Disclaimer - Give me your jutsu, Dobe.
There was nowhere in the world that Ino felt greater comfort than her small flower patch.
It was a tiny area, tucked away in the deep forests of her village, an area she tended to ever since she was a little girl. Beautiful and colorful flowers always brightened up her day. Returning there after long missions calmed her down, especially after being in his presence for so long.
"No... no... no..." Ino whispered with a panic stricken face. Her eyes drank in the sad sight of her lovely flowers burnt to a crisp. Blackened grass crunched under her sandal clad feet, there was not a hint of vivid color in the area. "Who could have done this?!" Her body began to shake with righteous anger, and that fueled her steps into running out of her ruined nursery.
Ino reached the main road that connected the forest to civilization and hurriedly approached a frail old man who wobbled along the path. "Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know what happened here?!" She startled the elder with her loud voice.
"Eh...? You don't know?" The old man stared at her like she was slow. Ino shook her head rapidly in the negative. "Oh... well the forest burned down."
Ino's body spasmed. She obviously noticed that! Slowly, her mind began to break. All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest woman alive to lunacy.
"How though? Was it an accident?!" Ino needed to know if it was on purpose. If so, someone needed to pay. Dearly. Preferably with their life.
"Accident? Last I heard, it was some kind of training." The elder nodded his head, pleaded with his own information. "Thankfully the "Solo King" put out the fires before they could spread to the village."
'Training?! Who would do such an asinine thing to the forest?! To my flowers?!' Ino's painted nails cut deep into her palms, the red liquid spilled onto the dirt path. She completely ignored the part about the "Solo King".
"Apparently he even scolded Yondaime-sama's son. Is there anything Itachi Uchiha can't do?" The old man turned his head upwards to the sky, he wished he had a son like Itachi. Ino's eyes widened at the new information.
"Naruto? He was here?!" She spit it out with so much vitriol that the elder backed up in fear.
"I think he was the one who did this..."
Ino's face was blank as she processed this. Not only did Naruto make her life all the more complicated because of their team assignments, but he also ruined her sanctuary. The one part of the world where she can truly be herself was destroyed. Naruto...
"Girl, are you alright?" The aged citizen questioned the strange ninja. Ino's lips pulled upwards into a smile that looked out of place on her face.
"Hehehe! I'm fine, I'm fine." She spoke after letting out a deranged laugh. Naruto... that monster. "I'm better than fine! I'm great actually! Great, great, great!"
"Uh..."
"Thanks for the information! I have places to be, but I'll always remember this." Ino bowed to the elder and sprinted in a random direction. The burnt forest was left behind as she moved towards a new goal.
All it takes is one bad day...
"What are you doing in my office...? How did you even get in here?" One experienced eye narrowed at the giggling Yamanaka who was seated across from him. She wore a strange dark purple suit, complete with a green undershirt and tie. It was not a look suited for shinobi.
"Danzō... Danzō... Danzō... that doesn't matter." Her ruby red lips spread into a big smile.
"It certainly does." Danzō couldn't believe she evaded his guards and managed to seat herself on his expensive furniture. He had to backstab and manipulate many people to get the finest chairs in the land.
"Okay, okay... maybe I was a bit shortsighted." Ino's giggling resumed.
"What an awful joke. My vision is not poor despite only having one eye." Danzō critiqued her rudely.
"Hmm~ I definitely need to practice my routines. Comedy is subjective though. How's about another joke?" Ino leaned closer after brushing back her blonde bangs.
"No." Danzō stood up from the chair that he had to kill a noble in Kumogakure for. "You will explain your reasoning for being here, or you will suffer the consequences."
Ino jumped up and waggled her finger in his direction. She pulled open her suit jacket and revealed a shocking sight to Danzō.
"Flower... bombs?" Danzō's never seen anything quite like that. There were large purple flowers attached to the insides of her clothes, each with a paper bomb attached. A suicide attack?! If only he had those Uchiha eyes... 'Damn you, Itachi!'
"How's about you sit down and listen or I'll uproot this little organization of yours. Hehe~ uproot... get it because-"
"Enough!" Danzō glared heatedly at Inoichi's insane daughter. He had information on everyone in the village, but he didn't see this coming. "You have five minutes. Talk."
Ino continued to smile and fixed her form fitting jacket. She exaggerated her motions and began to adjust her hair again, Danzō had no idea why she kept doing that. "Good, good. You're a smart man, I've heard that from my father."
"He's the one who told you how to find me?" Danzō needed to know immediately.
"Huh? No, no, no. You see, I just used my jutsu on about..." Ino counted on her fingers for a few seconds. "Fifty people? Maybe sixty... okay no... eighty... I skipped seventy. There was a lot of brain damage, but I'm not a doctor. Anyway! One knew where the entrance to your lair was."
Danzō stared at her blankly as she began to giggle again. "And what do you want?"
"I'm extending an olive branch." Ino actually held out a small green branch to him. Danzō slapped it away harshly.
"What could you possibly offer me? You're a Genin, and not a particularly noteworthy one."
"Ow! Cruel... cruel." Ino placed a hand over her heart, appearing offended. "I see you're a fan of jokes, how's about-"
"Three and a half minutes left."
"Woah~ time flies when you're having fun." Ino laughed and shook her head. "Okay, I can help you secure the Hokage seat through a long series of convoluted plans and schemes that could ultimately fail in the end."
"... Is this another joke?"
"I don't make jokes." Ino's smile disappeared and her face dropped. "I can ensure you get the Hokage seat, but something must happen first."
Danzō couldn't believe he was actually considering this. It was preposterous, it was character assassination, wasn't he smarter than this? For plot purposes, no. However, he's been trying to become Hokage for years and hasn't found any success. No matter how outrageous she was, his curiosity was piqued. "Tell me then, what must happen first?"
Ino leaned closer to his desk and smiled insanely. "It's simple. We... uh... kill Naruto Uzumaki."
"Hah!" It was Danzō's turn to laugh. "Minato's boy is surrounded by strong shinobi on a daily basis. He's been making some dangerous friends and allies too. Surely you're insane."
"I am not insane, and don't call me Shirley." Ino leaned back on her chair calmly. "I have some ideas brewing in my pretty little head, don't worry old man. I just need a few things from you."
"What's stopping me from killing you for this offense after you leave here?" Danzō knew it wouldn't be hard to accomplish that.
"Easy! You'll never become Hokage then. Killing a poor, unprotected, and innocent Genin wouldn't look good for you. Maybe Orochimaru will return and become our noble leader. You, my one eyed friend, won't even be a name in the history books." Ino knew she was irritating the poor crippled man, but it was funny!
"... One minute left." Her words hit at his ego.
"Wow, you are a tough nut to crack! I'm impressed. Usually we Yamanaka clan members can get people to talk, which is why I know so much about your exclusive clubhouse. I do have to critique it though, no snacks? No beverages? No wonder you don't get many guests. And would it kill you to spruce up the place with some flowers?"
"Twenty five seconds."
"Alright, alright. How's about you think about it?! Here, have a rose!" Ino kicked off the chair and threw a bright red flower on his desk. "You let me know your answer soon, or I'll have to continue on without you. Where would the fun be in that?"
Danzō slowly started making hand seals, causing Ino to cackle. She reached the doorway and gave him a big wave before exiting without a care.
He sat in silence for a short period of time, pondering on how his life came to this. Was he really going to work with the Yamanaka to become Hokage?
His hand reached for the rose.
Hinata's Log - Day 1
Infiltration was a success. It wasn't a challenge at all to convince my future mother in law. The story about having nowhere else to go made it too easy. I'd be staying in a guest room, but that's alright, good things come to those who wait. Naruto would not be far from me, plus I have the Byakugan, the best dōjutsu, and can watch him from afar. I must figure out how to eliminate his other house guests. These uncouth whores parade around the house like they own the place. They MUST be stopped.
Hinata's Log - Day 2
I used my Byakugan as Naruto announced he would be showering next. I had no choice, what if he slipped and hit his head? Could I let the future father of my children die a pitiful death? No. However, what I saw made me sick. The fish girl, she swam around in his bathroom without a care. Naruto didn't even seem to mind as he walked in and made jokes with her. I wanted the ice whore to perish first, but I'll take this chance to eliminate the seafood.
Hinata's Log - Day 6
There were many unsuccessful attempts to kill the fish. Make the water too cold? She loves it. Make the water too hot? She takes her clothes off and continues to bathe. Eliminate the water completely? This fish bitch can live on land! I wish I knew that. Electricity would be for the best, but bringing a toaster into the bathroom would be a little too suspicious and I'm not well versed in that branch of ninjutsu. Side note - my future mother in law is a very kind woman and I genuinely enjoy her presence. She will be a good grandmother for my many children. Side note again - my future father in law seems on edge around me. What does he know...?
Hinata's Log - Day 11
The slut in the attic drew a picture today, a picture that made Naruto too excited. It was something he called an album cover, but instead of the original "rapper" it was him on it. I don't know what the hell they were talking about, but Naruto wrapped her in a huge hug and wouldn't let her go. I saw how she blushed, I saw her filthy gaze on my future lover. I never liked art.
Hinata's Log - Day 18
Best. Day. Ever. I became ill today and Naruto took care of me for the entire day. He had no missions and Hokage-sama took his wife out for some alone time. The other girls stood away from us as he tended to my every need. Naruto is a sweet boy, and we had a real conversation. One where he introduced me to the music he liked, and where he told me stories about his recent missions. My love for him only grew today, and my need to eliminate the other grows stronger.
Hinata's Log - Day 25
Haku will die. Painfully, might I add.
Haku scratched at his cheek as he skimmed over the notebook he found in Hinata's room. He didn't mean to invade her privacy, but he took it upon himself to keep the house clean. It was the least he could do for his best friends hospitality. The notebook was tucked away behind the bed, and when Haku went to wipe away the dust, he happened to find it. Curiosity pushed him to open it, and he was glad he did.
"Oh my, she is not normal." Now that Haku thought about it... most of the females Naruto knew were not normal. Isaribi and Kin definitely were sent to assassinate him, Yakumo hid away in the attic, and he didn't even need to think about Ino. "Why must I die painfully though?" Haku kept reading.
Haku is by far the closest girl to him. She tends to him like a doting wife, which is MY job. They never argue, they never get mad at each other, and she even cuts his steak for him without asking. I can go on and on... but this is not good. Haku has the advantage, and I can't let her interfere anymore.
"She also thinks I'm a girl..." Haku sighed lightly, used to that assumption from many people. There was no point in correcting people anymore, he was interrupted every time. It didn't bother him, but apparently he was going to be killed soon? "I wonder how she'll try to kill me..."
"Haku-chan!" A shout from the doorway startled him and Haku turned with wide eyes. Naruto stood there with a giant grin and Sasuke at his side. "Can you come help us with training? We wanna see if his flames can melt your ice."
"They obviously can, idiot. My flames are the strongest in the universe."
"Didn't your brother master them or something? So aren't his the strongest?"
Sasuke found his feet very interesting at the moment.
"Um, Naruto-kun, I'd love to help but you should see this first." Haku gestured to the notebook on the bed.
"Huh? Is that a diary? I didn't know you kept one." Naruto approached him lazily with Sasuke at his heels.
"I don't. This is actually Hinata-san's dairy. But you should really-"
"Haku-chan, I don't really want to look at her private stuff... she's been going through a lot." Naruto pushed the book away gently. He knew Hinata was in a tough spot lately.
"Naruto-kun, I strongly recommend you read it. Even a single entry is enough." Haku practically begged him.
"Hmph. What's the big deal with her diary? She's a shy girl who wouldn't harm a fly." Sasuke was unimpressed with Hinata. She couldn't satisfy his need for a degenerate girlfriend.
"She's plotting to kill multiple people." Haku told them in a deadpan voice. The room became silent, and Haku hoped they understood the severity of the situation.
"Hahaha!"
"Heh."
They didn't.
Haku went to speak again before Naruto held a hand up and chuckled. "Haku-chan don't be silly, let's go train!" Naruto grabbed his arm and began to drag him along with them.
"Kill multiple people. That's hilarious." Sasuke commented with a shit-eating grin.
"Next you're gonna tell us that Ino transformed into some mentally insane weirdo who is hell bent on getting revenge." Naruto said in between bouts of laughter.
"Oddly specific but go off." Sasuke shared a quick fist bump with his boy.
"I'm going to have to protect you then, Naruto-kun." Haku sighed deeply now. His first ever friend was too carefree.
"I'm kind of jealous that Haku treats you that way..." Sasuke admitted painfully.
"I'm super lucky to have Haku-chan around!"
"... Forget it. Let's just go melt ice." Haku gave up easily.
"Hell yeah!"
He'd take matters into his own hands to protect his best friend. The best friend who seemed to share a single brain cell with Sasuke.
Kiba walked the dark streets of Konoha with a sad look on his face, looking similar to a kicked puppy. His trusted companion was not at his side currently, but that didn't bother him.
He preferred to be left alone to his thoughts. Being alone was all he had at this point.
His own mother called him "Naruto".
He couldn't mentally recover from that.
It was a slip of her tongue when she was cooking dinner, but it kept playing in his head.
No one recognized him. No one recognized Kiba. No one recognized the boy who wanted a harem of supremely hot babes. He was a total nobody…
"Hey boy, wanna ruin a series?"
Kiba stopped in his tracks when a gravely and evil voice called out to him. He turned his head and spotted a cloaked figure. The figure had a hood covering their head, but a set of bright yellow eyes devoid of pupils peered at him from behind the darkness.
"What? Ruin a series?" The hood of the cloak dipped forward, signaling a nod. Kiba was suspicious, rightfully so. "Sorry, I don't talk to freaks like you." He began to walk away after stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"You want a harem right? You want the most beautiful girls from all over the world to love you. I can give you that, but I need your help."
Kiba stopped again.
"… I'm listening."
Black Zetsu, the franchise killer, chuckled maliciously.
"Perfect."
A/N - I just felt like writing a little something. I've been way too busy with things to write fan fiction, sorry everyone. I'm still around, kinda. I'm just not very active on here or social media in general lol. I am working on a new Let Me Atone in Peace chapter right now, and a chapter for another story.
Yes. Ino has become the Joker. She do be living in a ninja society.