So this one is a shorty but oh man, I do love it so much and hope you do too. I don't say this often but I think it allllll the time: thank you to all of you who've been sticking through me on this! Your love and comments and support means the world. To my cheerleaders, you know who you are, I do love y'all! To my betager, you're awesomesauce in a cup. Love you BGP! You and your comments lol. I'm going to send you a pretty heart shaped container for your now powdered heart. My bad...
Reminder: they aren't mine (no pun intended). I can only take credit for altering their love story. And the smuff we don't get in the books (no, not in this chapter. Give them a bit will you!? Off to horny jail with you! This chapter is more...flangst. If you're good, maybe the next chapter will have a bit of smuff. Yeah...some happiness before…*sigh*. I'm sorry. We all know it's coming! You read the books...)
Before we get to it, I heard this song by James Arthur and it made me think of my cinnamon puffs and especially this chapter. The lyrics, the video...it's all just way too sweet not to share:
"I swear to God, when I come home
I'm gonna hold you so close
I swear to God, when I come home, I'll never let go
Like a river, I flow to the ocean I know
You pull me close, guiding me home
And I need you to know that we're
Fallin' so fast, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love
And I'm not scared to say those words
With you I'm safe, we're fallin' like the stars, we're fallin' in love
I swear to God, I can see
Four kids and no sleep
We'll have one on each knee, you and me, hmm
And when they've grown up
You're still the girl in the club
When I held your hair up, 'cause you had too much
And I need you to know that we're
Fallin' so fast, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love
And I'm not scared to say those words
With you I'm safe, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love
I swear to God, every day
He won't take you away
'Cause without you, babe, I lose my way
Oh, I'm in love (I'm in love)
Oh, I'm in love (I'm in love)
Oh, I'm in love (I'm in love)
Oh, I'm in love (I'm in love)
Oh, I'm in love (I'm in love)
Oh, I'm in love (fallin' like the stars)
And I need you to know that we're
Fallin' so fast, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love
And I'm not scared to say those words
With you I'm safe, we're fallin' like the stars, we're fallin' in love"
-"Falling Like The Stars" by James Arthur
"Are - you - MENTAL?"
Ron watched, shivering, as Harry stumbled to his feet. After two nights and three days of waiting, Ron never thought that when he finally found them he would see Harry diving into a frozen lake. Wearing the locket.
"Why the HELL didn't you take this thing off before you dived?"
He watched as Harry got dressed, his green eyes never leaving Ron. He tried to figure out if Harry was happy or disappointed -maybe angry - to see him. But all he could see on his best mate's face was...awe? Perhaps some disbelief?
Harry asked Ron about the doe patronus - if he had cast it. Ron had seen it, but thought it was Harry who cast it and told him as much.
"How come you're here?"
Ron had hoped to avoid this conversation...at least for a bit. But, no such luck.
"Well, I've - you know - I've come back. If -" He cleared his throat. "You know. You still want me."
Please still want me back.
He knew that Hermione's acceptance of his return would be a much bigger hurdle to jump. But if he at least had Harry on his side...if he at least knew that Harry still wanted him to be there…
He searched Harry's face for any indication of his true feelings about Ron's return.
'He doesn't want you. You never should have returned.'
The voice slithered through his thoughts and came as a surprise. He hadn't heard those thoughts since...his eyes dropped to the items in his hands. The locket in one and the sword in the other.
The sword.
After he'd retrieved Harry from out of the lake, he'd noticed the sword and dove back in to get it. He knew it had to be the reason Harry was in the lake in the first place. But then, in his worry and excitement, he had forgotten about the heavy sword in his hand. The significance of the sword's presence also hit him quite suddenly.
"The sword can destroy horcruxes!" Hermione's voice came to him from that night - before everything went to hell. The sword...they had the Sword of Gryffindor!
It wasn't long before Harry had the locket on a flat rock, ready to finally do away with it. Ron frowned for a moment when he realized that the wand Harry was using was Hermione's.
"Where's Hermione?" A fear like no other gripped his heart.
"She's in the tent," Harry answered, still looking around absentmindedly. He lifted his head and met Ron's frantic gaze. "She's fine, mate," he said quickly. "Sleeping - I hope - but fine. Really." Ron took a deep breath of relief. He glanced at the wand in Harry's hand once again and Harry caught on. "Oh...uh...mine broke. Tell you later. We've been using Hermione's in turns - whoever's on watch keeps it on them. So, let's finish this off and get back to her."
Ron nodded, the thought of Hermione alone without a wand didn't sit well with him. "Yeah...let's do this then." He offered the sword to Harry, but he shook his head.
"No, you should do it."
"Me? Why?"
Ron knew Harry could see the shock and panic in his face. He didn't want to ever go near that thing again. He felt like he was the last person who should destroy it!
"Because you got the sword out of the pool. I think it's supposed to be you."
Ron wasn't sure about this. He tried to calm his nerves as Harry explained how he would open the locket as if he'd known how to do it all this time. He still insisted that Harry do it, but that only made Harry that much more adamant that it had to be Ron.
"I can't, Harry, I'm serious - you do it -"
"But why?"
"Because that thing's bad for me!" said Ron, backing away from the locket on the rock. "I can't handle it! I'm not making excuses, Harry, for what I was like, but it affects me worse than it affected you and Hermione, it made me think stuff -" Ron took a deep breath. "It made me think about stuff that I'm sure I'd never thought about before - made me second guess everything. It screwed up how I saw Hermione and her love for me - how I saw you and our friendship. How you both saw me. It planted - or maybe in some cases re-planted - these fears in me. Things that I thought were long gone and made them ten times worse! And then, I'd take it off and feel a bit better, but it was still always right there. I don't like who it made me! Harry, I can't!"
"You can do it," said Harry, "you can! You've just got the sword, I know it's supposed to be you who uses it. Please, just get rid of it, Ron."
Something about the plea in Harry's voice jolted Ron. He had questioned his role in this entire mission for months. Told himself that his only use, his job, was to protect Harry and Hermione. He'd even joked that he was the brute of the trio, hadn't he? The strength...the muscle. Harry needed him to do this. Hermione needed him to do this.
He needed to do this - for himself.
Ron swallowed hard and breathed even harder, but he stepped back up to the rock, sword in hand, and threw back his shoulders. The faster he got this over with, the faster he could get to Hermione.
He tried not to think about that impending battle.
He nodded at Harry. He was ready. "Tell me when." His voice came out like a croak and he bit back a wince. Now was not the time to be weak.
'Their daring, nerve and chivalry set Gryffindors apart.'
Ron mustered every ounce of courage he had as Harry hissed the sounds he'd heard so often. He had always thought it sounded so foreign coming out of his best mate's mouth.
The locket opened and eyes peered up at him. He raised the sword, but then...the voice.
"I have seen your heart, and it is mine."
Ron could hear Harry yell something, but he couldn't focus on anything but the voice coming out of the locket. It held him, cradled him in the most fearful way - and he froze.
"I have seen your dreams, Ronald Weasley, and I have seen your fears. All you desire is possible, but all that you dread is also possible..."
Visions from Aragog's nest flashed through his mind, as well as his family's faces, battered and bruised. Then Hermione's face twisted in anger and contempt.
"Least loved by your mother who craved a girl...least important of the three who you so desperately adore."
Harry continued to yell, but Ron couldn't hear him with the ominous voice that was filling his ears. It coursed through him and rendered him completely useless.
Kill it, he thought, desperately trying to hold onto his own right mind. Kill it!
But just as Ron forced himself to raise the sword higher, ready to bring it down, two figures appeared from the locket's opening. As they emerged, Ron stumbled back with a yell. Before him, Harry and Hermione stood side by side, glaring down at him.
"You should have never returned." It was Harry who spoke first - though it wasn't Harry's voice. He could hear the real Harry shouting nearby and tried to focus on him, but this Harry demanded his attention. "We were better off without you."
Beside him, Hermione sneered. Though the figure held her resemblance, it wasn't his Mione. Ron knew that and tried desperately to hold onto that thought as she spoke.
"Who could possibly love a coward like you?"
Ron held back a sob. He was a coward. Hermione deserved so much more.
"Your mother would much prefer me as a son," the fake Harry taunted. "Your family will be my family now. They'll have no need for you. They never have."
"You're weak, Ronald," she sounded so like Hermione that Ron almost whimpered. He'd heard her utter those very words in his mind the entire time he was gone, but hearing them in a voice so like Hermione's almost did him in. "You say I'm yours, yet you left me behind. You abandoned me. What kind of wizard are you? What kind of MAN are you? You're not a man, you're a boy," she spat. Ron's heart clenched. This wasn't Hermione. "You're a boy, a mere child who ran to his mommy. I'll never be yours again. I was never yours in the first place! I will never love you again, I will never be yours again."
As she repeated those last lines, Ron growled.
"Do it, Ron!" Harry yelled.
Ron raised the sword high again, one thing running through his mind.
She IS mine.
The sword came down heavy and hard. There was a tortuous scream, a shout from Harry...then nothing.
Ron breathed heavily, his eyes wet with tears. None of it is true, he repeated in his head over and over again. Maybe if he thought it enough, he would really and truly believe it. He dropped the sword and collapsed to his knees trying desperately to steady his breathing. He was just barely aware of Harry moving around him.
"Your...your mum never said - nor even hinted - any of that, you know," Harry said softly. Ron simply nodded. He knew that. And yet, he had believed it - only for a moment, but it was enough. "And Hermione...you haven't lost her, Ron. She loves you. She's...she's been miserable without you. Worrying herself sick. You know that, right?"
He did, but it still made him sway slightly on his knees. He had made her miserable. All he ever wanted to do was make her happy - yet he'd made her miserable. He wasn't sure which he preferred - for her to be angry or miserable.
Neither.
"We should get back to her," Harry stood and grabbed Ron's bag. "Come on." Ron finally stood and faced his best mate. Harry smiled from behind his glasses, and Ron returned it, realizing that this was the first time he'd seen his green eyes sparkling in weeks - even before his departure. "Good to have you back, Ron."
Ron released a breathy laugh and followed Harry back to the tent - one person on his mind. "You got my back in there?"
Harry laughed. "Of course. And I have her wand so at least you're safe from hexes...for now."
"Thank Merlin's saggy bollocks for that."
Hermione climbed into her bunk and wrapped herself in the blanket, facing the wall of the tent. She was exhausted - mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. She never thought she'd see Ron again, and yet, there he was. Alive. Back. And just as beautifully infuriating as always. Her fists hurt from taking out her anger on him, and her eyes stung from her tears. But it didn't matter...he was back.
She could hear the boys talking quietly before Harry announced he was too antsy to sleep and left the tent to take first watch.
She lay completely still, listening to the sounds of Ron moving about behind her. She heard when his wet jeans hit the floor, then when he muttered a few charms - a cleaning charm, another warming charm to strengthen Harry's previous one, and a summoning charm. Finally, she heard the telltale signs of him pulling on his pajamas.
But then it was silent. She could feel his presence beside their bunk, just behind her. They had always slept together - even when the locket was making one or both of them miserable. She knew he was hesitating - unsure whether to make up a new bunk or attempt to climb in with her. She knew what she wanted him to do, but what did he want?
Before she could talk herself out of it, Hermione moved closer to the wall of the ten the tiniest bit, hoping he would understand and accept her silent invitation.
He did.
Ron crawled in behind her slowly, and scooted his body under the blanket. His arm wrapped hesitantly around her middle. She almost pulled away, but being in his arms again felt so good. So real. As angry and hurt as she was, she needed this. She needed him.
He's alive. And he's back.
When she didn't protest, she felt him breathe a sigh of relief and settle in behind her. Hermione allowed his presence to envelop her and consume all of her senses, then the sob she was so desperately trying to hold inside escaped roughly, shaking her entire body.
Ron's arm tightened around her. "M'so sorry," he choked, his voice thick with his own tears.
"You broke me," she whispered. Then, all of the words seemed to tumble out of her mouth. "I'm so relieved that you're okay, that you're back. I was so worried about you. But I need you to know - you broke my heart. I've never felt so broken in my life."
She felt Ron shaking behind her.
"I broke my own heart when I left you," he whimpered. "I felt guilty over abandoning Harry, of course. But leaving you...when the reality sank in that-that I actually left you… Hermione, my heart broke into a million pieces. So I can only imagine how you felt… And I will never stop being sorry or hating myself or feeling unworthy of your love. I failed you."
Hermione began to cry uncontrollably then. She both loved and hated that Ron only held onto her tighter. It felt amazing and suffocating all at the same time, and she never wanted him to let her go. She wanted to be so consumed by him that there was no room for pain and anger. She wanted his touch to burn it all away. If it only were so easy...
"Bloody hell Hermione," he sobbed, "I love you so fucking much it physically hurts. It's mental! I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry I left you. But most of all, I'm so sorry that 'sorry' will never be enough. I promise you that I'll never leave you again. I'll never abandon you again. I'm yours Hermione. I'm completely and utterly yours and at your mercy. I'll do anything. Whatever it takes. Anything. Just please tell me you haven't given up on me. Tell me that...that you even think you could still love me. Even the tiniest bit. Even if only as a friend..."
Hermione gasped and turned quickly in his arms, tears streaming down her face.
"Ron, don't you get it?!" Her fists held his shirt tightly as she shook him. "I love every single bit of you; from the amazing, loyal and caring parts of you, to the childishly stupid parts of you that makes mistakes. That's the problem," she cried. "I don't think that there's anything you can do to make me not love you. But that only means that only you can hurt me this bad. The fact that I love you so much makes it all hurt so much worse. I could never hate you, even now, as much as I want to! I'm just… I'm scared. Scared you'll leave again. Scared I'll never see you again. Scared to lose you. Scared there'll be a time you won't want to come back."
"I could never not want to come back." His eyes were wide and pleading as his hands cupped her face. Hermione couldn't help but think about how much she missed his eyes. They told her everything she needed to know, made her feel all she needed to feel. "I will always want to come back, Hermione. I'll always come back."
"Just… don't leave in the first place," she whispered.
"Never again."