Chapter Twenty-Two: Carousel
But I think you will be the death of me
You've always seemed to have the best of me
It's so hard to know, so hard to tell
When all I want is a ride on the carousel
~ Carousel; Amber Run
A/N: Everything is about to change for Phoenix again ;) Some of the canon events are beginning to fall into place.
Warnings: canon character deaths, although not ones I think you'll be sad about.
Another early update, but I was convinced to update and I'm in lockdown still so...reviews as always, are welcome.
Autumn descended over the Rosier estate as Evan made his enquiries about a place to purchase. Cass seemed to grow bigger every day, four months old as October plodded along. She was no longer a tiny newborn baby. She laughed and smiled as her parents fussed over her. Her hair was certainly a similar shade of blonde to Evan's, whilst her eyes had settled on an intriguing hazel. To Phoenix, she was the most beautiful child in the world, especially when she was happy.
Evan and Phoenix had reached an odd sort of peace. She would never forget the fact that he'd taken her memories from her, and she could never forgive it. Nonetheless, she had always known she had little choice but to make peace with it. What else could she have done? She pushed Evan further toward getting a place of their own, unwilling to deal with Malcolm's contempt and Camille's shallow gossip.
It was October 12 when Phoenix's life was upended once again, this time in a manner of her own making. As was typical, she should have been minding her own business, fussing over Cass on a picnic blanket out on the grass. The baby had recently learned to roll over and it was her favourite trick. Cass grabbed a fistful of grass and cooed as Phoenix smiled indulgently. She had never much liked children, until she'd had one of her own.
A flicker of movement in the window caught her attention, and she watched as Evan and Alexander Wilkes strode down the corridor and headed into the sitting room. Their pace was determined, their faces grim. Frowning, Phoenix scooped Cass up and propped the baby on her hip, traipsing back inside to see what was happening.
"...getting frustrated, Evan." It was Alexander, and she could hear his boots clacking. She imagined him pacing back and forth. "We have to do this."
"This is a Ministry event." Evan's voice was low and urgent. "This isn't just some Mudblood soiree. There will be hundreds of people present…"
"We're Ministry now," Alexander reminded him, and Phoenix was grateful for Cass's silence as the baby busied herself playing with her mother's dark hair, "You're a hitwizard. You have a respectable reputation. We both do. They're not going to suspect anything from us."
"We only have two days to plan this," Evan protested, sighing audibly, "Fucking Bellatrix."
"This isn't your cousin's fault," Alexander admonished, and there was a creak from the couch that indicated he'd probably thrown himself onto it, "It's a solid plan. A lot of them are fucking Muggle sympathisers, you know what they're like."
"Black will be there."
There was a tense silence between the two young men, and Phoenix pressed a hand over her mouth as she realised that they were referring to Sirius. Whatever malice they planned to unleash, her older brother could be caught in the crossfire.
It was a line crossed, a risk that she wasn't willing to take. In that moment, Phoenix realised what she had to do, consequences be damned. She had lost Regulus. She wasn't going to lose Sirius as well. She hurried away from her listening post outside the door, Cass clutched tightly to her chest as her mind whirled at how to undo this horrific situation.
Sirius had to be warned, but if he was, they would know she had overheard them and she had no doubt Evan would attempt to remove another memory from her mind. The thought made bile rise in her throat, but she quickly swallowed down. She had to be more careful, more calculated. Phoenix perched on the edge of her bed, slipping down her shirt so that Cass could feed. As she stroked her baby's soft blonde hair, she plotted.
Her thoughts were drawn back to her unexpected meeting with Frank Longbottom in the St Mungo's cafeteria. She had been heavily pregnant with Cass at the time, skittish and unwilling to listen to what he'd had to say. Frank had told her to get in contact with him if she had information. What she had to say was too important to disclose via a letter, but she attached a quick note to Glory's leg and sent the owl on his way.
The Leaky Cauldron. 2pm sharp.
Phoenix had no way of knowing that Frank would even meet with her, but she had to try. She told Evan that she was meeting with Beth for afternoon tea, knowing her best friend would cover for her without needing to be told the exact reason why. As Phoenix prepared, tying back her hair and slicking on her eyeliner and mascara, she felt like she was getting ready for battle.
Fortunately, Frank Longbottom was sitting at the bar upon Phoenix's arrival. Her eyes darted nervously around the Leaky Cauldron, hoping there was no one who might see her and report back to Evan and the others. She would have to hastily invent a cover story if they did, but she was aware that she was working on borrowed time. Frank smiled and raised his glass when he saw her.
"I thought you might bring your daughter." He sounded almost disappointed.
"It's her nap time." Phoenix sat beside him, smoothing back her hair. "Cass gets incredibly cranky if she misses it."
"Something tells me we aren't here to discuss your daughter." Frank's voice was gentle and his eyes were patient as Phoenix toyed at the hem of her shirt. She shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be doing this. But there wasn't a chance she was going to risk Sirius when she had already lost Regulus, and that knowledge spurred her onwards.
"No. We aren't." She sucked in a deep breath. "There's something I need to warn you about. Or rather, the Ministry. But no one can know it came from me."
"Aurors are allowed to keep their sources confidential." Frank touched her shoulder with light fingers. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
What happened if the Ministry thwarted the Death Eaters' attempt to attack this event? What would happen to Evan and Alexander, who were clearly among the participants? Phoenix suspected that they would face lengthy sentences in Azkaban. The war was not kind, and the Ministry prosecuted anyone who had even a whiff of Lord Voldemort association with harsher penalties than they'd dealt in decades.
"I need assurances first." Phoenix folded her arms over her chest, jutting her chin haughtily up. "I need to know that no matter what happens, Cass and I will be protected."
"You have my word." Frank arched an eyebrow. "I can make an Unbreakable Vow with you, but I'm afraid performing such magic in the Leaky Cauldron might draw more attention than we want right now."
"I heard my husband and another Death Eater talking." Phoenix's voice was barely above a whisper. "There's a Ministry event in...I think they said two days. I don't know what it is, but they said there would be hundreds of people there. They're planning on some kind of attack."
There was no coming back from this. She had betrayed her husband, the Death Eaters, and she tried to ignore how heavy the weight of that was. She could only hope that she had made the right decision. For her sake, for Cass's.
"Laugh."
Phoenix frowned. "Come again?"
"Laugh, like I've told you a joke."
Phoenix obliged him, tossing her hair over her shoulder and giggling behind her hand. She realised this must be an act for people who could be watching them, as if they were just catching up and bonding over their years of Hogwarts, instead of Phoenix reporting a potential crime.
"Why now, Phoenix?" Frank asked quietly, tilting his head to the side in askance. "You've been married to Evan for over two years."
"You mean, why did I betray him?" Phoenix said icily. "Because someone else I love could get hurt, and I'm done watching my family die. At least this time I have a decision in what happens, and I'm choosing Sirius."
"You're brave," Frank said, making a harsh bark of laughter escape from Phoenix's mouth.
"No, I'm not."
"Maybe not Gryffindor bravery," Frank admitted, raking his fingers through his hair, "Slytherin brave. The sort of brave that needs coaxing out. When a lot of people show their true colours, usually people want to look the other way. But your true colours...I guess you're not a bad person after all."
Her stomach twisted. "Did you think I was?"
"I thought you were young and afraid and intimidated." Frank plucked his coat off the back of his chair, swinging it around his shoulders. "Now I know better."
"What happens now?" Phoenix asked, alarm coursing through her and making her stiffen in her seat.
"We'll be in contact. You need to trust me on this, okay?"
Phoenix rolled his eyes as he walked out of the Leaky Cauldron. She didn't trust anyone anymore. How was she meant to rely on Frank?
Phoenix returned to the Rosier estate and spent the next day in a paranoia that Evan would somehow find out that she had reported him. She tried her best to act natural, to be relaxed around him and with Cass. But every time they received mail, Phoenix's entire body tensed as she prepared for him to turn on her with the knowledge of what she'd done. The moment never came, and in the evening of October 14, Evan told Phoenix that he had business to attend to.
"You're hardly ever home," Phoenix complained, knowing that she had to play the part of the doting wife this one last time. What would it be like with Evan in Azkaban? She knew whatever he thought he felt for her now, it would twist into pure hatred once he realised, as he was bound to, that she had betrayed him.
"Things will change soon." Evan swept her hair behind her ear, a tenderness in his expression that made her uncomfortable, knowing what was about to happen, "We'll have a house of our own. Won't that be nice?"
"I want Sirius to meet Cass." Phoenix wrapped her arms around herself, watching closely for his reaction. "I want our child to meet her uncle, I want him to be a part of his life."
Shock flared through Evan's blue eyes, before he quickly masked it. He moved forward to press a kiss to the top of Phoenix's forehead. Some part of her relished it, the last affection he would show her. She closed her eyes and let herself absorb it.
"I'll be home soon. We'll discuss it then."
Her stomach turned as he Disapparated, and she was left with a queasy feeling that wouldn't go away. That would probably have been the last time she would see her husband, for she didn't think what he was about to try would end with a short sentence in Azkaban. Would he come craving vengeance after he was released? Would he lose his mind in the cells, as many witches and wizards had before?
She was left questioning her choice and wondering whether she was doing the right thing after all, when her decision would violently tear her little family apart.
The hours ticked by without any news, and the knots in Phoenix's stomach tied themselves a little tighter with each passing one. She busied herself with Cass, the infant daughter who would never know her father. How much longer would she torture herself over her choice? Yet as she thought about all it would cost her, what it would cost Cass, Phoenix wondered if there was more intelligence in silence.
A barn owl flew in through the open window, a sleek creature that looked like the sort of bird the Ministry would use. It stopped to drop a letter and then fluttered out as quickly as it had arrived, puzzling Phoenix. She frowned and leaned down to pick up the parchment, and the scarce few words on there turned her blood cold.
P—
Rosier and Wilkes are dead. You need to get out.
—F.L.
Dead. She'd heard that word before, about Regulus. She hadn't gotten closure on that either, had never seen his body or associated his death with anything physical. It was such a brutal, final word. She pressed a hand over her mouth as the horrible reality of her decision crashed over her, threatening to tug her down and drag her. She had wanted Azkaban for them. Not this. This hadn't been what she'd intended.
Clamping her hands tightly around her mouth to stifle the scream rising in her throat, Phoenix cast frantically around her room. Once the Death Eaters learned how horribly wrong the operation had gone, they might begin to guess who was behind it. Frank was right; Phoenix needed to leave the Rosier estate. She and Cass were not safe with Evan's parents.
Where was she meant to go? Walburga might take her in, except her mother would never forgive her for what she'd done to Evan. Not to mention that Phoenix's status—nineteen, a young mother who had proven capable of producing healthy children—meant that Walburga would immediately set about finding another match for her daughter. Would Walburga do such a thing, Phoenix wondered, if she knew what a monster her only daughter had become?
Widowmaker. Husband-killer. Murderer.
There was only one other choice that Phoenix had, and she didn't even know if it would work. There was every chance that Sirius would turn her and Cass out on the street, but she had to at least try. Her older brother had sent Cass a baby blanket, which Phoenix now quickly wrapped her daughter in. Cass slept through it all, blissfully unaware that her mother had just caused the death of her father.
Her entire body trembling, Phoenix grabbed a few essential items (including Saturn, meowing reproachfully from her carrier) and bundled them into a bag and Disapparated from the Rosier estate for the last time. She didn't know if Sirius had survived the confrontation, but she had torn her life apart with her own two hands. She only had herself to blame for what had happened, and that knowledge was like a poison burning deep in her veins beneath her skin.
Sirius didn't know how the Ministry had gotten the jump on the Death Eaters. Merlin, he certainly hadn't known that they were going to be there for the autumn soiree, but the Aurors had been prepared. Part of him was pissed that whatever intel they'd received hadn't been shared, although he also understood it. The Death Eaters would have suspected a trap if everyone had known the truth.
Sirius slicked his dark hair out of his eyes and impatiently applied a paste to the nasty cut he'd gotten beneath his right eye. He supposed he'd gotten out of the whole scuffle lucky. He'd seen the body of Evan Rosier dragged from the room, blue eyes wide in shock as they had been in his final moments. His sister's husband had been hit by a Killing Curse, because the fool had decided he wanted to fight rather than flee.
The same could have been said of Alexander Wilkes, but he'd fared worse than his friend, blown to bits by a Blasting Curse. Sirius had a stomach of steel, and he'd retched when he'd seen what was left of the young man. The rest of the Death Eaters had managed to escape, but Rosier and Wilkes had been unlucky.
A sharp crack outside made him tense. He thundered downstairs past Remus, who was sprawled on the lounge and had put his book down with a frown crossing his features. Sirius whipped out his wand, ready for the enemy despite the protective charms he'd placed upon the front door. No one who meant him or Remus harm could access the apartment, but there were always loopholes. He yanked open the door...and froze.
Phoenix was on the doorstep and she was crying. Not just tears running down her cheeks, but a hysterical sobbing that made her shoulders tremble. There was a bag slung over one shoulder, a carrier in one hand and a bundle in her arms. Sirius glimpsed blonde fuzz and guessed that it must be her daughter. Phoenix looked like a broken girl, misery etched across her features and gleaming in her grey eyes.
"I...I didn't know where else to go," she choked out.
"Come in." Sirius steered her inside, glancing around before closing the door behind her. Remus's mouth opened in shock at the sight of his ex-girlfriend, but Sirius shook his head firmly. "Put the kettle on, will you?"
Remus immediately busied himself in the kitchen as Sirius took the bag and settled Phoenix on the lounge. Phoenix adjusted her baby, who had miraculously remained asleep despite her mother's crying. Sirius sat down beside her and put an arm around her. He didn't quite know what had gotten her so worked up, because he knew she hadn't loved Rosier enough to mourn his death like that. Nonetheless, he let Phoenix bury her face in his shoulder and sob.
"You know I'm here for you, Nix, but you need to tell me what the fuck is going on."
He took the animal carrier from her, peering in and frowning to see Saturn in there. Merlin, he hadn't even known his sister still had the damn cat. He opened the carrier and the cat stretched across the lounge, curling up and purring contentedly.
"I've done something terrible," Phoenix rasped, her voice hoarse as she sat up and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, "And I don't know that I can be forgiven for it."
"What are you talking about?" Sirius frowned. He knew that his sister was among Death Eaters, but surely she'd done nothing more unforgivable than her late husband and his gang of reprobates.
Phoenix's bloodshot eyes flicked up to lock onto his. "I only meant for them to go to Azkaban."
Rosier's unseeing blue eyes locked on the ceiling. Wilkes's mangled corpse. Merlin's beard, Phoenix had been the one who'd tipped the Ministry off to what the Death Eaters had planned. The horror of his realisation must have dawned on his face, because Phoenix's expression crumbled and she started crying again.
"Lavender tea." Remus set the brewing teapot on the table, wringing his hands awkwardly. His eyes flicked to the baby and he swallowed hard. "It helps calm you down."
"Thank you," Phoenix murmured, raising the mug to her lips and taking a tentative sip.
"This is your daughter?" Sirius wanted to do anything he could to keep her mind off what had happened, even though he was still reeling from Phoenix's confession. He thought he'd lost her to the Death Eaters forever, and here she was admitting that she had betrayed them.
"Yeah. Cassiopeia." Phoenix set her mug down to adjust the baby. Sirius remembered that she'd been born in June, so she was a few months old by now. It was still strange seeing his kid sister as a mum.
"Can I hold her?"
Phoenix blinked, surprised. "Sure."
The kid was small and soft and warm in Sirius's arms, and she didn't even stir. He had the feeling his sister, freshly widowed and traumatised, needed a bit of a break. He was still adjusting to the fact that Phoenix was back in his life, that Cass was a part of that life now too. Remus muttered something under his breath and headed upstairs, and Sirius got the impression that his best friend was a tad uncomfortable with the situation.
"Why didn't you go to Mum?" Sirius asked, and he knew the moment the question left his lips that it had been the wrong thing to say.
"Why would I do that?" Phoenix demanded, her lifelessness shifting into irritation. "Even if, by some miracle, the truth about what I did never came to light, she would still want me to marry again into another prominent pure-blood family. We both know it's true."
It had been a stupid thing to ask. Of course Phoenix couldn't just go back to Walburga. Sirius didn't resent his sister or his niece, but it was very sudden them coming into his life.
"I didn't think you'd come to me."
"Yes, well, considering how you acted when I got engaged, I didn't think I would either. It was a last resort."
That stung. "Phoenix, come on."
"Where the fuck were you when I needed you?" Her anger and hurt exploded in a maelstrom of barbed words. "I was alone. No one was going to help me. Not even you."
"I'm sorry," he stammered, "Phoenix, I'm so sorry."
"You called me selfish." Her voice was soft. "You called me spineless."
She was right. She had needed someone, and all he had done was hurt her even more. Despite the years that had passed and the fact that they'd slowly started to build up a sibling dynamic once again, he couldn't fault her for still feeling upset over the awful things he'd said. He wished them undone, but he couldn't turn back time.
"I can't make you forgive me, but all I can do is try this time. You and Cass can stay here as long as you need. I'll protect you, Nix. No matter what."
She closed her eyes and tears spilled down her cheeks. She looked absolutely exhausted, riddled with the guilt of deaths on her conscience. Sirius believed her when she had she hadn't meant for things to happen that way. He cradled Cass in his arms and thought maybe the kid wasn't the only one who needed rest.
"You need to sleep, Phoenix."
"What was it like?" she asked quietly. "I know you were there."
"Phoenix…" Sirius didn't think she wanted to hear how her husband had died, because he knew that was what she was asking. The last thing she needed was to torture herself more over what had happened. She hadn't been the one to kill Evan; the Aurors had done that.
"I need to know." Her grey eyes pleaded with him for answers, and Sirius sighed heavily, staring down at the sleeping baby in his arms, the baby that would grow up never knowing her father.
"Wilkes got the worst of it. He was hit with a Blasting Curse and...we only got pieces of him. Rosier was hit with a Killing Curse. He died instantly. Both of them wanted to fight rather than come quietly, and it cost their lives."
Phoenix pressed a hand over her mouth, a steady stream of tears coursing down her face. He wanted to comfort her, but doubted he had the ability to do so. She blamed herself for the ordeal, and nothing he said was going to convince her otherwise. She choked back a sob, struggling to keep her breathing even.
"How did you know I was there?" he asked.
"I heard them talking about it." She sucked in a deep breath. "It was the main reason I knew I had to stop them."
"Was he good to you?"
Sirius knew that Phoenix hadn't wanted to get married at seventeen. He didn't know the full circumstances of her marriage to Rosier, but he was aware that she didn't despise him. Phoenix remained quiet for a long time, picking at the hem of her shirt, and he wasn't certain that she would answer him at all.
"No," she admitted softly, "But he wasn't terrible either."
"Did he ever hurt you?" It was something Sirius feared asking, but he felt he needed to know the answer. He was protective of his little sister, and the idea that Rosier might have harmed her made his blood boil in his veins.
"It's complicated." Phoenix shrugged her shoulders, staring across at him with miserable eyes. "I didn't love him, and I don't really think he loved me. I think he wanted to and that he didn't have the capacity to, and so instead he decided controlling me was the closest he could get."
Sirius reached out to her. "Phoenix…"
"He erased my memories." The words struck Sirius like a slap in the face, and he hardly dared to breathe as he sat there in stunned silence as she continued. "I don't know exactly what happened, but I think I saw something I wasn't meant to and...after I found out he didn't, I could never trust him again."
Fuck. Rosier might never have raised a hand to Phoenix, but it was obvious from Phoenix's words and the soft way she spoke them that there had been emotional abuse involved. Some dark part of Sirius was glad that he was dead, because it meant that he could never hurt Phoenix again.
"Phoenix, if I had known…"
"I didn't want anyone to know," she snapped, eyes narrowing as they brightened with anger, "It was the choice that I made, to marry him. I had to live with what came next."
"You had a daughter with him." Sirius didn't ask a question. He didn't have to. Phoenix knew precisely what he was implying.
"We decided it was a good idea after Regulus and Dad died. He thought it might bring us closer. I just wanted to be happy."
"And does she make you happy?"
Phoenix's bitter smile broke his heart. "I love Cass more than anything. She is the light of my life. But I'm miserable, Sirius, and not even my daughter can change that."
Of all Remus's expectations, Phoenix arriving with a baby and the revelation that she had betrayed her husband and the Death Eaters had not been anywhere on that list. Remus wanted to be alright with Phoenix staying with them for an indefinite period of time. They hadn't been together for years now, but seeing her again only caused a turmoil of emotions he didn't want to address.
He had thought Phoenix's marriage to Evan would be like her cousin Bellatrix's, a pure-blood match in name only. He hadn't expected that Phoenix and Evan were having sex. Remus hadn't even known she had a child with him, though Sirius's lack of surprise indicated he'd been aware of the situation.
He knew, of course, that he was being utterly selfish. Phoenix was clearly heartbroken and traumatised, and considering all the loss she'd experienced over the past few years, he couldn't blame her. But seeing her again made Remus realise that he wasn't over her, and maybe he never had been.
"How long is she going to stay?" Remus asked Sirius quietly as Phoenix settled herself and Cass into the spare room.
Sirius gave him a sharp look. "As long as she needs to. Merlin, she's freshly widowed and doesn't feel there's anywhere else she can go, Remus."
"I know." Remus raked his fingers through his hair. He would never suggest turning Phoenix out, so he would just have to suck it up and deal with the way his stomach twisted whenever he saw her. She hadn't changed much physically since he'd seen her at James and Lily's wedding, but emotionally she had changed a good deal.
He remembered a beautiful dark-haired girl at Hogwarts, full of light and laughter, whose charm had drawn everyone to her. She had been passionate and kind, a complete whirlwind who had swept into his life and changed it forever.
He thought of the broken young woman who had arrived on the doorstep, sobbing for the death of the husband she hadn't loved. Life hadn't just knocked Phoenix down. It had mercilessly delivered another sharp kick every time she tried to get up. Regulus, Orion, and now Rosier. What had driven her to betray him, he wondered.
"You didn't tell me about the baby."
Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose. "Honestly? I didn't think you'd care."
Cass might be Rosier's daughter, but she was also Phoenix's daughter. She was Sirius's niece. Phoenix might be a young mother, yet Remus could already tell that she would fight tooth and nail to keep her baby safe. He leaned in the doorway of the spare room and watched as Phoenix cooed over the little girl, a rare and genuine smile curving her lips. She turned and glanced at him and that smile faded instantly.
"Sorry." Remus stepped back, holding up his hands. "I didn't mean to disturb you."
"No, it's alright." Phoenix straightened up, brushing her dark hair over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I know this is a lot, me being here with Cass and all. If I thought there was anywhere else I could go, I would."
"I just...I didn't know you had a kid with him." Remus blurted out the words before he could stop himself.
"I thought it'd help. I thought we'd be a happy little family and maybe we'd love each other."
He hadn't expected her to be so upfront and honest, but he was glad for it. "Did you?"
Anguish flashed in her grey eyes. "No."
That single word made Remus certain that Phoenix's relationship with Rosier had been complex, but she hadn't loved him. Perhaps her life would have been easier if she had. Maybe she wouldn't have betrayed him to the Ministry if she had. She did love the baby though, which was to be expected.
"I'm not here to make things difficult," she said softly.
Remus shook his head fervently. "You aren't. It's...I'm just used to it being me and Sirius, I suppose."
Phoenix cracked a smile. "It still must be weird, your ex-girlfriend living with you all of a sudden."
"I wasn't surprised we didn't work out at Hogwarts," Remus admitted, "It all happened so fast. I was disappointed, but I wasn't surprised."
"Why?" Phoenix frowned, and she looked a little taken aback as though his confession had hurt her.
Remus looked at his feet. "Because you're you and I'm me."
"What in the name of Merlin is that supposed to mean?" Phoenix planted her hands on her hips, indignation flaring in her eyes.
"You're just…" Remus stumbled over his words, desperate to make her understand, "You're so beautiful, Phoenix. You had all of those Slytherin boys wrapped around your little finger. All it took was a damn smile or a laugh and they'd do anything for you."
She blinked. "Remus…"
"No, I'm not done." He held up a hand, knowing he needed to get this out before he never got the chance to again. "Despite it all, you were so nice, even when you didn't think you were. You were this storm of passion and emotion and I...I don't know. I never saw it working. What gorgeous, rich, spirited, kind girl would ever want to be with me?"
"I did. I loved you!"
The words caused a silence to settle over them as he realised that she wasn't lying. Whatever cruel things she'd said during their break-up, her feelings for him had been genuine. Feelings she'd never had for Evan Rosier, no matter how long they'd been married, even though they had a child together. The gravity of those words was not lost on him.
"I should get Cass to sleep," Phoenix murmured, seizing the door handle and pushing it closed. When she did, Remus exhaled deeply and wondered what sort of mess he'd gotten himself into. Phoenix was freshly widowed, she didn't need to hear all that bullshit about how he felt.
"Remus, you idiot," he muttered, striding into his own room and collapsing on the bed with a sigh. He wanted this to be easy, but he had the distinct impression that it wasn't going to be.