Remus, December, 1977
It had been four moons now since Bess had disappeared, and Remus still couldn't find it in his heart to look Sirius in the eye for too long. On the surface, nothing had changed. They were still as close as ever, and Sirius still confided in Remus, but Remus just felt a little... off.
It wasn't that he thought Bess' disappearance had anything to do with him. It wasn't the fact that Greyback, the werewolf who had turned Remus at the age of five, would attack Bess. And it wasn't the multitude of other, understandable reasons.
No, it was the fact that whenever they caught each other's eye for too long, Remus could see that Sirius still didn't hate him. Or rather, that he still didn't hate or fear werewolves.
And for some reason, that made Remus feel a little hurt.
Well, he knew the reason. The reason was Lyall Lupin, Remus' father. The man who refused to look Remus in the eye for two years after he'd first been changed by Greyback. The man who spent those two years trying to find a cure for Remus' lycanthropy. The man who finally learnt to love Remus and the wolf as one being after Remus (at age seven) asked Lyall why he hated him, and if there was anything he could do to make his father love him again. They were now closer, but the memory of that period of time still brought tears to Remus' eyes.
And looking into Sirius' eyes for too long inadvertently brought those feelings of loneliness, hurt, and abandonment back to the surface. Sirius' complete acceptance of Remus as a person and as someone who, "Has a furry little problem," as James put it so eloquently, made Remus wonder why his own father couldn't look at him for those two years. And that made him wonder why Sirius wasn't upset about the chance that Bess would come back as a wolf. He didn't seem phased at the prospect that she could be doomed to a life like Remus'. He wasn't looking for a cure, he was looking for her.
Not that he'd told Sirius this, of course.
No, because the thing with Remus was that he was a shoulder for everyone else's problems. He was ready and willing to let people offload their worries on him. He was eager to give them advice - sound, unbiased, and helpful advice. Even happy to act as Sirius' wingman (though he hadn't been employed in that respect since just before their OWLs). But Remus wasn't one to open up about his own deepest, darkest, most stupid, worries. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he just didn't want to burden anyone any more so than they were - his friends already knew about his lycanthropy. They already supported him. They already trusted him.
Well, he thought bitterly, most of them do.
Lying in his bed, staring up at the empty expanse of white above him, Remus felt his stomach drop, and bile rose to his throat as he remembered a conversation from October. The events often popped into his head just before the full moon, when he was at his most annoyed and volatile. He blamed it on the wolf, preparing to come out.
The Marauders and Lily stood in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest, as rain lashed against them. They had only been outside for the walk from the main doors to the clearing - only around ten minutes - but they were all soaked to the bone. The darkness of the wooded area was lit only by the ends of their wands, and the occasional flash of lightning, so close to them that the thunder sounded at almost exactly the same time as the flashes occurred.
"IT'S TIME!" James bellowed, nodding exaggeratedly at Lily, who stood as a fifth member to their usually smaller circle. "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?" he asked for the hundredth time, and Remus smiled at Peter - he could tell Lily was rolling her eyes.
"OF COURSE, YOU IDIOT!" Lily shouted back.
Remus barely heard his own laughter over the clash of thunder. The lightning illuminated Sirius' face, in the circle opposite Remus. He was grinning.
"SHE'LL BE FINE, PRONGS!" Sirius shouted, clapping a hand onto James' shoulder. "PETER WAS, AND SHE'S FAR BRIGHTER THAN HE'LL EVER BE!"
"AREN'T YOU GOING TO DEFEND PETER?" Lily cried back, staring at Remus.
He smiled, and shook his head. "NAH, WE ALL KNOW IT'S TRUE," he replied, laughing again.
Peter simply shrugged and nodded. "THEY'RE RIGHT. PRONGS, IF I CAN DO IT, LILY CAN TOO!"
"I KNOW, I'M JUST..."
"DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO MARRY A HALF CREATURE, HALF PERSON?" Sirius questioned. James simply nodded.
"THAT'S ME OUT, THEN!" Remus shouted back, joining in the round of barely audible laughter which followed his statement.
"DO YOU WANT US TO GO?" Peter asked, looking at Lily.
She shook her head. "ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE, EH?" she replied, taking a deep breath. She removed the cork from the vial, and covered the now open top with her hand. She then placed her wand tip over her heart and shouted, "AMATO, ANIMO, ANIMATO, ANIMAGUS!" before she downed the vial's contents.
For a moment, nothing happened. And then Lily's eyes opened wider, and her face twisted in pain. Her hands dropped to her knees, and she cried out.
"NO!" Sirius shouted, holding back an obviously worried James. "SHE'S OKAY!"
Lily gasped loudly, clutching her hand to her chest, and Remus understood what was happening - it had happened the same way with Prongs, Padfoot and Wormy when they'd all changed - they'd felt intense pain. Then they'd felt an intense double heartbeat thrumming deep in their chests. Remus could see Peter whispering under his breath, his fingers, counting - he was thinking through the steps, just like Remus.
Finally, Lily rose, staring into the middle of the circle, as if she could see something that wasn't there. And then she began to change. Remus, Peter and Sirius turned around, while James continued to watch - it had been Lily's request that they all be there, but James be the only one to see her turn for the first time.
Remus stared at a tree for long seconds, the rain and thunder continuing to silence any other sounds around them, until he heard something which cut through all of the noise - laughter. Remus turned around to see James having his face licked by a red doe. Remus let out a surprised laugh when he realised that it was wearing Lily's necklace, and what looked like her school robes as well - he could see dark patches where the material had melded with her body when she'd changed.
It took Lily about two hours to turn back into her own form again, and when she'd worked out how to do it, the boys had turned around again to give her privacy. This time, even James turned.
"Okay, I'm decent," she called, and Remus turned back to see James already standing by Lily, an arm thrown around her shoulders, a proud smile on his face. Lily was beaming. "I can't really believe it! A doe! I mean... I know Bess warned me, but,... it really is pretty... doe-p!"
Sirius was the first to react - he threw his head back over his shoulders and let out a long groan. Remus simply chuckled and shook his head while Peter rolled his eyes. James' reaction was to tuck Lily under his shoulder and begin the walk back to the castle, a gigantic grin on his face.
When they reached the Whomping Willow, Lily asked, "Do you think I'll be able to come along one night? To help you, Remus?"
Remus didn't know what to say. If he was honest, the thought that she would ask had crossed his mind multiple times. But he never wanted her to ask. Because he knew it would be hard for him to say no to her. She was one of his oldest friends - he'd even met her before he'd met Peter, James or Sirius. But he wanted to say no. He couldn't have her see him in that light. Couldn't let her-
Before he'd even worked through his thoughts enough to answer, Sirius had answered for him. "No," Sirius said, with a commanding finality to his tone. "Sorry, Lily, but no."
And those five words had stayed with Remus since then. He had never told anyone that he'd been hesitant to let Lily see him transform at the moon. Which meant that Sirius didn't trust that he, Remus, in his wolf form wouldn't hurt Lily. He hadn't even waited for Remus to answer before he'd shut it down.
Again, Remus hadn't told Sirius how this had made him feel. That it had confused him, alienated him slightly. It was one thing for Remus to know he was a monster...
Remus sighed and shook his head. It was Christmas Eve, and he was at his parents' new house in Shropshire. They moved every summer - because every summer Remus was forced to transform in his parents' basement, or in a warded clearing, and every summer the locals heard his screams and roars, howls, and claws.
Turning onto his side, he clutched at his stomach and stared now at a framed photo of himself and his friends - of the Marauders. Taken by Bess in the summer, they all stood in one of the rooms of Sirius' flat, laughing as a doxy flew out of a curtain and straight at Peter, who would scream, and run off camera, chased by the winged creature.
He smiled and thought that maybe one day they would go back to that - carefree.
His eyes trailed from the photo to the small plate of untouched food on the nightstand.
In just a few hours the full moon would shine, and Remus would turn into a wolf. Being a Muggle and so not being able to help create potions or balms to help, his mother, Hope, spent the days until the moon doting on him, making sure he was well, and checking on him every five seconds. He had to admit that it was lovely, and he did love his mother, but it was a little... incessant. Especially now that he was overage, and had spent the last twelve moons with his friends when he'd transformed. The idea of being alone bothered him greatly. But he didn't want his friends to give up their Christmas Eves... their Christmas Day's, for him.
When the door opened behind him, Remus sighed and made no effort to turn around. He knew that it was his mother, come to check on him again.
"What's he doing?" James asked, and Remus flipped over at lightning speed to stare at Sirius and James, who were standing in his doorway.
"Sulking," Sirius replied with a laugh. "Can't you tell? Untouched food, curtains drawn, foetal position. He's throwing himself a little pity party."
"You had me at untouched food," James replied, walking over to Remus' plate. "Oh man, I love your mum's crumble."
"Don't eat it all!" Sirius replied, walking to stand by James.
"It's okay, it's just a bite," James replied, stuffing half of the crumble into his mouth. "I'll save some for Moon."
"Not for Moon! I want some!" Sirius replied, grabbing the plate from James and sitting down next to Remus' stomach.
"Why're you here?" Remus asked, still a little shocked that his friends had descended. They'd not written to say that they were coming.
"There's a long story, and then there's a short story. Short story is I promised Bess that I'd always be there for you and help you during a transformation, unless something meant we couldn't... like Order business. Slightly longer story is, promise or no promise, we would never leave a Marauder behind and you should know that by now. Slightly longer story, James and I missed you."
"Oh, and Peter's a prat," James added, now rifling through Remus' Muggle book collection. "Can I read this?" he asked, jumping onto Remus' bed, throwing his legs over Remus'. He was holding Persuasion, by Jane Austen.
"Uh, sure," Remus replied, still slightly confused, but feeling a lot happier than he had been - James and Sirius were here! "Wait, why's Pete a prat?"
"'Cos his name's Peter, and he's a rat. Put them together... Prat," James said, frowning at the blurb of the book before turning it over and opening it to the first page.
"His mum said he couldn't come," Sirius replied, taking another bite of crumble - he was eating a lot slower than James had been, obviously savouring each bite. "And he didn't argue about it, so James is in a bit of a bad mood. We even flew there first - I've got the bike parked down the lane - and he just said he couldn't come, and that was that."
"Really? That doesn't sound like Peter..." Remus said, frowning.
"His mum was standing there holding a rolling pin, to be fair..." Sirius replied absentmindedly.
"That makes more sense," Remus replied, grinning. "But uh... I don't think the basement will hold us all..." he added, his face falling as he realised there was just no space.
"That's fine. Ma said we can use the clearing again. She's put up the ol' wards so should be safe enough. And Sirius just charmed your mum," James said, still reading, "using his-"
"-exceeding good looks." Sirius and James said at the same time.
"-and your Dad didn't seem to mind too much," James continued. "Something about turning your smile upside down? Said they'll have Christmas Tea ready for you on Boxing Day. So we'll take you back to mine, you'll let your furry thing out for a few hours, we'll fix you up, Dad'll whip up a few pain potions, Mum'll make us food and let us get drunk, then you'll Floo back on Boxing Day. Sound good? Good. Let's go," James finished, standing up without waiting for Remus to answer.
Remus grinned and, after stuffing a few t-shirts, some underwear, and his nice pair of trousers into his bag, he found the energy to run down the stairs after his friends.
xXx
The next morning, as the sun rose, Remus opened his eyes and stared up at the early morning sky. For a few moments he thought he was alone, but then he heard the slight crackle of fire, felt the soft touch of a blanket, and saw a small cloud of smoke rise nearby. He smiled to himself and slowly sat up, adjusting the giant blanket slightly.
"Ah and he's finally awake!" James said, grinning. He was sat a few feet away, next to Sirius, who was lying on the ground, staring up at the sky.
At James' words, he sat up and winked at Remus. "Morning sleeping beauty."
Remus rolled his eyes and smiled back. "Thanks," he said, lifting a corner of the blanket, which was wrapped around his shoulders and arms as well, shielding his entire body from view. "Assuming this was you?"
Sirius nodded.
"The fire was him too. But if anyone asks, it was me. Don't want anyone to think Pads has a soft spot for you now, do we?" James laughed. "Let us know when you're feeling up to it and we'll head inside, yeah?"
Remus nodded and grimaced when he tried to move again. He felt intensely weak, and a bit nauseous. Side effects of the transformation and all of the pain which came with it. When he'd moved to a more comfortable position, he asked, "Did I..."
"Nah, you're good," Sirius replied. The last moon, Remus had been a bit cagey, and the wolf had lashed out more than usual, leading to Sirius getting a few broken ribs. "I think having a big circle to run in kind of did us a favour this time."
"True. That and the excitement of Peter turning up!" James said.
"Pete's here?" Remus asked, perking up slightly. "I thought he couldn't come?"
"Ah, what Mum doesn't know won't hurt her. As long as I'm back by the time she wakes up I should be alright," Peter replied, walking towards the group with a basket full of food. "Gifts from the lady of the house. Said Remus shouldn't move for a good half hour after this," Peter handed Remus two vials, "and we're not allowed back in until we've polished off this basket. Real bad egg, your mum..." he added, grinning at James.
As the boys began to tuck into the pastries, Remus downed the potions and winced after each one. Stomach lurching, he couldn't fathom the idea of anything sweet, and so was pleasantly surprised when James chucked him two slices of well buttered toast instead. He nodded his thanks and... wolfed... down the toast. While he did, he wondered what it would be like to transform under the influence of the Wolfsbane potion. Bess hadn't been sure when the potion would be ready for use, but as she'd been assumed deceased for over three months now, her money had been transferred to him officially, and he was now well prepared to buy ingredients as soon as the recipe landed.
Would he retain his mind? he wondered. Or would he simply go to sleep? How would it work exactly? All questions he should have asked, but didn't want to bother Bess with.
Sighing, Remus sat up more and straightened his blankets.
"Alright there, Moon?" James asked, and Remus nodded, turning his face away. He didn't really want to talk about himself right now. Not after the moon. Luckily, the boys understood. "Have I told you all how it went with Lily's sister's wedding yet?"
Sirius' bark of laughter should have prepared Remus for how badly the encounter had gone, but somehow, he was still surprised when James said, "And then Vernon told me to leave, and that he didn't want my kind around him, his wife, or their future family! How rude was that?"
"I kind of understand where he's coming from there, sorry mate," Remus said, smiling. "My mum just doesn't get broomsticks, and she's been married to a Wizard for what, twenty years now? Vernon probably thinks you're a lowlife or something."
"Well he sucks. He's horrible, and even Petunia could do better," James replied in a sulk.
"Bess always said she hated Petunia. So sounds like those two deserve each other if you ask me," Sirius said coolly, his hands behind his head as he stared up at the sky again. The past tense wasn't lost on his friends, who shared looks.
"Said?" James asked, after a long pause of silence.
Sirius took a deep breath. "It's Christmas. She was a badass, but I don't think she would have lasted this long, do you? Only good thing is that we haven't heard anything about Voldemort knowing more information than we do. I hope she'll walk through the door one day, but I can't keep wallowing."
"Where'd that come from?" James asked quietly, a look of concern on his face.
"It's okay, Prongs, really. I had a chat with Dumbledore before we left for Christmas break," Sirius continued, sighing as he sat up and shook his hair. He rested his forearm on his knee, and ran a hand through his hair. "I said I needed a distraction, and he said I can start taking on missions from graduation if I want, but I have to be dedicated to it. And I have to be realistic about what I'll be going into. It made me realise that I've been too idealistic, thinking she's still out there somewhere."
The ensuing silence was deafening. Remus caught James' eye, and frowned. They'd not included Peter in their more worried chats about Sirius, but this was, hopefully, a good step for him - the only people who still thought Bess was okay were Sirius and Euphemia. If Sirius was beginning to see sense...
It wasn't that they weren't hopeful, it was that they were, as Sirius said, trying to be realistic.
The silence dragged on until Sirius raised his head and rolled his eyes at James, who smiled slightly, wriggled his shoulders, plastered a smile on his face, and said, "Well la dee da! Mr Black's going on fancy missions after graduation then?"
At Sirius' laughter, everyone began to smile and laugh.
"What're you doing after graduation, Prongs?" Peter asked loudly, and Remus tried not to laugh again - he knew what James' answer would be. Everyone did.
"Definitely Order stuff, but as you all know, my main aim is to become Mr. James Evans!" James asked, grinning, a blissful look on his face.
It quickly turned to a frown when Remus, without thinking, said, "Lily Potter sounds better. And that's if she actually says yes."
While Peter gasped in horror, Sirius laughed and said, "Tell the truth more often, Moony!"
James rolled his eyes and replied, "Do you think she'll say yes if I wait until the end of the school year? Because I asked her in the summer and she laughed at me and said no..."
Sirius sighed. "Mate, I wouldn't worry about it. You asked her out about a thousand times-"
"Fifteen-" interjected James.
"-and she took you to her sisters' wedding. I'm sure you'll only have to ask her to marry you about twenty-"
"-I was hoping five!-" James complained.
"-times before she'll say yes," Sirius finished, a teasing smile on his face. "No, but really, I'm sure she'll say yes if you wait a bit. I asked Bess to move in with me at Christmas and she said no, but then she told me we were moving in together in March, so I'm pretty sure you've just got to wait for Lily to tell you that you're getting married, and you'll be grand."
"What if she never asks me?" James asked quietly, frowning at the ground.
"If she hasn't asked by graduation, ask her again," Sirius replied, and James nodded.
Remus felt pride rising in his chest - he'd spent years helping Sirius and James to understand other peoples' points of views, and now here they were having an emotionally mature conversation in front of Peter (who they normally showed off in front of). So this is what growth looks like, Remus thought.
All pride went out of the window when James shifted and let out a very loud fart. "Sorry, getting a little too real," he said, winking at Remus who was wriggling his nose in disgust while Sirius and Peter rolled around laughing. "Really, though, I can't believe I'm going to be the first to go off the market completely"
"Merlin, Prongs, we're not cattle!" Sirius replied, laughing still.
"Yeah, we're mighty WOLVES!" James said, raising his hands over his head. When he began to howl, Sirius joined in.
"Oi! Knock it off. I'm the only wolf here, and I'm a lone wolf, thank you very much," Remus replied, smiling.
"Yeah, not surprised with that one," Sirius said, shaking his head and settling back onto his elbows.
"What d'you mean?" Remus asked, slightly affronted.
Sirius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, mate, didn't mean to offend. Just meant that... well... you're always helping us but you don't open up about your own stuff, you know? You like to suffer in silence so you're not a burden. Merlin, I had to tell Lily she couldn't come to your transformations for you! I could see you trying to work out how to say no in the politest way, but sometimes no is a full sentence, mate."
"You..." Remus felt his unease at that memory lift off his shoulders. "Wait,... you said that because you thought I didn't want her there?"
"Yeah. Was I wrong?" Sirius asked, frowning.
"Well,... no... it's just... because I-"
"Don't worry about it mate," James said, shaking his head, a comforting smile on his face. "Sirius and I talked to her afterwards, she doesn't think it's rude at all. When she thought about it properly she was mortified she'd even asked. It's different, y'know? We've been doing this since fifth year, but we knew about you since second, but not just that... we were open that we knew about it. It'll take a while for you to feel comfortable enough to even broach the subject with her."
"I... Thanks,..." Remus replied, letting out a long breath that he didn't know he was holding. Slowly, a smile grew on his face, shifting into a grin. "Didn't realise you guys could be so observant."
"Yeah, well, gotta look out for our little wolf, don't we?" Sirius asked, grinning back at Remus. "Especially since you don't know what's best for you all the time... Case in point, touched that inheritance yet?"
Remus blushed and ducked his head. "No..."
Sirius groaned.
James shook his head. "You need a new cloak, Remus!"
"We've all talked about it," Peter said seriously, "and if you don't spend some of the money soon, we're going to write to the most embarrassing magazine subscriptions we can and sign you up for them. Then you'll have to pay the cancellation fees with Bess' money."
"Actually, we could just do that anyway..." James pondered.
"Don't you dare!" Remus replied, flushing.
"Don't worry, we'll get a mix! There'll be Muggle ones in there too. There are some good looking girls out there!" Peter replied with a high pitched giggle.
"And guys. Don't worry, Moon, we won't forget them," Sirius added in a sincere voice, nodding.
"I will actually murder you all if you sign me up for anything other than Transfiguration Today and the Defence Journal," Remus replied, narrowing his eyes at his friends. He knew they were all joking with the aim of putting him at ease, and it was working, but part of him was worried that they really would sign him up for those, and if they did, somehow it would get back to his parents. He didn't think that Lyall and Hope Lupin would approve of their son having subscriptions to 'vulgar' magazines, whoever was in them.
"Boring!" Sirius shouted, and James and Peter laughed.
"How's Jennifer?" Remus asked Peter in an attempt to change the subject.
Peter blushed and ducked his head, as he began to play with his hands in his lap. "Well we're still going out, but I think she's only using me to try and get to Pads, so I don't think it's going to last."
"Why'd you think that?" Sirius asked, a shocked look on his face. "She always seemed so nice!"
"Yeah, well, I overheard her talking to her friends about your arse, so... But... well... she's a good kisser and said she wanted to... you know... so I'm confused about what to do..."
"Ah, thinking with your second brain..." Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Well, the closest anyone's come to my privates, guy or girl, is this blanket I'm wrapped in, so I think whatever happens, you're doing better than me!"
Remus was sure that their collective laughter could be heard by James' parents, it was so loud.
He couldn't quite believe that just twenty four hours ago he'd been dreading the moon and the morning after it. Now, sitting in the snowy field behind James' house, warm from magical fire, belly sated by toast, appetite for Christmas lunch growing, he couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be.
xXx
Bess, ?, ?
"There has to be a way for me to go back. I can't- I can't stay here. You have to understand. I have to go back," Bess whispered, her tears falling down her cheeks, dripping from her chin. "Tell me there's a way for me to go home... Not just for me... it's... Sirius. I have to help- I have to save him. I- please, please tell me there's a way."
"There is," Daphne replied solemnly. "There's the way I came here, and for my sins, I'll help you get back, you have my word. But you won't like it."
"Why?" Bess asked, staring up at her double. It took a moment for Daphne's words to sink in, and when they did, Bess let out a loud noise of anguish. "You can't be serious! I couldn't... You're talking about-"
Daphne grimaced and shook her head. "There are only four ways of crossing worlds that I know of. You can be forcibly removed from your world and thrust into another, or you can be recalled from the world you were sent to, both of which happened to you. Or, you have to choose to leave... and if you choose to leave, there's a price to pay."
Silence fell between the two young women - Bess, who had retained her youthful appearance, and Daphne, who had gained Bess' original years. Both almost identical, save for Daphne's lack of scars and their ages. They could have been sisters.
"You said four," Bess said, coughing slightly to try and add conviction to her wavering voice.
"What?"
"My boyf- Sirius... he..." Bess thought of all of the times that Sirius had rolled his eyes or groaned at her for saying that she'd make X number of points, and then going over the number. Was it a coincidence that Daphne had the opposite problem? She shook her head slightly to rid herself of the mind-tangent she was getting caught up in. "Doesn't matter..." she whispered, putting a hand to her forehead. "You just... You said there were four ways to get back. What's the fourth?"
"Using a Babylon Candle," Daphne said distractedly as she walked over the the now whistling kettle which sat on the stovetop in her little London flat. "But they haven't been seen in centuries, and definitely not in this world. If that had been an option for world crossing I would have Seen it and used one. I wouldn't have chosen to cross the way I did..."
A/N: We'll be staying with Bess for a few chapters now - explaining how she got to Daphne, what happened to her, all the way to this scene you've just read, and a little bit beyond it.
Thank you to all of you beautiful readers, and for all of the follows, favourites and reviews! Thank you to Momochan77, AvalonRivers, Ghost Claw 001, CharlotteGryffindor, and BlueHairedRaven - (I'm having fun delving into their heads as well, but it is getting mentally draining for me, swapping between characters, so happy I'll be staying with Bess for a few chapters now!)