
She suddenly remembered how she was never to spend his money on the mills, she was never to spend any money on Ashley, "I didn't think you would mind-"
He shook her head, "I don't."
"So dinner? You don't have to, I know-"
"You know what? That I'll get in the way of you and Ashley?"
"I know it's a lot after Bonnie. People will understand-"
He let out a bitter laugh, "Exactly what Atlanta is known for, their understanding citizens."
"I know Rhett, I understand," it occurred to her what a fool she had been thinking Maybelle could ever be a comfort to her. It could have only ever been Rhett.
He let out another laugh.
"The children could use you at home. You've always been far better with them. You could come after, for the funeral procession."
"Perhaps," he nodded. "Did anything else bring you to my room late at night?"
"No, I was just trying to plan the seating arrangements. Tell me in the morning?" She questioned and turned to the door.
"Of course," he nodded.
"Goodnight Rhett," she gave a brief smile.
"Goodnight Scarlett," he nodded.
o-o-o
Scarlett awoke to Ella at her bedside, pale green eyes full of tears, her eyes red, her face ruddy, she clutched a stuffed dog Rhett had brought her from England. Scarlett had wanted to discard the tattered toy so many times, Ella had been so young when she got it, she used to suck on its ears, so it now didn't have any, but stitched up holes on its head. The playroom held more toys than an actual toy store. Those toys had never been enough to convince Ella to get rid of it and Scarlett had stitched it back together more times than she could count. Always exasperated by the hysterical child when a piece of the dog would fall off, Scarlett had thought to just throw it away on her on nearly every occasion she saw it.
Not now though. Not anymore. She gathered the little girl in her arms and held her close. Whispering every kind and reassuring word she could until Ella fell asleep in her arms.
She didn't let the little girl go. It had been years since she had another person in bed with her. Bonnie's little body during her long recovery from the fall, falling asleep with her in the middle of the day. Even months later she had to nap midday it was simply too exhausting to stay awake. Bonnie would often climb into bed with her rather than nap in the nursery.
She could barely even remember what it felt like to fall asleep with Rhett. It was a memory she wasn't sure was real anymore. She had held so much anger towards him for so long, for getting her pregnant, for forgetting she existed once he saw Bonnie, for how that day she had reacted so strongly and passionately from seeing Ashley the first time in months demanding that they have no more children.
She recalled having to do it in that moment because it was so strong, she needed to do it while the fire was within her or she wouldn't have. She had realized after all that those words had cost her.
She was at the time right, she thought countless times after that day, how having another child wouldn't be awful, it might be rather nice to have another. If she hadn't said it that day, she likely wouldn't have.
She had been so foolish and reckless in all those strong moments, all of those leaping decisions she made that she couldn't undo.
She was Bonnie on her horse, taking a jump very likely to throw her. The little girl had been so very like her and Rhett had to suffer because of them both.
o-o-o
Rhett walked into Scarlett's room the next morning, the door was normally ajar, but today it was wide open. He'd been up half the night, waivering between attending the entirety of Melly's funeral or accepting Scarlett's offer of attending only the end, showing his wife that weakness. He contemplated fleeing the city as he often did.
He expected to see Scarlett at her vanity getting ready for the day, perhaps having breakfast. He wasn't quite sure how she spent her mornings anymore, he never dared to look into the room.
There wasn't even a second when he thought it was her still form in bed. Ella's hair much too light to be mistaken for her mother's.
He didn't hear Scarlett emerge from her bathroom until she was nearly upon him, he was so captivated by the child sleeping in the bed.
She was about to remark that she thought the little girl had a nightmare, but she wasn't quite she that Ella hadn't simply awoken to the nightmare they lived in. "She was upset."
"So you took her into your bed?" He questioned.
"Well, she was next to it, I was hardly going to carry her back to hers," she quickly replied.
He wanted to make so many biting remarks. He wanted to throw up every wall he could. Block himself from this caring act. He couldn't do himself to do it.
"You should stay with her today, I can't imagine what she'd be like if we both left her for the day," Scarlett supplied.
He nodded thankfully at the out she gave him, he'd gone in to tell her that he would attend the whole day just the thought of it felt as if he had a hole in his stomach. "I'll come for the procession."
"Thank you," she nodded.
"I'll bring Ella to the nursery so you can get ready for the day."
"Thank you," Scarlett repeated instead of throwing her arms around Rhett as she wanted to.
o-o-o
He nodded his appreciation as yet another mourner remarked on what a good father and uncle he was. He would have once preened at those words, but now they left him empty.
He had cultivated that persona with them since Bonnie. The family man, devoted father and stepfather.
He was no longer a father, but they all kept using the word.
Scarlett had apparently informed every mourner she greeted that he had stayed home for the children.
She for once had not thrown his weakness in his face. She had not told the mourners that he could not bear to see that great lady in her casket, sit with them as they took a meal in the next room, while she lay devoid of life.
It was astonishing what the body could live through. The wounds and pains he suffered this year, far greater than any physical ones he endured in the years prior. It would have been a blessing to go to sleep and not wake up, but every morning his body did. Forcing him to live this cursed life.
A new pain greeted him, Scarlett's hand on the inside of his arm as he escorted her to their carriage.
He should be insulted that she had not selected him to be one of Miss Melly's pallbearers, but his relief was too great. He would have likely collapsed trying to carry the load.
There was a different pain of having to be next to Scarlett, be next to all of his lost dreams. Having his wife be kind to him.
She hadn't been kind in the past. Most of the last four years they had been less volatile, less hurtful, less nasty, but she had not been kind. She had been polite, in a superficial courteous manner. No to be kind meant to be thoughtful and his wife had rarely ever spared a thought on him. At least not a truly kind one.
He imagined Melly thought she was doing him a kindness by relieving that great truth. She hadn't realized the times he had spoken of it to Scarlett. His oblivious wife who never saw it in the great many actions he had taken with her, the things he had given her, the risks he had taken with his own life. He had said the words and she had not heard them.
She kept her hand on his arm through the procession, kept her hand on his arm through the service at the cemetery.
It kept him anchored, tethered. Kept him from being swept into the unbearable loss of another.
He imagined she did it for the sake of the crowd, she so rarely touched him in their private life.
She spoke quiet words as the crowd began to disperse, "Let's go home."
o-o-o
"Thank you for staying with the children today," Scarlett spoke after the children had been collected from the parlor to ready for bed. She, Rhett and Wade had taken turns reading aloud to the room. A simple task to try distract them from the day.
He thought it odd how she didn't speak it with pity or condescension, it seemed genuine. "You're welcome."
"You're a wonderful father. I imagine I haven't told you that enough."
"Certainly not without sarcasm in your voice," it was remarkable how quickly he could still respond even though he was so tired.
She turned ready to snap, she dug her nails into her palms. "Well you are. Wade and Ella are lucky to have you," she swallowed, "Bonnie was lucky to have you."
There was an instinct within him to attack. To remind her how he had killed her beloved child. To lash out and make her hurt. "The funeral was lovely, very well done."
"You mean it didn't look like I threw it?"
"Quite," he nodded.
"It was Melly's funeral," she responded simply.
"All those parties that were for my birthday?" He questioned.
"I am quite certain when you promised me whatever I wanted when we married."
"I quite imagine I did."
"I quite enjoyed your parties."
"You would," he nodded.
"We should go away for Ella's birthday," she said suddenly. It hadn't been sudden, she'd been thinking of it all day. The house had so many ghosts, so many memories, it was such a sorrowful place now, it would so much worse without Melly. She had been thinking Tara, but Rhett never agreed to go to Tara.
"Go away?"
"She always enjoys the trains and the hotel. She gets so excited over every new thing she sees." She turned to him, "I think it would be nice to get away for a few days. Let the children leave this behind for a few days."
He should tell her she could take her children anywhere, as she always did. The children always went with her on shopping trips. Her children that is. "Where were you thinking?"
"We could go to Savannah. My cousins have children-" she paused and smiled, "My cousins have grandchildren her age." She was struck by the thought that Rhett would now be her father's age for the future children they would have. Her father had an entire second life when he had married her mother. She had never once thought of her father as an old man, he had been so full of life.
There had once been a time when she had filled him in on correspondence with her family, that had dwindled over time. "Are your uncles still well?"
She nodded, "My Aunt Mary passed this summer, I should have-" she nodded again.
"They hardly expected you to come this summer," he spoke.
She nodded, "I expect they expected me to come the previous five summers though." She turned and looked at her husband, they were both still sitting on the sofa, a foot between them where Ella had sat, nestled between her parents, hidden from the harshness of the world. "I'm not quite sure how so much time got away from me. All the things I meant to do, planned to do."
"You're still young Scarlett, there's still time," he nodded and abruptly stood.
She wanted to throw herself after him, "So what do you think?"
He looked down at her as he'd been ready to flee the room, "About what?"
"Savannah for Ella's birthday."
He nodded, "It's an excellent plan. I'll make the arrangements."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"I invited your mother here for Christmas," she said as they took the evening meal alone.
"Did you?"
"I would have suggested we go there, but I don't want to leave Aunt Pitty and Uncle Henry alone."
"Why now?"
"Because I should have done it years ago."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
In theory it should have taken under seven hours to get from Atlanta to Savannah. In actuality, it took nearly eleven. He had booked a Pullman even though they wouldn't be spending the night on the train that hadn't stopped everyone from falling asleep at various points during the long trip.
He remembered how he used to get off the train full of energy, now though every bone felt weary as he carried a sleeping Ella off. A porter dealing with their baggage. Scarlett directing a sleepy Wade and Beau, scolding Prissy for being distracted.
"I think that's my cousin, Todd," she said with squinting eyes trying to take out the distant form in the poor gaslighting.
The tall man approaching them had a thick red beard that put Ella's soft gingery locks to shame. "Scarlett," he smiled, "it's been too long."
"Todd," she smiled.
Rhett took in the man, who looked to be around his age, a man of the mercantile class, so far removed from the world he himself had grown up in, the world Scarlett's mother had grown up in.
"Todd O'Hara, my husband Rhett, my daughter, Ella, my nephew, Beau, you've met Wade-"
"You're a lot taller now and with hair, do you speak now as well? I certainly hope no one needs to change your nappy."
"No sir," Wade gave a small laugh.
"You're already bigger than your grandpa, that's a plus."
"He's not quite as tall as my pa was," Scarlett smiled.
"Yet," Todd smiled, "don't worry boy it's in you to be tall. No one could quite figure out how such a wee man came from our family. Although it looks like she is a wee girl, just like her ma," he smiled at Ella, "thankfully with better hair." He looked at Rhett, their eyes at the same level, similar heights, along with their similar age, "Welcome to Savannah Captain Butler. Family's been eager to meet you for years. My boy's with the wagon out front so we can bring you to your hotel, unless you've changed your mind about staying with us."
"There are far too many of us to impose," Scarlett nodded away the thought.
Todd laughed, "Your pa certainly married right when he insisted on your mother. You grew up into a fine lady, just like he wanted."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Nothing delighted Ella more than walking along the water and chasing after birds. There was nothing in Atlanta to compare to the endless stretch of the Savannah River and they all looked through the binoculars he brought with him to see over to South Carolina.
Ella and Beau thrived under the attention of Scarlett's large family. Her uncles Andrew and James were unnaturally sedate for being the brothers of Gerald, even at 75 and 76, he hadn't expected that of Gerald O'Hara's brothers. The oldest of their children 51, the youngest 35. Gerald became a father for the first time, two years after his brother became a grandfather.
Several of their children though were filled with that same zest for life that he had witnessed in Gerald. Quick to laugh and love.
He watched as they struggled to get Scarlett and Wade to let their guard down. "The boy will keep having a miserable time unless you relax," Rhett had whispered to her hours into their visit.
Wade already unused to such attention, kept glancing over at his mother, who had a smile on her face that never quite touched her eyes. Holding herself stiff and aback from her father's family. He wasn't quite sure what possessed him to thread his fingers with hers and raise her hand up for a kiss, likely the whiskey he had been poured several times by her cousins, "You used to have fun."
She smiled softly, "Did I? It's been so long, I'm not sure I recall."
"They're good people, you should stop judging their doilies and enjoy yourself."
"Why Rhett, I was hardly-" she stopped in her wide-eyed annoyance to realize he was smiling at her, he had purposefully provoked her. She laughed.
"There's the girl I remember, whatever happened to her?"
"There was a war."
"War's long in the past."
She married you. She was struck by the thought. Struck by the memory of how excited she always was to see Rhett. Ashley had been a dreamy thought, Rhett had been frantically rushing around her room to greet him, he had been laughter and smiles and then she had married him…Rhett had brought such life into her life for so many years.
"Try to at least pretend you're having fun."
Oh she'd show him what fun was.
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It had been such a treat to be with the children the first time they saw the ocean. He had to rent a private boat to get them out to Tybee Island because it was the off season, but they spent the day on the chilly beach. They had all taken off their shoes and run into the water. They played in the sand. They huddled around the fire he had built on the beach.
It had been a treat to see Scarlett as he had so rarely seen her. To be happy and free without the ghosts of the past weighing her down.
She and the children had been sound asleep by eight in the evening.
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He wasn't quite sure what overtook him that fourth night there as they left the restaurant after having a late supper together. They took supper alone quite frequently now. They often discussed mundane topics such as the weather and likely covered every headline the newspaper held. Before they often sat in silence, but hesitant and safe conversations had emerged between them now.
She sat closer now.
She would do things such as lay a hand upon his, or a hand upon his arm.
She hadn't taken to caring for Ashley and Beau.
She had taken Beau into their house nearly full time.
She had taken to having Aunt Pitty in their house entirely too often.
But with Ashley she hadn't done more than invite him to dinner twice, both of which he'd refused.
She had spent a day with the books from the mills before visiting Uncle Henry to implore him to find a buyer before they were worth less than the pitiful amount Ashley had paid for them. She would not face the ire of the town by laying off their menfolk to make the business profitable. Ashley's labor costs were too high, especially after years of having profits too low. He likely hadn't earned much more than when he was her manager.
There was a slow build to Rhett di
pping his head to hers as they entered their set of rooms. It had been years since he kissed his wife, but it hadn't quite felt that way. It felt familiar. Reassuring.
She didn't hesitate or play coy when they separated from their kiss.
He didn't sweep her into his arms or bid her goodnight. He walked toward her bedroom and she stayed by his side.
She didn't call for Prissy to get her out of her dress, but presented her back to him. She took the pins from her hair as he undressed.
He made love to her slowly, languidly as if he had done it a thousand times over the last 5 years.
They didn't quite speak, but she whispered, "Stay," with her legs wrapped around him as they neared the end.
So he did.
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They spent six nights in Savannah.
He spent 3 of them in her bed.
Going to bed as a married couple.
Making love without frantic desperation.
Holding her throughout the night.
Starting all over in the morning.
Her eyes looking upon him with caring, with compassion, with appreciation.
They did not look upon him with scorn.
With pity.
With remorse.
A mere three weeks had passed since Miss Melly's funeral.
There was a beautiful sense of familiarity in his life.
It was haunting and broken, but familiar.
A comforting compassion, the way she paused and thought.
It allowed for quiet reflection.
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When they returned home he made no move to return to her bed.
No kiss after supper.
No remark, aside from goodnight, after hours in near silence in the parlor when she said she was retiring.
She changed, applied her cream, brushed her hair, retired to bed. Got out of bed. Got back in bed. Read. Got out of bed and walked to her husband's room. She climbed in silently and laid a hand on his back. He wasn't fully aware she was there until morning.
There were days when he joined her in her room, already changed for bed. She knew those days meant her nightgown would be removed before she got in bed.
The days she joined him, they most often slept throughout the night. Quite often they left the bed without much more than the kiss she would place on his jaw as she said good morning.
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Eventually chaste kisses joined gentle touches in the rooms that did not contain beds. A kiss as they said hello or goodbye.
He didn't see the tears in her eyes when her monthly began, but he did kiss her before retiring to her bed when she had informed him when he entered her room.
He responded with a more enthusiastic good night when days later she had greeted him in his room before he fell asleep and removed her nightgown for him.
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They spend a quiet Thanksgiving with the Hamilton-Wilkes. No one drowned their sorrows in wine or spirits. The afternoon wasn't spent giving dirty looks. The day held an emptiness to it without Bonnie and Melly, but it was emptiness without anger. Acceptance of their new world.
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He didn't realize that as she started her monthly in December that she sought him out afterwards.
That as she found him in the library and selected a book to read in a chair opposite him, she had sought out his strength that his presence alone provided.
He didn't realize the kiss she placed on his cheek an hour later when she went to see about the afternoon meal was her grateful relief that he was still there.
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"We should go to Europe in the new year," she informed her husband as they took tea together while the children were in school.
"Europe?"
"England or France, Wade and Ella have doing well with their French lessons."
"And how is your French?"
"Likely as laughable as my accent is to the English."
He laughed slightly.
"I know the children have school, but," she nodded, "I think it would be good for them."
"So Europe?" He questioned.
"We could go to Florida for all I care Rhett."
He nodded, "I think you're right. I think we could use some time away."
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Her gentle touches increased to hugs as Christmas approached and the house was decorated for the holiday. She would wind her arms around him as he stood lost in a memory, press her cheek into his back, or his arm or his chest, however their bodies would allow.
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"I'm sorry," she spoke the words softly.
He turned and paused in his task of changing into a fresh shirt before they were going to take their evening meal. "And what sin have you committed today Scarlett?"
"I'm sorry that I…" she straightened her back, "that I evicted you from our bed, that I told you I never wanted any more children or you. That I never apologized or took it back when I calmed down. I loved our children and I did want them."
His head dropped, he would forever hear her cries for them, "I know."
"Please come back to our room," her voice was tight and small.
He let out a hard laugh by her use of the word, 'our' it had been her room for nearly five years. They had barely ever truly been married.
"Please Rhett."
"I don't know what I can offer you anymore Scarlett," his shoulders fell slightly and he leaned back against the wall to look at her.
"I don't want anything more than you."
"You want more children. I don't know if I can love again."
"You will," she said walking to him, she laid a hand on his chest and looked up at him, "I promise you will." She laid her head on his chest and against his will, he wrapped his arms around her.
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He didn't think he could when Scarlett starting getting sick during their crossing from Charleston to France.
When she grew tired so easily as they saw Paris, he canceled their plans for London and leased a house in the 5th arrondissement and hired a staff.
As her waist began to thicken as rapidly as the children picked up the language.
As her hand often went to the waist of her glorious silk maternity dresses.
As her pains began and she was taken away by the servants and the physician called.
He couldn't not when he walked into the room to see her exhausted and pleased smile as she cradled a little boy.
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He spent his first Christmas in Paris in swaddling in his mother's adoring arms.
He spent his second in Atlanta, crawling on the thick carpet in front of the tree while his father, brother and sister sat on the floor with him. His mother, grandmother and aunt watching with smiles. A little sister growing within his mother known only to his parents.
His third he spent it in Atlanta. His brother and sister constantly trying to keep him on the rug in front of the sofa while his parents sat often captivated by the little girl who in turn was captivated by her new silver rattle.
On his fourth he unknowingly spent his last with his grandmother in Charleston. Who couldn't hide her laughter as he and his sister spent the day stealing toys from each other. While his father gave accusing looks at his mother and she looked unapologetic about the traits she had unintentionally passed on to her children. His older siblings spent it wondering why sharing was so hard for the two children who had it all.
His fifth he spent in Paris. His parents had said farewell to Atlanta months earlier. With his brother ready for university, they could no longer recall why they remained in Atlanta. There were old memories that he would never have but had caused his parents to weep for months as they planned their move.
His father had purchased a house near where he had been born, close to the Sorbonne, his mother was convinced his father didn't purchase it so his brother would be close to school, but that she would be far from the shops.
By his tenth they had seen nearly all the countries on the continent, he had explored along ruins with his family. They had house in the country to retire to for when they grew tired of Paris. His brother had gone off on a grand tour. His sister had married. He spent the day trying to teach his sister a trick on her new yo-yo, while his parents spent it on the settee watching and talking to each other.
"You're thinking of Bonnie," Scarlett spoke softly with her head tilted up slightly to take in Rhett's face as she sat with his arm around her back.
"Hard not to looking at them." He had their sister's eyes, she had their sister's hair and lips.
"Over eleven years, there are days when I still wake up expecting to hear her in the hallway."
"There are days when I wake thinking I hear her," he spoke truthfully.
"They're so much bigger than she ever was," she remarked.
"She was so tiny," he recalled.
"But she thought she was so big," Scarlett laughed lightly.
He smiled, "She was in her own way."
She looked away from the children and up at him, "I love you; did I tell you that today?"
"You did. After I gave you diamonds."
She laughed lightly. "I would love you if you gave me coal."
"You certainly deserve coal often enough," he smirked. "Regardless, I continue to love you."
She laughed lightly.
"I do so love you," he vowed.
"I know," she said dropping her head back down to his shoulder.
Thanks for reading!