The door chimed. I kept my eyes closed, willing them to go away. It chimed again. I opened my eyes.

"Come in," I called. I sat up and adjusted my wrinkled shirt. Through the baggy armholes I could see the bandages. I tried to ignore them.

As I stood up, Will rounded the corner. He stopped to look at me.

"Were you asleep?"

I shook my head. "No."

"I was worried. Beverly said you haven't been to sickbay."

"I didn't feel like it."

Will put his hands on his hips. "You need to get your wound looked at. Beverly can help, more than the Sandorian doctors."

I sighed and sat back down on the bed. I had to admit, I was tired. "I know," I told him reluctantly.

"Come on, I'll go with you."

"That's fine," I said. I made no move to get up.

"Tasha." Will came to sit beside me on the bed. I scooted over a little so our legs wouldn't touch. "What can I do?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"I was hoping you'd get some sleep."

"I slept for a full day," I said testily. "I don't need more sleep."

Will sighed. I knew I was being difficult but I didn't care.

"Shouldn't you be on duty?" I asked.

"Captain Picard let me take the day off. I just had to be debriefed."

I grunted. I could feel Will looking at me but I continued to stare straight ahead, across the room. The quarters I was in were smaller than I remembered Will's quarters being but they were comfortable. I had spent the last four hours or so lying on the bed, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. So far, I didn't have a clue.

"Well…" Will stood up. "I'll leave you alone. But please, go to sickbay. Do you want to meet me in Ten Forward later?"

"Maybe."

He nodded and left. As the door closed behind him, I laid back on the bed. I didn't know why I was pushing Will away. He had been there for me that morning and had tried to comfort me when he heard about the loss of my shapeshifting powers. But he couldn't understand, not really. He lived his life in one form; it seemed natural to him. He couldn't understand my loss any more than he could understand a Betazoid losing their empathic powers. He couldn't understand how I felt, like there was a darkness threatening to swallow me whole, to suck me down into it if I let myself feel.

I grunted and stood up. Despite my resistance, Will was right about one thing. I needed to go to Sickbay. There was a steady ache deep in my core and I knew it couldn't be good. I slowly made my way to the door and down to a turbolift. They had put me next to Will, in the same quarters I had been in when they had picked me up a year and a half ago. It felt like longer. The ship itself felt strange. The austere walls reminded me of the building on Sandor that had been my home and my prison for the past year.

I finally stumbled into Sickbay a few minutes later and was immediately met by Beverly Crusher. She took my arm and guided me to the one of the empty beds. I grunted as I climbed up to sit on it.

"I was wondering when you would stop by," she said as she pulled out a tricorder.

"I fell asleep," I lied. I closed my eyes and listened to the hum of the instrument as she scanned me.

"I'm not surprised. You have some deep tissue damage. You should still be in bed healing."

"I wasn't too keen on staying on Sandor," I told her. She clucked her tongue sympathetically.

"I haven't heard much about what happened but Will said they were keeping you there. I'm sorry." She put down the tricorder and pulled out a hypospray. I craned my neck accommodatingly and she pressed it to my skin. "This should help with the pain. You're well on your way to being healed, their doctors did a good job. Let me do some tissue regeneration and you'll be good to go."

Beverly guided me over to an instrument on the other side of the room and had me lie down. I laid still as the machine worked. I couldn't feel it, but I knew my body was being healed. Healed as much as it could be, at any rate. Finally, I was done.

"You can take off the bandages now," Beverly said. "Here, let me help you."

I let her help me out of the white cloth and into a new shirt. It was blue and reminded me of the uniform they had given me back on Sandor.

"Thanks," I told her. She smiled.

"I'm really glad you got out of there, Tasha," she said. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "And I'm sorry about what happened. If you ever need anything, someone to talk to or just a distraction, you know where to find me."

"Thank you," I said again, genuinely this time. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

She nodded and let go. I paced out the door and into the turbolift. It was nice to know that someone cared. The person I'd had the most contact with for the past year had been Levi Armstrong, the man who gave me my missions on Sandor, and he didn't seem to care if I lived or died beyond the fact that losing me would inconvenience him. It was strange to be back among people who seemed to genuinely care.

The turbolift doors opened at my quarters and I paused before going out. Did I really want to sit alone in my quarters, waiting to fall asleep? The idea of being alone with my own thoughts was not appealing. I stepped back into the turbolift.

"Ten Forward," I told it.

The bar was full. I wasn't sure what time it was on the ship for how the ship's time correlated to that on Sandor. I assumed it was evening based on the number of people sitting at the bar and at the tables. I stopped for a moment when I entered, taking in the sea of faces and rush of voices. Then I spied Will sitting at a table by the windows. He was back in his Starfleet uniform, I realized, and had been when I'd seen him earlier. It suited him better than the grey he had worn on Sandor.

I snuck up behind him and slipped into the chair across from him. His head snapped up when he sat down. He grinned.

"You came."

I nodded. "I figured it was better than sitting in my quarters."

Will looked sympathetic. I looked away to survey the room. With my back to the windows, I could see the entirety of Ten Forward. There were lots of smiling and happy faces. I turned back to Will and saw the glass in his hand.

"What are you drinking?"

"Andorian Sunset," he said. "I know, I know, but it tastes good."

"Does it have any alcohol in it?" I asked.

"Just synthehol," he told me. I groaned.

"I guess it'll have to do."

A waiter appeared and I ordered the same drink Will was having. When I finished, I found him studying me.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm worried about you."

I looked down at my hands. "Please don't be."

"I can't help it. You've been through a lot."

I sighed. "I know. I'm trying to deal with it. I just…" I trailed off. I didn't want to talk about it, not right now.

"You don't have to deal with it alone," Will said.

I slapped my hands on the table. "I know. Let's talk about something else. What have you been up to?"

Will took a drink and set the glass back down. "Different stuff. Lots of missions. Had some first contacts, lots of diplomatic stuff. Couple of run ins with your friends the Romulans."

I wrinkled my nose. "I'm sure that was fun."

"It always is."

"Meet anyone nice?

Will shrugged. "Not particularly."

I grinned at him. "I'm sure you've come across a lot of interesting alien women."

Will rubbed his beard and avoided my eyes. I shifted in my seat, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. I had nearly forgotten about Will's declaration when I had been on the Enterprise last but now the kiss was fresh in my mind.

"What about you?" Will asked.

I laughed. "I've been running missions for Sebastian for a year, I didn't exactly have time for romance. The people I spent the most time with were the cargo ship captains and Armstrong."

"Grey said he was going to give Armstrong a promotion."

"That's good," I said, feeling unexpectedly happy for the man. "He deserves it."

"He also said he was going to put you up for an award, something called the Silver Moon."

I stared at him. "Sebastian said that?"

"Yeah."

"The Silver Moon?"

"Do you know what that is?"

"It's the highest possible honor for a civilian," I told him. I shook my head. "That's wild. That's just like Sebastian."

"He thinks he owes you."

"He does owe me," I retorted. "I saved his life."

"Do you regret it?"

"No. He's actually doing some good on Sandor, I think."

"After all he did to you?"

"Yeah…"I trailed off. "I think he means well. I mean, he messed up with the Federation but on Sandor, he's been making a difference." I looked up as the waiter set the orange drink in front of me. I took a long drink. It was unexpectedly tart.

"I could still use a real drink," I said as I set it down.

"Maybe I can convince Guinan to give us some," Will said.

"I'm sure she'd love to." I leaned back in the chair and took another drink. I let my eyes close as I listened to the din. The noise was grating on me.

"You look tired."

"I am," I admitted. "I haven't been able to sleep since I came on board."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shrugged. "What's there to talk about?"

"What's bothering you."

"You know what's bothering me," I snapped at him, unable to control my temper that was boiling to the surface. The sounds of the bar seemed to grow louder as the press of people grew.

"I'm just saying, I'm here if you need me."

"I know, Will," I said tiredly. I rubbed my eyes. I felt like I was leaning over a chasm that was steadily growing inside of me.

"I understand what you're doing through."

I stood up, pushing the chair back and nearly tipping it over. "No, you don't."

"Tasha, I didn't mean…"

"You have no idea what I'm going through," I snapped at him.

"Then tell me."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "It's gone and it's not coming back. This is who I am now. I just have to learn to live with it."

I turned and stalked toward the exit, ignoring the people watching me as I left. Out in the corridor, I wandered aimlessly, not wanting to go back to my quarters. I was so lost in my own thoughts that when I turned a corner, I collided with someone. A PADD went flying.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, bending to pick it up. I found myself looking up at Wesley Crusher.

"That's okay," he said brightly, taking the tablet back from me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I didn't know you were back on board."

"Just a few hours ago," I told him. I thought back to the long hours we had spent in Engineering on my previous visit, trying to unravel the mystery of my shapeshifting.

"How long are you staying?"

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "I don't know if Picard has really given me permission to stay or not, actually."

"I'm sure he will."

"Well, after last time…" I trailed off.

"Mom told me what happened."

"So you can guess that I'm not exactly welcome here," I told him.

"It seemed like you did what you had to do," Wesley said.

"I hope everyone else sees it like that," I said.

"It seems like Commander Riker did," he said.

I looked as Wesley, standing there in his striped sweater, and wondered how much he knew about Riker's attempted rescue. I doubted it was much.

"We're friends," I told him.

"He's been really worried about you."

"He has?"

"Yeah. He was in engineering asking about how to detect shapeshifters."

I laughed despite myself. "I'm sure the research we did helped."

Wesley nodded fervently. "It did. Maybe, if you have time, we can do some more."

I bit my lip. "I'm sorry, Wesley, I can't shapeshift anymore."

Wesley's eyes widened. "How did that happen?"

"I got shot and my body couldn't handle it." I shrugged, trying to act casual. "Now I'm just stuck in this shape."

"I'm sorry," Wesley said. He sounded sincere.

"I'll survive," I told him.

"At least you have friends here," he said.

I paused. He was right, I did have friends. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Anyway, I have to go finish some homework. I'll see you around."

Wesley disappeared around the corner. I slowly walked down, looking for a turbolift. My thoughts wandered as I walked. Wesley was right, I did have friends here. There was Will and then there was Beverly who had offered to be there if I needed her. Maybe it wasn't as hopeless as I had thought.

I didn't know how long I paced the corridors but I finally made my way back to my quarters. I stopped in front of the door, considering. Then I let out a sigh, walked next door, and tapped the doorbell.

"Come in."

I stepped through the open door. The lights were dimmed. I looked around the room and found Riker sitting on the couch.

"I'm sorry," I said, stepping forward. I came to stand by the couch. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I shouldn't have pushed you," he answered. He leaned back on the couch and patted the seat beside him. I sat down on the other end of the couch and tucked my legs behind me.

"I know you're trying to help," I told him.

Riker sighed and ran a hand over his beard. "I am. But I don't know what to do."

"I don't know what you can do either," I said honestly.

"Well," Riker said, grinning suddenly. He stood up and crossed the room to a cabinet. He pulled out a bottle. "I do have this."

"What is it?"

"A gift from Guinan."

I grinned. "Now you're talking."

He uncorked it and pulled out two glasses. He handed one to me and filled it halfway full.

"Cheers."