Chapter 30 (Bella POV)

I've never given much thought to how I would die, but nearly being crushed to death by a van and then having all my blood sucked dry by my vampire boyfriends brother seems like a pretty shitty way to go. I was thankful to be alive, but I couldn't help but wonder if I was just cheating death. I sat in Jasper's arms on the couch watching TV unable to stop my mind from going down the rabbit hole. Twice now since being in Forks I'd had to be rescued by Jasper's sister Alice. He was texting her now, sorting out a plan for the next few days so that he could stay with me at all times. The first time that Edward had almost taken my life, I'd been oblivious besides the fact that he creeped me out a bit, but I'd had no idea what was really in store for me if Alice hadn't made him leave school. She'd even made him leave the state to protect me. Today just felt so much more real, seeing the van smash my truck, where I was literally just standing . . . then having to hear that I would have survived that only to be killed by Edward anyway. This time there was the physical evidence of my demolished truck to give me a visual of my almost fate, it was unnerving.

Jasper had immediately shut down the idea I'd had about introducing my scent to Edward in a controlled environment, but I didn't plan on letting it go just yet. I wasn't sure that I could live like this, waiting for the day that Alice wasn't going to be there to save me. I knew that Jasper would do anything in his power to protect me, but I wasn't so blindly in love that I couldn't see the fact that he wasn't any more prepared for this morning than I was, not that I would expect him to be. I wouldn't have even blamed Alice if she didn't see it coming, it was an accident. It was just a reminder that nothing is promised. My days were numbered, I could feel it in my gut.

I didn't want to take another moment for granted. I was glad that Jasper would be with me a lot more over the next few days, as selfish as it sounded. Forever always seemed like a long time when I was a kid, but in reality my forever might just be over next week. No matter how long it ended up being, I wanted to spend every moment of it with Jasper. I envied him and his family, they were practically indestructible. He'd explained to me earlier that the only way to destroy a vampire was to rip apart the pieces and set them on fire, it's what he would have done to Edward if he'd killed me.

I was starting to get curious, just how did one become a vampire? Was it like the movies? Jasper hadn't offered up many details. I'd only been able to piece together small bits of information he'd offered up in conversation. I remembered him saying 'If I'd have died the day I was bitten'. So that would mean that in order for one to become a vampire they'd have to be bitten. Could it really be that simple? I wondered if it would hurt, or if you'd go into some kind of sleep state and just wake up a vampire. Jasper had a lot of scars, I wondered how many times he'd been bitten.

If my blood was what Edward wanted, removing it from the equation seemed like a logical solution. Though maybe Jasper wasn't ready to commit to an eternity with me and I couldn't blame him. We'd only known each other for a week, it's just that I'd felt his love for me, I knew it matched my own, it was possibly even more intense. However, I knew that if he were to offer me a place in his world, as one of his kind, I'd do it in a heart beat. So, I couldn't help but be a little bit disappointed that it hadn't seemed to cross his mind, even though I knew that I was being stupid. I'd thought for just a moment earlier that he was eluding to the topic, but I was wrong.

"Until he's not a threat to you anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Until we can go somewhere else together once you graduate, or until the rest of my family moves on, then I could stay here with you."

Graduation was over a year away, so in his idea of the future I was still human then. Was his plan to fight off all surrounding danger that could pose any potential threat to my existence as I grew into an old woman while he stayed nineteen forever? The sad thing was, I would probably settle for that if it was the only piece of him that he was willing to give me, though it sounded like a long slow painful form of torture. It would still be a far preferable suffering to the one I'd experience if I had to live without him all together.

I tried to tell myself that maybe he had a good reason for keeping me a human, or that maybe changing someone into a vampire wasn't as simple as I'd guessed. I couldn't allow myself to worry that it was because he didn't love me enough, though the voice inside my head was screaming it loud and clear. I locked the painful thought away, tucking it into some unused corner of my mind.

"Bella, what's wrong? You're emotions are all over the place." Jasper asked, he looked concerned.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry." I tried to clear my head and focus on the TV so that he wouldn't feel my selfish wishing.

"Well don't apologize, you're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, I just thought maybe you'd want to talk about it." He hugged me a little tighter.

"It's just been a crazy day." It wasn't really a lie, but it wasn't really an honest answer. I knew he could feel my emotions and I was glad that sometimes he just let me have them without prying too much.

"Okay, well you know you can tell me anything. Whatever it is you're thinking, we can work through it."

"Thanks Jasper." I turned my head and nuzzled my face into his chest.

"Bella, uh, I think your father is home." I was a little thankful for Charlie's timing, it distracted me from the tears that I was fighting back. I heard the door to the cruiser shut outside and re-positioned myself on the couch so that Jasper and I didn't look quite as cozy. I didn't want to give Charlie any more reason to not like Jasper, though I figured he would probably hate anyone that I was dating.

"Hey kids! Bella, I grabbed some dinner from the diner. Uh, sorry son, I guess I should have called and asked if you'd still be with us." Charlie said, carrying in a white plastic bag full of styrofoam containers. His chipper mood and attitude towards Jasper was surprising. I must've had a weird look on my face because Jasper looked at me and grinned before standing up to 'leave'.

"That's okay, I'm going to head on home, I'm sure my mother has food waiting on the table." I looked to him with a small smirk, knowing that he was just going to sneak up to my room as soon as he walked out the front door.

"Alright, maybe another time then. Thanks for staying here with Bella today, I appreciate it."

"No problem at all sir, if it's alright, I'd like to pick her up for school in the morning. I can take her to and from since the truck isn't drive-able."

"Sure, that'd be fine until we get something else sorted out. I know she hates riding in the cruiser." I rolled my eyes, but he was right.

"I'll walk you out." I said, following Jasper to the front door. I had a million questions as to how tonight was going to work. For instance, his truck was still here. He couldn't very well leave it in my driveway all night if he wanted Charlie to think that he'd left.

"I can sense your curiosity. I'm going to drive down to the end of the road where Alice will meet me with a bag of fresh clothes and she'll take my truck home. Then I'll meet her at the same place in the morning and come back for your 'pick up'. She'll just ride to school with us." He brushed a piece of my hair out of my face and suddenly everything he'd said went in one ear and out the other. I looked into his eyes and wished that I could just disappear into them. He smiled and bent down to place a soft kiss on my lips that didn't last nearly as long as I'd hoped it would, but still deprived me of my senses none the less.

"I love you." Was all that I could manage to say. Suddenly the most intense blinding feeling of love washed over me and I could tell he was using his gift to share his feelings for me. Each time he did so it nearly knocked the wind out of me, the feeling was so powerful that it almost always left me in tears. I clutched at my chest to center myself. How could I not want this forever?

"I love you too. I'll be right upstairs." He brushed a single tear from my cheek with his thumb, then I watched as he got into his truck and started it up, giving me a wink as he pulled out of the driveway.

I went back inside and sat down with Charlie in the living room. He'd laid the food out across the coffee table and took over the TV with a hockey game. I nibbled at my burger and tried to relax but my mind was elsewhere . . . upstairs to be exact. Though I knew that Jasper was probably up there, I hadn't heard even the slightest indication of his arrival. I was having a hard time fighting the urge to make up an excuse to go up to my room and check.

"I called Billy, he and Jake are going to come by this week to see if the truck is at all salvageable. I know you really liked it, I'm sorry Bells." Charlie said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Thanks, I'm not holding my breath though." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled. Though I did love my truck, I knew that it had seen better days even before the van smashed it.

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't. If not we'll scrap it and find yah somethin' else."

"Really dad, you don't have to do that."

"I know, but I feel bad, it wasn't your fault. I should be knocking on that Tyler kid's door askin' him and his parents to pay for it, but he was pretty banged up, I think he learned his lesson. That ice is no joke, I'm just glad you weren't by your truck or inside of it."

"Yeah . . . me too." Images of my dream mixed with the very real images of my crushed truck flooded my thoughts, before the phantom feeling of being crushed ripped through me and I shot up off of the couch. Charlie gave me a weird look that morphed into concern as I stood there awkwardly.

"Everything alright Bells?"

"Uh, yeah . . . I have to use the bathroom." I stumbled towards the stairs, I couldn't wait, I needed Jasper. I just needed to let him calm me down for a minute. I wondered when this was going to go away, this feeling of impending doom tangled with the anxiety of wondering when the next disaster would strike. I wanted to forget my dreams, forget this morning, and forget about Edward.

"Well gee, thanks for the announcement." Charlie said with a chuckle, turning his attention back to the game.

I ran up the stairs and went straight to my room, closing myself inside. I stood facing the door and took a deep breath, leaning my head against it for a moment, trying to shake off the sudden anxiety I was experiencing. I was starting to sweat. I gasped as a pair of ice cold hands landed on my shoulders. I smiled and turned around, expecting to see Jasper's face, but froze when I realized that I was looking into the eyes of another vampire.