Vice Versa
By Agent Malkere
Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. It is very sad, but very true.
Chapter One
Naruto groaned as he sat up. His head was pounding like some unseen blacksmith was using it as an anvil, and his stomach lurched and heaved. He had no idea what that jutsu had been or what exactly it had done, but when he got his hands on that missing-nin, he was going to kick his ass. He blinked at his surroundings. What the-? This wasn't where he'd been when he blacked out! He'd been in a wide field by a river, not in the middle of a clearing in a forest! And where was everybody? Naruto twisted around as he scanned the small clearing for any sign of his teammates.
No sign of Sakura or Sai but Kakashi was crumpled on the grass behind him in a boneless heap. The jounin's hitai-ite was missing, and he was bleeding heavily from a gash about an inch below his hairline. Naruto swore under his breath. Head wounds were always bad news, especially with no Sakura in sight.
Naruto stiffened as his ears picked up a slight rustling in the tree leaves that seemed out of place. He was on his feet in an instant, kunai in hand. His stomach lurched again, bile stinging the back of his throat, and his vision blurred slightly in protest to the sudden movement. There was another soft rustle from the leaves and then a figure dropped down from the foliage. He casually deflected the kunai that Naruto hurtled at his face.
"Don't bother – we've got you surrounded," the man stated calmly. His coal black eyes tracked Naruto's movements carefully. "Who are you and why are you here?"
Naruto glared at him and shifted so that he was standing between the stranger and Kakashi, who still hadn't so much as stirred.
"My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I have no idea where the hell 'here' is!" he snapped.
There was another soft noise as someone else dropped to the ground behind Naruto. Naruto twisted slightly and caught a glimpse of a red haired man somewhere in his late thirties or forties.
"Does he look sort of familiar to anyone else?" asked the red haired man. Naruto noted that he had a Suna hitai-ite tied around his neck and four fairly large scrolls strapped to his back. The scrolls reminded Naruto of the ones that Kankuro used these days to hold his puppets.
"What do you mean?" asked the first man. He wore no hitai-ite and his dark brown hair fell to his shoulders, but Naruto thought that there was something familiar about the guy. He just couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.
"I mean, don't you think he looks a bit like," the red headed man hesitated, "Kitsune?"
The first man scrutinized Naruto for a moment.
"A bit, I guess," he admitted, "but look at his eyes – they're blue, not red."
"No, Sasori's got a point," interrupted a third voice, and Naruto stiffened as the name began to ring alarm bells in his head. "He's even got the whisker marks!"
Another figure dropped from the trees on Naruto's left, but this time Naruto recognized him instantly because there really aren't that many blue, seven foot tall shark-men with giant swords running around the countryside.
"Holy shit! Kisame!"
"Hey! He knows who I am!" the blue shark-man exclaimed in delight.
"Kisame, everybody in Fire Country knows who you are," commented the first man dryly. "Your appearance is rather… distinctive."
Kisame stuck his tongue out.
"You're just jealous that he didn't recognize you first."
"Not at all – I have far fewer wanted posters up than you. I'm rather less memorable. And the vague description of 'tall and blue' does not instantly single me out from a crowd."
Kisame snorted. He wasn't wearing his Akatsuki robes but a simple shirt that crossed at the front and was held shut by a wide sash. Instead of his scratched out hitai-ite symbolizing his missing-nin status, a black scarf was tied around his head.
"What the hell? Wait a minute!" Gears clicked in Naruto's head and offered up the information that he'd previously been trying to access. "Sasori? As in Sasori of Suna, the puppet master?" The red headed man inclined his head. "But you're DEAD! Sakura and old lady Chiyo killed you after you and that Deidara guy kidnapped Gaara and almost killed him!"
Sasori frowned.
"I would never do such a thing to Kazekage-sama!"
Naruto continued, not really hearing him,
"And- And- wait, how do you guys not know who I am?"
"What do you mean?" asked Kisame.
"Um, you know, the whole hunting down all the tailed beasts so Akatsuki can take over the world with some crackpot scheme involving the ten tailed beast supposedly hiding in the moon? You and your creepy partner were assigned to capture the nine tailed fox, as in, me? Any of this ringing a bell?"
The three men stared at him blankly.
"We are in Akatsuki, yes, but we're not trying to rake over the world. We're fighting against the tyranny of Konoha and the oppressive rule of the Rokudaime Hokage," stated Sasori slowly, his eyebrows drawn together.
"How can you be the container of the nine tailed demon?" asked the first man. "Kitsune is Konoha's jinchuriki."
"Um, it's kind of obvious that I – " Naruto cut himself off as he finally recognized the first man. "Itachi?" How could he have not recognized those face wrinkles?
"There's something strange going on here," muttered Itachi. "Who's your friend? There's something familiar about him…."
Naruto snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Well, duh, you only mangekyo sharingan-ed him into a coma for a month." Itachi's frown deepened. "It's Sharingan Kakashi, remember?"
No flash of enlightenment or understanding flitted across Itachi's face.
"I don't have the mangekyo sharingan," he stated solemnly. "It requires more of a sacrifice than I am willing to make."
"Like hell you don't!" snapped Naruto. "And how can you not recognize him? It's Kakashi Hatake, for pity's sake!"
Itachi's eyes widened slightly and his mouth fell open a tad. Next to him, Kisame sucked in a startled breath, his eyes widening as well.
"Kakashi Hatake?" Itachi repeated in disbelief.
"You told me about him," Kisame murmured. "But I thought he was – ?"
"He is," Itachi muttered. He made a small hand gesture and suddenly Naruto found himself pinned to a tree by Kisame and Sasori. He was still feeling woozy from that initial jutsu that had landed him here, and it was screwing with his reflexes. Naruto growled when he spotted Itachi kneeling next to Kakashi. There was a strange, dazed look on Itachi's face.
He tilted Kakashi's head to get a better look at the older man's face, placed two fingers against his throat to feel for a pulse, and then clasped his hands together in a seal and muttered, 'Kai!' He sat back on his heels, looking decidedly more pale than before.
"It's him. It's really him. But this is impossible! I saw the bodies! I helped cut them down!" Itachi shook his head and straightened up. "Kisame, carry Kakashi-sempai. Sasori, help me with – Naruto, was it? We're taking them back to the base. There's something strange going on here, and I'm going to find out what."
A/N: Feedback is always welcome! I love hearing what people think! Chapters will be getting longer as the story continues. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!