Thanks, all of you. You continue to motivate me every week.

Chapter 32: Consequences

There weren't just other humans, outside the Walls. No, there was everything. Oceans; endless, inexhaustible amounts of salty water, stretching farther than one could see. And, almost as spacious, continents; landmasses, cold or hot, snowy mountains or desert plains, or everything in between. Inhabited by so, so many different kinds of people. So many more than inside their Walls, their little world; what they'd thought, not too long ago, was all that remained of humanity. Turned out, they were nothing more than a rather small nation on a—in relation to the vastness of that strange, old-but-new, unknown world—rather small island.

They were living on a fucking island. Paradis. Really funny. It gave Nora a good chuckle when Hange mentioned the name to her.

Those continents were occupied by a variety of nations, marking their territory with invisible borders only existing on drawn maps, all over the world. Nations. Plural. What a strange word, what a strange concept to wrap one's head around.

And one of those nations wanted to wipe them out. The people of Marley sought to destroy them just because they happened to be born Eldians, just because a hundred years ago, some king with the power of the Founding Titan had decided to retreat with their ancestors to this island and erect Walls around them instead of continuing the endless war between Marley and Eldia.

And those Eldians that remained on the mainland were suppressed—held like cattle in a pen by the Marleyans, not unlike them inside their damn Walls—and used as warriors to fight those island devils. Because all of them—all Eldians, apparently—were Subjects of Ymir, which, to Nora, seemed like nothing more than a fancy, mythological term for humans who could be turned into titans.

Humans like her, and Eren, and Reiner, Bertolt, Annie—and nearly everyone on this island, potentially. Humans who could be used as particularly powerful, almost invincible killing machines. Pitched against each other only due to the coincidence of being born on different sides of the ocean.

And there were only nine of them—nine shifters, each of them unique. Well, eight, currently, because they'd killed the Armoured Titan, and who knew when and how and where it would show up again—reappearing due to Paths or magic or whatever they wanted to call it. Something invisible—a power, a signal, or some sort of energy—the same something that made it possible for a royal possessor of the Founding Titan to control other titans and the memories of all Eldians.

But no, there weren't even eight sentient titans, as of now—seven, if one accounted for the fact that Eren held the power of two Titans. Six, because Annie was out of commission.

They had indeed been in the centre of a war without ever knowing it. And their enemy was formidable, superior to them in almost every way, had a hundred years of technological progress as well as knowledge on their side. Nora felt sick just thinking about it.

Yet, all hope wasn't lost, as inconceivable as it might seem. Marley had lost two of their Titans, while the Survey Corps had gained one. They hadn't managed to take Eren and, with him, the Founding Titan. Wall Maria was closed again, and due to Grisha's story, they weren't stumbling around in the dark, anymore. Still, Marley wouldn't just give up; they wanted the resources of their island, and the coordinate, and all of them dead. Three excellent, perfectly human reasons to declare war, when one would have sufficed.

The Scouts discussed all this and more the evening after their return to the HQ. Early the next morning, the queen and the Assembly would arrive here in Trost and require an audience.

The mess hall was emptier than it had ever been. The ten of them—the entire Survey Corps, if one could still call it that—fit on a single table; talking over tea, Grisha's books spread out in their midst.

"Considering all we know now, we are lucky Nora's mother was a commoner—and therefore Eldian, apparently," Hange said, "The serum might not have worked on a full-blood noble."

Next to her, Levi's eyes widened a fraction. It only lasted a second before he regained his composure, but Nora, sitting across them, saw. That would have been really bad luck; they hadn't had any way of knowing it was a matter of race.

"If the nobles are indeed immune to the memory wiping only because they don't have Eldian blood, you're right," Nora answered, "Though that still doesn't explain the Rosenberg resilience…" She trailed off. As of now, there was no way to explain why exactly her line was different—or the royal line, for that matter. They just were. Besides, there were more pressing matters to attend to, at present.

Her head was whirring and hurting from the onslaught of information, from 'truths' that weren't even all definite facts, but claims from different people with different beliefs. Humans had a frustrating habit of twisting and 'interpreting' events of history in a way that suited them best. And now, no one would ever know how it had really been, a hundred years ago, or even a thousand.

Not that it mattered much which side was more at fault for a century of war and mass slaughter; the present was their problem either way.

"Do you think the curse is real?" Mikasa asked into the round; her voice quiet, worried eyes on Eren. "Do you think all shifters… die, after thirteen years?"

"It would contradict the information we obtained from Nora's father, that's for sure," Hange said, "As it is now, we have two different versions, two possibilities: Either the power fades after about that time span, taking an understandable toll on the shifter's body—big or small, permanent or not, we don't know. It doesn't seem to be lethal, though, or that would have been mentioned. All the evidence the Rosenbergs had on this issue was obtained by watching the royal family and their Founding Titan, and they were always eaten by their successor once they couldn't reliably use their powers, anymore."

Hange looked empty and tired instead of curious as she gazed back and forth between Eren and Nora. "Or, there is a divine curse and every shifter dies after exactly thirteen years. The question is, which of these seems more likely to be true? As a scientist, it's easy to guess my point of view on that."

Thirteen years, or anything between ten and fifteen, according to the sadly not terribly detailed information from her father. That was, for someone with her lifestyle, such a ridiculously long time span that Nora had no capacity for worrying about it yet. Not when she had a thousand other things to freak out over.

"I don't think there's a curse, either," Armin piped up, squeezing Mikasa's shoulder. "That piece of information comes from Marley, right? And we already know, there are two sides to history—probably even more if we could ask other nations. Marley, the Eldian Restorationists… Everyone stuck to the version of truth that suited them best, that made the other side look bad. So, wouldn't it make sense for the Marleyan government to lie about this, to let the chosen Eldian warriors think they'd die, anyways, even if they didn't let themselves be eaten?"

His eyes darted around the table, gauging the reaction of each of his comrades in turn, eventually landing on Nora's face, who gave him a nod. For someone as uninclined towards myths and religion as she, it wasn't hard to decide which source of information seemed more reliable. Unsurprisingly, she agreed with Hange on that one.

There wasn't much she believed in. She believed in the humans' inherent right to knowledge and personal freedom, and she firmly believed that everything had an explanation—even if it remained undiscovered. And if people couldn't find an explanation, they tended to make up their own because it was easier than living with uncertainty.

"It would certainly fit Marley's narrative," Nora said, "And what's more; the Rosenbergs were the closest to the royal family. They should know how long each king lasted, and what exactly happens with them. And the time span they reported clearly varied."

"Maybe, maybe not." Levi's expression was dark, his voice strangely clipped. His arms were crossed, fingers digging into the cloth over his biceps so tightly the knuckles were white. "Fact is that we can't know for sure, as of now."

"It doesn't even matter if we die after thirteen years or live on, but without being able to use our powers anymore," Eren said evenly.

Mikasa paled. "Why would you say that? Of course it matters if you—"

He talked over her, eyes on the table. "Either way it means that Nora and I have to be prepared to sacrifice ourselves once our time is over. When we can't fight anymore, someone has to eat us and take over as shifter."

Levi leaned forward, narrowing his eyes at him. "If that's how you want it for yourself, fine, you brat. Good for you if you're prepared to let yourself be eaten for humanity." He jabbed at the table with his index finger, his voice dropping. "But don't presume anything for someone else. It's not your choice. If Nora doesn't want to—"

"Stop it," she interrupted, louder than intended. The pounding in her temples had intensified. "It's obvious I'd have to, if the alternative was for all of us to be wiped out by our enemies, while I can do nothing but stand by uselessly—"

"You have to do jack shit; I was the one who—"

"But, that's in approximately thirteen years from now in my case, and we have no idea what will be then. First, let's see if we even manage to survive the next few years, let alone more than a decade, shall we?" Nora met Levi's glare evenly. A few seconds passed before he relented, his expression easing back into its usual, slight frown as he leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his tea.

"That sounds reasonable," Floch spoke up from the other end of the table. "Seeing as we lost Commander Erwin, it's not like we have the best possible odds we could have, right?" He shot a pointed look at Nora.

Her stomach twisted. "I suppose we don't. Though I don't see in which way pointing out the obvious is helpful now."

"You would say that, of course." Floch's voice was oddly flat, his eyes hollow. "After all, you were picked over Erwin because Captain Levi allowed his personal feelings to get the better of him and made an irrational decision."

Nora felt all the blood draining from her face, her throat constricting. Opposite her, Levi sat frozen, his grey eyes dark and cold, lips pressed into a thin line.

Floch's right. He's right and you know it and everyone else does, too. And yet; what the hell did he expect her to do about it? If she had been able to speak, she would have asked him.

Around the table, Connie, Jean, and Eren spoke up at the same time.

"Why are you dredging this up—"

"This really isn't the time to—"

"You don't even know a thing about her—"

"No, I don't." Floch was speaking louder now, his voice wavering. His face was filled with almost fanatic righteousness; fuelled by too-recent shock, pain, and despair. "But all of you do; you are friends, so obviously none of you objected—"

"Enough." Hange's intervention, quiet yet cutting, silenced him abruptly. "Erwin himself entrusted that decision to Levi, and he chose Nora." Her expression was cool and deliberate, her tone final. "There's nothing more to say."

#

The discussion died down after that, and everyone retreated for the night. Levi had been the first one to leave the room, without saying another word or looking at anyone. Floch had only dared to move once the captain was gone, and the members of the Special Ops squad had followed in quick succession; each and every one of them giving Nora either a short pat on the shoulder—Mikasa, Eren, and Jean—or a reassuring smile she couldn't return—Armin, Sasha, and Connie.

Hange and Nora were the only two remaining in the deadly silent mess hall. Since their return early that morning, the ten survivors of the Survey Corps had only gotten a few hours of sleep, if any at all. Nora hadn't. But then, she had slept a bit after nearly blowing herself to pieces, turning into a titan and having a human for a snack.

A short, mirthless burst of laughter bubbled from her lips. At the same time, her eyes dampened. She laid her head face down on the table, concentrating on the feeling of the cool, flat surface against her forehead.

The tears didn't spill. Nora supposed she didn't have the energy for crying.

A soft, warm weight landed on her shoulder, and she raised her head again. Hange had taken the chair next to her. Her hand on Nora's shoulder gave a comforting squeeze. As always, her goggles had come off together with her gear, and she was wearing her normal glasses again. The sight of the white bandage behind the left glass instead of her warm, brown eye was still jarring.

"How bad is it?" Nora asked. She didn't want to talk about before, didn't want to think about her own problems. Her best friend's injury wasn't a much more pleasant conversational topic, but she needed to know.

"As far as eye injuries go, pretty bad. I don't think it will be of much use anymore, even once it's healed." Hange gave her a wan smile. "It's only one eye. A small price to pay compared to Moblit's life. And the rest of my squad, who weren't lucky enough to be pushed down a well."

It occurred to Nora that she had never thanked loyal Moblit for always looking out for her best friend. More than once, they'd both cautioned her to be more careful, which Hange had always dismissed with a carefree laugh.

But then, Nora had also never told Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld how much she appreciated their friendship, even if she rarely ever accompanied them when they went out for a drink.

All of them were dead, now, so it didn't matter one bit.

The hurt in Hange's uncovered eye was plain to see. Nora knew it too well, and it would stay with them their whole lives; tiny, permanent holes in their hearts that could be ignored for a short while, but would never stop tugging painfully every time a thought or memory struck without warning. There was nothing to say to make it better, no way to turn back time, so she reached for her friend's hand resting on the table.

It was enough; Hange understood. Her smile grew steady and warm.

They understood each other.

"If I could, I'd just give you one of my eyes," Nora said after a while, "It would probably grow back, anyways."

Hange chuckled. "Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. Besides, that reminds me, we've sure got a bunch of interesting stuff to check regarding your new power. I can't wait to test out how—" She broke off, biting her lip. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I get it—I'm interesting now," Nora said with a dry smile, simply glad to see a flicker of the familiar excitement in her friend's eye again, "But can we talk about anything else, just for today?"

"Okay, then." Hange leaned back in her chair, keeping her hand in Nora's. "Any further comments on today's revelations? Obviously, it's hard to swallow for all of us, even though it didn't come as that big of a surprise, after everything we learned over the past months. But you also seemed… kinda disappointed."

Nora sighed, averting her gaze to their interlocked hands as she struggled to put her frustration into words. "We got truth—or at least the closest thing there is to it—and quite a lot of it, and I shouldn't complain. But… still, we only have a vague idea what being a titan means, where it really came from, and we don't understand Eldian—our own—biology. All we got on that front was another religious fairytale. I've heard enough of them inside these bloody Walls." She scoffed. "Deal with the devil… Please."

"Well, that's one theory. Eren Kruger said there is a legend that Ymir touched the source of all living matter." Hange's frown was only half visible due to the bandage. "Whatever the hell that is."

"Yeah. Quite vague. And it's been so long ago… We'll probably never find out what the true origin was." Nora screwed up her face. "But maybe one day, we can get our hands on better technology and the titan science Marley must be doing. Perhaps even conduct our own research." For a blissful moment, the possibilities had her focus on something other than fear and hopelessness, other than the weight of the world crushing down on her shoulders. A flicker of her old curiosity alighted in her chest. "Not that I want to be overly optimistic, but knowledge like that could potentially keep us from, you know, dying."

"True. If we don't get killed trying to obtain it," Hange said lightly.

"Obviously." Nora smiled. "Business as usual."

#

At five in the morning the next day, Nora didn't really expect to meet anyone in the mess hall.

That didn't mean she was surprised when she found Levi already there, brewing tea.

He barely glanced up when she entered, his expression surly. Despite this, despite everything, Nora found herself smiling a little. She guessed she was too used to seeing that morose face first thing in the morning, and she wouldn't have thought she'd get to see it, again.

Try to be civil, she reminded herself.

"I take it you had a restful night, as well?" she asked, plopping down at the table closest to his spot at the counter.

He sighed, taking the pot off the stove. "It's too early for your sarcasm." His voice lacked bite.

"It's too early for trying not to be sarcastic."

"Tsk." He poured the tea—two cups. She tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach as he brought them to her table, setting one cup down right in front of her nose. Levi took the chair opposite her.

Well, it was a start.

"Thank you." Nora took her tea and inhaled deeply. It never failed to calm her nerves at least somewhat.

He was watching her little ritual wordlessly, sipping from his cup in that ever same, weird way of his; ignoring the handle, fingers on the brim.

For a strange minute, the world seemed right, again, and the past two days almost like a nightmare. The familiarity of their routine was more soothing than she could have guessed. Hell, Levi's mere presence was, no matter if she was mad at him or he at her; and she hadn't quite made up her mind about either of those, yet.

Today, they would report their findings to the government. And then, most likely, to the rest of the people. They'd also have to detail how they had acquired the Colossal Titan—and under which circumstances Nora had been chosen.

No wonder she was on edge, no wonder she couldn't stomach any other breakfast than tea, today.

An absurd thought occurred to her, then—as they tended to whenever they were least appropriate and therefore, a welcome distraction—and Levi raised his brows at her when she gave a small snort.

"I'm simultaneously the smallest and tallest member of the whole Scout Regiment left. If that isn't hilarious, I don't know what is." Her tone did not indicate any amusement.

Levi's gaze was blank and tired as he answered. "I can appreciate the irony in that."

The dark rings beneath his hooded eyes were especially noticeable today, maybe even worse than they'd been when she'd woken after the battle. The hollows of his cheeks made his face appear particularly gaunt. He was all shadows, sharp edges and angles. The corners of his lips drooped. There was a tenseness around his mouth that made them look thinner, less soft. All in all, he looked older than usual—closer to, but not quite, his real age.

He was still achingly beautiful.

Nora cleared her throat. Subtleness wasn't her strong suit, and she had no idea how people eased into difficult subjects. Therefore, she went with her usual approach—the only one she had ever used with Levi; diving in headfirst. "So… I really ate the bastard, huh?"

"Even bit down and chewed before swallowing. You know the sound." Unperturbed, he took another sip of his tea.

As always, he did not hold back with his relentless honesty, and she was glad of it. That was what she wanted when she asked a question, after all.

Nevertheless, Nora needed a few seconds to stomach the information. "That's… that's just… Ugh." No wonder she had no appetite. "What did I look like?"

Levi frowned at the table. "Just like a titan. Stupid grin and all. A titan with… with your hair and your eyes."

She tried and failed to conjure the mental image. "Well… I guess the hair won't be an issue, next time," she said casually, "Seeing as I won't even have skin."

His lips twitched, but instead of a grin, a dark expression crept on his face. "You shouldn't be talking to me like this," he said, his tone brusque and almost admonishing, "You should resent me."

The abruptness of his statement caught her off guard. He looked up as a mirthless laugh escaped her.

As if she ever could. As if she had any right. With each passing day that she knew him, the balance had tipped further and further to his side of the scale—and now, the debt she owed could never be repaid, no matter how long she lived and no matter how much she would suffer under the responsibilities thrust upon her against her will.

"I, resent you? What for? Because you fucking went and saved my life over Erwin's, even though you must have known I wouldn't want this?" Alright, maybe a part of her was angry, after all.

"Spot on," he said flatly, his expression turned to stone. There wasn't even a trace of repentance in his deadly pale face.

Maybe it wasn't fair to be angry at someone for saving your life—but then, life never was. In any case, it was equally as unfair of him to be angry at her. And he definitely was, if his distant behaviour was any indicator—perhaps even worse than that, seeing as he had brought up resentment. The possibility turned Nora's insides cold.

"Why, do you resent me, now? Is it because my actions forced you to choose?" She gave him a challenging look, speaking with a courage she did not feel. Maybe she could finally coax him out of his shell. She narrowed her eyes at him, choosing her next words very deliberately. "Well, no one told you to make this decision, least of all me."

"You think I don't know that, stupid brat?" Levi glared at her, dropping his calm façade, his hand on the table clenching into a white-knuckled fist. "I told Erwin to lead his soldiers into hell, to ride into his own death. He had the idea, and we both knew it would be the best chance we all had left. But he needed to hear it from me to be able to give up on his dream and die. And he did. And I could have saved him, and I didn't." He stared her down with flinty eyes as he talked, not missing a single flinch, a single shift in her expression. "Instead, I doomed you, imposed on you a burden that would have been hellish enough on its own, and now doubly so because you'll try to live up to the man you replace." Not even the barest hint of regret was detectable in his ruthless recapitulation; Levi was merely stating hard, cruel facts.

Nora's chest constricted. She put down her cup of tea with shaking hands. It clanked against the saucer. "I am well aware. And I also know that I can't, no matter how hard I try."

"That's right, you can't," he said mercilessly, "And you don't need to any more than Hange does, or I, or all of the others." He leaned forward, still pinning her in place with his insistent stare. "Because you couldn't be replaced by anyone else, either." His hand twitched, and for the fraction of a second, it seemed as though he wanted to reach for hers. Instead, he withdrew it from the table.

Her heart beat a frantic rhythm against her ribcage, threatening to bruise itself.

"Why, Levi?" Nora whispered, "Why did you do this?"

At last, he averted his gaze. "You know why." He sounded angry, impatient and tired at once.

She shook her head. It was hard to think. He never made it easy for her to just think.

The man is head over heels in love with you, you blockhead. The words rose unbiddenly in her mind, bringing her to the cusp of a full-blown panic attack. It seemed absurd, outright impossible, even, looking at this callous man and being the sole recipient of his cold, carefully controlled wrath.

So, Nora went with the explanation Levi had given, the one that was easier to believe. "I know what this would have meant for Erwin, but maybe it would have also been a chance—"

"I decided this would be where Erwin would die, yes. But that's not all of it." Levi's eyes found hers again. "Above all, I decided that you would live." Something flickered beneath his scowl, betraying the steadiness of his tone. "And you'll never hear an apology from me, because, aside from it being useless, it would also be a lie. I knew damn well what I was doing. I'm not sorry."

Nothing about this made any sense; not the hostility of his demeanour contradicting the alarming implications of his abrasive words, and not the strange mix of emotions she could somehow detect he was hiding behind his steely façade; finding its way to the surface through his eyes, the lines of his jaw and mouth. The pain and grief Nora could identify and comprehend, but not what seemed like… wariness? Apprehension? Guilt, even?

But she had never seen him look guilty, because this man was steadfast about the decisions he made. That was how he lived without regrets.

"I'm not expecting an apology from you for not letting me die, for fuck's sake. Just as Hange said, it was your call, if I like it or not. But you shouldn't have saved my life over Erwin's, just because we…" The rest of the sentence died in Nora's throat. Just because we are together, she had wanted to say, and was horrified with herself. They weren't, really, no matter how… committed she was, what she wished for. They'd never talked about it, and who knew how he felt about this—about her—now.

"Because we were fucking?" Levi supplied, his crude and brutal words hurting as much as his use of the past tense. "That's what you wanted to say, right? That's what you think this is about."

"No." Her blood was pounding in her ears. Her eyes were burning, and she blinked several times. "I'm only saying that you are not obliged to… that you don't owe me a thing, and you never have. If anything, it's the other way round. Now more so than ever." It came out bitter and reproachful.

He scoffed. "Don't think for a second what I did was heroic or selfless or out of obligation—any of that shit." His inescapable gaze, furious as it still was, wasn't cold anymore. "I could have made the obvious, sensible choice and bring Erwin back, prolong his suffering for humanity's sake. And watch you die." There was a faint crack in his deep voice at the last word, but Levi's expression remained hard and unyielding as he continued. "But I did the selfish thing, and I chose you. I didn't do this for Erwin, or you, or fucking humanity—I did this for myself. That might make me a bad soldier and definitely an asshole, and I don't give a shit. Even if I wanted to regret it, I couldn't. And if you hate me for what I did to you, what I'm putting you through with this decision, I'll gladly take this over a reality in which you're dead."

He was watching her face as his words sank in, as everything he'd said came together, shaking her to the core. His silvery gaze burned through her relentlessly, laying her bare to the bone, exposing parts of her as he had exposed parts of himself, undoubtedly intending to push her away with his unapologetic honesty, bordering on cruel. Every muscle in his body seemed tense, as though he was bracing himself.

Nora swallowed until she could use her voice again. "I could never hate you." She forced herself to hold his stare, ignoring the warmth in her cheeks, her chest, spreading through her veins. "Never."

Levi's frown deepened. He didn't look convinced. Regardless, he answered, steady and earnest. "I could never hate you, too." The anger was gone from his voice, now soft despite the stern line of his brows.

The tension between them had changed quality. The fight was over, and the emotions and assumptions that had been building up, had been eating away at each of them, were laid out in the open; leaving no room for misconceptions. It had needed to be said—yet, she felt they had barely even scratched the surface.

Nora's whole body relaxed, all tension leaving her at once. She hadn't even been fully aware of the suffocating grip anxiety had had on her until it was finally gone. The knot that had been twisting her insides ever since he'd first left her after she had woken on that damn Wall released. She had not known just how much she had needed to hear that last sentence from him, after everything that had happened…

"So, then…" she began after what could have been ten seconds or ten minutes, tracing a finger along the brim of her cup, "Suppose I was to show up at your doorstep, again, one of these nights." Her tone was offhand, but there was nothing she could do against the blood rushing to her cheeks, against her racing heart. "Would you send me away?"

Levi kept watching her through the black lashes of his heavy lids as he drained his tea, unhurried. His face was an expressionless mask, once again, and Nora wondered if he was contemplating, or making her squirm on purpose, or maybe giving her the opportunity to retract her not-so-hypothetical question.

Ha. Fat chance.

He put down his emptied cup. "You don't have to knock and wait every time, you know; I've been meaning to tell you. It's useless." He gave a resigned sigh, eyes drifting to the side. "Just come in whenever."

AN: Oof. These past two chapters were a mighty pain in the arse to write... I mean, it was kind of tough.

I do look forward to the next, though.

On the bright side, we have had tea feature in here, again - finally. It was long overdue. That must mean things are getting better, right?