AN: I do not not own any of the characters or the Sookie Stackhouse books they belong to Charlaine Harris. I'm just in love with Eric Northman and didn't like how the story ended for him. This is also my first attempt and writing so please let me know what you think!

CHAPTER 1: Loose Ends

Sookie POV

It was as humid as ever and nearing sunset as I pulled out of the Shreveport law office. All I want to do is get home, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed... but for some reason I find myself driving by a place I haven't seen in 60 years. A place filled with so many memories that it shakes me to my core. I could've taken the easy route out of town, jumped on the highway, and been on my way back home but no… instead here I am sitting outside Fangtasia. Why am I punishing myself? Today of all days was not the day to take a walk down "this" memory lane. "pull yourself together Sookie" I whispered slowly driving off, leaving the bar in my review mirror until it painfully disappeared.

I had to be strong. This was the day I had planned for and there was no need to make any unnecessary pit stops along the way.

It didn't take long before I was on the highway heading towards Bon Temps and my mind began to wander. I couldn't help but look to the past and feel consumed by my regrets. That time in my life only serves as a constant reminder of everything I had done wrong and all that can't be changed. From my trust in Bill Compton to my lack of trust and faith in Eric Northman. Boy, I had made a lot of mistakes! But I am no longer that "sweet Sookie"…. I've had a lifetime of pain, heartbreak, and indecision. I was once a perpetual child… looking at my defiance as a strength, when in fact is was my downfall. I always had to do things my way and it cost me. Too bad I didn't understand at that time exactly how high the price would be... I'd lose everything in the blink of an eye. All that mattered would be gone because I was a stubborn fool.

Eric had been the love of my life, but I hadn't taken our marriage seriously. He honored me with the highest respect, with my best interest in mind, and what did I do? I metaphorically spit in his face.

Sure… it wasn't the traditional wedding that every girl dreams of, but he was mine and I was his. Breaking our blood blond was one of my biggest mistakes, what in the hell was I thinking? I should never have let Amelia cast that spell. I know it now and I knew it then, but it's not her fault it's mine… I should've fought for Eric and now for all I know he probably hates me.

Thanks to that fucking cluviel dor my life has went to shit. Had I known what that thing would do, and the misery it would cause I'd have gotten rid of it… Deep down a part of me wishes I had used it to get Eric out of that damn contract. Not that I regret saving Sam Merlotte but he was never the same after that. Deep down he thought he was destined to die that night, right there and then. To him my intervention and the magic behind it always felt unnatural, like the kind of shit that messes with the whole space time continuum. He would never look at it as anything other than a curse that would follow him until the day he died.

Eric and Sam are two painful memories that will haunt me until my last day. I didn't think about the consequences of my actions. I just ran in "Sookie style"… Head first and eyes closed. I was so young, so naïve, so human.

After Eric set me aside and married Freyda, the Queen of Oklahoma, per the contract Appius Livius Ocella had set up – I was angry and confused. I hated Eric for not getting out of it, I despised Ocella for creating it, and I wanted to stake that bitch queen myself for forcibly stealing my man. As much as I wanted him back, needed him in my life he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had no other choice but to try to move on and I did for a short time. I found comfort with Sam. He was simple and available. I had known him forever and there was a kind of love… He was after all my best friend and partner, but it was never right. I knew he loved me but deep down he knew that I would always love Eric even after he left me for another woman. Sam was a great man and friend, but I was never able to return the love he held for me. So, our relationship was short lived.

All I could do was throw myself into my job and my "gift". My life became a constant attempt to stay busy and distracted. When I wasn't working, I was learning about my powers, practicing how to use them, and gaining a control I had never had. Thanks to Mr. Cataliades who graciously provided me with the tools to learn and Amelia for supplying me all the fae lore she came across, my "spark" started growing. I was becoming more fairy than human. Not that I was losing all my humanity, but I was undergoing a serious change. My suspicion was confirmed when I received a shocking visit from my great grandpa 10 years after I lost my Viking.

I should have known that Niall Brigant, Fairy Prince didn't really close the portal permanently. I also knew he wouldn't open it unless he felt there was no other choice. He had come with warning knowing I would be in danger. My spark had signaled to him that my "royal fairy lineage" was transforming me. I was not ageing at the normal human rate, I was able to access power I shouldn't have, and these things would make me highly attractive to those with the intention of using me for my "gifts" – He thought it best if I stay hidden so he taught me how to "appear" as a normal ageing human until the day I should naturally "die". Everyone around me would see the effects of time, except me.

That was the last time I saw great grandad and I would take his warning to heart. However, it was the apology after the warning that would give me HOPE for the future. They were words that I would never forget. He leaned in, putting his hands on my cheek before kissing my forehead, then looking into my eyes… "Sookie my dearest granddaughter… I was wrong…. I misjudged your vampire, he will pine for you until his last day, but even he cannot know this secret until the time is right"… and the he was gone before I could say a word.

That was the moment I realized I would never have the normal human existence that I had once fought so hard for.

I was in a haze when the reality of the situation hit me. I could see at the time (and now) how hiding my new Royal "fairy" status would be vital to my survival for awhile. The fact is, I was only protected under Eric's contract for the rest of my natural human life and now that life would be much longer and less natural. I didn't want to get forced into servitude by another vampire monarch like Felipe de Castro, who I am sure would love to get his fangs on me and in me. Then there is Freyda who would kill me out of spite and jealousy when my allotted time expired. AND of course, let's not forget about my stalker and ex - Bill Compton - something like this would take his obsession with me to a whole new level... it was bad enough Karin has caught him lurking in the woods trying to catch a sneak peek like a creeper over the YEARS. Hiding would keep me safe, it would keep Eric safe…

I knew if Eric still loved me, he wouldn't want to wait. He would try to come to me, get a message to me, or do something else entirely rash. That is something that would cause his true death, and it was a chance I wasn't willing to take. We would have to wait; I would have to hope that he understands.

From the past to the present my mind slipped. The biggest change was about to happen, and I could not help but remember the LONGEST day of my life. This day…. I decided this was the time, I was going to duck out and move from my past to my future. I would have to let go of everything I have known and loved. This has been my biggest secret, a dream I dreamt a thousand times, and my plan for the future.

Eric gave what I thought I wanted all those years ago… I was allowed to live a human life as I would have. My aged image caught in photographs, ever moment meaning more than the last. I had created a lifetime of memories knowing ultimately, I was just biding my time and counting down the minutes until my vampire was released from his contract.

My last day had been spent visiting my family and friends. Making the rounds and being a perfect southern belle like Gran would have expected. I knew she thought I was meant for more… I doubt she saw this coming, still I can't help but wonder if she would approve. Deep down I know she would, and that comforts me. My thoughts then ran to Jason and Michelle… their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and the last supper we shared before he passed. Me, their famed aunt Sookie who dated the Viking vampire was dazzling them with stories about my many supernatural adventures, watching their eyes light in wonderment. It was a memory that I would cherish for the rest of my days.

My estate had been settled and made sure all my matters were in order. I tied up all the loose ends at the law office today ensuring that everything was put into place. Jason's family would be left my home. Afterall it had been in our family for 200 years. A Stackhouse had always lived on the property and Gran would want to keep it that way. I just prayed the next generation would care for the for the home as I had, as Gran had. I wanted our memories to live on.

All the personal items I wanted had been tucked away in a safe place, my finances were in order, and my funeral was planned and paid for. I had 50 years to prepare for this day, and I hadn't missed a beat.

The thought of what I would have to do when I got home snapped me back to reality. This wasn't just about me and I couldn't help fear the way my friends would mourn my death; I didn't want to be responsible for their sadness, but it couldn't be avoided. Even more than my death I feared my re-birth and this secret I've held onto all these years, how were they going to react?

My first thought jumped to Pam. How would she take this last cryptic message from me? Would she read between the lines and see the meaning? Would she understand the hints I have left for her? Shit I am going to scare her to death… wait she is already dead… I giggled out loud. I can only hope that she sees it as a second chance when the times comes.

Karin would be a little different. She had guarded me all these years in undying allegiance to her maker. Where her sister Pam had liked me from the beginning, Karin saw me as a weakness to her master. A "mere human that would cause his end". But over the years she has softened and come to mean just as much to me as Pam.

Watching me grow old wasn't easy for them, I saw the pity in their faces every time I looked into their eyes. Each year becoming visibly weaker and aged in appearance … but I couldn't tell them it was a risk I just wasn't willing to take. I loved them – More than they know.

Doubting my resolve… I repeated Naill's Final words in my head. I had to take this risk. I was once asked to jump blindly and have faith in our love, and I didn't. It was a mistake I would never repeat. It was time to take that chance… This is my cliff and I am jumping off, praying that the pieces I have spent 50 years putting into place fall together like I planned.

Pulling in the driveway I realized it was time. My beautiful day had ended, and this existence would be no more. Everything that has happened has led up to this day.

As I walked into the house, I savored every inch. Committing it to memory, cataloging it in my mind. I wanted to be able to pull these memories out at a later date, when I was feeling homesick. I've lived here almost my entire life and it contained all my best moments, I though thinking of Eric and his time here.

As I walked out onto the porch with a warmed true Blood in hand, I knew it would only be a matter of time before Karin was beside me. She took the drink, thanking me as it passed between us. It reminded me of how our relationship had grown. How she hated me initially, but in my old age, I find her drawn to me, she has softened and warmed… I hugged her, completely catching her off guard. "I love you Karin"... I said with a chuckle. Legit you don't earn the name "Karin the Slaughterer" if you're a "hugger".

"Karin" I kept my voice calm and cool while she stared at me with her silent distain for human aging, "I need to ask you something"… She nodded, acknowledging what I said… "I have a secret to tell you, but not today. I just need to know you won't get mad at me when I do tell you." She raised her eyebrows and suspiciously glowered, thinking I was a delusional senior citizen and having no idea what I was talking about. But she nods in compliance and I hug her for the second time. "Goodnight Karin, I will see you soon", and with nothing more to say I walk into the house.

Now I need to lay this last brick. It was time to call Pam… Not at the bar, that whole place is probably bugged, but on her cell. I dialed her number and after two rings she answered... "Hello Sookie, is everything ok".

It was a loaded question and instantly I wanted to hang up, but I couldn't. How could I put them through this? Something that they would consider my final death. It was going to be painful, but everything had to be played out this way to appear authentic. I had to stay the course.

"Hello Pam" I said taking ahold of the present. "I need to ask you something and be honest with me. How is Eric, I know we never talk about him, but do you think he hates me after all these years?" There I said it… it was out and all I could do is impatiently wait for an answer. Could there still be love there, I mean was it even possible? … I could hear her pause reflecting on how to answer.

"Eric will never feel love for another the way he does for you, I can still feel it in our bond to this day" she glowed on the other end… "his current existence is a shell, he pretends to be strong when he is weak and your final loss will devastate him in ways I am not ready to experience. He gave you something you always wanted, your human existence. He will mourn you, love you, and carry your memory with him until he meets the true death."

Well that was dark I thought instantly hating the idea of Eric mourning my death, but her words did give me hope that if I make it through this, there was a chance after all these years. A hope that we could get a second chance to love each other.

"There is something else Pam" I slightly paused. "I have a secret to tell you, but not today. I just need to know you won't get mad at me when I do tell you."

"Of course I couldn't ever get mad at you Sookie, but you know I hate secrets! You better tell me soon or I will come over there and pull it out of you."

"Maybe it will be next week, maybe years from now I haven't decided yet." I laughed partially telling the truth. My plan is to wait out Eric's contract, but I had back up plans in place just incase things went sideways. Always expect the unexpected I thought. "One day can you tell Eric that I've never loved anyone but him, that I still love him, and Jag kommer att hitta honom i mitt nästa liv (I will find him in my next life)."

"Are you sure everything is ok, your starting to worry me. You never say his name let alone speak in Swedish, when the hell did you learn?" Pam paused and I couldn't help noticing there was a level of concern in her voice that I have never heard.

"Pam I am perfectly fine, maybe I'm feeling nostalgic in my old age, but I still believe the future will be ours." With that I made up an excuse saying I was tired and needed to go to bed before whishing her a goodnight and hanging up the phone.

I glanced around the house one last time, as if saying a final goodbye to a longtime friend. But the silence was interrupted by a knock on the door.