musings (whilst on walkies)
Day 4: Value
For the next few days, walks are subdued, quiet affairs. Miles' expression remains tight, only cracking when Pess forces himself into Miles' thoughts; he weaves between the man's legs, demanding to be pet, or occasionally he puts his front paws up on benches they pass so he can stand taller, look prouder, protect Miles with more ease. Every time he does so, Miles' somber expression softens, his smile easing some of the worry in Pess' heart.
Still, his human is not happy, and Pess does not know what he can do to change this. If he could use phones or find the dark-haired man, perhaps he could hunt down the one Miles loves. As it is, all he can do is hope that with enough kisses and hugs and cuddles, Miles will realize that he is not alone, no matter what happens with the other man who seems to continually occupy his thoughts.
It only worries him more one morning when he smells familiar cologne drifting on the wind, hearing the familiar squeak of a bicycle down the street. Immediately perking up, he attempts to pull Miles over to the side street where he has picked up the dark-haired man's presence. Unfortunately, the glimmer and excitement in his eyes is apparently enough to give it away, and Miles shakes his head, guiding Pess home rather than facing the other man.
"Nothing's wrong, boy," he murmurs as he shushes Pess' whining gently. "I just… don't want to see him right now." Clutching his elbow in that heartbreaking way he always does, he repeats softly, "I don't deserve to see him anymore, anyways. He's just finally seeing that."
Pess whimpers and lays his neck and chin on Miles' leg, looking up at him, pleading silently. Don't say that, he huffs and whines. You deserve everything, Miles. Please smile more.
But Miles doesn't, and no matter how much Pess licks his elbow to try and heal whatever ache always strikes him whenever he thinks of the other man, Miles' grip never eases.
The next weekend, they stand at a pedestrian crosswalk on their way to the park. Pess eases himself between Miles' feet, looking up at the man and panting happily; the security of having Miles over him is wonderful, but the tinge of sadness reflecting in Miles' eyes dampens some of Pess' excitement for the park.
Still, it is always lovely to go back to their usual spot. Miles pulls out his book of the day, undoing Pess' leash to let him roam free with the other dogs. After a brief lick of thanks and goodbye, Pess streaks off into the distance, howling and barking happily with his friends who had missed him the week before.
Playing here is always amazing! The wind in his hair is so crisp and fresh, the slightly-damp grass cooling him down on his belly and paws as he races around the park, chasing and being chased. There are so many old faces mingling with the new, making it feel almost like a party. It's a wonderful feeling, after being only really able to run around the house whilst Miles is busy at work with all those papers.
He does not know when the scent clicks in his mind; it is faint and distant, but he knows it, certainly. The moment it registers in his brain, Pess does not hesitate. He bids goodbye to his friends, then tears off into the distance, sniffing and searching for the sight of the one person who he has committed to memory aside from Miles.
The dark-haired man is waving goodbye to an unfamiliar woman when Pess bounds up to him. This stranger immediately rushes back, holding out her hands and begging for pets; after sniffing her carefully, Pess decides she is alright, a decision which is only supported by the dark-haired man's explanation that she is "a friend of Miles" too. So, Pess eagerly puts his paws on her bare, bent knees and licks her face, hearing her bright laughter explode as she nuzzles him with her cheek. Her hair is dark and soft and silky, the two beads hanging from thick locks at the front cool to the touch. Curiously, Pess licks them, too, before the man pulls him away, laughing and murmuring, "Okay, Maya. Head home, alright? I need to go make sure this boy gets back to Edgeworth."
This stranger- Maya, it seems- does not leave immediately. Her smile weakens a bit, rueful and caring as she murmurs, "Want me to go with you, Nick?"
Pess ignores the rest of their conversation, his mind latching onto one piece of information. Nick. He is Nick! Nick and Miles, Nick and Miles, Miles and Nick. Miles loves Nick! The joy of having a name to attach to the man after all this time is breathtaking, eliciting happy hops and barks of glee which bring joy to both of their faces.
It seems Nick has decided to go on his own. Laughing, Maya waves and calls, "Good luck, Nick! Try and tell Edgeworth how you feel, okay?"
Pess glances excitedly up to Nick's face. His eyes, wide and confident, are brilliant and warm and tender as he smiles at the mere mention of Miles' other name. "I'll… try, Maya."
Pess heart swells in joy, in anticipation, in amazement. Nick loves Miles, too!
This is perfect. It's perfect! He had always thought it was true, but to see it like this- this will be wonderful!
The moment Maya turns the corner, Pess bites gently onto Nick's pants and begins to drag him back to Miles. We've got to go talk so you can tell him you love him, too! he insists through muffled whines. Then Miles will smile again!
Unfortunately, just as they are approaching where Miles is undoubtedly still reading, Nick reaches down and stops Pess with a gentle but firm hand. "Boy, you should go back to Miles now."
Pess tugs his pant leg harder. Come with me!
Sighing, Nick's thick brows knit together, fatigue growing ever-more prominent on his face. "I- you know, I can't do that. Your owner isn't very happy with me right now."
Huffing, Pess rams his head into the back of Nick's knee. With a yelp, the man tumbles, suddenly knocked off-balance; Pess takes that opportunity to climb onto his lap and lick his face. It's okay, he growls out anxiously, he'll just be happy to see you, promise, so c'mon!
Nick's smile is weaker than before. Crossing his legs so he is seated upon the grass a bit more comfortably, the man draws Pess into his lap, an embrace which Pess is more than happy to accept; he nuzzles his head against Nick's collar and whines, tail wagging as the man continues to pat his back and scratch behind his ears. Quietly, the man explains, "He just- I tried to get closer, y'know, boy? But I guess we can't go back to how we used to be when we were kids. No matter how much progress we make… can't he see that I was hurt, too? I don't know just how much DL-6 hurt him, but when he left me behind like that- when he left that note-"
To Pess' horror, the man's words die out, his jaw clenched in a grimace. Almost on instinct, Pess moves to lick Nick's face, frantic and pleading as he tastes little bits of salty tears. All the while, his mind races desperately, trying to piece things together. Miles had left Nick? What is DL-6? Is that why Miles used to cry all the time when Pess first came home? Did Nick cry a lot back then, too? Why is he still crying?
His head hurts. Here is too much going on, and he doesn't understand any of it. All he knows is that if Miles left Pess one day at home, and then never came back…
Pess wants to howl in anguish at the thought of it. How would he ever survive without Miles' warmth?
Sensing Pess' angst, Nick immediately gathers him back up in strong arms and laughs wryly. "No, boy, don't worry. He'll never do that to you. He's responsible, but more importantly, he loves you so much." Softer, he adds, pressing his face against Pess' fur, "You're lucky, Pess."
Pess tries to wriggle, barking to convince Nick to let him go. No! He loves you too! Miles is so happy when you're around! Come talk to him! Please!
The only thing his barking accomplishes, unfortunately, is catching someone else's attention. "Pess, is that you- oh," Miles' voice calls as he appears from around the corner. "Right. You're here."
Clumsily, Nick stands, setting Pess to the ground to run to his owner. Scratching the back of his head sheepishly, he says, "I found him at the edge of the park. I came for a walk with Maya earlier, so when I saw him, I figured I'd make sure he got back to you."
The severity of Miles' stern gaze eases, his eyes swimming in emotions unnamed, his lips remaining a hard line. "Is that so. In that case, I'm in your debt."
"No! No, it's alright."
Pess watches this interaction with a breaking heart. Before Miles' hands can reattach his leash, he runs back to Nick, grabbing hold of his pant leg again to drag him closer to Miles. Please say you love each other! he begs, licking Nick's hand before running over to Miles and doing the same thing. Please!
They do not say a word to each other, though. All that is exchanged are strained smiles, a wave of goodbye, and the two men go on their separate ways.
That doesn't stop Pess from looking back over his shoulder the entire way out of the park, however. Before the trail bends, he can see Nick standing in the same spot, eyes lost, shoulders dejected. And, when he looks up at Miles, he sees his beloved human doing the exact same thing- looking over his shoulder, eyes fixated for brief moments in time upon the figure of the only creature in the world that can make him smile like the sun.
Pess needs to do something. He doesn't know what, but he is going to get them to say something. If they don't understand just how much they value one another, then he is going to help them, no matter what.