Bella's point of view
It seemed that the sleep-over induced confidence was still on when I left Angela's house the next day together with Jessica. Carol was spending the day with her aunt and uncle. Despite our collective sleepiness (we had talked long into the morning hours), I was excited for the day ahead. I would get to see my boyfriend for an extended period of time for the first time since we got together. Also, I had decided to do a very unlikely thing for myself: Get a haircut professionally done. Normally I would just sit down in front of a mirror at home and let Renee cut it. The past few months I had even resorted to cutting the front myself if the strands were getting out of hand. Now the back really needed a cut and I couldn't very well do it myself or ask Charlie to do it.
I cringed at the mental picture of my hair all over the place. That was what had happened when he had attempted to cut it in first grade. Dad couldn't cut anyone's hair or rose bushes to save his life (which I both knew from experience). But of course the rose-bushes Renee planted were long gone and I was old enough to get a hair-cut done myself.
As I entered the building, I noticed that they had no mirrors hanging at the walls. The hairdresser looked nice, so I didn't immediately run away screaming when I noticed this. She greeted me warmly and directed me to a seat. While I was getting comfortable she asked me what I wanted her to do.
Slightly nervous, I told the hairdresser what I was planning to do with my hair: "I don't really want to change it a lot. It's supposed to still be me, but I was thinking about highlighting my personality more. I'm used to hiding behind a curtain of hair, but I don't want to do that any longer" I trailed off, not sure if I had explained it right.
"I think I get it. I'm to bring out the real you, right?" the hairdresser looked at me for affirmation and at my nod started to enthusiastically cut away way more strands than I had expected.
"Are you sure there will be some hair left after you're done?" I dared to ask after about five minutes, when the floor was covered in brown strands.
"Don't worry sweetie, everyone is worried in the beginning. I'm taking out some strands at the top so your hair will have more volume and look livelier. The strands on the floor are just a scare at the beginning. That's why we don't have mirrors. You only get to see my works when all is set and done." She grinned at me and continued snipping away.
And I really wasn't disappointed when she finally told me she was done and dragged me to a small curtain. When she pulled it back with a 'ta-da' I was looking at myself in the mirror. Though it was still me, it was an experience to see myself without knowing what to expect. I looked great, at least in my opinion. The cut suited me and wasn't all that different from what I used to wear day-in day-out. The main difference was that you could see my face better. I wouldn't be able to hide behind my hair any longer, just as I had requested.
"Layering the hair really makes it more interesting. It's very me. Thank you." My thanks wasn't just polite, but sincere. After I paid for the service, I left the shop with a new spring in my step.
After a brief nap and a nice long shower to calm my aching back (Angela's hardwood floor may be pretty but not comfortable to sleep on), I got ready to drive over to see Jacob. It was getting colder day by day as winter was already here. While I was longing for several feet of snow and long nice walks in the glistening beauty, it meant that I couldn't wear sundresses anymore. Which was a pity, because Jake had obviously liked the ones I had worn so far.
Instead, I chose to wear a simple pair of jeans and a red sweater. I slung a scarf around my neck and got in my truck with gloves on, knowing it wouldn't heat up until I would be in La Push. The leaves were almost all on the ground by now and I had a passing thought about taking a walk in the woods alone this weekend to enjoy the crisp winter air.
When Jake opened the door after I rang, he seemed distraught. "Hey Bells, you want to take a walk?"
Before I could answer him or even hug him in greeting he brushed past me and disappeared around the house.
"Hey, wait up!" I called after him and started to jog to catch up. He had really caught me off-guard with his brusque behavior, but I wasn't deterred easily. At least not any more. I smiled inwardly to mobilize my inner strength and simply followed after him.
He slowed down slightly at hearing my call, but still he was striding ahead of me with his long legs. I could see his tensed up shoulders relaxing, though, so I waited for him to blow off his steam.
Jacob finally stopped when we reached the shore and stared out at the water as though it held all the hidden answers. Suddenly, he spun around and punched one of the tree-trunks behind him, hard.
"Do you feel better now?" I cautiously asked him as I stepped out of the tree line to join him.
"Yeah. Sorry for that. I'm just so fed up at my dad and mostly at Quil. It has nothing to do with you, so please accept my apology for storming off like that." He rubbed his hand gingerly, but didn't appear to be hurt.
"I don't think I could stay mad at you for long. Especially since I can see that you are clearly bothered by something. Come here." I held my arms out for my best friend and hugged him. This helped him as he hugged me back fiercely. I pecked him on the cheek, breathing in his scent.
"What did they do to make you so upset?" I frowned as we separated. "Shall I go beat up Quil for you? I won't attack your dad, though" I offered to him, only half-serious.
"Ugh, I don't even know why it bothers me so much. You remember how Quil behaved before and how riled up I was at Newton's? That was nothing compared to this morning" Jake told me, clearly still worked up.
"What happened?" It had to have been pretty bad. Embry, Quil and him used to be inseparable, so much that most people thought of them as brothers when they first met the bunch. I had been around the two other boys for much of my childhood as well and I had no idea what would change a goodhearted and warm person such as Quil so much. I couldn't imagine what had made him change so much that Jake – who never had anger issues but was always smiling – would get this angry at him.
"There are two parts to this story. One is what Quil told me, and the other has to do with why I wanted to see you in person so urgently to tell you about it" Jake started to tell me as we sat down side-by-side.
"I confronted Quil today about his behavior since he joined Sam and his group. I don't mind him having other friends than me. But the way he has been behaving towards others is not acceptable. He has a hair-trigger temper these days and he keeps trying to provoke me into fighting him. And then the way he was treating you at Newtons…" Jake normally wasn't a confrontational person, so it must have taken a lot for him to finally do this. I subtly checked him over, but there didn't seem to have been a physical fight between them.
He continued his story "He was decent enough to tell me why he has been glaring at the two of us for the last few weeks." Jake sighed. "And of course, as all weird things happening around here recently, it has to do with the Quileute legends."
"Seriously? How come?" I was surprised by this. I wasn't even aware that the legends of old had much impact on the present life of the tribe.
"Do you remember the legends about the shape-shifting spirit protectors who could become wolves to save the tribe from the cold ones?" Jake asked me.
I silently nodded in confirmation, spell-bound. I could remember in detail the compelling tales which Billy had woven at countless bonfires at First Beach.
"Okay" Jake started to tell his story "Sam and Quil think the myths are all true. They think it is the duty of their little group to protect the town from threats. According to them the Cullens are bad people, the cold ones even. Quil said that he could smell them on you and demanded that I don't see you any more." He huffed. "That's when I got angry."
I took his hand to calm him and to show him I was okay with the story. "Go on."
"When I asked him how he dare demand anything of me after abandoning his best friends just like that, he told me he had every right to. He said that when I join them I will wish I had listened to him. When, not if!" He seemed exasperate. "As if I would leave you, Embry and my family behind like they did! I told him that and he only rose his eyebrow. 'It's not like you can fight it, if I get you to become angry enough there will be no going back' he said and just left me standing there."
My mouth had to be slightly ajar by now. "What? Is he doing drugs?"
"I have no idea, Bells, but I think there is another explanation. I really think that he is trying to provoke me into getting angry at him. That's why I talked to my dad about Quil's unusual behavior. But you are never going to guess how he reacted" Jake said.
I took the most likely guess. "According to your earlier statements, he wasn't all that bothered, right?"
"Yes!" he was fuming now. "I can't believe it. He only told me to cool it and read up on the legends. That I would soon understand, but that he wasn't allowed to tell me more. 'It's inevitable' he told me."
"Wow." Despite my earlier guess, I had never expected that of Billy. "But he always sides with you, even if you are wrong! He even did when you stole Embry's bike and the handlebar broke off when you two argued over it."
"I know." Billy had really broken his trust with this and I felt for Jake. He looked very disappointed and confused.
"I'm just glad that you believe yourself more than you believe the others. It is a sign of a strong character to stick with your beliefs." I complimented. "I know you are going to work this out and I'll be here to help you out whenever you need me." I said, for once just voicing my compassionate thoughts instead of swallowing them up.
I was being myself. This seemed to be a great idea, just as Carol had promised me: Jacob's face lit up and he gave me a warm smile.
"Thanks for being there for me. I'm not good at expressing my feelings, but I know that I can always count on you. You're great, the best best friend I could ever ask for." he told me, his eyes full of warmth.
I scrambled together all my courage and confidence for my answer. "You're my best friend, Jake, and so much more."
My heart was thundering in my chest by now, but I gave him a smile. I was going for what I wanted and kissed him softly, then hugged him once again. He held me tight to his chest and buried his face in my curls. After a few seconds of eternity, he pulled away and kissed my forehead. Suddenly, his nose scrunched up in confusion.
"How didn't I notice that your hair is different?"
I laughed heartily and shoved him away from me playfully. "Jake! That's not what you tell a girl when she's curled up around you and prettied up!"
"Oh, so you did this for me?" he joked and tucked at one of my curls. "Your ploy seems to work. I am enticed by your beauty." He winked at me and grabbed me by the arm as he turned to go back towards the house. It was getting chilly out here and he had probably seen me shiver. Just that the goose-bumps might not have anything to do with the outside temperature...
"I got my hair cut because I think this suites the real me." I explained to him as we walked back much slower and more peacefully than on our way there. "I have been feeling a little caught up in what people thought of me for a while now, so now I'm just going to do whatever I think is right by my own standards. At least I'm trying to be a better person by only letting myself judge me."
"That's so much harder than it sounds." Jake looked at me as he spoke. "I've been stuck on thoughts of my mom and it took me until a few days ago to let them go. I guess I was always a little mad that she left us behind and I really miss her. But perceiving yourself as the victim of circumstances or other people never lets you be yourself."
His words reminded me of something. "Someone wise once said that you can only be yourself because everybody else is already there. I think they were right in their own way."
"They were. They definitely were." He smiled at me. "Besides, if people don't like you for yourself they are not worthy of your attention. They can go craft someone else into their perfect little puppet. You just stay yourself and keep glowing." he told me passionately.
"Glowing?" I was confused.
"You're glowing when you're happy and yourself. It's like you are alight with happiness. I've always liked that about you" he told me.
I smiled brightly at his words. "Isn't that somewhat the purpose of everyone's life? To bring a little light and happiness and love to others."
"Well then you have already achieved your goal, haven't you?" We had slowed down almost to a stop by now. The house was still out of sight, but we were talking too animatedly to keep walking.
"Just because I achieved something once doesn't mean I'm done for life. It's about every day, isn't it?" When Jake nodded in affirmation I continued. "And there are quite a few things I want to do before I die."
"For example?" he asked, turning towards me. I had his undivided attention and his eyes sparkled beautifully in the sun. He looked... hopeful?
In a split second decision I leaned forward until mere inches separated us. "I would rather show than tell you." I whispered as I wound an arm around his neck and into his long hair.
And then he closed the gap between us and kissed me, a little hesitantly at first as we were both still inexperienced. His hands gently held me at my waist and he pulled me tight as our lips met. The kiss was unhurried, pure bliss that spread though me and warmed me from within.
When we parted he leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed.
Too soon we let go to return to the house, a blush on both of us. His russet skin subdued the color while my cheeks flared up red, but we were both smiling radiantly as I slipped my hand into his and we resurfaced from our almost otherworldly walk in the woods.
"The second thing I wanted to tell you is that I had a once-in-a-lifetime experience on Saturday after we said goodnight. On the way home I stopped the car at the side of the road just inside the woods of La Push and spirit-walked for the first time in my life." Jake seemed very excited about this, and dead-serious. He wasn't just talking about a vague dream, but about a very real and life-changing experience.
"Go on" I encouraged him.
"I can tell you the details later, but the main thing is that Quil was right in a way. The legends are true. Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, Leah Clearwater and him are spirit-wolves and there really are cold ones out there. I saw the four of them change into giant wolves and chase off an inhuman creature that night" he confided in me.
I couldn't help but gasp at his words.
"I didn't want to tell them or my dad that I knew the truth, it didn't seem right at the time. It is why I was so riled up by the secrecy involved. And why I am even more upset that my best friend Quil turned into an aggressive stranger just because he is now supposed to protect the rest of us from a supernatural danger. Do you realize what the legends being true means?" he asked me.
I nodded, dumb-struck, then proceeded to shake my head, not quite sure what he was getting at.
"If Quil is right about this, then the concept of spirit-wolves has seriously gotten messed up in the current generation of wolves. All of them have serious anger issues and do not truly fulfill their calling as protectors. Instead, the guys walk around in a testosterone-fueled rage and terrorize people like you and me while Leah just glares at everyone. It also means that I might be next to join them now that I have already spirit-walked" he concluded. "I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. They obviously need help to protect the people from the cold ones, but I don't want to become angry and animalistic like them."
I was floored by this conclusion, not having expected it. I could only squeeze his hand in consolation.
Before I could speak, he continued "And it also means that all our suspicions about the Cullen family might be correct. They are almost definitely part of the cold ones. Cold ones live off of the blood of humans, Bells. The only question in my mind is why no one in Forks has turned up dead yet. The wolf pack only protects the people in La Push."
We exchanged a meaningful glance as the silence hung between us, the implications of his words heavy. Edward was right, I hadn't really wanted to know the truth. I was feeling dread. How could I go to school tomorrow and face a family of blood-drinking cold ones?
I squeezed my boyfriend's hand tightly and tried to borrow some of his strength to give me the confidence I needed.
OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO oOo OoO