It's finally here!
Thank you to Frannie and Dani!
Day 19: April 1, 2020
Alice
10:39 PDT
Los Angeles, California
An alert on my phone tells me the delivery truck is now on our block, and I'm up, pacing toward the front door before I can help it. I wasn't sure if my order would come quickly, but it turns out that Americans are pretty set in their ways, and when the great toilet paper shortage began, no one was willing to look outside the box quite like this.
On my way to the front door, a crash from the kitchen makes me pause. Bella swears up a storm, and I can hear Emmett cackling as he runs from the room. He's been leaving pranks around the house all day. It's, in his own words, his favorite holiday, after all. I don't think all the pranks are for Bella, but somehow she's come across most of them.
I ignore him as I head to the front door, pulling on my mask so I can wait for the delivery truck.
This is meant to be a gift to my housemates, but I'm not an idiot. There is a very strong chance they will not like it. I have to take that chance, though, because we're in a pandemic, and changes have to be made.
Down the street, I see the delivery truck turn the corner, and I can't help the smile that comes over me. It's time.
…
"What the fuck?"
I look up at Rose, who is gaping at me.
"It's a bidet," I repeat, looking at the newly installed fixture. It's replaced our previous toilet seat and plugs right into the bathroom. It's the perfect solution to our toilet paper crisis.
"I'm not using that," Emmett says, shaking his head. I roll my eyes.
"You don't have to. It still works like a normal toilet, but now you have the option to forgo toilet paper," I point out. I've installed it in the bathroom Jasper, and I share with Rose and Emmett, though I can imagine this will drive a bit more foot traffic to the other bathroom, based on the looks on Rose and Emmett's faces.
"Why?" Edward asks, reaching up to scratch his head.
"Because toilet paper is scarce. And this is more hygienic anyway. If you step in shit outside, what do you do? Wipe it off with a paper towel, or rinse it off with water?"
Everyone looks stunned. Well, everyone except Bella. She looks suspicious.
"So," she says, her eyes slightly narrowed. "What sort of water pressure are we talking about here? Squirt bottle or showerhead?"
Rose snorts so hard; she leans back against the bathroom wall while Edward smacks his palm against his forehead. Emmett looks at Bella in surprise, and Jasper snickers behind me.
"It has three settings, but would you like to test it out?"
Bella nods.
"Christ, you don't get off enough?" Rose teases her. Bella sticks her tongue out at her.
"There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve your hygiene, Rosalie," Bella sniffs. We all laugh. Behind her, Edward looks both amused and exasperated. It's a constant look on my brother's face these days.
"All right," I say, clapping my hands. "Well, it's here if anyone would like to try it. If not, go forth and use your paper."
Remember all the way back in chapter 6 or so? Alice went online to order something? Well, many people suspected toilet paper and you were almost right! This Alice is thinking long term and yes, it would absolutely take longer than 19 days for a bidet to arrive, especially at the beginning of lockdown, but we've waited long enough.
By the way, the bidet I've described is one I have at home and it is fabulous. If you haven't made the switch, I'd look into it. This was easy to install and it can be still used like a regular toilet. Very functional!