Reality

The subway intercom calling out his stop was what woke James from his nap. He jerked upright with a shiver, a residual effect of the dream he was having. He was immediately glad he'd chosen to sit with his suit jacket on his lap, otherwise, the unfortunate morning passengers around him would have been able to guess as to what sort of content was playing like a movie in his mind.

Some vivid fantasy, he thought with one more shudder. He swore he could still taste Kinuhana's lip gloss and feel her sliding onto him.

He shook his head to clear the thoughts. He'd have to stand up in a moment and there was little he could do to hide an obvious erection tenting his slacks.

Thinking about last night helped to sober him up. A pang of guilt was cold enough to douse the heat from his fantasy. Not only was Kinuhana clearly spoken for but she was also suffering. That suffering was not something James would ever take advantage of in reality, regardless of his attraction to the young woman.

What would you do, James? If Kinuhana approached you like that?

For one thing, he was absolutely certain she was not the type to do such a thing. She may have been a mystery in many ways, but he knew her well enough to know that she was both conservative and shy, and very strict about being professional at work. And if it did happen, he wouldn't be seduced. A bout of morning office sex would be sure to destroy their friendly relationship, which was something he would not allow.

Because, whether or not Kinuhana returned his affection, he still admired and respected her. He would not jeopardize the relationship they'd cultivated thus far.

Buuuuut, that didn't mean he wouldn't humor a dirty fantasy now and then. No harm, no foul. And Kinuhana was incredibly attractive. He'd place those thoughts of her in the little Manila folder in the back of his mind, next to his less-than-professional thoughts about Jeanist and that one repeat scene he sometimes returned to that involved the cashier-of-unknown-gender at his local corner store.

He managed to control his bodily reactions before standing to exit the subway train. He walked to the office and checked in at the desk with a smile at the receptionist.

"Did Kanzashi beat me here?" he asked, conversationally.

"No, sir," the receptionist answered. "She called out today."

"I see. Thanks for the heads up!"

Of course, she's not coming in today. She needs to recover from that fight with the boy.

He chuckled under his breath. That was the difference, he supposed, between fantasy and reality…

SLAM!

Amiru jerked upright as a textbook was smacked hard onto her desk.

"Earth to Orine!" Subaru said, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. "God, you've been spacing out so much more than normal lately. Pay attention, will you? The bell rang a minute ago!"

"O-Oh! Right!" She jumped to her feet. Goosebumps spread down her arms as she shook the fantasy from her mind. She hadn't realized she'd gotten so lost in it this time.

"Come on!" Subaru tugged on her bag.

"C-Coming!" She hurried after him into the hallway.

Did I get too carried away that time? No… It's just a fantasy. It's not like it could ever happen. Right?

She knew she should feel bad for even thinking about Kirishima calling her to his dorm after curfew, after a breakup with Kanzashi. But after all the time they'd been spending together, it was hard not to at least fantasize about it a little.

"Are you training with that third-year guy again?" Her friend asked.

"No, but we're training tomorrow!"

"You're a weirdo. You should pay attention to guys your own age, you know. It's kind of creepy, the whole 'senpai' thing."

"It's not creepy!" She protested. It's kind of sexy in my head, honestly.

"Whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Amiru wasn't worried. She cared about Kirishima in both reality and in the world of fantasy. And it was true. She would do anything for him…

When he was young, Eijiro's family had a pet dog named Adzuki. Adzuki was seven years old when he was born. By the time Eijiro was seven, he was an old dog, gray and limping. He passed away while Eijiro was at school one day.

It was the first time Eijiro had been exposed to loss. He remembered it with crystal clarity, even now, ten years later. He'd been so sad that he missed school the next day, and was sent home the day after that for crying in class.

He still remembered his parents sitting down with him in the living room.

"That's enough, Eijiro. You don't need to feel sorry for him when he's gone on to a better life," his mother had said. "You must respect Adzuki and the time you shared by allowing him to find peace in a new life."

"But I miss him. I didn't want him to go. How can I not be sad?"

His father had tugged him into his arms. "It's okay to be sad for a little while, son. What's important is remembering the fun you had with him when he was here. If you think about that, the sadness will fade away, slowly but surely."

The whole "dead pet signifying loss" trope was as old and cliché as time, but… for some reason, Eijiro couldn't stop thinking about it anyway. Maybe it was because the memory was intrinsically tied to his understanding of losing someone. And now that he felt that way again, the old feelings were resurfacing, over and over.

He couldn't get the image of James standing behind Hana out of his head. It was like a photograph. The halo of light from her open door encircling them as if they were holy beings, far beyond his comprehension and his reach. It was like a renaissance painting, etched onto the back of his eyelids. The expression of guilt drawn onto her colorless face. The smug expression of victory on James,' as if he was acutely aware of who Eijiro was and what he wanted. What he couldn't have.

Back and forth like the pull of the tide. His mind fluctuated between the memories of that old dog and the recent, stinging memory of Hana's apartment.

I'm losing her. Maybe I've already lost her.

And if that was true, was he supposed to manage his pain the way he did with Adzuki? Was he supposed to let her move on in peace? Respect her choices and the fact that the world she lived in was disconnected from his? Was he supposed to grieve but remember the love they shared when it belonged to him?

He couldn't do that. The thought of enduring that pain made him feel like his ribs were breaking. He could never accept a world where Hana left him behind. Where she started a new life and a new love with some cocky American guy. Where they lived in the same city, breathed the same air, but didn't love each other anymore.

How could he ever move on? He'd never hold someone in his arms without remembering holding Hana on Christmas in the snow, her hair short and her lips so warm. He'd never touch another woman without remembering the summer cabin, her partially naked form in the gray morning light, her skin an uncharted map that he was only beginning to explore. He'd never be able to hear the words 'I love you,' without remembering the shy girl who struggled to communicate her feelings, saying those words for the first time with a sincerity that felt like a confession.

And if she was able to forget those things and start over with someone new… The thought of that betrayal was more than physical. It was a wound so deep that he felt like he was bleeding out, like there was no point in going on.

He sat on the grass in the clearing, legs pulled up to his chest, head tilted back to look at the sky. It had never felt more empty than it did at that moment.

"Senpai…?"

He lowered his head and found Orine at the other side of the clearing. She stepped timidly forward and he took the time to appraise her. Short and petite, with a brown bob and big green eyes. She seemed so much younger to him now than she had before. She looked like a little kid, standing nervously in front of her parent.

"Hey…" she said, quietly. "I texted you but you didn't answer. And, um… I didn't see you in the halls or in the cafeteria today. I heard one of your friends say you were out sick. I didn't think I'd find you in our training spot, but I came to check, just in case."

He stood up and brushed off his pants.

"You're not wearing your uniform," she noted. "Are you still feeling sick?"

He let out a long, silent sight. "Orine, I came here to tell you that I'm not going to train you anymore."

Her eyes widened. She stepped forward, a look of desperation on her face.

She's so young. So easily influenced. Why didn't I see that earlier? No… I did see it. I was ignoring it.

"What? Why?" She balled her hands into fists. "I like training with you, Senpai! I like learning from you and—and spending time with you!"

"There's nothing else for me to teach you," he said. "And if I'm being totally honest, Orine… I wasn't doing it for the right reasons."

"What do you mean? And why are you calling me by my surname again? Are you mad at me or something?"

He sighed. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Look… you know that I've been having problems with my girlfriend. I was feeling neglected and insecure and…" The guilt was heavy, momentarily choking him. "I knew how you felt about me and I knew you'd take my side, even if I was in the wrong. So, I went to you for comfort, but I shouldn't have."

"Of course I took your side!" She said, her voice getting shrill. "You didn't do anything wrong! Kanzashi kept hurting you, over and over!"

"Yeah, but it's a lot more complicated than that." He gritted his teeth. He couldn't bear to look at her betrayed face any longer, so he cast his gaze into the trees.

"I don't understand what you're saying. Why are you saying you shouldn't have talked to me about stuff?"

He put his hands in his pockets, feeling increasingly more uncomfortable with this situation. "Because you have a crush on me and I have a girlfriend. It wasn't right to talk to you about private stuff like that. I knew that, but…" he pinched his eyes shut, "I used you anyway. And worse… you looked up to me as your tutor and favorite hero. I used that, too."

"I already knew that!" She said, surprising him. "K-Kirishima-senpai… I knew you were using me for comfort. That's okay. I'm okay with that!"

He stared at her in disbelief. What did I do to this girl? "Don't say that," he said. "You shouldn't be okay with anyone taking advantage of you, Orine. Least of all, me."

"I'm okay with being there for you whenever you need me," she said. "That's all I'm saying!"

He grimaced. "I get that, but… I have a girlfriend. I shouldn't have… led you on. I flirted with you and that's… I basically cheated on Hana and I don't think I can forgive myself."

"Where's all this coming from?" she asked. She was starting to panic. He could see it written on her face. "Why are you saying these things, now? Did she make you say them? Did she threaten to break up with you if you keep training me?"

"What?" He shook his head. "Orine, Hana wouldn't do something like that. And… I don't even know if she and I are…" He couldn't even say it. The pain was too sharp, too raw. "This isn't about her. It's about me fixing what I did wrong."

"Senpai," she stepped closer. "Don't do this to me. It's not fair. I know you love her, but… can't you see that she's not good for you anymore? She ignores you, she chooses work over you all the time, she even took advantage of you when you were… y-you know...having sex. She hurts you all the time!"

It was true. Hana had hurt him. Yesterday, she shattered him. Seeing her with James… knowing that she could find time for another man and not for him… it was devastating. But it also wasn't relevant to this conversation with Orine.

"Talking to me… flirting with me," Orine continued. "It wasn't wrong. You and Kanzashi were already moving away from each other. You were realizing that you don't have anything in common with her. She moved on to start a new life without you. I wouldn't do that to you!" Tears were welling in her eyes now.

"Listen to yourself, Orine," he pleaded. "Even if I did start dating you, what would happen when I graduate? Wouldn't it be the same thing?"

"No, it wouldn't!" she yelled. "You and I have more in common than you do with her! We're both honest and loud. We want to be heroes, we have the same sense of humor, we like the outdoors and staying active… But Kanzashi likes things that you don't care about. She likes sewing and baking, she's quiet and doesn't care about being outside. She's so different from you! That's why it didn't work."

"You don't get it," he argued. "Yeah, I'll be the first person to admit that me and Hana don't exactly match each other perfectly. To be honest, I don't understand what's going on in her head, pretty much ever. But that doesn't matter. It's the experiences we've shared that are important to me. I'm sorry, Orine, but it's those experiences that I'd take any day over being with someone who gets me better."

"S-Senpai…"

"Don't call me that anymore, Orine. I'm not your teacher. I just… needed to tell you that. Regardless of what happens between me and Hana. I… you know… I'm not going to… date you or hook up with you or anything like that. It wouldn't be right. I'm sorry if I made you think that could happen."

She started to cry, further compacting the guilt he felt.

"I don't understand why you're saying this now! Things were fine between us just a couple of days ago! I don't get it!"

He let out a slow breath. "I saw Hana last night," he said, deciding that Orine deserved the truth. "She was with another guy."

"Then, that's even more reason for you to stay with me! If she's cheating on you, then…"

"She said she's not," he said quickly. "I don't know if that's true, all I know is that seeing them together broke me. And if I felt that way, then… I think Hana would feel the same if she knew about the way I've been treating you for the past few weeks. That's when I realized I had to stop."

Katsuki helped out too, he thought. His face was still bruised from that punch. He refused to see Recovery Girl afterward, knowing that he deserved to have the lesson settle.

"Are you saying we can't even be around each other now?" she asked, through sobs. "We can't hang out? I can't be your friend?"

"I'll still be your friend," he said, carefully. "But I think maybe we shouldn't hang out alone anymore."

"Y-You're serious," she cried. "You've been nice to me for over two months and this is it?"

His guilt manifested into shame. He looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry, Orine. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just… I was hurting and looking for a way to escape that."

"I-I can't accept that!" She suddenly grabbed him by his shirt and shook him, the sobs wracking her body. "You like me too, Senpai, I know it. You're trying to be a good guy because… because that's who you are! You're a hero! You're trying to be chivalrous, right? But that's stupid. You should just do what you want to do instead of getting caught up in dumb principles about right or wrong. You want to be with me, too. I know it."

He was slack in her grip. He didn't care if she took out her pain on him. But he wouldn't lie to her. "No, Orine. I don't. I'm not attracted to you in that way. I'm sorry."

"But I thought… I thought that if I kept supporting you and comforting you, then… then you'd rely on me. I thought…"

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I understand if you hate me, now."

"But I don't hate you!" She wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, Kirishima! You're my Senpai! You're my hero…"

"Orine," he sighed. "Be honest. The only reason you liked me in the first place was because I'm Red Riot. You don't really know anything about me. Outside of training, we don't know each other at all."

"No… I love you. All of you. The Red Riot part, the Kirishima part… even the part who's stupidly loyal to his girlfriend. I love all of it."

"I don't think you really understand what love is…"

"I do!" She screamed. "I KNOW I love you!"

Then, she gripped him by the collar, pulled him down, and kissed him.

It was so unexpected, so random. His first instinct was to dig his fingers harshly into her sides as his body tensed. His brain malfunctioned, drawing from muscle memory alone. No one but Hana had ever kissed him, and he was so accustomed to moving with her instantly, that for the tiniest moment, his lips parted as if he would kiss Orine back.

The period of inaction was brief. One moment he was clutching onto her, his mouth parting, her tongue touching his lips. In the next instant, he jerked away from her so quickly and so harshly, that the action caused him to stumble backward and trip. He caught himself before losing his balance, then wiped his mouth with his wrist.

They stared at each other. Orine's eyes were wide. Strands of brown hair were sticking to her tear-streaked cheeks. Her mouth was ajar and her lower lip trembling.

Eijiro had no idea what to do now. Part of him was angry. He wanted to condemn her for forcing herself on him like that when he was trying to tell her no. But another, stronger part of him, simply felt bad for this girl, whose only real sin was confusing hero-worship with love. She was nothing but a confused fifteen-year-old who'd been given mixed signals, led on, and ultimately rejected by the person she admired most.

I'm a terrible person.

"Kirishima…" she whispered. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I wasn't thinking when I…"

He fixed his collar, then turned his back on her. "Later, Orine. And… I really am sorry."

She didn't call out for him this time. She stayed rooted to the spot, crying in the center of the clearing as he walked away...

Jeanist hadn't said a word for the past five minutes. The clock in his office ticked incessantly while he read and reread the document in his hand. There was no way to read his expression with the jeans and hair that masked most of his face. No way to tell if he was frowning while he judged her.

Hana stood as still as a statue. She kept her posture straight and her chin held high, despite every instinct in her body telling her to collapse, curl into the fetal position, and cry.

It had been four days since Eijiro came to her apartment, and they were easily the worst four consecutive days of her life. She called out of work the following day and spent most of that day crying on the phone to Shibuya and Tondi. Her friends came over on Sunday and they ate ice cream and watched romantic comedies and Hana cried until she fell asleep.

She'd spent those four days considering every choice she'd made since she graduated. Countless hours were spent bathing in regret. Even more time was spent remembering Eijiro's anguished face, his hand clutching his chest, and the words, 'It feels like my heart is breaking.'

The self-reflection had brought her here, to Jeanist's office—doing something she should have done a long time ago.

"You've put a great deal of thought into his," he finally said, setting the document down.

"Yes, sir," she said. "I apologize. I never meant to be ungrateful for the opportunity you've given me."

He raised his hand, silencing her. "To be perfectly frank, Kanzashi, I'm surprised you didn't come to me sooner. It's been fraying my nerves, knowing that the frazzled woman overworking herself in my agency had yet to realize what material she's truly made of."

"I'm… sorry?"

"But this…" He pressed a finger to the paper she'd given him. "This is the true Kinuhana Kanzashi, at last."

He was doing that thing again where he was offering praise but simultaneously demonstrating how high his expectations were.

"Did you really expect me to work you until you were completely worn?" he continued, his voice disapproving. "You worked part-time for me for months, yet you thought the dynamic changed as quickly as shrinking fabric the moment you took on full-time work, is that right?"

"Sir… I don't understand…"

"You felt the need to prove yourself, though you had already done more than was sufficient by earning a right to work in my agency. Your work ethic is admirable, but was clearly to your detriment."

He's lecturing me. I don't understand… If he didn't want me working all of those hours, why did he keep giving me assignments? Was he really testing me to see if I'd come to him like this?

"I approve of your new schedule. I'll also be modifying the amount of paid vacation time you'll receive to double what you've been earning thus far."

She stared at him in disbelief. She'd come to him with a proposal for a modified work schedule. It reduced the number of hours she worked, ensured she would only work one Saturday of the month, and gave her flexible half-days to use as needed. She'd spent hours trying to come up with something that would reduce her time at work. She was afraid the hero would be disappointed in her for requesting fewer hours, and maybe even upset at her arrogance in suggesting she should have a say in her schedule. She'd expected a fight, some negotiating, and a thorough lecture. She had not been expecting this.

"I'm a reasonable man, Kanzashi, far more flexible than you seem to believe."

"I'm sorry, sir." She bowed her head.

"No apologies. Continue to work hard and use your own good judgment to determine when you need a break. I'm proud of you."

His words alleviated some of the darkness that weighed so heavily on her heart now. She bowed again. "Thank you, sir." And with this, she was excused.

She walked out of his office with a long sigh. Her muscles ached from stress and her neck was sore from tossing and turning at night. She was glad to have that task out of the way, but… it did nothing to solve her problems or relieve any of her guilt. She knew she should have asked for a change in work schedule a long time ago. She should have been brave enough to go immediately to Jeanist the first time Eijiro told her he was lonely. She should have seen how unhealthy it was for her and for her relationship to work such ungodly hours. Her physical health had deteriorated and her mental health had plummeted.

Worst of all, she'd pushed Eijiro away. Maybe for good, this time.

She couldn't take it back. The new schedule was too little, too late. But, even if Eijiro didn't want to be with her now—even if they were over—it was still something she needed to do for herself.

She looked at her watch. The workday was over but her to-do list had one more box to check. So, she made her way to the Design Team offices, where she knew James would still be working. Sure enough, she found him at his computer, frowning at a design on the screen. She watched for a moment as he shook his head, closed out of the app, and began to pack up for the night.

"James," she said, quietly. "Can we go for a walk when you're done? I want to talk."

"Ah," he stood. "Am I in your good graces again, Kanzashi?" He said it teasingly, but she detected the hint of bitterness in his tone. It was to be expected. She had almost completely avoided him for the past four days except for when she needed to talk to him about work.

"You were never out of them," she said with a tired smile. "I'm just really good at ignoring people."

"At least it's an honest skill," he said. "Sure, let's talk. Lead the way."

Hana walked outside with him. She didn't say anything as she led him down winding streets and across traffic, a few blocks away from the agency until she could smell water and nature. Silently, she guided him to a canal that was lined with cherry blossom trees—though the buds were out of season now. It was a shame… There was nothing quite as beautiful as cherry blossoms raining down on the water.

Up onto a bridge overlooking the river, where she finally stopped. She leaned over the railing and gazed at the flowing water below, her eyes catching on small boats as they drifted by.

"I've been on a boat here," she said, quietly. "It was when the cherry blossoms were in bloom. I had a picnic on the shore just over there."

"It must have been lovely," he commented, joining her to lean on the railing.

"It was my six-month anniversary," she said, fondly. "Most people don't throw grand celebrations for six months together," she laughed, "but the thought of not doing something for me was a travesty to him."

James was quiet. She knew he was listening carefully, still trying to puzzle her out in his mind.

"I think… I might have taken those selfless acts of kindness for granted," she whispered. "You don't realize how special they are to you until you run the risk of losing them forever."

"This mysterious suitor of yours and master of frivolous acts of grandeur… It's the boy who came to your apartment last week. Am I right?"

She turned to face him. "His name is Eijiro Kirishima. He's a third-year at UA High, an outstanding hero, and an excellent man." Already, she could feel the tears touching her eyes again. "He's my boyfriend, James."

James nodded, seriously. He managed a half-hearted smile. "I assumed as much after that fiasco. It was clear that there was history between you."

"I'm sorry I gave you the impression I was interested in you," she said. "I should have told you I was seeing someone."

"And risk the strange foreigner discovering that you were sleeping with a high schooler?" He chuckled. "I can't blame you for keeping it a secret."

She felt some heat touch her cheeks. "We started dating when we were both in high school," she said, defensively. "I think your country has a name for that?"

"Yes, those would be called 'Romeo and Juliet' laws. I've heard they're much stricter about such things here, though."

She looked uncomfortably back at the water. "You're… not going to report me, are you?"

Now, he laughed. "Kanzashi, I'm dejected but not vindictive! Your secret is safe with me."

She nodded. "Thank you."

"There's no need." He held up his hand. "I understand that you called me out here to apologize for the misunderstanding, but I'm the one in the wrong. I thought… uh, well… I thought you were playing hard to get. That's why I pushed you further than I should have. If I'd known you were spoken for, then… I might have backed off. A little."

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you were flirting just because that's what Americans do."

"Nope! My fascination with you is genuine! Though… I realize now that part of the appeal was the fact that you were keeping secrets. It's my luck that the secret comes in the shape of a spiky-haired teen boy."

She laughed, then let out a slow breath. "Are we okay, then?" she asked. "Things won't be weird between us?"

"You have my word," he said. "Though, now that we're on the subject, I do have to ask you something." He looked at her directly. "Are you okay? It seemed to me like you and Kirishima got into a fight, and you haven't been the same since then."

She tried to smile, but it fell flat on her lips. She let out a weary sigh instead. "I hurt him. He was really upset after seeing you there with me."

"Understandable," he said. "I'm so handsome, of course, I'm a threat."

"James." She stared at him in deadpan.

"Just trying to lighten the mood!"

"I don't know if he'll forgive me," she said. "I don't know if I deserve forgiveness."

"Have you tried talking to the guy?"

She ran her finger along the railing. "Not yet. We haven't talked since then."

"Then, I'd start there. And if he wants to break up with you, I do make a good rebound."

"James!"

"Just saying!"

Hana groaned.

At least that's out of the way.

It took too long, but she was finally doing the things she should have done if she'd truly wanted to preserve her relationship with Eijiro. There was only one thing left to do. The hardest obstacle of all.

She needed to talk to him.

A/N: It was a cheap trick, I'm sorry. -.-' I kind of hoped the title "Fantasy" would give me away. I know a lot of people hate the old bait and switch tactic and if you're one of those, you have my humblest apologies! The reason I decided to include the last chapter was to showcase Orine and James' feelings toward Eijiro and Hana. To show that they're people too, with complex feelings and desires, and that Hana's choice to keep her boyfriend a secret and Eijiro's choice to lead on Orine were choices that had real consequences on people outside of their relationship. I feel like, a lot of the time in fiction, we see the competition for the protagonist's hearts but we rarely get to see things from their point of view. There are real people who are really affected by the choices we make, even if our intentions are pure!

Also, I had originally only had Orine's fantasy but I went back and added James' for no other reason than I think he's sexy. LOL.

Lastly, I wanted to emphasize who Eijiro and Hana are and how much they value their relationship. C'mon, did you think Eijiro would really do something like that? The good boy with loyalty rivaling that of a dog? And how would Orine have gotten into his dorm room so easily? ;)

Anyway, I hope you can forgive me and I hope some of you are relieved right about now~