Chapter One

Hans sets his acoustic guitar on the stand next to him and pulls out a beaten-up moleskine notebook. He looks at the rest of his brothers and sisters in Christ and smiles gratefully, "Before we close out tonight's study, we're going to go around the room and take prayer requests."

Everyone inside Hillside Church's youth room smiles and nods, except for Anna, who's both grateful and dreading her place at the end of the circle of chairs. Hans would be asking for her prayer request last, which gave her time to come up with something to say. Something safe. Something neutral.

Something that would keep her from revealing her terrible, disgusting secret.

"I've got my swim meet tomorrow," Ariel says, hoping that sitting next to Hans during these Bible studies will finally get him to notice her. "I'm just hoping that I can set a new PR, I don't think I'm good enough yet to place."

Clearly, she wants Hans to say something- compliment her- but it's the girl sitting next to her, Ella, who remarks, "I'm sure you're much better than you think you are. As for me, uh, things at home are kinda rough. Especially with my step sisters. So if I can get some prayer for that, I'd be really grateful."

Anna relates all too well with that feeling. Family problems, sister problems especially. Except she feels guilty for even thinking that Elsa is a problem, when in reality it's herself that should carry that label. She was the problem child, the one who just...couldn't be normal.

Hans finishes what he's writing in his notebook, and looks at the reserved guy in the corner of the room, sitting on a school chair that no one can see past his wide frame. "Sully, what about you?"

"Oh, is it my turn?" He asks with a voice so deep, you'd be forgiven for not thinking he's still a highschooler. "I guess uh...I'm on the worship team this weekend. So I'm hoping I can keep up with everyone. I don't want to miss any notes or something like that, you know?"

"Please, you're the best bassist in town," Eugene interjects. "You're gonna kill it."

Sully smiles gratefully at him, and then shrinks back into himself. An oxymoron if there ever was one.

That leaves only two other people before it's Anna's turn, and she's yet to think of anything. Maybe she could...no. No one would understand, even she barely understands why her heart has to feel the way it does. And a Bible study full of people she's only kinda friends with at school- save for Hans who's a college graduate- isn't the time and place to unveil her sickness.

Even Rapunzel, the girl next to say her prayer request and the only one she is truly friends with in this room, doesn't know what's going on. And Anna doesn't want to tell her due to the completely rational fear that she might lose the only friend she has. Even as Rapunzel looks at her and mouths 'You okay?', all Anna can do is stay straight-faced and nod.

When Hans says her name, Rapunzel brings her attention back to the group and turns her personality back on. Her smile brightens the room and she intertwines her hand with the guy sitting next to her, the aforementioned Eugene. "Well, in honor of our one-month anniversary, Eugene and I are starting a devotional together on dating. It's really exciting for the both of us, and I'm hoping for support and love during this new step in our relationship."

"Of course," Hans replies with a smile of his own. Less bright, but just as genuine. "I'm really happy for you two, and I'm so glad Eugene could finally join us tonight."

Anna is happy for Rapunzel too, but the sin of envy creeps inside her skin as well. Not because of Eugene- he seems nice, even if he doesn't look all too keen on spending his Wednesday night at a Bible study- but because Rapunzel found someone she wanted to be with. Someone she was...allowed to be with.

The constant battle between her heart and her faith have affected Anna physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The words of Jeremiah 17:9 stay burned into her mind, reminding her time and time again that her heart is deceiving her. And yet, she can't keep her feelings down. It feels like the more she tries to repress them, deny them, the stronger they become. This conflict manifested inside her through sleepless nights, impure thoughts, and massive amounts of anxiety.

And she knew they were about to get worse, because tomorrow she'll be back.

The twisted, ever present object of her heart. The unbiblical, unnatural source of her affection and affliction. Gone for three months on a mission trip to Ghana, and her plane is arriving tomorrow at 9:21 AM.

Anna wonders if that should be what she asks for prayer about, but just speaking her name might cause her to react in a way that would raise suspicion. So, that was off the table.

At least Eugene still needs to go before she's called on. Hans loves getting prayer requests from new members, he sees it as a way of being formally welcomed into the Bible study family. Anna figures she still has maybe a minute or so to herself, but all Eugene says is "Same as Rapunzel".

And now there's no time left.

Hans nods and turns towards Anna, she swears she can see his smile grow just a little more as he asks, "What about you, Anna? How can we as a study- as a family- support you this week?"

The walls have already closed in so much around her, and the eyes and faces that turn towards her don't do anything to remedy it. And the thought of tomorrow makes her spiral down even faster.

But Anna knows that an answer is still expected from her, and amidst the inner turmoil she decides on one word to utter.

"Unspoken."

It's a prayer request used to signify that there's something going on, something that you can't talk about but need help in overcoming. And what's a greater obstacle to overcome than this? Even if it opens her up to be the subject of many lines of gossip, Anna can't think of anything else to say. So, she accepts it.

And when Hans leads the prayer to close out the night, Anna's quick to leave before anyone asks her anything. She even blows off Rapunzel, which causes the guilt in her to worsen.

Anna looks at the time on her dashboard: 9:21 PM.

She turns on her radio to hopefully drown out her thoughts just for a little bit, hoping for twenty or so minutes of reprieve. But when a worship song from last Sunday begins to play, she's reminded of a line in it that all too aptly describes her trouble. Tomorrow, in twelve hours, the old is made new. Old feelings and troubles will be made new once again.

She'll be at school when the plane arrives from Ghana, but when she gets back home there won't be any more escape from her thoughts. Her emotions. Her heart. Her constantly tested faith. Because tomorrow, Elsa was coming back home. Her older sister. Her best friend.

And the woman she's deeply and disgracefully in love with.

A/N: Hello hello, it is me again. Back on my bullshit. Writing my first multi-chapter incest fic in like three years. Buckle your butts, because this is gonna be a wild ride.