A/N: Another short one, I know. If you guys will excuse me I am going to use the whole next chapter to skip to the good stuff hahaha. GrimmHarry, I feel that conflict too.

Also, I was fully intent on writing a different pairing after IELB but accidentally started another SS/HG fic the other night so... be prepared!
Thank you for all of the follows and reviews, I adore all of you so much

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - THE CHOICES WE MAKE

Harry's birthday was surprisingly fun. There were plenty of gifts in the morning and plenty of people around for dinner in the evening. Spirits managed to stay fairly elevated until Rufus Scrimgeour showed up. He had a fierce countenance that made Hermione think of Moody except Scrimgeour clearly did not have as much fight in him, there was a harsh difference between his fierce gaze, probing questions, and the way he seemed to move. He made her skin crawl. The gifts Dumbledore left them in his will were almost as strange as the man himself: the sword of Gryffindor and a snitch for Harry, the deluminator for Ron, the Tales of Beedle the Bard for Ginny, and for Hermione a filthy green journal that apparently refused to open itself in the company of others.

When he left, the four of them retreated to Ron's bedroom whispering confusedly about the gifts.

"They must be to help us against Voldemort." Hermione commented after the third round of the same questions going around.

"Must be. Except what about that thing?" Ginny glared suspiciously at the green journal and Hermione understood. Their luck with journals and books with writing was never good.

Hermione shrugged, the book that still refused to open shifting in her lap. "I guess we will find out whenever it opens."

Everyone eyed the book suspiciously before Harry changed the subject. "Are we all ready?"

"Yes, even mum knows. She'll make excuses." Ron answered.

"Even for me?" Ginny's shock was apparent.

"We erm," Ron rubbed the back of his head with his hand, "We didn't tell her you were coming."

"Honestly probably for the best. She'd throw a fit."

Hermione only half listened as they continued discussing their plans. Her eyes were on the green journal. If she had to guess, the book had nothing to do with horcruxes, and more than likely had something to do with Severus or soul mate bonds. She gripped it tighter. Eventually they split off, Harry and Ginny disappearing somewhere in the house and Hermione booked it back to the room she shared with Ginny before Ron had a chance to stop her. Alone at last, the journal finally opened when she pried at it. At first, Hermione couldn't make sense of the inside, wild diagrams and sketches drawn around the borders of pages and a list:

Lydia Thomason ∞ Mathias Blackwell - 3yrs

Inessa Petrov ∞ Ottaviano Scarpa - 15yrs

Alma Sanchez ∞ Pedro Morte - 8mos

Baozhai Liu ∞ Arjun Kumar - 28yrs

The list went on for several pages, the handwriting changing with each pair, each page of arthimancy, each sketch, every note. At first Hermione had no idea what she was looking at, even though it seemed so familiar. And then she realized why. She had heard these names before during the delusional ramblings of a dying Severus Snape. Hermione's heart started to race and she remembered what Sterling had asked them when he showed up at the house after, did you meet your past selves? Severus must have, even if he couldn't remember it. A piece of parchment fell from the pages as Hermione flipped through it. She picked up the note and pinched her eyebrows at the unfamiliar handwriting.

Miss Granger,

Sometime during this past year I was convinced that prophecy involving you and Severus is much more important than I ever assumed. While I was busy, I had this journal found. I hope that you learn much from your past lives. And for the future of our kind, find in it yourself to complete the bond.

Albus Dumbledore

The note left Hermione feeling irrationally angry and she had half a mind to set it on fire before she thought that she might want to share it with Severus at some point. She tucked the parchment inside the back cover of the journal and closed it. Not a moment later, Ginny entered the room looking rather pleased with herself. She eyed the book and sat down on her bed, grinning at Hermione.

"What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Harry and I."

Hermione offered her friend a knowing smile. "I'm happy for the two of you."

"I can't believe Bill and Fleur are getting married tomorrow."

"I know it feels insane, but it's also kind of nice."

"Exactly."

In the silent pause, Hermione dug out Severus' satchel from under her bed and offered it to Ginny, hoping the other girl didn't notice her hands shake.

"I want you to have this on your person at all times from now on. It has everything you'll need in it."

Ginny took the bag cautiously, "So you aren't coming?"

"I think… I think I need to be at Hogwarts this year."

Hermione hadn't made the decision until she saw the inside of the journal. Even if they would never complete the bond, something inside her couldn't manage the thought of being on the hunt for horcruxes while he was dealing with the wrath of the world alone. If possible, maybe she could help from inside Hogwarts.

"Thank you for helping, Hermione."

"Of course. I also put one of the old DA coins in there but I changed the charm so that I can send you messages instead of numbers, just in case something important happens."

Ginny placed the satchel on the bed and got up to wrap her arms around Hermione.

…

Their separation happened sooner than expected. The wedding was perfectly magical until the Death Eater attacks happened. Hermione was able to buy the trio time to find each other and disapparate, hopefully somewhere far away. It gave everyone else a month to clean up in the wake of the attack, and left Hermione preparing for her final year at Hogwarts alone and under strange pretences. Once again, she found herself staying with Remus and Tonks, one or both of them accompanying her to Diagon Alley for her safety. Shopping for school supplies while the world seemed to be falling down was a strange sensation, it felt more out of place than hiding away at Spinner's End. And it felt strange knowing that when she returned to Hogwarts, her three closest friends wouldn't be there. Of course, there was the chance that hardly anyone would be there at all, now that the ministry had fallen, it was a known fact that Hogwarts would be under Voldemort's thumb. How many parents would dare let their children return? How many wouldn't have a choice?

Remus had been gone most of the day and it was nearly three in the morning before he returned to the house. Tonks had gone to bed ages ago, but Hermione was sitting in their living room, surrounded by notes and books, pens and pencils everywhere. Tonks had ogled at the funny muggle contraptions but Hermione had insisted they were much simpler than a quill and ink. Remus stopped short after locking the door behind him, running a hand through his hair.

"What are you doing?"

"Research." Hermione snapped the green journal shut and felt whatever magic was guarding it lock it closed.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "You should sleep."

"As should you, but I think we are both too anxious."

Remus sighed and crossed the floor, finding space on the couch to sit down. "You're right."

"What were you doing out so late?"

"I- I went to see Harry."

"You know where he is?"

"Yes, but he won't be there long I imagine."

"I should hope not, they can't allow themselves to be found."

"I asked to join them."

Hermione looked critically at Remus. He looked exhausted, more than just the sleep he was missing tonight and his hair was a mess. He had that haggard look that Harry and Malfoy had both perfected during the last year. "Why would you do that?" She asked cautiously.

Remus smiled sheepishly. Remus smiled sheepishly. "I'm terrified. We are at the peak of this war and I'm bringing a life into the world. That must be some kind of madness."

"Or some kind of hope." Hermione smiled.

Remus nodded but didn't look entirely convinced, instead his eyes trailed over the books and papers strewn about his living room. Hermione shifted anxiously in her seat, she knew Remus was smart but she didn't know how much he knew about runes, arithmancy, or time magic. Eventually he looked back at Hermione with a look she recognized from the classroom.

"This is advanced stuff, are you trying to get a head start on NEWTS?"

Hermione blinked once. She had completely forgotten about NEWTS. "Something like that."

"I'm going to bed, you should too."

Hermione nodded and Remus squeezed her shoulder. She watched him disappear into the dark hallway then looked over her papers. She was almost done decoding the messages in the notebook, though she didn't think that would make it any clearer what those messages meant. Sighing, Hermione waved her hand over the mess she had made and watched as the papers and books gathered into a neat pile. Tomorrow, she would finish decoding and then see where she needed to go from there. The longer she spent pouring over the green journal of her past lives with Severus, the more she wanted to talk to someone about it all. Remus felt like an obvious choice, but he was so concerned with his own life, she couldn't stand the thought of adding anymore weight to his shoulders. McGonagall crossed her mind on rare occasion since she already knew about the bond, but regardless of McGonagall's stern motherly aura, Hermione had the feeling that the bond didn't convince her that Severus was a good man. Digging the heels of her hands into her eyes, Hermione made her way to the bedroom and tried to distract herself with thoughts of how Remus and Tonks would decorate it as a nursery.

Severus paced the length of the Wilmet Garden's library as he had been doing for most of the summer. He had less than a month to sort his life out before he returned to Hogwarts as the headmaster. It was something he couldn't fathom, or didn't want to. Instead of making lesson plans, he was drawing up plans on how to keep the Carrows from murdering students and how to keep the pissed off staff from revolting against him entirely, while still maintaining the facade he needed to in order to keep the Dark Lord from putting someone else in the Headmaster's chair. And amidst this delicate balancing act, part of him thought about Hermione. She had seemed happy enough to find him alive and well at Wilmet Gardens and he had thought that she might come by again, except she hadn't and he was partly worried and partly disappointed. When she had shown up and had simply wanted to make sure he was okay, Severus was relieved that at least one person didn't hate him. As soon as she left, he felt immediately pathetic for thinking it. Being hated was practically in every job description he had ever had, what did it matter that one person didn't follow the rules? He was concerned about her return to Hogwarts and equally concerned as to what would happen if she didn't. There was something reassuring in the fact that at least in the castle he could keep an eye on her, even if it meant she was closer to people like the Carrows. However, he would be surprised if Potter returned to Hogwarts at all this year, and Severus knew where he went, Weasley and Hermione followed.

Hermione sat with Neville and Luna on the thestral drawn carriages, watching the castle draw closer and closer. It looked the same, lit up beautifully against the sunset, but the air of apprehension certainly made the ride up feel different. Even McGonagall greeted them at the massive double doors, although her face was grim and her decidedly neutral expression was fixed on Hermione for longer than was comfortable. The most notable difference came when everyone was sitting at their tables. While the Slytherin table remained generally full, the other three houses were severely depleted. Hermione scanned the staff table for Severus, but the absence of a black mass had already alerted her that he wasn't around. He wasn't there for the sorting either, which hardly lasted half an hour, with the number of first years reduced to only a handful of terrified looking children. Just as the sorting finished and McGonagall took her usual seat at the table, Severus entered the Great Hall in such a classically Professor Snape way, Hermione might have been humoured under any other circumstances.

The double doors banged open, surprising several students, but none flinching so badly as Neville, who Hermione was concerned would topple straight off the bench. Severus strode down the length of the tables, his robes a dark cloud behind him. He looked fierce, deadly, and furious, and Hermione found herself slightly captivated by his entrance, even more so when his pitch eyes met hers and she thought she saw a flicker of something under his pale mask. Reaching the raised dais on which the staff table sat, Severus turned, his robes twisting about him like the tail end of a tornado. His eyes scanned the silent room, his fingers threaded in front of his chest like a half-hearted prayer.

"A new year." His baritone carried and echoed in the hall. "You will find that things are different than you are used to. This year we are welcoming the Carrows to the staff, Miss Carrow will take over Muggle Studies and Mr Carrow will be taking the Defence position."

There was a scattering of applause, mostly from the Slytherin table, and Severus waved his hand and the tables filled with food, the welcoming feast looking no less grand than usual. Hesitantly, people started digging in. Hermione's eyes stayed on Severus until he sat and started picking at his own plate. Slowly she turned and started filling her own plate.

"This isn't going to be good." Neville whispered next to her.

"No, but we've got to have each other's backs." Hermione thought of the Marauders' Map in her pocket, a last-minute gift from Harry, and wondered if any of the old DA members still had their coins.

At the end of the feast, students immediately retreated to their rooms, very few lingering in the common area. Hermione waited in a chair at the edge of the room for everyone to clear out and go to bed. Half an hour after the last person had left the common room, Hermione pulled out the map. Severus was pacing in the headmaster's office. Amycus Carrow was stalking the dungeons, Alecto Carrow near the astronomy tower. Filch was near the Great Hall. Hermione stood, stretched, and slipped outside of the common room into the hall. It was surprisingly easy to navigate her way to the headmaster's office without getting caught with the map at her disposal and she suddenly understood Harry's solo adventures a lot better. Hermione reached the griffin that guarded the door and her face fell. She had no idea what the password was. After a moment of thinking and watching the map to make sure no one was coming towards her, she cast a patronus.

"Tell Severus to let me in."

The otter swooped in a circle and then dove upwards through the ceiling. On the map, Hermione watched Severus stop pacing and start towards the office door. Taking one last look to make sure she was still in the clear, Hermione folded the map and tucked it away. The staircase started moving and Hermione stepped on, at the top the door was open. The moment she stepped through it slammed shut and a partial smile cracked the corner of her lips. Hermione sought out Severus immediately, finding him leaning against the large desk, ankles crossed, and his arms crossed in front of his chest. One of his eyebrows was raised, but other than that, his stern features were unmoving. He looked tired and tense and Hermione treaded the distance between them cautiously, until she was standing close enough that she had to tilt her head to look up at him.

"Hello."

"Hermione."

"I've been worried."

His raised eyebrow twitched slightly.

"Over the summer the bond kind of… screamed at me a couple times."

"And yet you stayed away."

"I figured as long as you were alive, I couldn't risk being followed or traced to Wilmet."

The tension in Severus' body eased somewhat and he unfurled his arms.

"Where are the wonder twins?"

"Harry and Ron? Out saving the world of course."

Severus pinched his lips and Hermione smiled at him. She had missed him, missed his nuances. Silence stretched at length between them until Severus peeled himself away from the desk and led Hermione around a corner and to a sitting area she was fairly certain was a new addition. It was a quiet, dark nook with low lighting and a small fireplace. It reminded her of a cross between Spinner's End and Severus' private quarters. He summoned Mory who returned with the requested tea and the unrequested desserts. When the elf was gone, Severus heaved a sigh.

"This is going to be a challenging year, if you could somehow manage to keep your cohorts from destroying me, I would appreciate it."

"I'll do my best, but it's a balance."

"As I well know."

Hermione smiled at Severus. If anyone knew the struggle of balance, it was Severus, always walking the line between light and dark. As she observed him sipping his tea and nibbling on the biscuits Mory brought, Hermione hoped that the end of this war might bring Severus the peace it seemed he had never had. Would he even know how to live in a world like that? Or would he constantly be putting himself in the hands of danger just to find a sense of normalcy?

"What are you thinking?"

"What's going to happen when this is all over, who we'll be."

"It has been a long battle."

"Very."

"Where does everyone think you are?"

"If they've even noticed my absence, I'm sure an excuse about the library will curb any questions."

"You need to be careful coming here, the Carrows are cruel, and I can only do so much to keep them under my thumb."

Hermione pulled out the Marauders' Map and passed it to Severus. He observed it with no uncertain amount of scorn, his eyes trailing the movements of professors on patrol and stopping on their names. He folded it back up and passed it to her.

"Like father, like son." He grumbled.

"You knew Harry's dad?"

"I did."

"No love lost huh?"

"Not with him."

"Severus, there's something I want to show you."

He pressed a thumb between his eyebrows. "What is it?"

Hermione pulled the green journal out of the bag she carried and passed it to Severus. She watched anxiously as he flicked through it, expressions flitting across his face twice as fast.

"This feels familiar."

"I think it's ours, like past ours. These names are ours from previous lives and best as I can figure, the numbers next to them is the time it took to complete the bond."

"There does not appear to be any pattern."

"There isn't, I promise you that, but I've been trying to decode all of this stuff on the side and it's a lot of high level magic."

Severus handled the journal a little more before giving it back to her. "Why are you putting such time into this?"

Hermione flushed. "I don't know, just something to do? Dumbledore gave it to me."

Hermione fished the note out of the back cover and passed it to Severus, who read it and scoffed. "Even when he is dead, he meddles. It is late. I will escort you back to your common room."

Hermione left Dumbledore's note where it lay on Severus' couch, a heavy weight in her chest. For some reason she had thought the notebook would push Severus into remembering what he had seen when he was dying, or at least admitting that there was something between them. Despite the failure, Hermione enjoyed the empty halls with Severus by her side. They walked to the Gryffindor common room in comfortable silence, and Hermione was filled with warmth. Severus was okay, and he was here, somewhere where she could keep an eye on him, even if he wouldn't move past this almost-friendship, she could be there for him. She stopped him a distance from the portrait of the Fat Lady with a barely there touch to his elbow.

"I'm glad to see you safe, Severus." She whispered, then darted down the hall to the portrait before she could say anymore, or he could respond.