Chapter 23
Later that night, Draco made his way - again - towards their classroom. It seemed as if he constantly found himself walking this path, going to see her, study with her, even argue with her.
He thought back to their argument in the library earlier, if it could even be called an argument. He thought about the way her eyes lit up when he showed his hand, when he showed that he had been concerned about her…
He hadn't meant to be so transparent, but he'd spent the better part of the day fearing that something had happened to her, wondering if she was frightened, and angry that there was nothing he could do to help her, let alone find the blasted woman. After all of that, his concern just sort of slipped out.
He was getting sloppy.
It was almost impossible now to pretend he didn't have feelings for her, idiot that he was, but that was certainly no excuse for broadcasting them.
And yet… the look on her face. Like she liked that he had been preoccupied by her the whole day. Like she liked him.
He had to consciously stop his feet from speeding up, forcing himself to stick to a casual stroll.
The slowed pace gave him time to remember just why he'd been so preoccupied.
Sirius Black. Her blood status. Danger.
Just because he had disregarded the importance of blood didn't mean that others had. Granger was, and always would be, marked. She would be a target until the day she died.
And if she was in danger now, it would be nothing compared to the constant peril she'd be in if it ever came to light that she and him were…
No. He couldn't do that to her. They could never be... together.
He swallowed, hard.
Then the absurdity of his thoughts hit him like a frigid breeze. Of course they could never be together. There was no way that "Brightest Witch of Her Age" Granger would like him. There was no world that existed where she would want to be with him.
Of course. Of course he would fall for the one girl in the whole Wizarding world who would never swoon at the name Malfoy.
And with that shockingly depressing thought, he was in front of the secret door again. And she was just on the other side. She was so close, and yet they couldn't be further apart.
With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he opened the door.
She was at her desk, sitting atop the red and gold pillow she'd spitefully conjured, just to show him that she could. He fought down a smile, even as his stomach twisted.
"Good evening, Granger," he said.
"Oh!" She jumped to her feet, her hand going to her chest in an ironically genuine version of the gesture Pansy had made just that morning while being "dusturbed" about the break-in.
"You have got to stop doing that! How do you always manage to be so quiet?" She demanded, lips quirked up.
His answer came automatically. "It's just a symptom of growing up in my father's house."
A small wrinkle of confusion appeared between her brows. "Why do you need to be quiet in your own home?" She asked.
Draco kicked himself internally before forcing a conspiratorial smile onto his face.
"Oh, you know, as a mischievous young boy with a whole manor at his disposal, sneaking about was an acquired and necessary skill. How could I have wreaked all that lovely chaos and havoc without it?"
She chuckled, lifting her eyes to the ceiling briefly and saying, "Of course, I should have known. What an absolute terror you must have been, especially if your first couple of years at Hogwarts are any indication."
He smirked, raising one eyebrow as if offended, "I'll have you know that I am an absolute delight. It's not my fault that you don't have the taste to appreciate my many nuanced attributes."
"Hmm," she mused, bringing her hand to her chin, "It must be an acquired taste then. Like oysters. Or anchovies."
Okay, now he was raising his eyebrow out of actual offense.
"Well, thank you for that flattering assessment. You could have gone with a good brandy as an example, and instead you compare me to slimy seafood."
She laughed, stepping closer to him.
"I think your ego is big enough to handle it."
Suddenly, with her within only a few feet of him, laughing and beautiful and staring into his eyes, the air around them changed. It reminded Draco of how it felt in the gardens of the Manor right before the rain. Heavy. Expectant.
Granger broke eye contact, looking down at her shoes almost shyly, and - holy shit.
Could he have been wrong? Could she actually feel something for him, too?
His heartbeat actually stopped for an entire second before kickstarting into a frantic rhythm.
She cleared her throat, bringing his focus back to her.
"I wanted to thank you," she said quietly, moving her hand up slowly, just as she had in the library. She was going to touch him again.
"For what?" He managed to keep his voice steady.
She was going to touch him again, and there would be that incessant, intoxicating vibration. And he so wanted to feel it again. And he needed to avoid it. Desperately.
"For your concern today. It was…"
"Charming?" He cut in abruptly, pasting on his most haughty smile and adjusting his robes so they fwipped out behind him dramatically, subtly stepping out of her reach in the process.
A surprised giggle tumbled from her lips as she rolled her eyes and dropped her hand. Draco watched it fall back to her side with a mixture of gratitude and regret.
"Charming? You?" She let out a teasing scoff. "Your way of showing concern for me was to shout at me. Angrily."
"Now you're just exaggerating. We were in the library; how could I have yelled at you?"
Her lips pressed together in amused consideration for a moment before she replied, "Fine; your way of showing concern for me was to forcefully question my whereabouts with the use of multiple expletives. Is that more accurate?"
He pretended to deliberate for a moment, even going so far as to stroll back and forth once or twice (and coincidentally put more space between them).
"Hmm, not quite. How about, 'My way of showing what may have been concern for you was to ask after your well-being in a sophisticatedly ruffled, yet unbearably handsome, manner'?"
She actually snorted at that.
"How can someone be both ruffled and sophisticated?"
Draco smiled sharply, seeing his opening.
"Ah, so you can't deny the bit about me being unbearably handsome?"
She sputtered for a moment, blushing prettily. "Honestly, Malfoy, the lengths you go to in order to puff yourself up, even in your own mind!"
"Judging by your reaction to my concern today, I'd say my mind isn't the only one with a high opinion of me."
Granger's cheeks flushed a little further, but she held his gaze.
"Well, despite the unsophisticated delivery, it was… touching."
Draco only barely restrained himself from making a terribly inappropriate joke about how else he could be touching. This was Granger, after all, not Pansy, and he desperately didn't want to misstep with her.
So instead he said, "Touching… or charming?"
"...Yes, I suppose it was quite charming."
For a moment, Draco beamed in victory at her admission. But then she opened her mouth again.
"As charming as an anchovy," she added with a very self-satisfied little smile on her lips.
And then they were both laughing.
...
As Draco lay in bed later that night, he replayed every moment of his time with Granger, over and over.
Every blush. Every time she looked askance. Every time she didn't.
It was all intoxicating.
He had managed to keep himself in line well enough not to reveal anything else embarrassing. After all, he'd already exposed a great deal more of himself than he'd planned to over the course of the day. He managed to subtly discourage any further touches as well, although he saw her hand move jerkily towards him more than once.
What he did instead was bait her. Not out of spite or malice as he would have months ago. No, this baiting had an entirely different purpose: extracting exactly what her feelings were.
In short, he flirted. And it was exhilarating.
Slowly, with every one of Granger's smiles, Draco had felt his earlier doubts fade away. Maybe, it turned out, she really could like someone like him. Maybe… maybe they could have this. Maybe he could have her.
Granger, with all her vast intelligence, and stubbornness. Granger, who was just so damn beautiful… and Draco had gotten hopelessly caught in her orbit.
Oh God, he wanted this.
Oh God, he was terrified.
It could never get out. No, they would have to keep it a secret. But they've gone practically a whole year without anyone noticing their interactions, their growing friendship. They've seen each other almost every day, and not a soul had suspected either of them.
Suddenly, what had seemed impossible earlier in the day now seemed shockingly attainable.
Could they really pull it off? Had he really managed to win over someone who had hated him mere months ago? ...Could they actually have what it seemed as if they both wanted?
Oh God, he was terrified.
Oh God, he wanted this.
And with that, he made his decision.
...
A/N – Hello, kind friends ^.^ It's been a while. Thank you for bearing with me through my writer's block; I know updates have been slow. I really struggled with direction in this chapter, but I'm hoping it seemed organic enough.
I've also started on anti-depressants recently, and I'm hoping that it will help with my writing along with my other depression symptoms. As a side note, if any of you are struggling like I am… I see you. Feel free to reach out.
Thank you for sticking with me and this story – for your encouraging words, follows, favorites, and for just reading along. You're all awesome. Stay tuned; we have some exciting turns coming up for our two little star-crossed lovers…