Gamer4 in. I swear that driving my readers to madness is not my primary goal. Or my secondary. It's not until we get to my fourth or fifth motivation for writing that 'forcing my readers into a padded cell so I have some company' becomes a concern. In spite of which, this episode.

Disclaimer: Pretty sure this song belongs to Disney.

Random Quickie

Street Savoir Faire

"So, Yang, did that guy look familiar to you? Dio?" Jaune asked.

Yang thought about it for a while. "I mean, he kinda looked like Odie Oldbright, if he wasn't as muscley... and wore a hat... and had hair... definite differences, but maybe Dio could be Oldbright's ancestor?"

"We'll have to watch out for similar names in any future visits to that world," Ren speculated. "I feel there's more to this than we're truly being shown."

""I noticed something else, too," Pyrrha noted. "Remember when they were talking about Dio torturing Cinder?"

"Yeah... that seemed... idunno..." Ruby didn't seem to know how to respond to that bit.

"She's been pretty evil every time we've seen her," Blake agreed, "but that sort of cold-blooded torture? Especially for an incarnation who may not have done anything to warrant it?"

"I'm not trying to pass judgement," Pyrrha shook her head. "I'm saying we've seen something like it before- in Yang's time."

"Did we?" Yang asked, thinking hard.

"Hey... yeah, we did!" Nora piped up, eyes widening. "It was really quick, but when you went to fight Neon, Cinder was there fighting her first! She got her back broke!"

"George even commented on it," Weiss thought back. "Much as he did... this time..."

Everyone turned to look awkwardly at George, who had a look of 'What? I'm not going to apologize.'

"What? I'm not going to apologize," he said aloud. "Look, we need to get back to the Trigger Happy Havoc world, right, Cra...zy?"

He trailed off when he noticed that Crazy was nowhere to be seen. He immediately turned on Stephen. "Alright, Stephen, what did you do with Crazy?"

"What makes you think I did anything?!" Stephen objected.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm here!" came another voice from the stairs, drawing attention primarily because it was not, in any way, Crazy's. Rather, it was the brown-haired woman from before, Monika. "Sorry I'm late!" she apologized one last time to RWBY/JNPR, bowing deeply.

"What happened to Crazy?" Jaune asked, surprised.

"Er..." Monika produced a sheet of paper with what could generously be called 'chicken scratch' on it. "I have embarked on a voyage of self-discovery. I swear that, upon my return, I will be the least annoying host ever to grace this genre of fanfiction. In the meantime, I leave Monika in charge, as I believe she understands best what needs to be done."

"What?!" George interjected, taken aback. "He left you in charge?!"

"Don't believe me?" Monika returned his glare measuredly. "Here, read it yourself."

George took the letter and looked it over. "I can't... which pretty much proves it's from him. Dammit..."

Monika beamed as she turned to the audience. "So, in case you forgot, my name is Monika, and I'm Crazy's girlfriend! I hope we all get along!" She punctuated her introduction with another bow.

"That man has a girlfriend?" Weiss asked dubiously.

"Why shouldn't he?" Monika asked. A dreamy look came over her eyes. "He saved me, you know- not my life, but my soul."

"Can't save what never existed," George grunted. "Anyways, we were about to go back to the Trigger Happy-"

"There's been a change of plans," Monika interrupted. "I'm going to show them a preview of a later episode instead. It will be shorter, and get the news of me replacing Crazy to the readers faster."

"Oh, come on!" George complained. He turned to the audience. "Are you okay with this?!"

"All you people are insane, what do we care which one is in charge?" Weiss sniffed.

"I wouldn't have said it so bluntly, but... yes, what she said," Pyrrha nodded.

George growled, turning to Stephen for support. "Stephen-"

"You're fine with me taking over, right, Adam?" Monika turned her polite gaze towards the third host.

Stephen's eyes spun like lottery wheels, landing on a jackpot. "Finally... someone called me by my real name!"

"What?" Blake asked flatly. "Your name is Adam?"

"The one and only!" he boasted, striking a pose. "Accept no bull-headed substitutes! I am the only true Adam (TM)!"

He spun to face George. "I, for one, accept our new hostess with open arms! Let's see this preview she's talking about!"

George sat in his seat, crossing his arms and grumbling, while Adam (TM) returned to his in good cheer.

The audience glanced at each other. What have we gotten ourselves into?

"Okay, everyone!" Monika clapped her hands together. "Don't worry, this shouldn't take too long, then we can return to your regularly scheduled Trigger Happy Havoc!"

"Oh, I bet," George grumbled.

"Just put on the next world so we can get this over with," Blake groaned.

The screen opened up on a storybook on an otherwise black background, which slowly opened to a page of beautiful drawings and calligraphy.

"Oh! Fairy tale time?" Ruby asked eagerly. "I hope it's Yang reading!"

A masculine voice began reading out the text. "Once upon a time, the land of Menagerie was ruled by two kind, just cat faunus who sought to bridge the gap between their kind and humanity."

"No... no, that's Jaune's voice!" Ruby noted, wide-eyed. "Huh... well, that works, too!"

"That picture..." Blake said quietly, "That's... Mom and Dad."

"Wait, so... they're the rulers of Menagerie?" Weiss asked, looking rather wide-eyed herself.

Blake glanced away, her ears twitching. "Er... other world?"

Weiss seemed a little less than convinced, but relented for the moment.

"These rulers were blessed with a beautiful child... but with her came a terrible curse."

The page turned to show a drawing somehow familiar to the audience, showing a child recognizable as Blake, with two faces- one looked kind and compassionate, the other was the twisted face of a monster.

"Their child was kind, compassionate, and beautiful, but she was haunted by a shadow- a shadow that would take her over, turning her kindness to cruelty, her compassion to hatred, her beauty to something hideous."

"So, what... she gets possessed by a grimm or something?" Jaune wondered.

The rest of the audience shrugged- they really only knew what they were being given by this storybook, after all.

The page turned again, showing the parents looking up at a tower of ashy stone, to which their child was being carried. "Though it caused them great pain," Jaune continued to read, "they knew there was only one thing they could do- they sent their daughter to live in the tower on the outskirts of their kingdom, until, one day..."

The page turned again, showing story-book Blake in a bed, over which stood an unidentifiable, princely figure. "Her one true love would come to her, and with true love's kiss, break the curse placed upon her, allowing her true beauty to shine through forevermore."

"That's a nice story," Ruby smiled.

Jaune seemed to disagree- he broke down into laughter, his hand coming into frame to rip the final page of the book out. "Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen!"

The camera cut to the outside of a port-a-potty, out of which Jaune stepped, stretching and gazing at the cityscape around him.

"Ugh- what the-" Weiss spluttered.

"Oh, I get it," Yang couldn't help smirking. "He wipes his ass with fairy tales."

"But that's so sad!" Ruby countered, eyes wide. "Why would he-"

"I suspect we'll understand if we watch more," Ren put a finger gently on his lips.

Jaune took a walk, moving through a construction site, the camera panning around to get a good look at the industrial area. Finally, he spotted his contact-a man with long, dirty brown hair, matted around his shoulders, and missing several teeth.

"Waaaaaiiiiit... that's the bandit that nearly killed Blake a couple worlds back!" Nora pointed out dramatically. "What's Jaune doing talking to him?!"

"Hey, Shay, how's it going?" Jaune greeted as heartily as he could.

Shay didn't seem to afford him the same respect, looking down his nose- which seemed to have been broken at least twice- upon the one he viewed entirely as an outsider. "You're the one Ms. Branwen sent?"

Yang's ears perked. "Ms. Bran- wait, that guy works for my Mom?"

"And so does Jaune, from the sounds of it," Pyrrha noted,,looking rather distressed.

"Who were you expecting- the Achieve Men?"

"I was expecting somebody with a little more experience than you," Shay said freely, slipping a large bag off of his shoulder. "You're sure you have what it takes?"

"Hey, you're lookin' at a real graduate from the school of Street Savoir-Faire- did all my time under the Great Sage and Eminent Junkie herself!"

"I see, I think," Blake whispered. "This Jaune grew up on the streets, seemingly under the tutelage of this... Great Sage and Eminent Junkie."

"I know what a sage is," Ruby piped up, "but what's a junkie?"

"Nothing good, that's for damn sure," Yang grunted, side-eyeing the Jaune on screen.

Shay rolled his eyes heavily, as if used to this sort of behavior by now. "Look... can I trust you to get this to Vernal by the end of today?"

"Who do you think I am?" Jaune asked rhetorically as he accepted the sack and slung it over his own shoulder. He turned around and began moving down the street, following an odd sort of beat formed by the world around him- the cars whizzing past, the jackhammers at work in the construction zone, the people shouting on every street corner.

Then, he began to sing:

"One minute, I'm in Vale park,

Then I'm down on Lester Street.

Oh, from the Bowery to Saint Mark's-

There's a syncopated beat!"

"And... now he's singing," Weiss groaned.

"I'm guessing this is non-diegetic," Blake put in.

"What do diets have to do with this?" Nora asked.

"Nora..." Ren groaned. "'Diegetic' means it's actually happening in that world. Non-diegetic means it's strictly for the benefit of the audience. Take musicals, for example- if a song in a musical is diegetic, it's something the characters were actually singing in-universe. If not, it was just a musical number for the audience's benefit."

"Ten words or less, please," Jaune requested.

Ren rolled his eyes. "He's not literally dancing down the street. It's a show for the audience."

"Hey, that's thirteen words!" Ruby objected.

"Nah, it's fine, I get it now," Jaune waved her aside.

Jaune spun around, continuing his dance through the city, continuing to follow the beat.

"I said, woo, hoo, woo, hoo!

I'm streetwise!

I can improvise-

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo-hoo-

I'm street smart! I've got Vytal City heart!"

"Well, that's more than I am," Jaune muttered.

"Save feeling bad compared to this guy til we figure out what's in that bag," Yang recommended, eyes narrowed. "If he's working for Raven, I doubt it's anything good."

Taking everything into consideration, several of the viewers- Weiss, Blake, Ren, and Pyrrha- thought they already had a good idea what was in the bag, but elected to say nothing.

Abruptly, Jaune grabbed hold of a passing crane, allowing it to lift him up as he burst into the chorus:

"Why should I worry?

Tell me, why should I care?

I may not have lien, no no,

But I've got street savoir faire!"

The crane took him to the top of a set of metal and steel beams, across which he continued to dance.

"Yeah, why should I worry?

Tell me, why should I care?

It's just be-bopulation-

I've got street savoir faire!"

"I believe that this pretty much confirms his dancing is non-diegetic," Ren nodded.

"I hope so! That is... so irresponsible!" Weiss huffed.

Jaune remained heedless of the danger as he began dancing his way across a half-finished skyscraper.

"The rhythm of the city,

Boy, once you get it down,

You can own this town-

You can wear the crown!"

As he sang, he passed a pair of men eating their lunch- one of them had fast-food complete with a small cardboard crown, which Jaune snagged and placed on his own head as he passed by.

"That wasn't nice!" Ruby pouted.

"I mean, he doesn't really seem to care that much," Nora pointed out.

The man threw Jaune a bemused glance as he continued his dance, making his way back down to street level.

"Why should I worry?

Yeah, why should I care?

I may not have lien, no,

But I've got street savoir faire!

"Why should I worry?

Why should I care?

It's just doo-population,

And I've got street savoir faire!"

He spied a four-man band playing on a makeshift stage and smirked. In the next moment, he'd leapt up and taken the microphone.

"Everything goes,

Everything fits-

They love me at the Chelsea,

They adore me at the Ritz!"

And without further adieu, he'd tossed the microphone back to the singer and was back on the street.

"He's rather full of himself, isn't he?" Weiss crossed her arms.

"Is this... what I seemed like... at the beginning?" Jaune asked tentatively.

"No, you weren't this bad," Weiss denied. "But... close."

"Oh... thanks... I think."

Back on the street, he continued his dance.

"Why should I worry?

Tell me, why should I care?

I may not have lien,

But I've got street savoire faire!

"Why should I worry?

Yeah, why should I care?

Even when I cross the line,

I've got street savoir faire!

"Oh yeah-

woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo!"

Slowly, the camera began pulling back, away from his dancing, away from the city, the music growing dimmer, more distant.

"Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo..."

"Wait, what's going on?" Nora asked, caught off-guard.

"I think I hear something..." Blake's ears twitched. "...Waves?"

Indeed, the sound of waves was slowly overpowering the music. Abruptly, edges appeared around the image of Vytal City- sleek, black, wooden edges. And on the other side... beach. They were now looking at a great expanse of beach, with rough sand and choppy grey waves. Upon the beach was a sleek black door opening on seemingly nothing, yet on the other side was the entire short they'd just watched.

"Um... what?" Ruby asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Abruptly, the door slammed shut, silencing the music altogether and revealing writing in gold upon it:

The Prisoner

Yang put the pieces together and began growling. "Oh, that slimy son of a-"

The screen cut to black with white writing:

To Be Continued in

Childe Ren to the Dark Tower Came

Act II:

The Drawing of the Three

"What the- how- that... but... wha?!" Nora's reaction basically spoke for all.

"A crummy commercial?!" Ruby burst out.

"I told you it was a preview," Monika reminded them.

"Yeah, but... to that world..." Yang fumbled to speak in her own anger.

"I think they're saying we don't really understand how what we've just seen in any way correlates to what we've seen of the Dark Tower world," Ren put in, hands folded over his lower face.

"That's the beauty of it!" Monika beamed. "You'll find out when we continue!"

"You say beauty, I say conceit," George muttered.

"I'm down with it!" Adam (TM) put in.

"Shut up, Adam (TM), you're out of your element," George grunted.

"Do we have to keep going with that world?!" Ruby pouted. "It's so sad!"

"Yes, we do," Monika stood firm. "I understand things aren't exactly pleasant now-"

"I'd fuckin' say so," Yang muttered under her breath.

"But it really is one of the most important worlds we have to go over!" Monika ignored her. "Crazy promised that he'd show you that story!"

"Promised who, exactly?" Pyrrha asked sharply.

Monika stuttered to a halt. "He... he just promised, alright?"

"Okay, enough of this," George interrupted. "Look, I get that we have to go back to that world eventually, but in the meantime, we did also have business with the Trigger Happy Havoc one, so why not just lean back and let us do what needs doing, Blondie?"

"Blo-wait, are you talking to me?" Yang asked, confused.

"No, he's talking to me," Monika sighed. "I hate that nickname... I'm not even blond!"

"And we're all getting off-track!" Adam (TM) spoke up. "I agree with George on this one- we need to go back to the Trigger Happy Havoc one. Something weird's going on there."

"Thank you!" George threw his hands up.

"Well... as I am outvoted..." Monika finally relented.

"Oh, really?" Weiss asked, crossing her arms. "You keep saying you'll go back to certain worlds, then something stupid happens and distracts you, but this time, you really mean it?"

"Really really," George nodded. "Because if next episode isn't what we said it would be, I'll take over this damn story myself!"

"You can't-" Monika started, but George turned to face her, utilizing his clear advantage in height.

"Give me a reason, Blondie. Give me a goddamn reason- I dare you. I double dare you, Blondie, give me that excuse right now."

Monika hesitated, then crossed her arms and assumed Crazy's old spot. "...Trigger Happy Havoc it is."

XXXX

I really need to maintain focus. Weird things happen when I'm mostly asleep. Assuming I have any readers left after this, I'll see you next time with what I promise will be the next Trigger Happy Havoc episode- I just wanted to do a random quickie to pass the torch to Monika real quick. Look how that turned out. Until then, remember, I'm pulling for you- we're all in this together! Gamer4 out.