Jacob's point of view
After the first lessons, I was excited for dance class. Every second day for three weeks, I drove over to Forks High and learned new steps and new dances. It was great to spend so much time with Bella. We even practiced on the weekend. It seemed that I had found a new favorite hobby in dancing. The time in lessons was eye-opening, even if the rushing over to Forks right after classes was a bit stressful.
Through the time spent together, I came to count Angela, Ben and Erik as my friends. We had a lot of fun together and there was plenty of time for joking, laughing and talking together during and after lessons. I especially enjoyed the Latin American dances like tango or rumba. They had a kind of passion to them and were really fun to dance. We spun around the gym, laughed, talked and got to know each other better. And just like that, it was the last day of lessons.
We went over the dances once more, discussed the seating at the tables and suddenly, it was over. I was definitely going to miss dancing with Bells- there was only this one last day left. The dance was my one big chance to follow through with what I had planned. Because there was no way that I was going to let this chance slip through my fingers.
I was currently sitting on my bed with my tux already on and checking my reflection in the mirror. It wasn't something I normally did, but I definitely didn't want to turn up at the Swan's house with my pants unzipped or a button missing. This was especially important because I knew that Bells was going to look exceptionally beautiful tonight, even more so than on an ordinary school day. I started tapping my fingers on my leg, a nervous habit of mine. Come to think of it, I had started feeling rather restless in the past few days. I finally grabbed my car keys, sighed loudly and decided to rip myself away from my self-conscious thoughts. Almost as if he had known of my intentions to join him, dad wheeled into my room with a humorous twinkling in his eyes.
"Believe me, son, I know exactly how you feel." He sighed once and his eyes seemed to glace over. "There was a time when I was quite a graceful dancer and a fairly handsome young man. Sometimes I was even a little too sure of myself… Your mother was such a beautiful and enchanting girl that I could hardly believe my luck. I had never felt as nervous as I was on the day of my prom. That night comes in third after the day of our wedding."
His voice had become softer as he spoke of my mum. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, each of us remembering the times when our family was still complete, with both my sisters and mum here. "I still miss her, you know," I finally dared to disturb the silence. It didn't happen often that we ventured this far into the past.
"I know." Dad answered. His eyes were full of longing and love for his lost wife. He had known her so much better than me, had spent almost all of his life with her. I had been young when she died and I missed her so much. But some days I could feel the memories slipping away from me. I didn't remember her voice or her smell anymore. Dad breathed in deeply and closed his eyes; as though he had drawn strength from the air around him.
"What keeps me going in life is the knowledge deep within my heart that she is not withering away in a grave like many pale faces think. I believe with all my soul that she is in a better place, whatever you may call it. You don't need to mourn for her, Jake, though you can miss her because you need her."
"All humans are beings of spirit and energy. No one can simply create energy or force it to cease to exist, it is always converted. You cannot make a fire; you have to convert energy from the wood and sparks. Sarah may not be walking among us, but she is still there, maybe reborn in another body, showing other people that love is always stronger than hate. She taught us to live every second of every day like it is the last. Maybe that was her destiny in life- to love, to give life to three wonderful children and to show us all that death is not the end, but a new beginning." His formerly sad eyes shone from within when he paused to think. The strength from this knowledge he was sharing with me seemed to spread around his body until I could almost see the young daring boy he used to be.
"I miss Sarah, but isn't that egoistic? I might sound harsh now, but look at it this way: She fulfilled her duty in life and now we have to let her go on and, most important of all, we have to learn what her death is supposed to teach us. There is no such thing as coincidence. I would have loved to spend decades with her, I have wished day upon day since she is gone that you wouldn't have to grow up without a mother. But I have to admit that Sarah taught me the greatest lesson about life with her death- that we have to make it count. Life is like a theater play- where you get to choose whether you want to be a stage hand, the villain, the victim or the hero." He finally opened his eyes and his gaze pierced into my very soul.
Silently, I nodded and then, as understanding and a deep calm spread within my chest, I spoke. "In the end it does not matter how much money you made or whether you were popular. The only thing that counts is whether you did the right thing."
Dad nodded emphatically. "You know what is right, son, so go for it! As long as you follow your gut feeling, you'll always know what to do." He looked me in the eyes then.
"You mean…?" I was speechless at his perceptiveness, though I should've guessed that he knew about my feelings for my best friend. He always seemed to know everything. Maybe mum had brought that out in him.
"I mean that and so much more, Jacob. I have a gut feeling that you'll soon be introduced to certain things you never imagined were possible. Right now it is not my place to tell you, but know this: Never give up improving yourself until this world is truly healed."
With those words, he patted my shoulder and wheeled out of my room. He had given me a lot of things to think about. He was right though, there is more to life than meets the eye.
I wanted my mother to live another great life where she could bring happiness and wisdom to those who met her. Smiling fondly, I relived my memories with her.
Then I closed my eyes and let Sarah Black go.
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When I rose from my bed I felt relieved. It was as though a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. The pain that had threatened to crush me for so long and that had sunk its claws into my aching heart was finally lighter. I felt so right for the first time in years that I didn't even look into the mirror again before I grabbed my keys from the dresser and left the house.
I was still nervous, but the nervousness was easily ignored. It was quietly pinging against the blanket of peace surrounding me. You could almost call my feelings serene.
Everything would be perfect as long as I didn't step on Bella's toes. And even then things would be fine. I knew her, and I loved her. She wouldn't really care about me being a perfect dancer as long as we had fun together.
As I rang the doorbell of the Swans' house a small wave of fear tried to drown me, but I managed to concentrate on my breathing with enough effort to push it back. I was like a rock on the shore, I could feel the nervousness thundering past me like ocean waves, but I wouldn't be moved by it.
Finally Charlie greeted me with a wide smile. "Good to see you, Jake! Come on in!" Without waiting for a reply, he turned around and mumbled under his breath. "Bells will probably need another two hours in the bathroom." I could almost hear his eyes roll and had to fight back a chuckle.
"Hi Charlie. How did the fishing trip last weekend go?" I decided to distract both him and myself while I followed him into the kitchen. "I convinced Bells to get the good bait for you, so I hope it helped a little." I told him.
"It went really well," he answered as he offered me a glass of water. He usually wasn't the typically considerate host, but I reckoned that this was an act of pity. He had to have gone through the same thing in his high school years. "I daresay that it was the best fishing trip since Harry caught that four-foot cod eight years ago. This time it was in quantity, though, not in dimensions." Charlie looked excited.
"How many did you catch? My dad didn't really tell me anything yet, he was busy with council business." We had talked earlier, but not about mundane things such as fishing. When he had nothing profound to say, dad often preferred to be silent.
"Let's just say that we won't be eating anything but fish until February", Bella's voice answered for him. She had obviously heard our conversation from the top of the stairs. I couldn't see her yet because the darn fridge was in my line of sight. Quickly, I started to round the corner to see her.
"I had problems getting all of it in the freezer. I even had to sit on the lid to close it!" She giggled in remembrance. "I thought my butt would freeze off."
When I could finally see her, my jaw dropped and I just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. Honestly, she was that beautiful. She wore a strapless green dress that accentuated her tender waist with ruffles and a stunning necklace in the exact same shade of green. I had already seen her black shoes during our dancing class, but they looked more elegant with her outfit. Most alluring of all was her face, though. It wasn't the subtle makeup that fascinated me, but the glow in her eyes and her smile. She was truly stunning.
"Wow…" was all my fried brain was able to fabricate. I had been planning on saying something way smoother.
"I know," she laughed as she slowly descended the staircase, "they never caught that much before!"
"I wasn't talking about the fish." I mumbled, unable to take me gaze off of her eyes which were sparkling with mirth. "You look stunning," I finally managed to compliment her.
"Oh." She blushed and looked down at her dress. "Well, you look pretty dapper yourself, Mr. Black" She grinned at me shyly and I was pretty sure that my cheeks matched hers by now.
"Why, thank you, milady. Are you ready to go, Ms. Swan?" I mockingly bowed and offered her my hand as a way to ease the tension. She really looked like a swan. With her hair curled and piled on top of her head, only a few loose tendrils hanging out, her long neck looked elegant. And her skin was almost white, anyways.
Bella giggled and took my hand just as Charlie peeked his head around the corner. "You're lucky you're such a good kid, Jacob. I will spare you the don't-you-dare-to-hurt-my-daughter-talk. Have fun, you two!" With that, he sauntered over to the living room and turned on the TV. Wow, I hadn't expected that to go down so easily. He hadn't even threatened to shoot me!
Bells leaned over to me and conspiratorially whispered: "I had to bribe him with a week's worth of fish fry so he wouldn't put his gun on the kitchen counter." I chuckled quietly as I held the door open for Bella.
"I don't think he'd be able to shoot me. He's too much of a nice guy. Also, I'm the very innocent son of his best friend. You see the halo?" I gestured to my head. "As if I would even attempt to hurt you. I'm too much of a chicken to risk the damage you could inflict on me with those heels of yours."
She just grinned at me evilly. "That's right, you be careful of my kung-fu-moves! I'll knock out big bad Jacob Black with my deadly high-heels in no time." I just raised my eyebrow at her and pulled out of the driveway. The playful banter continued all the way to Forks High, though.
When we arrived at the school, the parking lot was already crammed with cars. But I managed to park and helped Bella out of the car. I was a gentleman, after all. I carefully wrapped an arm around her waist, but tried to make sure that I wasn't overstepping my boundaries "Is this okay, Bells?"
"Huh? Sure. My lethal weapons might turn against me otherwise."
"We definitely can't have that, now do we?" I winked at her and she blushed. I took that as my cue to lead the way towards the entrance doors.
When we entered the gym, quite a few pairs of eyes were trained on Bells. I knew perfectly how much she hated being in the spotlight, so I quickly maneuvered us over to where I could see Erik, Sara, Angela, Ben and the others. "Thank you!" she sighed her relief.
Over the week I had gotten to know her friends really well and I enthusiastically said my hellos. Angela and Bells immediately began gushing over each other's outfits and I had to admit that Angela looked quite nice in her dress. Both girls usually wore clothes much like I did: jeans and t-shirts. Now it was a completely different story… I was just ogling the part of Bella's back that I could see through the lacing when I noticed that Ben was talking to me.
"Are the clones here yet?"
"The clones?" I was momentarily confused. "Ah, got it! They're really so much alike! Nope, haven't seen them yet."
"Oh, so it'll be a while 'till they get this thing started. I don't think the principal would dare to face Alice's wrath if he got this kicked off without her." He responded. Since she had volunteered to instruct the dance classes, it seemed as though Alice Cullen had somehow become the sole planner of the fall dance. She had apparently put herself in charge of decorations, food and the aforementioned dancing lessons. The principal didn't mind and the fellow students just seemed glad that they didn't have to deal with all the tedious details of party-planning.
Just then, the Cullens entered the gym and the school's principal got up on the makeshift stage at the front of the gym. I seriously could never remember his name! Whoever-it-was gave a short boring speech about the supposed fun he had at his own fall dance way back in the times when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
"Yeah right, as if he knows how to even spell 'fun'." I snorted and Bells rolled her eyes while the others laughed. In the end, she joined in with her tinkling laugh. After a bit more of his rambling someone suddenly dimmed the lights and turned on the music. I obviously wasn't the only one sick of his drowning on and on. I had to admit- though I would never make that admission aloud- that the Cullen kid really knew how to throw a party. The short haired pixie-like girl had made the principal shut up and the decorations glimmered and glittered in the dark. Overall it was quite an impressive and elegant atmosphere. The first song was a relatively fast-paced one, so I turned to my date. "Bells, you wanna dance?"
"Sure, sure." She nodded, sounding very much like myself. I chuckled and pulled her closer to me, taking her tiny hand in mine and resting the other on her hip.
And then we danced.
Dancing with Bells in my arms was pure bliss. The people in the gym were all rocking, swaying and jumping; it looked like the whole building was dancing to the beat. Sweaty bodies were everywhere, but I didn't look away from my partner's eyes enough to notice who called them their own. Her laughter was so carefree when I twirled her around extra fast and we were both having so much fun. I felt as though we were floating above the ground, it felt almost surreal. We did have some miscommunications and bumped into each other once, but laughed it off.
When I was – almost!- a little exhausted from the fast pace, the music changed to a slower piece. Bella automatically moved closer to me and put both of her arms around my neck instead of dancing as we were 'supposed' to. I wasn't complaining, though. I pulled her body closer to mine and held her by the waist as she rested her head on my chest. I buried my head in her hair and whispered "You didn't step on my toes just once with your deathly heels. You're really an excellent dancer."
She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and whispered back. "Thank you. Why are we whispering?" I smiled down at her somewhat sheepishly. "I don't know."
Bella smiled at me then and the smile took my breath away. It was coy and shy at the same time and I really wanted to kiss her. I didn't know if this was the right moment, though. Could you kiss a girl just because she smiled? Still awestruck, I remembered the last time that I had wanted to kiss her this badly.
She had looked up at me with those eyes then and it was as if the atmosphere changed from playful banter to sizzling tension in a matter of milliseconds. Her hair clung to her face and her bikini to her skin and she had sand all over. She really was beautiful and very kissable. Slowly, she moistened her lips with her pink tongue. She was turning me into a panting heap of goo without even touching me. I wanted to kiss her so badly and I unconsciously leaned in closer when my nerves kicked in. I hesitated for a second.
I had vowed to kiss her sometime this evening. But before I even had a chance to make the move, someone was talking to us. "May I have this dance, Bella?" It was one of the Cullens, the bronze haired one. When neither of us reacted immediately, he simply dragged her with him and started dancing. "Hey!" I cried out, but since Bella didn't protest, I let him be.
I was fuming, but I didn't show it. He had cut in mid-dance when we were clearly in an intimate moment. I shot the guy some glares, but he didn't seem to notice. Bella looked a little lost with him, but I was sure she could fend for herself. I stayed close by in case Cullen should try any funny business with her, but I couldn't really stop her from dancing with her friends or acquaintances. As long as she didn't motion to me for help, I would leave her to dance with whomever she wanted to dance with or didn't dare to refuse.
Before I could ask her for another dance, Ben cut in. I didn't mind him dancing with Bella, she seemed to visibly relax when Cullen was gone. Before I got another chance, the music was turned down and the pale girl with the pixie cut who had organized the party claimed the stage.
"As you all probably already know, we are now going to present you the candidates for fall dance queen and king. We have held an anonymous voting amongst the juniors and seniors on Wednesday on who should become part of the royalty. I may present to you: Mike, Kevin, Ryan, Jessica, Bella and Deanna! Please come up to the stage so the crowd can see you!"
Bella looked, to put it mildly, shocked. I gave her an encouraging smile from across the room and a thumbs-up. When she had put her face back together, she joined the others as they hurried to the stage. The two boys I wasn't familiar with looked like decent guys and seemed to be good friends. They were clapping each other's' shoulders and grinning broadly. I had seen the girl before, though. She had twirled around the hall quite gracefully at the practices.
As soon as the six were visible on the stage, the gym erupted in cheers and clapping. I sent Bells another calming smile- she couldn't see me, but I had at least tried my best- and it seemed to work. She smiled at the crowd hesitantly.
The pixie spoke again. "On the back of your fall dance tickets you will find the ballot. You may only choose one girl for queen and one boy for king. Thanks and have fun!" With that all of them left the stage and I weaved to the front of the crowd to find Bells.
When I found her, I embraced her. "You looked really confident and pretty up there. I'm proud of you for owning the stage." I complimented her sincerely. I knew how much she hated the limelight and she had done surprisingly well with it.
"I didn't. Jessica and Deanna are way prettier than I am. Did you see her dress?" She protested.
"You did too look the best. And I'm so going to vote for you!" I told her cheerily, but recognizing her feelings of unworthiness, I quickly turned serious again.
"You know, sometimes it isn't all about the prettiest dress or the most regular cheekbones. You wouldn't be my Bells if you were any different, so don't you get all self-conscious on me" I teasingly wiggled my finger in front of her face. "Besides, you should know better than fishing for compliments like that. But I think I'll be generous today and might have a compliment left in my back pocket." As I pretended to search my pocket I added "This isn't mere flattery, though. -Ah, here it is!"
"I don't just like you for your pretty brown eyes or your long legs, Bella. You are a person worth liking for who you are, not just for your looks. Judging you by your beautiful hair or your clothes wouldn't do you justice as a person, so please don't think you're not as pretty as any other girl. Every person has a beauty that is entirely their own and yours is extraordinarily to my liking."
I took a deep breath and checked her face to see if I had accidentally embarrassed her or myself during my long speech. It had been vitally important to get my point across, so it had taken all of the word vomit to make sure she understood that I liked her for her looks and even more for her personality.
Bella's lip trembled for a fraction of a second, as though she were scared, and her eyes turned into open gates. There was such a depth of emotions in them that I wasn't able to take it all in: relief, doubt, gratitude, pride and wonder.
„Thanks," she finally whispered. „I really needed that. I just realized that I've been on edge ever since I saw Laure parade in her like she owned the room. But she doesn't have you with her, so I've done something right! " She announced a little later. I gave her my best impression of an impish grin.
„Would you like..." I never got to finish my sentence because Mike rudely interrupted us.
„Hey, you two lovebirds should quit the flirting and dig into the buffet before Erik eats all the good sandwiches!"
As he dragged us along I couldn't help but mock-whisper to Bella: "Do you really think they didn't leave me any tuna sandwiches?" I tried to make my voice extra-whiney.
"I hardly think you are going to die of starvation, Jake." Bella didn't have any mercy with my poor stomach.
"Hey, a man has to eat! And I didn't get to grab anything before we left."
I'm pretty sure I heard her mumbling something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like 'boys' as I tore off towards the buffet. But her small pout soon turned into a smile when I handed her a plate with food.
"Wow! Is that a grilled mushroom?" She beamed at me. Sometimes we were incredibly similar. She was just as easily pacified when presented with her favorite food as I was. The big difference was that I just had more favorite foods than her. A lot more, to tell the truth.
"That's what you need me for: to eat all the delicious food you like to make and to hunt you some fresh sandwiches should the need arise."
Angela joined our conversation. "You sure look like you could strangle an angry turkey in the woods." The girls giggled, but I wasn't quite sure what to make of her comment. Was that a compliment or did she think I looked scary?
"Or an angry tuna!" Ben piped in.
Now I had to laugh despite myself and soon we were all working hard to keep from toppling over with laughter.
"I-I-Imaging Jake- hahaha- throttling a tu-tuna and yelling at it- hihihi- to hold still!" Bella was in near-hysterics by now.
"You think if we keep laughing long enough they'll have to close up the school because of the disturbance?" I asked Erik after a while.
He took a moment to compose himself. "Possibly. Why?"
"Rumors are that a school in China had to be shut down for a few weeks because of an especially contagious laughing-fit. Apparently someone had compared a teacher to a tuna." I said matter-of-factly and that did all of us in for another round of laughing.
"Now they'll have to close down La Push because each time we'll catch a glimpse of you..." Angela threatened.
"Hey, give me a break!" I complained and held my hands up in surrender. The laughter flared up once again before it died down and the group dispersed to hit the buffet again or to resume the dancing.
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"Everyone gather around, please!" the pixie yelled through the microphone later-on. "We have been busy counting the votes for our queen and king and are pleased to present them to you. Please give your best applause to this year's king, Mike Newton, and his lovely queen, Deanna Miller!"
The crowd erupted in cheers and clapping as the two made it up to the stage to accept their crown and diadem. As we gathered around in a circle they had to do a dance of honor before our watchful eyes.
"I'm so happy I didn't make it." Bella whispered as we watched the two twirl around the cleared space in our midst. "I probably would've fallen and broken my ankle or fainted from embarrassment."
"Nah, I doubt that. Well... With your luck, you never know. Do you remember when we spent the day at the beach and you tripped over Quil's cat?"
"Yes! My mom was in hysterics and threatening to wrap me in Band-Aids and bubble-wrap before I was allowed to ever leave the house again! She even called you a bad influence."
I laughed and then silence enveloped us. Suddenly, I didn't know what to say. As the others started dancing to a fast-paced song around us, I felt suspended in time. My tongue was tied and I felt nervous. There were only going to be a few more songs before we would have to say goodbye for the evening. We wouldn't be seeing each other as often as in the last two weeks and I was sure going to miss spending time with Bells. I would miss the dancing, too. It was so much fun and a welcome change from basketball.
"I missed you, you know" I couldn't mask the huskiness in my voice. "When you were gone."
I explained the feeling. "It was so hard not being able to see you. You were my best friend! And I was quite scared of calling you only to possibly hear that you didn't want to be friends anymore. I thought I had lost you forever." I reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers.
"I'm back for good now, Jake, and I could have called, too." She looked down at our joined hands regretfully.
"We've just both changed so much and I feel like nothing is like it used to be." I lowered my eyes.
"You're not to blame. I was just so focused on finding new friends and adjusting to Florida. I'm sorry for not making more of an effort. I expected to never live here again and I thought it would hurt less to have a clean break." She elaborated. I understood her reasoning.
How could I get my point across? I had spent some time thinking in the last few weeks and I had discovered that though I had known Bella for forever, I didn't really know everything about her anymore.
"I just feel like there is such a huge portion of your life that I missed. I don't even know whether you ever did get that guinea pig you were begging for or if you still like strawberry ice-cream best! We've been spending so much time together recently and it only makes me realize that there is so much time that we lost because I was too scared of calling you. I was so sure that I had lost you, that it caused me to lose you. I blame myself a lot for what happened and I'm so sorry we lost contact."
Bella looked surprised. "Of course, there's nothing to forgive, really. I was the one who moved away and I was also the one who never called. Having you near has been a real comfort these last few months and I can't imagine my life without you in it." She smiled a beautiful smile and hugged me tightly to her warm body.
I froze and looked her in the eyes.
I watched as her eyes widened and drew her closer to me, her breath ghosting over my face. A curl had fallen out of her hair-do and I lifted my hand to tuck it behind her ear, but refrained from doing so. I was left breathless, my hand suspended in mid-air. Like a deer caught in the headlights I was trapped in her gaze that was open and trusting.
I took a deep breath and decided to get this all into the open.
"I wish you had never moved away. I wish I had been brave enough to call you. You are still my best friend, Bells. I have feelings for you that go beyond that, though. Will you give me a chance to be more?"
I had handed her my heart with these words, and the small nod she gave me made it soar with happiness. Nerves made my pulse flutter. She was just as affected as I was, I could see her pulse jumping at her neck and her smile was a little tremulous.
It was almost as if I was watching myself draw closer and closer to her face. My heart was beating in my chest. When our lips met, it was nothing like I had imagined it. She was the first girl I had ever kissed and her lips were so soft and warm. It was a chaste, loving kiss that only lasted a few seconds until I was overcome by emotions and buried my head in her hair to hold her as close as I could. I was so full of warmth and happiness that I felt as though I was about to burst. I couldn't possibly feel all of this without spontaneously combusting. It was almost too much to bear all at once. Bella was trembling slightly in my embrace and clinging to me, short-circuiting my brain. I wanted to say something, anything that fit the monumental feeling of the moment, but couldn't form a sentence.
My lips were tingling and it felt so right to have Bella tight against me and in my arms. It felt as if we were spending an eternity embracing in the middle of the dance floor, swaying slightly to the music. The other dancers, the lights and the gym and even the music faded into the background.
But even eternity ends eventually.
"Have you seen Erik?" Sara tapped Bella on her shoulder and she disentangled herself from our embrace. She still had a dazed look on her face, but answered nonetheless. "No, sorry." she said quietly, breaking the moment between us. "Maybe he is outside?"
After Sara had left again, Bella smiled up at me and tugged on my hand. Without conscious thought, I followed her lead. We weaved through the other dancers, leaving the gym and the school building behind us to get some fresh air, our hands still interlinked.
We spent the rest of the night quietly talking while laying on the back of her old truck on some old tents and blankets which Charlie stored there for fishing. We exchanged stories about the years of each others' lives we had missed while living thousands of miles apart. I still felt electrified and as alive as I had ever been. I kept rubbing Bella's knuckles with my thumb to assure myself that this moment was very real. Every nerve ending was still tingling from our kiss. It was a feeling I wanted to remember forever.
And when I kissed Bella goodnight on her doorstep, she told me "I would love to be your girlfriend, Jake." It was the perfect ending to a magical night.
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