Eren and Historia
Historia walked through the fields, feeling the cool spring air lash against her face. It had been years since she had returned to the old country house she had grew up in, and she had to admit that despite the lukewarm memories she had made here, she had missed it at least just a little. She gazed out at the green grass, dancing in the wind. Everything the light touched was coated in a thin sheet of morning dew. The sun had jut peeked the top of its head out from the horizon, and the birds and other animals had begun to rise and make their daily cacophony of noises and chirps.
Historia looked over at the barn, and the old log cabin. How much had changed since she had been the little girl who called this place home? Who had lived here, isolated from everyone else? With a mother that didn't care for – no, hated her, and a father who had only come once to see her. Oh, how timid of a girl she had been. How frightened of the world, and all the mysteries it contained. She wasn't that girl anymore. She had buried her a long time ago.
Now she had friends, and a family made of the members of the scout regiment. She had people who genuinely cared for her. She was no longer the scared girl; she had risen above it all to become something more. After years of denial, she had finally embraced her royal blood. She was Queen Historia now. "Queen Historia," She thought to herself. Oh, how strange the title still sounded attached to her name. Her real name. No longer Christa. Historia. She had become a better version of the self she had always had inside of her. And she would never go back, constantly moving forward into the future. She had promised Ymir that much.
Feeling the pain generated at the thought of Ymir's name, Historia shook her head roughly and continued to walk through the tall grass. Ymir had made her choice long ago. In giving up her own life to make sure Historia could live hers, Ymir had made the ultimate sacrifice. Historia loved her for it, but couldn't help but harbor a bit of resentment as well. She could live for herself; she didn't need Ymir and everyone else to give up their life for hers! Nothing upset her more than the concept that, especially now, so many people would lay down their lives for her. Despite their noble purpose, did they ever think about how it affected her? Having all those lost lives on her conscience? And Ymir – that hurt worst of all. She knew Ymir loved her, in a way that Historia had never felt love before. Maybe that's why it hurt so much. Historia, selfish as it may be, just wanted to feel loved that way again.
With a sigh, Historia continued walking until she reached a tall tree that overlooked a long yellow-green hill. She sat down, feeling exhausted at the weight of everything that had been placed upon her shoulders. So much responsibility, being queen. Especially now, with Paradis now opening its gates up to the outside world. She and everyone else on the island knew there were dark times on the horizon. The scouts had killed every mindless titan on the island, but an even greater foe resided on the other end of the sea. But enough thinking about that; Historia had come here to get away from politics. She sighed again, and closed her eyes. It was strange that it was here of all places that she still felt most at home. Maybe she could let herself relax for once. Maybe, she could finally sleep…
Historia awoke slowly, feeling a soft touch on her shoulder. She opened her eyes, the intensity of the now afternoon soon causing her vision to blur. When it finally came into focus, she saw a familiar face just inches away from hers.
"Eren?" Historia said, squinting at the man above her.
"Hi Historia" Eren said, an intense look in his eye. "I thought I might find you here. You know, you really shouldn't slip away from your guards like that. I know you're strong and you can handle yourself, but you're the queen now. We need you to be safe."
Historia looked down, feeling embarrassed at being chastised by Eren. "I know Eren. I'm sorry. But I had to get away, just this once at least. I had hoped you, Mikasa, Armin and everyone else would understand." Historia watched as Eren looked away from her, moving to the side where he had sat himself next to her under the tree.
"I do get it." He said quietly, hints of exhaustion creeping into his own voice. "You feel like you have the weight of the world on our shoulders. I don't blame you for wanting some time to yourself. What is it about this place that made you want to run here?"
"I did not run!" Historia said with scorn, her face flushing with a slight hint of red. "I came here because this is where I grew up. I didn't always have the best childhood; in fact it was downright miserable at times. But despite all that, I feel at home here. More at home than in the castle, or in the barracks with the Scouts. It's hard to explain, but being here gives me a sense of peace."
Eren nodded, not pushing any further. "I see. I'm sorry for disturbing your peace then, Historia. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I can go now." He began to rise, gaze fixed toward a distant field.
"No! I mean, no, you don't have to leave," Historia said quickly. "I don't mind the company. Please, stay Eren."
Eren affixed her with a questioning look, the same intensity still shining in his eyes. Eyes that seemed to have changed in the last year by Historia's own observation. Eyes that, despite Eren's youth, now seemed to have seen so much.
"Ok Historia." Eren said without question. "I'll stay."
Historia felt warmth at his words, a feeling she held onto with earnest. "Thank you Eren. I actually wanted to talk to you anyway. I figured I would wait till I was back in the palace, but since you're here I might as well ask you now."
"Ask me what?" Eren looked slightly puzzled, cocking his head.
"Back in the meeting room, when we were talking to the ambassador. You said you were.. worried about me. Worried about the possibility of the military wanting to turn me into a titan. Do you really think that they would? Do you think even the scouts would have thought of it as an option?" Historia shivered, the thought of her new family turning against her making her bones ache.
"I don't know, Historia," Eren said. "If they thought it was a genuine way to save humanity – no, to save us Eldians – then they may have pursued it. But I couldn't even let it be an option. I couldn't."
"Why?" Historia asked, looking up at Eren again. "Why did you feel the need to stand up for me? To keep such a critical thing a secret just to keep me safe?"
Eren looked to the distance, a thoughtful expression plastered on his face. "You're my friend, Historia. Remember? That's what you said to me when you cut me down from that pedestal in the catacombs beneath your father's estate. You told me you were my friend. You turned against your father, your destiny, in order to save me. And I'll tell you the same. Because you're my friend, I will do anything to protect you. Even if it goes against some preordained notion, I don't care. I want you safe, Historia. Ymir wasn't the only one who didn't want to see you hurt."
Historia winced at hearing the name out loud, and Eren looked at her with a worried expression. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said her name. I know you're still hurt about what happened to her, about the choice she made."
"But it was her choice," Historia heard herself say. "Even though it was made with me in mind, she chose to sacrifice herself. To save me. And even though it hurts, even thought part of me hates her for it, she chose. And I made her a promise; that I will always choose for myself too. I owe her that." She looked firmly at Eren, and he smiled at her.
"I'm glad, Historia," he said, a warm look in his eyes. "You really have gotten so much stronger. I admire your strength. We couldn't have chosen a better woman to be Queen."
Historia felt her cheeks flush and looked away from Eren, down at a white flower resting in between them. It rested in the gap between their hands, placed on the ground beside them only inches apart from each other. A warmth filled her again, this time more intense. A feeling that she hadn't felt in a while blossomed in her chest, causing her skin to tingle. She looked back up at Eren again.
"I just never knew you cared about me," she said quietly. "You were always spending time with Armin, with Mikasa, Jean and the others. I was always off with Ymir. I feel like back then, we never really talked much. Not until more recently."
"I'm sorry for that," Eren said. "I was so caught up in learning everything I could about my power, consumed with my rage against the titans. But we know so much more now. Titans aren't even our most terrifying enemies. It's all so much. I'm beginning to realize that in the midst of all of this, there are a few things more important than fighting. I know, it may be surprising to hear me of all people say this. But with all the people we've lost, I just want to keep the ones we still have close to me. I only have 5 years left after all, and that's not much time left to spend with all of you."
Historia nodded. She had never really seen this side of Eren before. He felt… sad. Not just pouty like he had been back when they had all trained together in the Scouts. This was a deep sadness, one that seemed like a pit with no bottom. Historia looked back at their hands, resting so close together. Bravely, she moved her hand over the gap and placed it on top of Eren's. Eren looked toward her, startled at the touch. But he didn't recoil. She felt his warmth. She could almost feel his breath, as he was only inches away.
"It's ok Eren." Histora affixed him with a soft, kind look. "I don't blame you for any of it. I'm just happy you're here now, with us. And… with me." She felt the tingles again, and could feel her stomach lift slightly. Why was she feeling this way all of a sudden? She had never really looked at Eren like this before. Was it because he was being kind to her? Was it because he said he cared about her? Was she still so much of a girl caught by whimsy that this was all it took to make her feel this way?
"No," she thought to herself. "It's because I understand. His need to keep us all close, the sadness I feel inside him, the fear of losing those close to him, the burden… I understand it all. It feels so good to have someone with me I can share this with." "Thank you for being here, Eren," she said softly. "I feel… safe with you. Not just because you're looking out for me. I admire you. I've always admired how strong you were, your conviction. It was something I was honestly jealous of, for a while. I always felt like I was pretending. But now, I feel like I'm truly where I'm supposed to be. And it just so happens, you're here too." She looked to him again, and saw the faint glisten of a tear in his eye. Without warning, he reached out his hand toward her face. She felt the need to pull back, but instead sat still, letting him touch the top of her head and gently smooth out a few stands of her long blonde hair. He brought his hand down, brushing his thumb against her cheek.
"I've never told anyone this before, but I always thought you were so beautiful." He looked at her nose, her lips, his gaze traveling along the contours of her face. "Not like a doll, not like how Reiner or some of the other guys thought of you. But a more mature beauty. There's just something about you." No blush on his face, no crack in his gaze. He affixed her with that intense gaze, the same one she had seen on his face time and time again. Only this time, it had an air of softness, the edge missing entirely.
Historia felt an uncontrollable warmth in her body now, something she knew she couldn't fight no matter how hard she tried. "I thought.. you and Mikasa.. it always seemed like you and her…" she said, still not wanting to acknowledge where she knew she wanted this conversation to head.
"No. I love Mikasa, but she was always a sister to me. I know she is beautiful too, but not like you Historia. Not in the way you are." He brought his hand down further still, cupping it around her chin. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, surprise graced his face, and he made a move to pull away.
"No!" Historia said, a bit too loudly. "No, it's ok. You don't have to stop…" she blushed. "Your touch feels gentle, it's… calming. You don't have to pull away." Her right hand still clasped on top of Eren's, she moved her other hand up to his face, gripping his cheek. "Please Eren. You don't have to stop."
He calmed at her touch, and didn't remove his hand. Instead, he leaned in, his face getting closer to her, closing fast through the invisible space between them. Historia flushed, and let him come in closer and closer, and she could feel herself moving toward him as well. She gripped his cheek, more tightly this time, and pulled herself closer too, until at last the distance between them had faded. Without thinking, without a single ounce of hesitation, she opened her mouth slightly and placed her lips on his. Electricity seemed to crackle between them, the air getting hotter and thicker. She felt his lips on hers, and sank into the kiss. He leaned into it, pressing his lips firmly onto hers. They stayed that way for a while, lips locked together, before Eren eventually pulled back. He looked at her again, this time in a different way. They both knew a barrier had been broken, and before it something unknown to both of them had emerged. A deep feeling, something bristling with life and ready to take form. Historia embraced it. She pulled Eren in again, once again feeling the touch of his lips. This was what she wanted. This was what she needed. She chose this. And she knew, deep down, it was the right choice.