Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-Six: Where There Are Little Birds and Big Elephants in the Room
Ivan gone didn't make his imprisonment in a snow-ridden country any better, but there was a sense of relief and calm that came with his absence. Matthew didn't feel like he was constantly on edge, even though Natalia still lurked and had a habit of jumping out when he least expected it. He wasn't alone in his feelings either. Nearly everyone stuck in the compound walked around a little straighter with him gone. People looked at him instead of anywhere but him, and Matthew found that with Ivan gone, Oksana had ordered his cell to be shielded against the chill.
All in all, for imprisonment, it wasn't as bad.
Matthew had chances to talk to Toris now too. Not all the time, as Oksana frowned when she saw them talking together, but enough for Matthew to start to get a grip on what exactly was happening and where his brother could be. And more about Arthur Kirkland, the reason behind everything that had happened to him. Matthew was trying his best to not blame the guy, as he was sure he probably wasn't a bad guy and hadn't mean to get Matthew kidnapped. He wasn't always very successful.
A part of him wished Eduard was still there, but Matthew hadn't been as comfortable around him after he'd found out he had originally joined Ivan of his own accord. He had a hard time accepting that Eduard had been okay with stealing people's Talent and magic, ruining their lives usually in the process, but once stealing kids' energy entered the mix, he balked. He knew Toris trusted him, but Toris hadn't had much choice when he'd gotten here, had he?
Matthew was being escorted down to the mess hall by Oksana, who had decided that Matthew's 'good behavior' merited him being allowed to eat with the others instead of in his cell. Matthew accepted her kindness for what it was. She may have been following a nut-job, but she seemed like she was a good person deep down—and it was nice to have actual human interaction outside of the work yard. He was sitting by himself and munching on a lumpy potato when Raivis sat down nervously across from him, hands shaking and his eyes blinking involuntarily. Matthew swallowed his food and gave him a questioning look. No one sat with him in the mess hall—no one wanted to be put in a position where Ivan could think they were being friendly to him.
"Is there something you need?" He asked, not unkindly. Raivis was a bundle of nerves on his good days.
"Nn-n-n-no I j-just…I-I-I-I wan-nted to sit-t-t-t here."
Matthew nodded, not convinced, when he felt someone sit at the table behind him. "Don't turn around. Just keep pretending like you're talking to Raivis," Toris muttered.
Oh, well, that explained things. In the mess hall though, where Natalia could keep an eye on everyone, that wasn't such a good idea. "I'm not sure—"
"It's fine. I convinced Oksana that you were depressed not knowing about your brother and thought Ivan was leaving to kill him and she agreed to let me talk to you. She'll distract Natalia if she notices anything."
Matthew's brows drew down and he fought the urge to turn away from Raivis and look at Toris. "He's not going after my brother, right?"
"No, at least I don't think he is, but, Oksana doesn't know how deep your distrust for Ivan goes and she always feels bad for the people who get brought here against their will. I figured you wouldn't mind tricking her."
Matthew didn't. He glanced up at Oksana and felt an odd pang of guilt at how kindly she met his eyes and nodded encouragingly at him before grabbing Natalia and distracting her. He did not need to start feeling sympathetic towards his captors.
"Well, since I'm comforted in knowing that my brother is still safe for the time being, was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?" Matthew smiled big at Raivis who nervously returned it and pretended to talk back. Matthew had to hand it to the kid—he was pretty brave to agree to help Toris with this idea. He knew how terrified Raivis was of Ivan, and by extension Natalia.
"Yes," Toris murmured. "Before Eduard left, he peeked at where your brother was. He could tell they were still at sea, but he couldn't see where."
"Okay—and this is important because?"
"Because Eduard has always been able to pinpoint an exact location before. He's been giving Ivan a generic area or city there were in, or a glimpse close at the person, but he could always tell the exact location himself. He couldn't the other day."
Matthew nodded and poked at his food. "So, they've got Kiku using a shielding spell or something. I thought they did that anyway."
"No, they didn't. Eduard always thought that they purposefully kept their location open, to try and draw Ivan to them, since they didn't know where his hide-out was."
Well – that was a stupid plan, Matthew thought. When he got out of this prison, he was going to give his brother and the rest of them a piece of his mind regarding expected safety precautions.
Toris continued, "Now they're shielding themselves and keeping their location vague, even from Eduard."
"Any theories as to why that is?" Matthew had a feeling this is where Toris had been building towards the whole conversation.
"Yes. I think that they're heading somewhere they don't want Ivan to see."
Matthew stopped playing with his food and looked up to meet Raivis' eyes. The boy bit his lip and shook his head at Matthew, probably an attempt to keep Matthew from saying what they all were thinking. Matthew smiled wide and nodded back; Raivis relaxed a little into his seat and went back to chattering nervously about nothing.
If his brother and the rest of them were trying to keep Ivan from knowing where they were and where they could be heading from that location—there was one possibility to why that would be. They had found out where this mountain was. Matthew wasn't really sure where it was apart from Ruthenia, but maybe Alfred did. He felt hope bloom in his chest, stronger than before, when only his anger and firm belief he was going to escape had kept it alive.
"Well, that's good news."
"It is. Eduard believes it to be true as well."
Matthew grunted and took another bite of his potato. He heard Toris sigh. "I know you don't fully trust him after what you learned about his past decisions with Ivan, but can you trust that I do?"
Matthew took a deep breath, imagining Toris' face, green eyes probably wide and pleading. He sighed. "Ok. I know he's risking a lot to and impede Ivan so…all right. Now we just need to hope Al doesn't just come barreling in. He doesn't always think things through, but when we were kids and played hide and go seek with the neighbors, he was always the last one to be found because he was really good at covering his tracks."
"Yes, and hopefully with Arthur navigating them they—"
"I thought he was a bookshop owner." Matthew frowned and had to keep his eyes fixed on Raivis to resist the urge to look back at Toris.
"He was. But, from what Eduard's been able to see, he's also the one who's navigating them. Seychelles had been before, but without her eye, she's not as good—if you think about it, a bookshop owner would have lots of time on his hands to read up on different countries and travel narratives."
"In Britannia? Those people never leave their island, not in the last hundred years at least." Matthew's voice went cold.
Maybe it was petty, but he couldn't help his dislike for the guy dripping into his words. A part of him knew he should be happy for his brother, for finding someone he cared enough about to actually try, but the rest of him, the part that was cold, and hungry, and always looking over his shoulder, couldn't be happy.
Matthew couldn't think about this Arthur Kirkland without getting angry; couldn't forget about how the guy made Alfred forget all about poor little Matthew stuck in Columbiana. It left a sour taste in his mouth, thinking and feeling like this, and if he still had his empathy, he knew he would literally be sick with the negativity of his emotions. But he didn't have his empathy. Ivan did, just like he had nearly everything else.
"I think that would make it only more obvious his desire to dream of escaping," Toris said carefully, sensing Matthew's mood. "He was a man in Britannia with a powerful Talent. If anyone ever looked hard enough or if he hadn't been careful enough, it wouldn't have been hard to see, I think. You know how Britannia's been dealing with Talent-born and magic users for the last century. It must have been stressful, growing up thinking any wrong move could be your last. I can think of no better reason than to study and read in hopes of one day living somewhere he could be free from that fear."
Toris' words were soft and kind, but Matthew could hear the rebuke. Matthew cleared his throat and decided deflection was needed badly—maybe Toris and the others thought this Arthur was like their one true savior, but Matthew held his faith in his brother more than some guy he never met. "So, speaking of escape, any newer and brighter ideas on how exactly we can do that?"
Toris paused before he accepted the change in conversation. "No, unfortunately. I've been studying the passageways and cliff sides longer than you have and I just don't think escape is a likely option. If someone here had a Talent that allowed for flight or something else, that could work, but none here do. And even if they did, those that still have their Talents are following Ivan's interests, not ours. Even if we did by some miracle find a way out, there's still the weather of Ruthenia to consider—I doubt we'd last more than an hour before Ivan found us and brought us back."
"If he brought us back." Matthew's words made Raivis shudder badly and he reached out to take hold of his hand instinctively. The boy looked close to a panic attack but began to calm down a little as Matthew shushed him and held his hand.
"Oh, he'd bring us back."
Matthew felt a sick swoop of dread settle in his stomach at how Toris said that, so confident, so sure, and he worried what exactly he'd endured in his time here with Ivan. Nothing good, probably. "I know what you're thinking, Matthew. Ivan may be a deranged man, but he's not the type to let 'earthly pleasures' distract him from whatever his vision is."
"But he hurts you."
"Sometimes, but not like that, so don't worry. My point remains though; escape is not looking like an option we can afford on our own. Not without supplies and help."
Matthew let out a breath. And then, he startled when a young girl slid into the empty space next to Raivis, making the boy look like he was about to pass out from panic. He didn't know her name, but he had seen her around the halls before. She never worked out in the yard and was generally always with another one of Ivan's followers, but she couldn't be more than twelve. Too young to have knowingly decided to follow Ivan, but more comfortable around Ivan and Natalia than Raivis. She flicked back her long, braided dark hair and folded small, bronze-hued hands on the table. Her eyes were dark and intelligent; she glanced between Matthew, Raivis, and Toris in quick succession before she settled on Matthew.
"Hello. You are the prisoner, are you not? The one whose brother is hunting Brother Ivan? My name is Asmin, what is yours?" The girl had a very formal way of speaking Common, likely having learned it from someone else who was not a native speaker.
Matthew glanced at Raivis, who was shaking like a leaf and felt a steadying hand press against his spine from Toris. Careful, Toris was cautioning. "Matthew."
"Matthew? That is an odd name. And Toris, I know you are listening back there, you do not have to pretend like you are not." The little girl, Asmin, wrinkled her nose before smiling at Raivis.
"Asmin, I don't think you should be—" Toris started.
"You do not have to worry about Ms. Natalia or Ms. Oksana. I set off a couple of stink bombs outside Mr. Ivan's study, they left to look at that and Dmitri is napping." Matthew looked at where she pointed to a guard who was slouching up against the door discreetly. "I can tell because he is thinking about hunting rabbits in his wolf skin. People always think funny things when they are dreaming."
Toris sighed and turned around, fixing Asmin with a stern look. "Asmin, you really shouldn't look at his mind without his permission."
Asmin shrugged and smiled brightly, ignoring Toris' half-hearted reprimand. "So, Matthew, is your brother really coming here to rescue you? That makes you the princess in the story, but I heard that your brother is very handsome, so he would make a good prince."
Matthew felt a spike of cold fear and panic run through him and he glanced over at Toris, who had an equally terrified look on his face.
Had she read his mind? How—wait, he remembered this girl now. Eduard told him that Ivan had taken a little, orphaned girl from Araaba who could read minds, but only what you were thinking at the time she peeked into your head. He'd cautioned Matthew because she'd been here since she was five, likely viewed Ivan like a brother. She told Ivan things that she heard if she thought they were bad things and—shit. "I don't—I'm not a princess."
He wasn't sure why that was his response, but it made Asmin giggle. "I guess not. I am not going tell on your brother, I can hear you begging me not to. I do not think Mr. Ivan should have brought you here when you really do not want to be here. He does not treat you very nicely and you make people nervous. I do not like all of those thoughts; they are like bees buzzing in my head."
"Asmin, we weren't thinking about leaving or escape, I just wanted to let Matthew know his brother was all right," Toris said, hurriedly.
She shook her head at Toris and frowned. "I am not stupid, I know what I heard. You think his brother is coming here and do not want Mr. Ivan to know and I am telling you I will not tell him what you think, all right? You are so paranoid, Toris."
"I think he has good right to be paranoid. Mr. Ivan isn't exactly a nice guy." Matthew responded coldly, meeting Asmin's eyes. She gradually lost some of her playfulness.
"I know. He forgets sometimes and—he has been forgetting more often lately and that makes him more cruel."
"So, is that why you're not going to tell him? Because he's mean?" Asmin shook her head and leaned across the table, closer to Matthew.
"No. I want to help you because I do not think kidnapping you or Toris was right. I think he is trying to make the world better for people here in Ruthenia, and the rest of the world too, but I do not always like how he is doing it. I am not an infant, I know he hurts people." She frowned and picked at the wood grooves in the table.
"They think I do not notice how scared others are here or that you just showed up—but I do. And I know that sometimes, Mr. Ivan hurts children and Talentborns. So, I wish to help you."
Matthew weighed her words and shot a look over at Toris, who looked just as cautious as he felt. Asmin was a young girl, but she'd practically been raised here in this environment; she'd been raised to believe in Ivan and to admire him. It made him sick at himself, that he was looking at this girl and wondering if she was honest or was about to stab them all in the back. As he and Toris were trying to decide if trusting Asmin was a good idea or something that would damn them all, Raivis smiled and held out his hand to the girl.
"I-I-I t-t-think she's t-t-telling the truth—c-c-an you really help-p- us escape?"
She beamed and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Well, perhaps—I know of secret passageways but they are small so I do not know if you can fit, but I can help listen to make sure you can have more time to speak again. And I can peek to check if I can get any news on your brother, Matthew!"
Raivis grinned and Asmin gave him a brief hug; Matthew had never seen Raivis accept touch from someone other than Eduard and Toris, and yet he was accepting this girl's touch easy enough. Raivis hardly trusted anyone, but he was willing to trust this girl with everything. Toris shrugged softly before he nodded at Asmin.
She quickly gave both him and Matthew a hug before she got up from their table. "Thank you, for trusting me. I promise I will not let you down. Oh, and Toris, you might want to take Raivis away now, Ms. Natalia is coming back with Ms. Oksana and she is in a foul mood."
Asmin whirled up from their table and gave them one last parting smile before she skipped out of the mess hall, hitting the guard, Dmitri, on the way out and startling him awake.
Toris gave Matthew a parting smile and did as Asmin suggested as Natalia and Oksana came back in. Matthew didn't even mind when Natalia narrowed her eyes at him as she scanned the hall—he'd happily take the blame for Asmin's stink bombs if it meant keeping Natalia's eyes on him. He smiled at Natalia and went back to munching on his cold potato. Maybe it was a pipe dream and born from being cooped up for so long, but he was beginning to think that they might have a shot at doing something to outsmart Ivan. He felt a little bit warmer all the rest of his meal.
Aside from the initial bandit attack, the rest of the journey through Zion was uneventful.
Seychelles had been surprised they hadn't really caught anyone's attention beyond an initial glance or sneer and she felt grateful Esther and Sadiq had devised their plan the way they had. Even if wearing layer upon layer of robes was so suffocating in the severe heat that Seychelles felt like the very color of her skin was melting off. No one gave any mind towards a group of visiting Avrupans on a guided tour that was conducted by two natives of the Byzantium. Sure, they weren't very welcomed outside of the larger cities, which boasted a little more diversity, but Seychelles was all right with a little grumbling and side-eying if they were ignored after that.
They recently crossed over into Anatolia and Seychelles had to admit that they were making excellent time. It had taken just a little over two weeks to get from the port in Herzliya to Anatolia and spirits, for the most part, were still high. Their supplies were in good order and according to both Sadiq and Arthur, they'd reach Stamboul within a week, which would be their last extended stop before the push into Bulgar* and finally, Ruthenia. Yes, everything was running so smoothly Seychelles could hardly believe she wasn't dreaming their good fortune.
Everything save for one thing.
Things had been different after the bandit attack. They had fought and had battles in the past, and sometimes those battles ended bloody and deadly. But generally, those had been at sea and as far as her memory could provide, Alfred had never actually killed anyone himself. This was in large part due to the sea taking care of that if he stunned someone who then fell and drown in the sea, or the others actively trying to keep him from killing because of how young he'd been when he first joined. Alfred had been like their little brother who had tagged along at first—it was only recently that he'd developed into a sort of leader alongside herself.
The spy that they had chanced upon changed everything. She had assumed Sadiq would take care of it, but then Alfred had shot his guns and it was over before anyone could stop him. For the most part, his decision was respected among the rest of the crew. Esther and Sadiq started including Alfred in their discussions on how they could approach the mountain fortress and both Rosa and Alejandro treated him with more respect. Francis, Gilbert, and Basch didn't treat him as such a kid anymore and Kiku, though he may not have agreed entirely, seemed to understand why Alfred had done it (much like Seychelles did).
Arthur though—he was clearly having a hard time reconciling the young man he was helplessly in love with kill a disarmed man, even if he was a spy. A man Arthur had left alive during the fight.
Seychelles knew Arthur had been in fights before and watching him disarm the spy only confirmed what she always knew—that Arthur could take care of himself despite being a bookshop owner. But, she also knew he'd never been in a fight that resulted in another's death. It was weighing on him, as she would expect, but he also wasn't talking to anyone about it. She didn't miss the blankness of his smiles or how he'd taken off the pendant. She also didn't miss how Alfred noticed all of this and didn't try to approach Arthur. The others didn't miss it either, and the awkwardness between the pair of them was starting to make everyone else on edge, waiting for the inevitable explosion that was brewing and fearing it would be too loud to keep unwanted eyes from looking their way.
She was getting tired of watching them slowly destroy what they had.
She peeked out of the caravan and spotted Sadiq near the front as usual, riding beside Alfred and Basch. A glance behind showed Arthur in the back with Gilbert, Kiku, and Alejandro; she narrowed her eyes and glanced back up towards the front.
"Captain, I know you want to do something—"
"Not want, I need to do something and I'm currently in the process of that doing, Esther. It's not going to put us in danger. I listened in on Sadiq's conversation with the border guard earlier—we're the only caravan around this area for at least a half day's travel."
"Ma chéri, I know that it has pained you as much as it has pained me to watch our two lovebirds quarrel, but I don't think either of them would appreciate your meddling." She glanced over at Francis but otherwise ignored him. "They are grown men, Chelles."
"Yes, but they are still young and hurting. And I don't care if they appreciate my meddling or not. I don't particularly care for their unmitigated silence towards one another."
"If you need help, Captain, just let me know." Seychelles cast a surprised gaze over at Rosa, who shrugged her shoulders in response. "I've precious little for entertainment out on this voyage. Watching those two is like watching one of my favorite plays back home. We had several plays that were a weekly event and would tell stories of great betrayals, romances, and familias—those two remind me of one of my favorite storylines."
"Well, thank you, Rosa. If I could get you to handle Alfred, I can take care of Art—"
"You're not seriously going to lock them both up in the caravan, are you?" Esther looked at her, unimpressed.
"No." She peeked outside again and grinned as she saw them coming up on the campgrounds for the night. "I'm going to lure them both into that cave over there by the little pond and block the entrance to that with the caravan. That way, if there is any 'making up,' they are out of sight and won't stain our cushions."
Francis chuckled and started murmuring about her genius and compassion in Gaul, apparently forgoing his earlier cautions in the wake of her plan, which made Seychelles grin wider. Rosa snorted in humor.
Esther looked at them like they were all insane. "You are all a bunch of sentimental fools, I hope you know that."
"Like you didn't try to keep hinting at the pair of them back in Gaul that they wanted to fuck each other until their brains dribbled out their ears."
Esther didn't respond to Rosa's jab, but she did stomp on her foot. Seychelles poked her head out again and put on her most obnoxious, 'gentle-lady' voice. "Oh, Sadiq, good sir, I believe this quaint little copse would be a perfect place to, ah, rough it for the night!"
Sadiq turned and she could just make out his glare at her, admittedly, ridiculous act, before he boomed out an enthusiastic and sycophantic agreement, leading their party into the campground. Every time he tried to bring the caravans to a stop, Seychelles, joined by Rosa and Francis, kept insisting they needed more shade and to go in a little further until they were completely sheltered by trees, right along the small pool's edge. They parked the caravans conveniently close to the opening of the small cave.
She smiled and leapt out of the back of their wagon with a relieved sigh at being able to stretch out her legs again. "Oh, this is just perfect! Now my delicate constitution will be safe from the dreadful heat."
"You know, Chelles, I don't think you need to keep talking like that when we're all alone out here," Alfred said wryly. He hopped off his horse and headed over to help unload the canvases for their tents; Kiku had become the official animal caretaker and was quickly and calmly rounding up the horses and mules over to a low bearing tree. Seychelles grinned and made no effort to help set up camp. "Are you just going to stand there and watch us?"
Seychelles grinned and Rosa came up to stand next to her. "If I have to sit cooped up in that stuffy wagon for hours on end, you can out in a little extra effort in getting camp set up."
Alfred rolled his eyes at her but didn't complain further. Seychelles shouldered Rosa towards Alfred before she mimed at the cave; Rosa nodded and walked towards her target. She grabbed Francis and shoved some of the sleeping pads and blankets into his arms and he nodded, depositing them into the cave for her wayward boys. Seychelles hung around a little bit longer before she headed over to the horses and grabbed the mare that usually pulled their caravan. "Come on, sweetheart, I'll give you some extra sugar cubes if you help me play cupid. Gods above, I can't believe I am honestly referring to myself as that—those boys are lucky they're cute."
While everyone was busy setting up their tents for the night, Seychelles maneuvered the caravan over towards the mouth of the small cave, peering inside to see it was less of a cave and more of an indentation into the mountain, but there was enough room for two grown men to sleep comfortably. She glanced around, dropped in their bags, some lanterns, and food along with the blankets Francis had already brought in before leading the horse back over to the others. In her pocket was Arthur's pendant, which she had fished out from his satchel earlier that morning.
She was fairly sure Rosa, Francis, and herself could push the caravan the rest of the way over the cave once the boys were inside and she had a good feeling that she could get Kiku or Alejandro to help too, if needed. She turned at someone calling her name and flashed Sadiq a winning grin as he glared at her and headed in her direction. Obviously Esther had shared her plans with him.
"Would you like to tell me why you think this is a good idea?" Sadiq asked, a frown on his face. "It's not safe for them to be—"
"Sadiq, there is no one around, and even if there was, they're not going to see two guys in a blocked off cave in the dark. We have put up with them long enough—I am using my authority as captain of this crew and fixing this tonight, end of story. If your sensibilities are going to be that offended, I'm sure I can fashion some ear plugs from candlewax." She fixed a glare of her own at him but was pleased when he only huffed at her. That was as good as his consent as far as she was concerned. "Good, now that that's all settled, be a dear and go help Gilbert with those tent poles before he puts out his eye, will you?"
Sadiq grunted and went to help Gilbert, a churlish look on his face. Seychelles whirled about on her heel and marched over to where Arthur was setting up different maps in their 'battle pavilion', which Gilbert had dubbed their makeshift group-tent. He glanced at her but made no other motion to talk to her besides that. Oh, he was so damn pitiful when he was all mopey. She couldn't stand to see someone as expressive as Arthur dimmed and shuttered. It made his forced silence even more pronounced.
Seychelles prided herself on reading her friends and crew and she knew Arthur was probably feeling conflicted over more than just Alfred's actions from the bandit attack. He hadn't lived a life where battles and death were commonplace, and they had been extraordinarily lucky in avoiding them since he'd joined the crew. It had to have come to a huge shock when he saw all the bodies and the blood—watching Alfred kill the spy had probably just been the tipping point. He really needed to talk it all out.
She smiled at him and leaned close across the table he was working on. After seeing him with the collar on for so long, it was odd watching him without it now. She could see the red marks from Ivan's attack twining in thin lines around his neck that were normally kept hidden by the leather strap. Apart from Francis' mark, Arthur's was the most noticeable out of all of theirs. She cleared her throat so that he had to look over at her; he grabbed his tablet with a silent sigh when she motioned at it.
Yes?
"Just wanted to check how you were holding up. You've been kind of quiet the last few weeks."
He glared at her and scribbled with a noticeably angry tilt. I'm always quiet.
"Oh shove it. You know what I mean. You took off your pendant."
It was starting to sweat in the heat.
"Well, it's not hot now." Anatolia's climate and forest terrain was a welcome change after the scorching heat and desert landscape in Zion. It was still warm, but not as oppressively so. "And we both know that isn't why you took it off. You took if off because you don't want to talk to Alfred."
Arthur rolled his eyes and went back to working on his map, setting down the tablet and quill. Seychelles sighed and leaned a little closer. "Are you angry about what happened with the bandits? It's okay if you are—to be honest, I'm never ok with having to kill someone, but I've been commanding my own vessels for the last six years. Sometimes, to protect not only yourself, but your crew and your friends, the hard decision has to be made."
Arthur didn't make any motion to reply for a few minutes before he wrote her an answer back. I'm not mad at any of you. Or Alfred.
"Ah—then you're mad with yourself, is that it?"
He didn't respond and she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and forcibly led him away from the maps—and his tablet. He squawked silently and tried to push her off, but she was undeterred; a quick glance and a nod from Francis told her Rosa had already led Alfred to the cave. She nodded and titled her head toward the other side of the wagon. Gilbert and Basch were already there after a brief recruitment into their plan it seemed.
"Now, Arthur, you mustn't beat yourself up over anything that happened. And you really must learn to be a bit better at communicating these feelings lest the wrong person start to mope, which starts to annoy the rest of us. Now, I'm sure we could have a really good heart-to-heart about all of this and what happened, but let's face it, it's not me you need to be talking to."
They turned towards the cave, Arthur's face a little panicked and glaring at her hotly, and Seychelles smiled brightly at Alfred, who was waiting for them inside. "Hey, Chelles! This cave is totally cool, and would be awesome for a-ah—um, what are you doing with Arthur?"
Seychelles grinned and slipped the pendant into Arthur's pocket before she shoved him at Alfred. "Fixing your relationship problems. There's food and lanterns in there for you, and Alfred? Don't try to knock the caravan out of the way; our water is right outside, and you don't want to spill any of it now, would you? Have a nice night, boys!"
The others pushed the caravan over the entrance, leaving just a little space of the cave entrance free at the top so they didn't suffocate the boys. Alejandro then set about placing their water barrels in front of the caravan. She nodded her thanks to the rest as they chuckled and headed back over towards the tents, pulling aside Rosa as she headed back. "What did you tell him to convince him to wait in there?"
Rosa smiled and leaned in, conspiratorially. "That you wanted his opinion if we could make a canvas fort out of the cave and tell stories tonight."
Seychelles chortled and walked back arm-in-arm with Rosa back to the main campsite.
"I am going get them back so bad for this! They thought pranks were bad when we were stuck at my farm that one winter, oh-ho they have no idea what's going to hit them this time!"
Alfred glared and paced the small length of the opening of the cave. He was so pissed that they had tricked him and Arthur—Seychelles had probably never wanted to set up a fort for stories. Rosa was a dirty liar, and she was going to pay first. He was going to put some of Francis' face stuff in her oatmeal as soon as he could get a moment alone and by some, he meant all of it. That would show them both. He huffed and hopped up, trying to peek out the small opening at the top of the cave. He couldn't see anything, but he could hear the rest of them laughing out there. Face cream for all of them then, and when he ran out of that, he was stealing Kiku's nasty medicine paste and putting that in the oatmeal!
Alfred, would you sit down and stop pacing?
Alfred turned around so quick he almost lost his footing and fell flat on his face. Arthur was sitting with his back against the cave's wall and had lit the lanterns so that it wasn't so dark. He looked tired and drawn with obvious bags under his eyes and ink staining his fingertips. He probably was working on those maps late each night and sleeping about as well as Alfred—aka not at all. The pendant was back around his neck, covering up the red marks left from Ivan's attack.
Alfred had almost forgotten they were there over the last few months and looking at them constantly since the stupid crap with the bandits was just a nasty reminder that Arthur wasn't talking to him. Wasn't talking—that's right, he was mad at him. He scoffed at Arthur and continued his pacing.
"Oh, so now you're talking to me? You've barely said anything to me and when you do it's always on that dumb tablet, and now because you're forced to talk to me you just expect me to forgive you for being a huge dick?" At some point during his rant he'd stomped forward so he was practically standing on top of Arthur, glaring down at him. He swore and took a step back so he wasn't all up in Arthur's face like some asshole.
I didn't want to say anything about—I always say the wrong thing and I didn't want to upset you and—
"You upset me by shutting me out! Hells, Arthur, do you have any idea what it felt like to see you just take off your pendant after that bandit thing?" Alfred ran a hand through his hair and plopped down on the ground opposite of Arthur. "I thought you—you had this look on your face after the shit with the bandits and the, the spy, and then you wouldn't talk to me and—it felt awful. I felt awful."
Arthur shuddered against the wall and his arms were gripping his kneecaps tight; he looked smaller, all curled up like that and Alfred wanted to move over and ease him out of that position, but he couldn't. Not still feeling like shit because of him and what Alfred did to that—nope, no he wasn't going to feel bad about that. It had been necessary, he knew it, even if he hadn't liked it and felt sick afterwards. It's what he had to do, if he wanted to beat Braginski.
I know. I know I've been a complete berk and I never meant to make you feel like I—that wasn't it.
Alfred crossed his arms in front of his chest and tucked his feet up under his legs. "Well, as we've been banished to the cave to talk, explain. What was it about?"
I—Arthur paused and took a deep, shaky breath, and then words were pouring out, almost too fast for Alfred to follow. I was angry, about that day with the bandits but—I wasn't angry with you. I mean I—I'm a bookshop owner, Alfred. I've been in bar fights and have held my own before, but I've never fought like that, when lives are involved. I froze after I knocked that man out and then when I saw everyone else and—and when you, I—those men were fighting to kill us and I knew it was the last thing you needed and I just sat there in the dirt! I know none of you would have killed those men if it hadn't been that or be killed, and I know the spy couldn't—I knew but—
"That was the first time. For me, I mean. I've never killed anyone before that—the spy." Alfred interrupted, more than a little shell-shocked in the wake of everything just spilling out of Arthur, and the admission just popped out. If he thought it was going to have a calming effect on Arthur though, he was very wrong. Arthur shuddered again and buried his face in his knees too—Alfred didn't need to see him to know he was upset—that came through in his voice in Alfred's head.
And that's what made it worse! Gilbert told me and—I was too hung up with my own issues to even be there for you when you needed it and what kind of utter shite person does that make me? I'm just—all I feel I ever do is plan and worry and plan and freak the fuck out and I—I feel—I feel like ever since we found out about your brother you've been barreling towards Ivan at a hundred clips an hour and it terrifies me what will happen when you do confront him because he's absolutely insane and I love you, you fucking idiot, and I can't lose you after all this! But I feel like I might—
Somewhere between the tears starting and Arthur choking off with a sob, Alfred moved from his spot next to Arthur and practically pulled Arthur out of his crouch and into his arms. Arthur's words were ringing in his head and Alfred honestly had no idea how Arthur had kept all of that locked up inside for so long without exploding sooner. And fuck, his shirt was getting covered with Arthur's tears and snot, but he'd also just said that he loved him.
That he loved Alfred and that was the first time either of them had said that. Out loud. Well, so to speak, to each other at any rate.
And then, then he caught up with the rest of what Arthur had said, before and after.
He knew that he'd been angry and different after finding out Braginski had taken Mattie. What he was willing to do to hurt Alfred. Willing to do to get to Arthur. He knew then, that stopping Braginski meant they'd (he'd) have to stop him—probably kill him. And he was willing to take risks in order to get himself there, to that final big battle where it was him and Ivan Braginski. To save Mattie and Arthur and everyone else. It's what the hero did, after all, put themselves in danger so others didn't have to.
He didn't think about what accepting that danger would mean to those around him though. To the crew or his brother.
To Arthur.
Until now, with all of Arthur's worst fears and self-doubts spilling out between them in the silent echo of his head. He gripped him tighter and pressed his lips to Arthur's ear. "I'm not gonna leave you, Artie. I'm the hero, remember? We always beat the bad guy."
Alfred didn't know what else to say, so he kept repeating the same words, the same thing, hoping that Arthur would hear and believe it. And that, maybe, he would believe it too.
aka Seychelles is not here for your BS boys. Next update 6/5/2021
*Bulgar - a semi-nomadic people who invaded the Balkans and established the first Bulgarian empire.