AN: Hello again! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Your comments make my day. Can I tell you a secret? I hate leaving author notes. LOL. Does anyone even read them? I don't think so… Anyway – as always, thanks to Bex for pre-reading for me, and unfortunately I do not own these characters or their magic.
Lost Souls of Nott Castle
Chapter 9 - Self Reliance
Hermione woke on Sunday with a throbbing headache and a horrible taste in her mouth. Her mind was foggy and her body ached. She rolled slowly to the side of the bed and sat up. Sitting on her nightstand she found a vial of pain relief potion. She hesitated a moment, then swallowed the contents and laid back down.
It took a few minutes for the pain to ease and the fog in her mind to clear. When it did, she distinctly remembered Malfoy carrying her up the stairs. Then she remembered how close she had come to leaning in and kissing him before he put her down and left the room as quickly as possible.
She groaned to herself. What the fuck had she been thinking? Draco Malfoy did not want to kiss her! She was surprised he had even touched her.
But it hadn't been the first time, had it? At Hogwarts, he had put his hand on her waist. And again when they left Hogsmeade that night. Maybe he didn't mind touching her so much?
The thought made her heart race.
With another groan to herself, she rolled out of bed and took a long shower.
The sun was out again, so she opted for a green sundress with short sleeves and a scalloped neckline. The dress was light and comfortable, and it flared out when she spun in a circle.
She expected the dining room to be empty again, as it had been the day before. Instead she found Malfoy sitting there eating bacon and reading the paper. He looked up as she walked in.
His eyes scanned her quickly, then they returned to the paper. She felt her cheeks flush as she remembered running her fingers through his hair the night before.
"Granger," he acknowledged her as she sat.
"Malfoy." She took a deep breath and willed her voice to stay steady. "Thank you for the pain potion. It was a lifesaver this morning."
"You should have told me you are a lightweight." He smirked, but kept his eyes on the paper.
She huffed a short laugh as she filled her plate.
"You're all dressed up today. Hot date with Potter?" His eyes finally met hers, and the smirk on his face grew.
"You aren't funny," she admonished. "Not even a little bit."
"I'm laughing." And he was. Laughing.
She rolled her eyes and returned to eating her breakfast.
"I think I'll go to Diagon Alley today. See if anyone is looking for part time help." She told him after a few minutes of silence.
"Won't that cut into your study time?" He asked. She thought he was teasing her, but when she looked up she saw his brow was furrowed and he was genuinely curious.
"It would a little, but I can't rely on Theo's generosity for everything." She had thought about it long and hard over the last few days.
"If you need anything, all you have to do is ask. It really is okay." Draco assured her.
She appraised him for a long moment. She wondered if he understood at all that things like food, clothing, and toiletries all cost money. What would he do if his well dried up?
She herself had taken it all for granted before. She could not let herself fall into the same trap again. She would not allow it.
"The Weasley's told me the same thing when they took me in," she said quietly. "If I've learned anything recently, it's that you can't depend on anyone but yourself."
She pushed her plate away, her appetite suddenly gone. His hand snaked across the table between them and caught her wrist.
"What they did to you was despicable," he seethed angrily. "You know what my opinion is of the whole Weasley family. Maybe now you understand why. They pretend to be good people, but no one that was even halfway decent would do what they did."
Her breath caught in her throat as she looked deep into his eyes. She didn't know what to say. She realized his thumb was rubbing little circles on her wrist. Her tongue darted out to wet her suddenly dry lips.
"I know," she whispered. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I know. You're right. But I still need to be able to take care of myself."
She held his gaze for a long moment, then glanced down to his hand that was still holding her wrist. He seemed to realize then that they were practically holding hands. He retreated slowly, his hand dragging across the table till it fell into his lap.
She missed the contact as soon as it was gone. She itched to reach out and grab his hand, but she refrained.
"We would never do that to you," he said quietly as they both stood. "I would never do that to you."
The intensity in his eyes took her aback. She could feel the conviction in every word.
"I really hope that's true, Malfoy." She looked up at him and smiled. She had the strangest urge to hug him. Instead she turned away and walked out of the room.
Draco watched her go. Part of him wanted to follow her. Another part wanted him to go the opposite direction.
Ever since she had testified for him, he had this strange urge to protect her. He was grateful, of course, that he wasn't in Azkaban, and he had her to thank for that. But it was so much more than that.
He had gotten a glimpse of her soul. That beautiful, wonderful soul that had seen fit to stand up for him, of all people.
Since she had moved into the castle only a few days earlier, he had seen her through new eyes. He had seen her intelligence, her humor, her beauty. He had seen her strength and her vulnerability.
He wanted to see so much more.
Merlin help him, he liked her!
He groaned to himself, then followed her to the sitting room.
"Do you mind if I tag along?" He asked just before she tossed in the floo powder.
She glanced over her shoulder.
"If you want to," she shrugged.
She went through the floo first, then he followed.
They stepped out onto the cobblestone streets together. Within minutes, he knew it had been a mistake. People were staring at him. They were staring at them. He let her get a few steps ahead of him.
She stopped and waited for him to catch up.
"What are you doing clear back there?" She asked with an oblivious smile.
"Maybe I should just head back," he answered as he glanced around. People were starting to whisper.
"Nonsense. Do whatever it was you needed to do." She rolled her eyes at him.
"You don't understand." He clenched his fist and avoided her eyes. "You think you have nothing left to lose, but you do. You still have your name and your reputation. I won't take those away from you too."
He turned and walked away from her. He could feel her eyes on the back of his head as he crossed the street. He looked back and saw her still watching him. She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head in contemplation. When his eyes met hers, she smirked and shook her head. Then she turned and continued her path to the bookstore.
While he was in Diagon Alley, he might as well pick up some potion supplies. Of course, the apothecary happened to be across the street from the bookstore, but that was just a coincidence. He was sure that she realized that, too, when she looked over her shoulder before walking into the building. Her eyes met his and she laughed before going inside.
Inside the apothecary, he found most of the ingredients he was looking for. He took them to the desk and waited for the clerk to ring them up. As he was waiting, he noticed a sign on the counter that said 'Help Wanted'.
He looked at the sign for a long moment. He considered going to get Granger, to tell her about the open position, but he knew potions had never been her forte. They had been his, though.
What was it she had said? "I still need to take care of myself."
Maybe that's what he needed to do, too. Take care of himself. Make it on his own.
"What kind of help are you looking for?" He asked the clerk.
"The potion master is looking for an assistant. You interested?"
He hesitated. What the hell was he doing? He had never even considered getting a job before. Well, before Granger had burrowed into his brain.
"Yes, I am," he told the clerk. "Can I speak to the potion master?"
The clerk gave him a long look.
"Come with me," he said.
Draco followed the man to the back of the store and through a large door. There he found a potions lab that would rival the one at Hogwarts. Three tables were full of brewing potions that were in various stages of completion. There were shelves of books along one wall, and shelves of ingredients against another.
In the middle of it all, there was a middle aged man that was somehow keeping up with all of it.
"Master Abbott, there is someone here interested in the open position."
The man looked up and saw Draco standing there beside the clerk. His eyes narrowed for a second.
"Thank you, Timothy. You may go." He dismissed the clerk and returned to the potion he was stirring. "Mr. Malfoy, I presume?"
"Yes, sir." Anxiety started to claw up his throat. The man knew who he was, which could not mean anything good.
"Are you any good with potions, Mr. Malfoy?" He asked as he moved on to the next cauldron.
"Yes, sir. I received an outstanding on my OWL's. I'll be taking my NEWT's in six weeks."
"Yes, my daughter will be as well." He stirred the potion in the cauldron twice, then added another ingredient before moving to the next. "What I'm looking for is an assistant. This person would help me by setting out the ingredients that I need to brew the potions, put them away when I'm done, keep inventory of the completed potions and the ingredients, and possibly help with a brewing schedule. Do you think you could handle that?"
"Yes, sir. I could." He was starting to wonder if this man really knew who he was, or if he only knew his name.
"Can you start tomorrow?" He moved to the last cauldron on the table and added a measured amount of fine powder.
"I have a standing appointment on Monday mornings at the Ministry. I could start after the meeting is over?"
The man finally turned away from his potions to face him. He was standing only a few feet away now. He looked Draco up and down for a minute then nodded.
"Very well. Be here by midday. I'll give you a week to see how you do, then we'll go from there."
He stared at the potion master for a long moment as his words registered. He couldn't believe it. As soon as he realized the man knew who he was he figured he was wasting his time.
"You would really hire me, sir?" He asked skeptically.
"Should I not?" He raised his brow in question. Draco found himself fidgeting under the older man's scrutiny before he continued. "We've all been through a lot, Mr. Malfoy. What matters is what we do next. Yes?"
"Yes, sir." A weight lifted from his chest. This man was willing to give him a chance, despite his past. "I'll see you tomorrow."
He held his hand out and Master Abbott shook it without hesitation.
"Very good. Have a pleasant evening."
He left the store with a smile on his face. He didn't see Hermione anywhere, so he took a chance that she would still be at the bookstore. He found her deep in the stacks on the second floor.
"They would be barmy to hire you here, you know," he told her.
She turned to him with a smile.
"Shut it, Malfoy. I start tomorrow afternoon."
"Are they paying you in books?" He asked, only half joking. She laughed and shook her head at him.
"The apothecary across the way was hiring for a potions assistant," he told her.
"Really?" She asked without turning away from the shelf.
"I start tomorrow afternoon as well," he told her. He held his breath as he watched her reaction carefully.
She froze, her hand halfway to the shelf, then she turned to face him. He swallowed thickly, ready for her to laugh at him or tease him. Instead she smiled widely.
"Congratulations." She said and he released the breath he had been holding.
"Yes, well, it isn't much, but I figured you might be right. I can't live off of Theo's generosity forever either. At least it's a start."
"I think it's brilliant," she told him.
Later that night, he remembered that moment as he lay awake in bed. He remembered the warmth that had spread through him from her smile.
He fell asleep imagining what could have happened if he had followed his instincts, wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her instead of walking away like he did.
Hermione sat in her bed staring at the piece of parchment in her hand. An owl had delivered it to her hours earlier, but she had not opened it until just then.
It was a letter from Harry. She gathered her Gryffindor courage and unfolded it.
"Hermione, I want you to know that I understand why you are so upset with me. I know you, though. You cannot hold this grudge against me forever. As soon as you are ready to put this mess behind us, I'll be here waiting for you. My house feels empty without you. You have always been by my side. It's where you belong. You know it as well as I. Don't keep me waiting too long. Love, Harry."
She read through the letter twice before releasing a deep sigh and putting it away.
Sleep did not find her easily, though. Her thoughts were haunted by memories of her time on the run with her best friend. The nights they spent alone together in the tent after Ron had deserted them. Nothing beyond friendship had ever transpired between them. She had never desired him in that way.
They had comforted each other. Supported each other. Taken care of each other. Was it only natural for him to assume they would always be like that?
Hadn't she assumed he would always be there for her? He had betrayed her, though, when he sided with the Weasley's. Was she betraying him now by choosing to stay with the Slytherins? What would he say when he found out who she was with?
Of their own accord, her thoughts shifted to Malfoy. To the look on his face when he told her he had accepted a position at the apothecary. For the second time that day she had almost hugged him.
She knew exactly what Harry would say if he knew. Yes, he would feel betrayed. Yes, he would be livid.
Where was he, though, when she was sleeping on the street? Nicking food scraps so she wouldn't starve? When that man had tried to pay her for sexual favors and she almost considered it? Or when that same man decided he was going to take what he wanted anyway, despite her turning him down?
Harry was nowhere to be found. She had needed him, and he had deserted her. Let him feel betrayed. Let him be hurt that she chose them over him. All he had ever done was take her friendship for granted.
Perhaps someday the hurt that he had caused her would fade. Until then, she refused to feel guilty for taking care of herself rather than him.
With a softly spoken incindio, the parchment went up in flames. She watched as it burned to ash.
As she settled back into her bed, all thoughts of Harry Potter drained away. They were replaced instead by the enigma of Draco Malfoy. A small smile tilted her lips as she slowly drifted off to sleep.