Jacob's point of view
When I drove home from the dance, I smiled to myself like a lunatic and touched my lips where Bella's had been less half an hour ago. I was suddenly overcome by emotions: There were so many good things in my life: Not just Bells, also my father and sisters, my friends and the beautiful countryside all around La Push.
I was very glad that I had taken my dad's advice earlier today. It is sometimes hard to see your parents or teachers as regular people. And it is also hard to realize that they once were young and might have gone through the exact same issues as you.
My struggles weren't that different from those of the people around me, I realized: People have different approaches to happiness and different ways of living. I was my own person, but that didn't mean that I had to go through life by myself, without help.
There are people who say that you learn best from the mistakes you made. Some people make a mistake again and again. Others try to learn from other people's mistakes to avoid making them themselves. Sometimes you learn because you finally listened to a good friend or your parents. This was the case for me now.
And there are times when life itself is the best teacher. There is so much happiness we can find in the things around us, in life itself.
In the last few years, I often felt lost, sad and angry when thinking about my mom dying or losing Bells and now Quil as my friends. Circling thoughts were weighting down on my heart. But there is only one way to fight unhappiness: To be appreciative of the small moments when you get to live this wonderful thing called life.
Everything in our world links together to form a beautiful and richly colored puzzle. Both its complexity and simplicity are enough to scare you and to make you cry due to its beauty. Which one you do is entirely up to you.
It is easier to be happy with a strong network of people surrounding you. They can give you a purpose, validation, love and support. Helping them can make you happier than any number of material things. After losing my mom, I pushed everyone away. I was angry at the universe for the injustice. But pushing people away made me miserable. Reforging my bond with Bella and my dad as well as finding new friends in Forks has helped me tremendously in that regard.
Even all by myself in the car, I could still feel my heart beating strongly, steadily. I could feel my love for the people close to me seeping out of me. Prompted by an instinct, I stopped the car at the side of the forest road I was on. I shut-off the lights, got out of the car, and laid down on the forest floor. Above me, I could see the stars. An indescribable feeling gripped me then, laying there in the darkness.
I was enjoying the warm feeling that was still connecting me to Bella, and which made me feel close to the stars shining above me. I could feel pine needles digging into my skin and smell the woodsy aroma of the forest. It was a feeling of infinity, and of insignificance, all at once surrounding me. It felt as though I could sense the animals scurrying about in the forest, the whispering of the wind and the wisdom of the trees. I felt so small laying there below the giant evergreens, and yet so connected to the nature surrounding me. It was as though I were part of the forest. As though I actually were the forest.
It was an awakening for me. My dad and the tribal elders have always tried to teach me about the invisible ways that all living things are interconnected. They said that if you meditate for long enough, you can feel your soul shining its light into the darkness surrounding you, and connecting with the other specters of light out there. According to them, it could help you realize that outside of your own ego, there is not actually that much darkness, but that the world is positively buzzing with life. I could emphasize with that feeling for the first time tonight.
No one could take away this connectedness from me in that moment. I felt a solid bond to all other living things. No one can take away that type of awareness and love. This feeling was infinite, eternal and ephemeral.
I laid there for a long time, letting the peace and tranquility of the moment flow over me. A smile was on my lips, and I slowly closed my eyes and relaxed all the muscles in my body. As I let go of the tension and of my thoughts, I allowed myself to follow the elders' instructions, something which had always felt stupid and unnecessary up to now. For the first time, I saw myself as a spiritual being instead of just a body with a brain. I did what felt natural, what my instincts called for me to do. I embraced the light I could feel pulsing inside of me.
I could still feel the slightly damp earth beneath my body and smell the scent of grass and pine. But at the same time, I could see and feel myself leaving my body behind while my spirit travelled above. I turned to look at myself laying there, relaxed and peaceful under the starlight. Then I continued onwards to where I could feel myself being called.
That night, the spirits showed me the destiny of our tribe. In non-corporeal form, I encountered my shape-shifting brethren. Even though their spirits gave them the ability to become wolves, their egos and their anger were clouding their perception, and they could not sense my presence.
I flew along with them as they ran along the perimeters of the reservation, protecting the people within. I was with them as they followed a scent-trail and finally came across an inhumanly fast porcelain-white figure in the woods. I could sense the light of its soul within the cold one, but its shine was dulled and animalistic instincts were governing it. My brothers chased it off of our lands and I could feel my body humming with satisfaction. I could also feel the ants starting to crawl over my face, so I turned around and went back in a split-second, time and space not constraining my spirit. One second, I was with the wolves, the next second I was back next to my car. With a gasp, I was reunited with the shell I had left behind.
I brushed off the ants and took a moment to gather myself. Finally, I got up again and tried to remove some of the debris from my suit. I wasn't sure if my dad would be mad that I had ruined the clothing. I had learned an important lesson that day, and it might have as big an impact on my life going forward as the kiss I had shared with Bella.
The legends and stories I had been told while growing up where NOT made up. And that had far-reaching consequences. I would have to have a serious conversation with my dad tomorrow.
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Bella's point of view
„Didn't you say that Jacob wasn't your boyfriend, but it didn't look like it on Saturday, I mean, he's totally hot, however did you get so lucky, can you introduce me to some of his friends, I don't have your number so I couldn't call you on Sunday to hear all the details, we should totally change that, I..." I interrupted Lauren before she could launch into the rest of her word vomit.
„I did say that, Lauren, you're right. Maybe I'll invite you to the next beach party with Jake and his friends, but I really must get going now if I don't want to miss my English class." I smiled at her flabbergasted expression and then hurried off with another almost convincing „Sorry!" She must have believed me though, because she looked ready to pass out from excitement. Really, Lauren could be nice, you just didn't want to be on the receiving end of her jabs and gossip. I also had the feeling that being at the center of her attention would exhaust me quite quickly.
As soon as I was out of the spotlight and around the corner, Angela attached herself to my side. "He kissed you!" She squealed. "I knew Jake liked you! It was so obvious even when we met at the beach last time, not to mention the dancing lessons. Did he ask you out yet?"
"Umm… " I gestured around vaguely with an unsure face. I was a little uncomfortable with telling her everything while I might still be in earshot of several nosy classmates.
"You can tell me the whole story later, if you want to, Bella. But don't worry, after you kissed like that in the middle of the dance floor, I am pretty sure you are dating. I saw you guys, and both of you meant it. You're so much alike that it's funny. See, you were both scared to risk your friendship for more, and I am so glad that it worked out." Angela had read my mind again. It was a little scary how well she knew me by now.
"We were talking about how much we missed out on in the past when we were living so far apart. He asked me for more than friendship, and we kissed again after the first kiss you witnessed." I had to give my best female friend at least some details. "When we said goodnight, I told him I would love to be his girlfriend. I guess that is pretty clear." I smiled, a little embarrassed. "But we didn't text on Sunday. So, what if..."
Angela raised her hand to silence me. "No what ifs. Believe me, you have to jump in the deep end at some point. It's not dangerous, but you have to do it. Better now than later – when you will wonder why you lost so much time. Intentions were declared, you kissed, now you have to face your feelings and what they mean."
"Yeah." I admitted defeat, partly because I didn't know a clever comeback and mainly because she was right.
"Just text him, but don't let fear or pride dictate your actions", she advised sagely.
I was mulling over what she had said. I was still ecstatic about what had happened at the dance, but unsure about what it would mean for our friendship and future interactions. I didn't know how to treat Jake the next time I saw him. Did I hug him? Kiss him hello? Would we hold hands? I didn't want any awkwardness to come between us. Being with Jake had always been as easy as breathing and I wanted it to stay that way. Maybe Angela was right and I was overthinking things.
"Talking about taking action, are you and Ben still tiptoeing around each other?" I turned the conversation around. "It was really adorable to see him so tongue-tied around you. You were looking extra pretty on Saturday and it looked like he was dumbstruck" I observed.
"Adorable, maybe. But I would have preferred a bit less shyness" Angela told me. "We got to know each other much better during the dancing lessons, but with all the attention and pressure of the dance, Ben really clammed up. I was hoping for a goodnight kiss, but was too scared to just go for it."
"He did look a little skittish. You'll know when the time is right" I reassured my friend, giving her a hug. "In any case, I think he is so smitten with you that he might not dare to make a move. Ben is not the most self-confident person so you might have to make the first move."
"You think so?"
"Yeah, he might need a very obvious sign that you like him too, or he might not make a move. Expecting him to put himself out there without a sign might not be realistic" I gave her my honest opinion.
Angela seemed to mull over my words, then started nodding to herself.
„I think Edward Cullen likes you!" Jessica whisper-yelled at me when she crossed our path to the lockers.
"What? I admit I was annoyed when he interrupted Jake and me at the dance, but Edward just feels 'responsible for my well-being'." I did my best to fake his pronunciation that was sometimes a little off. "You know, after the whole thing where we were both almost smashed by Tyler's van?"
"I really don't think that's it. He never talks to anyone except his siblings. And you!" She sighed dreamily. "If that isn't an infatuation, my name won't be Jessica Stanley anymore. I can tell about these things."
I raised an eyebrow and tried to explain. "I feel more like we're in an old-fashioned movie where he's my conservative dad or older brother who is trying to keep me from having any fun."
"How did you get that from his behavior?" Angela piped in.
"He actually had to nerve to ask me to dance with him right when I was enjoying myself the most," I winked at Angela so Jessica couldn't see. "Just to give me a huge talk about how the Quileutes were all bad for 'children like me' and how I shouldn't surround myself with 'strays'. It was really awkward and he's definitely not my favorite person right now. I told him to stop talking to me if this type of nonsense was all he had to say." Rolling my eyes at his behavior, I turned back to Jessica.
"You do know that his words translate directly into: 'You can't date Jake because I'm so much better for you'?" she asked me.
"I think she might be right" Angela agreed. "At least I don't think he sees you as a potential daughter. You might have to nip this thing in the bud if you don't want it to come back to bite you later" she advised.
Maybe she was right, but I think in some convoluted way Edward was trying to be my friend. It looked like he didn't have anyone except for his family. Quite possibly his approach to friendship was as normal to him as straightening out car doors after ramming them in with your shoulder. Even so, his advances and hot-and-cold behavior were unwelcome and I had decided during the weekend that I wasn't going to interact with him any more than necessary. Which meant that I would not ask him any further questions, nor push him for the truth about the abnormalities I had noticed.
"How did your date with Mike go?" I asked Jessica.
"It went" was all she said, waving her hands in a theatrical way. "You know Mike."
"He can be a bit obtuse" Angela agreed.
Laughing, we separated to go to our individual lockers.
"Hello Bella! How did you like the dance?" I jumped a little as Jasper got down next to me at lunch. I had just been eating and apple by myself while working on a paper. I had been so immersed in my homework for the next class that I didn't hear him walking over. I was glad to see him, since I had not really gotten to talk to him in the last few weeks. I had wanted to ask him about him and Alice, but had not found the right moment yet. As I looked around I noticed that my friends and his family had already left the cafeteria to work on their homework elsewhere.
"It was really great!" I told him. "I'm so happy that we had lessons before this, so thank you for that. For one, I would have fallen on my face otherwise. For the other, my dress definitely wasn't made for club-dancing." I smiled at the mental picture I still had from my last homecoming dance in Florida. I had ripped the hem of my dress while I was trying to dance. Trying being the operative word. "Your girlfriend really knows how to throw a party."
"She does, doesn't she? It is like a hidden talent of hers. Everyone know that she's all about fashion and clothes and shoes, but who would've suspected she actually liked parties?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm and his eyes twinkled, so I knew he wasn't being serious. That was really good because I would've laughed anyways.
"Do you do this every term? Because you really should! Some people are so different in a tux!" I grinned. "Did you see Colin?"
"Is he the one who fell into the hair gel face-first? I'm not really familiar with all the names." Jasper smiled sheepishly. "He really looked quite... different... if you want to use that word."
"You really don't know him? You've been going to school here way longer than I do, and you always claim that I am the oblivious one" I exclaimed in disbelief.
"No, seriously, how come that none of you really seem to know anyone here. I mean, if that isn't too personal a question." Maybe I shouldn't have asked... I didn't want to embarrass him or make him mad.
"It is a little difficult to explain. You see, we were raised differently and it has been difficult mixing with the other students. Besides, we are so many - siblings - that we don't really need to have additional friends." He grimaced. "That probably came out awfully wrong."
"Well, I could misunderstand you if I wanted to. But I think I know what you're getting at. Alaska doesn't have that many people, right? And that is where you've been living, so I guess that all the people and drama is making you feel uncomfortable."
"I was hoping you would understand" he admitted and smiled, seemingly relieved. "It is somehow different with you."
"Because I'm not from here, either?" I inquired.
"Probably. Maybe you are just naturally good at making misfits like me feel at ease." His words made me feel touched and sad for him. He had been looking kind of miserable for a few weeks now if you looked closely.
"Is that what you feel like? A misfit?" I asked him. "Because that is not how I would describe you at all. Is everything okay?" I lightly touched his arm in sympathy, surprising him.
He sighed, looking pained. "I guess I have always felt a bit disconnected from the rest of the family due to my past. There are a few demons there that I would like to put to rest, but probably never will be able to. But that is something that I will have to exist with." I didn't like how resigned he sounded.
"Is it worth than usual now?" I asked him. "You've been looking kind of down to tell the truth."
He blinked. "Is it that obvious?" he asked me, then muttered to himself "Maybe I have been projecting." I didn't quite understand his last comment, but focused on the first half of what he said.
"At least to me. Is it because Alice is being distant? I noticed her brushing you off in the dancing classes." I was entering prying territory now, but I felt that I could risk the personal question.
"She broke up with me on Saturday." His voice was deceptively clear of emotions.
His response floored me, I had sensed some trouble in paradise but had not expected this to happen. "Wow. I'm sorry, Jasper." I told him, unsure of what to say. Anyone could see how much he adored Alice, so the break-up and the build-up to it must have been devastating for him, even if he didn't let it show much.
"She has been pushing me away for a while now. Maybe I should have expected it. But we promised each other forever, so why would I?" Now his sorrow over the lost relationship was showing on his face.
He reached into his pants pocket and withdrew a dainty, sparkly ring. Placing it in his palm, he looked down at it forlornly. "You were going to propose?" I asked him. He glanced down at his other hand at my question. Following his gaze, I saw that a gold band on his ring finger.
"I already did" he told me, looking lost. "And she said yes. All those years together lost on a vision. I don't know if I am feeling more angry, hurt or sad. I am very bad at empathing my own emotions out of the clutter of everything. Especially since we still have to live together." I could feel my heart breaking for the guy.
At the same time, there were a million questions in my head. I remembered him telling me that he had only recently joined the family, that he had been together with Alice for years. He was only seventeen, but had been engaged to be married. The timeline didn't fit, but I didn't care about that now. I could only think about comforting my friend.
"Would you like a hug?" I asked him tentatively. "You look like you need one and I don't know what else to say except that I am so sorry for you."
"I really appreciate the gesture, Bella, but no thanks. I am a little skittish with body contact, so it has nothing to do with you. I don't trust myself not to slip into - flashbacks of my past" he said, looking pained.
"Sorry, I didn't want to bring up unpleasant memories" I was quick to apologize, horrified at what he must have been through in his past to make him fear a simple hug, something that was meant to bring comfort.
"Don't worry about it. Don't worry about me, either. I really appreciate having a h… a friend who cares. I'll be fine. Eventually." As he finished speaking, the bell rang and he quickly flitted out of the cafeteria. I was left behind, scrambling to pack my books and gather my wits.
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This chapter is also story-building for my side-work which is more heavily centered on Jasper and Leah. Check it out if you are interested.