Maybelle Wheeler and the Secret of the Blue Sow
I've grown addicted to Hamlet, if ya'll need a reason for my lack of updates. As forgiveness, an offering of Wheeler stuff.
Inside one of the many ruins of the Hamlet, remnants of a society of pigmen, long gone and forgotten by the current generation of pig folk, a hidden treasure lay forgotten. The Blue Sow.
Though its history is muddled by the wear and tear of time, legends still persist around its existence as one of two royal treasures created for the ancestors of the ruling pig family. A gift from a visitor from another world, crafted in the image of the then still living queen, who the current queen shared an uncanny resemblance with. Of course this was all just legend, rumors spread around and shared by those who still knew of it with family and friends and any other passersby.
And one of those passersby, an unpig woman by the name of Maybelle Dorothea Wheeler, had taken it in her own hands to hunt down this treasure, and finally return it to the hooves of pig kind, where it rightfully belongs.
The adventurer had seen her fair share of adventures before her faithful crash into the Constant. Archeological expeditions (which she definitely didn't invite herself into,) jungle treks (from crashing in jungles,) that one time with Greg at the grocery store (no elaboration required there.) But today was her first time entering a real, deadly trap filled, labyrinthian temple!
"Alright Wheeler, today is the day. Once this trip is over, all these pigs will know the name of Maybelle Dorothea Wheeler!" Maybelle Dorothea Wheeler said in excitement, jumping on top of one of the displays for everyone to hear.
The pig owner of the local grocery store, one Charlotte, gleefully clapped at the display. No one else did, though, just looking at the adventurer in confusion. Her energetic disposition drained away to be replaced with awkwardness as she hopped off.
"Sorry. Got excited. Big adventure and all to get a real, ancient artifact and all." She explained.
"Oh, whatfore is thou looking for?" Charlotte felt the need to ask. That brought Wheeler's pep back as she browsed for food.
"Glad you asked, my fine grocery store owner. I'm going to hunt down the Blue Sow!"
That elicited a gasp from the other grocers. An academic was especially interested in the sight of someone hunting down an artifact of legend. "The Blue Sow? That hath been searcheth for for years. None hath ever succeeded!"
"Well, there's a good chance those explorers were not me. I've got years of experience in the whole ruins diving business." She explained with confidence.
"But dost thou know of where the Blue Sow canneth be found?"
Her confidence evaporated. "Uhh, no. I was mostly just gonna dive in and out of ruins till I found it. Why, do you know where it is? Cause I'd love to know."
"Legend telleth that it lieth within the ruins of the Fountain of Youth, hidden deep betwixt the jungles of our land!" He explained dramatically.
"Ooh, a fountain of youth. Better take note of that. And where can I find that?"
The academic just shrugged. "Tis not in the ruins to the royal island, that is all I know."
"Good enough for me!"
With a location now locked in, Wheeler kicked the door of the grocery store open. "I will find this Blue Sow of yours and return it to the local museum- "
"Our queen desires the treasure. It belongeth within her hooves." The academic explained.
"And return it to the local queen, or my name isn't Maybelle Dorothea Wheeler, fearless explorer!" And with that, the explorer ran off into the city, the jungle in her sights, ready to retrieve an ancient treasure.
And then she came back to the grocery store. "Uhh, I forgot to buy my stuff. Do you folk have any pumpkins?"
It took a while of navigating the deep jungles of the Hamlet, dodging the snaptooths who wanted to take a bite of her not very meaty flesh, the annoying vines that liked to slap her stuff out of her pockets, the giant spider monkeys, the giant ant people, and stopping to knock some gold out of a statue, before she finally came across the potential location of her artifact.
She knew there were other ruins in the part of the forest where everything smelled like death, and tasted like it too. So it was likely that the ruins with the hidden treasures would be located away from them. Lo and behold, a second ruin was found, not far away from the one she usually took to the royal pig island. This one, instead of the pig statue, had a strange looking rock adorning it. What that had to do with fountains, she didn't care to know. All she cared about was that this was a brand spanking new ancient ruin to explore.
She checked her piggyback (which she made sure to not parade around town, as to not freak out the residents) for her equipment. One ballpein hammer. A fresh stack of twigs, grass and flint. Her handy dandy Pew-Matic Horn, her dandy handy Navigadget, a torch, a miner hat, and a machete. She was ready, as per usual.
"Alright, ominous looking ruin. I know what to expect from you after the last few ruins. All the pokes to my butt and being stabbed by darts has taught me what to expect from you, and that is that you're gonna fight back. But Wheeler fights back harder. And by that I mean I'm gonna avoid everything mentioned above this time. No mistakes." The explorer boasted.
With the machete, she slowly worked her way through the thick cluster of vines blocking the entrance, making her way into the ruins.
"Dududun du dun dududu dun. Babupapum pum pum, babababababa." Wheeler navigated the ruins, providing some absolutely necessary action music to go with dodging the many traps and nasties hidden within the ruin. The action music hit a crescendo as she nimbly sidestepped the spear traps inside one spear trap filled room.
"With grace and skill, Wheeler navigates the ancient ruins in search of her goal. No obstacle is able to bring her to a stop."
She skidded to a stop, right when a spear trap suddenly sprung right in front of her. The only casualty of the moment was a single lock of hair being chopped off, floating down onto the floor.
"Except when stopping is necessary. Can't forget that."
Stepping around it, she found herself with another door.
"Now, I've mapped out most of this place. I found an exit, which I'll save for a later date, one or two magic wells, and a lot of pedestals with a lot of treasure. It's all weighing down my pockets, but this whole adventure won't be considered worth it till I find my treasure. Now, will it be behind this door? Or will it likely be another room full of deadly traps? Probably the latter, but one can hope."
She stepped into the darkness, and emerged into a room she had not seen before. Lots of beams of light were shining through holes in the roof, illuminating bits and pieces, revealing strange looking statues, and a lot of pressure plates.
She hummed. "Swell, this place just screams trap. But it also screams treasure. Question is, where is the treasure?"
She looked around the room. Normally the treasure would have its own personal beam of light shining over it, making it look as inviting as possible so that any poor, unathletic sod would try to get it and immediately pay the price of several darts to the face. But there was no sign of it anywhere in the room.
Then she looked down, and saw the pedestal of the Blue Sow, just sitting in front of the door.
"... Well, somebody definitely got fired off the design team for this." She commented dryly. "But you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. Now, come to mama."
Wiggling her fingers, she pulled out her ball pein hammer, worn down to its last use by the many other pedestals she used it on, and with the care and skill of a professional adventurer, knocked it off the pedestal onto the floor.
"Nailed it."
She had to sneak around the pedestal to get to the Blue Sow, tiptoeing around the pressure plates. She bent down to reach for the little stone carving, until she was met face to face with a viper.
The two stared at each other in the eyes. Then they glanced at the many pressure plates in the room. One misstep, and those statues would rain dart hell upon them.
"... Hey there." Wheeler greeted. The viper just hissed at her. "Look, I don't like you, and you don't like me. So why don't I just grab this thing, leave this room, and we never have to see each other again. Deal?"
The viper backed up into a plate, pressing it. So, no deal. Maybe if she was fast enough, she could-
Queen Malfalfa, ruler of all pig kind, minus those pigs who decided to go live on that new island the shadow man had made, was busy doing her most important of royal duties. Standing around doing nothing in particular.
Someone deigned themselves important enough to interrupt said royal nothing doing by kicking her door open. She glared at the intruder, a strange looking unpig in red vestments, and an impressive head of hair, as it breathed heavily, darts sticking out of their body in several places. She'd heard rumors of another unpig wandering the streets of her kingdom. What purpose did this one have?
Turns out a very useful purpose, as the unpig presented the Blue Sow to her. "I got your thing." The unpig said through gasping breaths.
"Hark, most wonderful of thou!" She declared, taking the ancient artifact of her people off the unpig's misshapen hooves. "A reward is expected. For thou, a key to mine royal gallery."
The unpig stared at the key in her hands. "Swell." And then it fell over onto the floor.
Someone should do something about it. Not her, however. Her royal nothing still wasn't done with. Perhaps when the unpig awoke, she could ask it to hunt down another artifact.
Maybelle Dorothe Wheeler left the palace one story richer, and also in a lot of pain. But pain was just part of the adventure, after all.