"I can go!" Anne said excitedly her words tumbling over each other. "I can go to Redmond. I didn't think I'd be able, but Marilla says I may. Mrs Lynde is going to live with her and that means she'll have help with the twins so I can go. Oh, Gilbert for once I'm speechless. I didn't dare hope." She ran out of words then which gave him the chance to laugh in her face happily and reply:
"I'm going too."
"Well, that's hardly a surprise."
"Everyone might have thought so but until Dad told me I wasn't sure myself. But he says we can manage the fees between us. What with my savings and his, it's possible where it wasn't before. Which means I'm going too."
"I'm sorry Gilbert I don't know what came over me," Anne said sobering. They turned and walked down the road together Gilbert no longer heading towards his destination. "I've been so confused I didn't know if I could really accept you. I, well I've been a bit green."
"Anne?"
"You were going off."
"I might not have."
"But I thought you were. Whereas I expected to be stuck here. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with Avonlea but…"
"But you wanted to study," Gilbert finished the thought for her. She looked sideways at him and nodded.
"Mm hm. I couldn't say anything to Marilla. I knew how much she needed me. There's no way she could cope with the twins on her own. Davy is settling down some but he's still a handful at times. So, I thought I'd have to stay and help and I," she sighed. "I just couldn't say anything to her about leaving. I couldn't make her feel guilty."
"I understand." Gilbert kicked a rock out of the way.
"Turns out she was feeling terrible about it too, so Marilla had a long conversation with Rachel this morning. You know she's all alone now that Mr Lynde has gone. She was dreading the thought of having to go to live with her daughter."
Gilbert laughed, "I can't really imagine those two living together."
Anne smirked, "I agree. But Marilla thinks she can make it work. She said the thought of losing Rachel was worse. Rachel will turn Matthew's old room into her own kitchen. Marilla couldn't abide the idea of letting Rachel loose in her domain so this way she thinks it'll be all right."
"Wise," said Gilbert nodding.
"I hope so. I expect I'll receive some interesting letters," Anne said with a laugh. "Anyway, I'd resigned myself to working here forever and now I feel as though I've been gifted the moon. It's an odd adjustment, but one I think I can come to terms with," she said with a gay laugh. "How do you feel about going up to Redmond together then?"
"How do I feel? If you've been gifted the moon, I've been gifted the stars. Anne it's amazing. I couldn't imagine going there without you. It'll be wonderful to have you nearby."
Anne paused at his words, "I don't know if I want, if I want more yet Gilbert." Gilbert's heart jolted. "I mean I want to be friends, but I'm not sure if I want to be more right now. Does that make sense?"
"I guess so," Gilbert said feeling as though his heart might stop. He stopped and looked at her.
"Are you sure?" Anne asked.
"What do you want from me?" Gilbert gasped. "I've done everything for you Anne. I gave up the school, I've stood by you through thick and thin and all I get is - fond affection. I'm not sure that's enough. I've loved you since we were young, since that dratted carrot comment." Anne looked as though she was about to interject, but Gilbert barged on, "am I sure you ask? I am sure but I'm not sure about the thing you want me to be sure about. I'm sure that I'm head over heels in love with you but if you're not then I suppose there's nothing more to be said." He turned then and stumbled off in the direction he was supposed to go, rather than the one they had been walking; his eyes full of tears, unable to see the road ahead.
"Gilbert," Anne called after him. "Gilbert!"
He ignored her, too deep in his own grief to speak. Anne watched him walk around the corner then turned herself and walked home in a daze.
Later Marilla found Anne sobbing, "why do boys have to be so confusing, Marilla. Why can't he just be a friend?"
"What did I say the other week?" Marilla asked gathering Anne into her arms.
"He loves me," she whispered.
"You outshine all the other girls, Josie and Diana and Ruby seem so flat and dull in comparison. It's you he's fallen in love with, Anne but the question is how do you feel about him?"
Anne looked up her, red eyes brimming with tears, "…"
"The truth now," Marilla warned. "I made the mistake years ago of fooling myself I didn't care for a boy, and I paid the price. And oh, what a price. It hasn't been the worst life Anne, but I don't see it working out for you. You need, you deserve the love of a good man."
"What do you think I should do?" Anne said quietly.
"It doesn't matter what I think. This is your life we're discussing. Just don't let foolish pride stand between you and happiness."
Anne watched her leave and decided to write as she always did when she was in the depths of despair. Her diary provided such comfort. She flicked through the pages reading notes that stood out to her, trying to get some clarity. He appeared on page after page, the life they'd shared for the past two years. Gilbert this and Gilbert that. The time he helped her with the disastrous party, his tale of Matthew saving his life, how sweet he'd been with Dora, tending to Marilla's burnt thumb, on and on it went. It was as if a new portrait of the man she was trying to ignore came before her. She burst out laughing despite herself at one point and found that her laughter somehow turned to tears.
When she had settled down some, she started thinking. Was she really going to turn her back on him, on this good man who knew her better than anyone? Who had done so much for her and for the family? He may be a far cry from the princes she and Diana had dreamt about when they were girls but there was a steadiness to Gilbert, and she supposed he was quite handsome in a simple sort of way. The question is Anne-girl could you see yourself in the arms of any other man? By their side for the rest of your life? She tried to picture him and found it impossible. Every time she thought of it, Gilbert's face supplanted her imagination.
He'd paused his whole life for her Gilbert thought bitterly as he sat in the parlour. There had only been one girl since he was thirteen and he'd waited and waited for her to recognise that. It finally seemed that it had all been in vain. She wanted to be friends and sure that had been all he wanted when he was young but now, he sighed deeply, now he wanted more so much more. The way her brilliant hair caught the sun, her beautiful little freckles, her little nose, those grey eyes, and of course the pulse in her neck the little carotid beating away. Even now the thought of it was enough to make him catch his breath.
Deep in his unhappiness Gilbert hardly heard the blows against the front door. His mother answered it and he paid no mind. Until suddenly there she was standing in the doorway. "Gilbert." He looked at her waiting, confused. "Gilbert," she hesitated. In the kitchen Cora waited impatiently, her hearing on high alert. When a panting Anne had presented herself at the front door Cora knew it could only be for one thing and she had silently led her to the parlour before graciously backing away. Things needed to be said and she was patently not required, which is not to say she wasn't keenly interested in the conversation that was even now hardly occurring but when the low murmur stopped suddenly Cora's heart leapt for it could only mean one thing.
"I'm sorry," Anne murmured. "I'm so sorry, Gilbert, I've just been so confused. I couldn't make sense of my feelings."
"That's all right," Gilbert started.
"It wasn't it wasn't all right at all. I lead you on and then I repelled you before holding out a carrot again. You must have been at sixes and sevens because I was too. I just…" but she stopped talking then for who can talk when lips are pressed against your own.
Long ago, before she came to Green Gables an older asylum boy had tried to kiss her, his clumsy lips bruised her own and she'd shoved him away in disgust. She recoiled against Gilbert now when the memory appeared, and he paused confused. Anne braced herself but this was dear Gilbert her oldest friend, who she could trust implicitly. She turned her lips towards his and felt her eyelids slip shut. The sensation this time was as far from the brutal attack she had experienced all those years ago. Instead, Gilbert's lips touched hers gently and she found her mouth opening of its own volition to greet his. Time stood still then as the pair tenderly initially then more passionately kissed.
It was all Cora could manage not to stalk into the parlour when she could hear no sound, it took her back to those moments with John when nothing else mattered. She stood in fond remembrance and decided she needed him. Tip toeing as quietly as possible she made her way outside and found her husband in the orchard amongst the heady scent of ripening apples. John was startled to find her in his arms kissing him but eagerly returned the favour. "What's all this about?" he asked eventually.
"Nothing," Cora replied idly stroking his arm.
"Well, I hope nothing happens more often," he said bending down to kiss her once more.
In the parlour the young couple's kisses continued as they explored each other fervently. When at last they came up for air Anne settled into Gilbert's side and they sat together giggling now and then, intermittently stopping for another kiss. Whenever Anne attempted to apologise Gilbert shut her up by kissing her until she just stopped trying. Finally, they heard the front door open and pulled away sitting a demure distance apart as if they had been innocent all along. There was no need though as Cora and John crept by the door hand in hand and up the stairs. Anne turned to Gilbert in shock, "are they?" she whispered to which he nodded grimacing.
Folk milled around the train platform saying their last farewells. The Avonlea crowd eased their way through the throng and found a spot to stand. Davy rushed over to speak to Gilbert and tugged at his coat to gain his attention. Gilbert looked down at him and over to Dora who smiled shyly. "I never been on a train afore, Gilbert. What's it like, I want to know?" Davy said in a rush. "Is it faster'n a horse?" Gilbert crouched down to speak to the little boy. "Yes Davy, it's pretty fast. Stay back from the edge of the platform won't you. It's dangerous when it arrives."
They stood and watched as the train huffed and puffed towards them slowly coming to a halt with a long sigh surrounded by smoke and steam. "I believe this one is yours?" a gentleman handed Davy over to Marilla. "Nearly lost him under the wheels," he reported grimly. "You watch yourself young man." Marilla was too preoccupied to make much of a fuss, but she gripped Davy's arm firmly, much to his chagrin. How was a fellow to make his acquaintance with the engine when he was kept so far away? After some desultory small talk Marilla stood next to Dora having given Davy leave to look at the engine from a safe distance. She needed him to be safe, of course, but given the way his small body tingled with excitement she figured it would be downright cruel to keep him from his investigation.
Finally it was time to say goodbye. Marilla hugged Anne's slight figure tightly as if to impress the feel of her body against her own. Her usually tamped down emotions nearly got the better of her and she was loath to give up her girl but knew she had no choice, after all it had been her suggestion that Anne go. One she knew was for the best, but it was not easy, one of the hardest things she'd ever done. Last time, when Anne left for Queens had been difficult too, but she had Matthew by her side; now she felt the cleaving all the more as if part of her very being were leaving her. "Don't forget us," she whispered into Anne's ear. "Don't forget Green Gables." Anne just barely heard her over the hubbub, but she drew back and looked keenly into her mother's bright blue, misty eyes and said firmly, "never my darling Marilla. I'll never forget you and all you've done for me. Remember I'll always be your Anne," she kissed Marilla on her cheek, a sensation Marilla felt long after the train had passed from sight. Reluctantly Marilla unhitched her hands from Anne's slender shoulders and turned to look around at the crowd. Anne for her part looked around for her luggage just in time to watch the porter load it into the carriage car. The train let out a piercing toot, causing everyone bar Davy to clap their hands to their ears, he alone stood looking enraptured.
When the noise had subsided, Marilla gathered Gilbert to one side, saying, "I know I mentioned it at the time, but these two years have been such a blessing Gilbert. I must tell you much I appreciate your sacrifice." He tried to wave her thanks away. "No, I mean it. I didn't expect it, but I don't know how I could have managed without Anne and it's all down to you. I don't know what the next years will bring. But I'll always look back at this time fondly. Not only was it wonderful just having Anne home but the thought of managing Davy on my own," she shuddered. "Anyway, I don't want to embarrass you, Gilbert. Now we'll watch you and Anne sally forth, knowing that you are ready for the next big adventure. There being nothing he could safely say, Gilbert smiled at Marilla and clasped her hand in thanks. He'd had his moments in White Sands but on the whole it had been worth it.
Then came the dreaded moment when the guardsman called out, "Allll aboard!" in his commanding voice. Then with a glance back, Anne stepped forwards and then turned swiftly to give Marilla another peck on her cheek. Rustling Davy's hair and grasping Dora's shoulder briefly she turned and was gone. Davy ran up to the carriage window a moment later and waved furiously. Anne's smile was the last thing they saw as the train hooted once more and in a puff of smoke and steam set off. Marilla saw John and Cora in the crowd and moved to be close to them. Together they watched the train disappear around the corner. "Well, that's that," said John when the tail of the train passed from sight.
"I pray they get on all right," said Cora. "Do pop in when you need to chat won't you Marilla. I hear Rachel is moving in this afternoon?"
"Yes, we decided she'd do it while we were away. I thought it would be easier all round."
"And with any luck she'll have afternoon tea ready for you upon your return."
Marilla smiled wanly, "yes hopefully." She turned then since the platform was mostly empty and gathered the children to her. Davy was full of the excitement of the afternoon telling them all he had learnt about the engine: how fast it could travel, how many stops there were until Anne's destination, how long their journey would take. Marilla was pleased to let him prattle on thankful she was not required to say much.
As Cora predicted Rachel had afternoon tea all set out. Marilla was pleased to be able to sink into a chair and let Rachel wait on her. A strange feeling in one's own kitchen to be sure, but not unpleasant for all that. Rachel for once showed remarkable restraint and did not press Marilla for too much information. In any case Davy was delighted that someone showed more interest than Marilla or Dora had done, and since Mrs Lynde had not been there to see the train, he was happy to go into even more detail.
"That's fascinating Davy," Rachel replied to yet one more fact. "Why don't you go and lie down for a moment, Marilla. You look done in."
"I'm perfectly fine, Rachel," Marilla nearly snapped but managed to change her tone at the last moment. "I might go for a bit of a walk if you don't mind." Relishing the peace and quiet Marilla sighed once she got outside. She knew she had done the right thing all round, but it was going to take some getting used to.
Anne and Gilbert shared a seat and sat in companionable silence while across from them Charlie Sloan and a stranger chatted about their plans. There was something nice about sitting next to a good friend, Gilbert thought. It was a friendly quiet not frosty. Anne put her hand in his and he felt a warmth creep through. No words were necessary, but each knew they had a good year ahead of them, together.
Anne felt in her handbag and found a letter Marilla must have put in there for her to read on the journey. It was full of the usual sentiments; Marilla's letters usually were quite dry, but this paragraph stood out to her.
I look back at the last two years, Anne and thank the good Lord above that I had the pleasure of your company. That was such a dark time at the beginning. The thought that I might lose you, Green Gables and Matthew in the space of a few short weeks was almost too much to bear. If Gilbert is nearby, give him a hug from me. I thanked him at the time and again recently but really, I have never received a more generous gift.
"All good Anne?" Gilbert asked. Anne nodded enjoying their newfound intimacy, she glanced out the window at the scenery rushing by feeling optimistic about the year ahead.
- The End -