So this is the first of a pair. The other is Jim's perspective. It's just in need of a bit of (slightly obsessive) editing, so it should be out tomorrow. As it is, please enjoy this first half of Comfortable Lie.
Title: Comfortable Lie
Characters: Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Jim Kirk
Rating: T for mild language
Length: 1 of 2
Summary: Bones knows Jim is lying to him.
Bones knows Jim is lying to him.
Usually, he'd whip out a couple hypos and vaccinate until he gets an honest answer. But this isn't like back at the Academy, when Jim would 'borrow' his holos or hide the marks of his latest fight.
No, this is something big, something Jim's been lying about for years, something he lies about to everyone.
And Bones isn't sure what to do about it.
He knows what he wants to do. It involves hypos and yelling and whiskey and just the right blend of friendship and antagonism. But he doesn't do that, because this is more important, deserves more from him.
Jim is lying about his very self, and he has been since Len has known him.
Okay, so he's not using a fake name, and he's still the same guy Bones roomed with for three years, but there's something else.
Something deep inside Jim is being hidden, veiled in secrecy and camouflaged by overly-bright grins. Something vital and dark.
Something that's starting to leak through the infinitesimal cracks in Kirk's armor.
So Bones does things he never thought he would.
He talks. He asks softly. He gently coaxes Jim out of his paranoia with Southern Comfort and tender words. He falls to his goddamn knees and goddamned begs. Begs!
It doesn't work.
Jim's even more cautious than he was before, because now he knows that Bones is looking.
So Leonard McCoy does what he does best: he pushes.
He gets Jim drunk and pokes and prods and growls and curses until the Captain cracks and screams at him for a solid ten minutes.
He flips between whimpers of 'brought it on myself' and 'weak, so fucking weak and helpless' to snarls of 'stay on the other side of the gun, strong, pull the trigger first, strength, fight, win, live'.
Jim then promptly falls asleep on his ready-room's couch, and Len is left to ponder what he managed to understand. The doctor is confused and scared, and deterred.
He never raises the issue again.
There's something else behind Jim Kirk's blinding smile, something dark and injured and afraid, but Bones doesn't really want to know what it is.
So he convinces himself that Jim is still his slightly-mentally-damaged adrenaline-junkie crazy-ass Captain of a best friend, and those blue eyes aren't hiding anything.
Because Bones knows Jim is lying to him.
And he thinks it's better that way.