Chapter Twenty-Seven

A/N: Jesus, has it been a week already? Alright so multiple people have asked why I'm leaving FFN (technically), and rather than write out the same answer like five times, I figured I'd do it in this note. The blunt answer is that I'm not getting as much engagement as I once was when I first started writing here. I write these stories for me yeah, but I also write them for the comments and the reactions and the validation that people are reading what I'm writing. Fandom activity has been migrating away from FFN for a while now and I just think it's my turn to do the same. Plus, while FFN may be more accessible on the reader's end (debatable), it is a BITCH for writers.

Having to accept the rules and guidelines with every new story is a pain, there's no tagging system, you can't comment on Guest reviews, and everything here just looks really dated. AO3's more intuitive for writers, so that's why I'm making the permanent switch there. Again, I won't be deleting this account but if you want to read whatever I have coming up next and support me, then AO3 is where you'll find me permanently. Unless, some other newfangled fanfic site comes out that blows AO3 out of the water.

Anyway, Elsanna.

"It's not too late to turn back. You sure you want to do this?" Elsa asks.

Anna nods, despite the whirlwind of anxious thoughts swirling through her mind. "Your semester starts tomorrow, and I know I won't be able to do this without you."

Elsa reaches for her hand, and Anna holds it tight without hesitation. "I won't leave your side," she assures.

"What about you? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Elsa lets out a nervous laugh, "No. That's why I'm not leaving your side."

Unable to help herself, Anna laughs too. She leans back in her seat with her hand still clutching Elsa's. "We're hopeless," she says.

Elsa leans back in her driver seat too, and she turns to smile at her sister. "Maybe. But together, I'm sure we can scrape together a little bit of hope, right?"

Anna returns the smile, holding up their intertwined hands. "Just a little bit."

"Just a little bit," Elsa repeats.

With their time together getting shorter by the minute, all their hesitations have to be put on hold. They unbuckle their seatbelts and open their doors to a sunny, winter day in Copper Springs. It's a common kind of weather in January, but still a refreshing feeling. They walk side by side with the sun beaming down on them and a slight wind pushing them closer to their destination. Their much-anticipated return to Hillside Church.

It's not Sunday, which is a shameful blessing in disguise. The tension would feel much worse had they returned on a Sunday. To their relief, Pastor Tom is gracious enough to agree to meet them outside of service hours.

They both know they can't let that abysmal talk at their house be the last moment they have with the man who's been nothing but supportive of them for years. After a quick email exchange, they set up a meeting at his office where they can talk both privately and candidly. There's far too much that can't be left unsaid, too much that both parties deserve to hear.

Anna and Elsa had a long talk beforehand to prepare each other for their return and what they want to say to Pastor Tom. Anna made doubly sure to prepare herself for what she needed to say.

It's far too quiet while they're walking. The only time Anna's used to Hillside ever being this quiet is on...Wednesday nights. She wants to hold Elsa's hand out of habit, but she doesn't know how to keep that from being anything more than a sisterly action. So she shoves her hands in her jean pockets instead. They make their way inside the part of the campus that used to house faculty offices. They still have offices in this building, but they're for church staff instead. They didn't have to do many renovations or touch-ups aside from fixing the air conditioning and putting up a new bulletin board.

The receptionist is named Sally, a total Disney fanatic if her desk full of figurines and stickers is any indication. She's a new face for Elsa and Anna, which might be a good thing since they're really not up to seeing any familiar faces save for the one they've made an appointment with.

Elsa explains that they're here to see Pastor Tom and after a quick tap on her computer, Sally tells them to wait a minute for him to get them. Anna looks at the bulletin board to pass the time, seeing reminders about the New Year Barbecue this Sunday, a movie night for the kids on Wednesday, and a job listing for a new Youth Pastor. She wonders for a moment how long that position's been vacant, and if it has anything to do with Hans.

And of course, as soon as she thinks of Hans, she can't help but think of her parents and that awful moment in their backyard.

Was this a mistake? Maybe she and Elsa shouldn't have asked for this meeting. Maybe she should be okay with not having closure. How much has she inflated her self-worth to think that one decision is worth taking up a pastor's precious time for?

She feels Elsa's hand gently scratching her upper back, and it breaks her free from her thoughts. Elsa looks at her with a small smile and whispers, "Slipping?"

"Little bit," Anna whispers back.

"Take a breath," her sister replies with more soothing back scratches. "We're doing the right thing, don't forget that."

She's right. And by proxy, that means Anna's right, which is an odd feeling for her. They've talked about this for hours, and to head into this next season of life without tying some loose ends wouldn't feel right. Besides, fear can be conquered. Fear...can be conquered.

"Well I can't begin to tell how glad I am to see you two again."

The sisters turn around and see Pastor Tom with his arms crossed and a non-Sunday smile on his face. He didn't seem disappointed in his email about their sudden disappearance, and that doesn't change now that they're face-to-face. Anna feels guilty for ever thinking he might be disappointed; it looks like when he said they'd always have an ally with him, he meant it.

"Come on," he says while waving the two over. "We'll catch up in my office."

The step they take into the hallway is the furthest Anna's ever been in the offices. She's never had much of a reason to be here aside from turning in a random form or two for the children's ministry. And now, the one and only time she ever may need to come here...

The office is smaller than she's expecting. It's still about the same size as Mr. Mattias' office, except it's much brighter with natural light coming from a large window that looks out to the playground and basketball courts. Pastor Tom has a smaller version of the bookshelf at his house, though this one has a few more secular books interspersed with theological classics (a copy of The Screwtape Letters is right next to a copy of We Were Liars). Pictures of his adorable family are on his desk right next to a mug full of pens, their happy faces act as a sobering reminder to Anna about what she's had to sacrifice. A worship song plays through his computer's speakers that will no doubt be a part of the setlist on Sunday.

He sits in his office chair, and Elsa and Anna sit on their own which must have been brought in from a different room.

"Would you mind shutting the door?" He says to Elsa. "I'm sure you'll want to keep this conversation private."

"Very," Anna replies after a heavy sigh.

When the door closes and he pauses the music, there's a massive shift in tension. Despite the trust they have in the pastor, they still feel scrutinized. Although that has to be inevitable with conversations as personal as the one they're about to have.

"So…" Even the way he says that one word holds a lot of weight. "How do you want to start?"

The sisters look at each other, equally as weary, though Anna feels like she's the one that needs to answer. "What happened after I...after we left?"

Pastor Tom nods like that's what he was hoping she would ask. "Nothing, at least initially. You two unloaded so much on your parents that piling any more on them would have been overkill, and I was feeling a little too emotional regardless. After Elsa went to look for you, I told them the conversation shouldn't have turned out the way it did and I left. I was expecting...I don't know, maybe a call back from Agnarr? But there was nothing. Until three days later, when I get a notification that they tagged me in a Facebook post and uh...wow."

"What did it say?" Elsa asks. She rarely uses social media, and Anna deleted her accounts a few weeks ago after getting too many nasty messages from her "friends".

He purses his lips and lets out a sigh heavy with disappointment. "A lot of stuff. Mostly just them questioning my authority as a pastor and a 'man of God'. They said that I'm too blinded by the things of the world and I was leading Hillside towards a 'path of destruction'. It's all stuff that I and a lot of other pastors have heard dozens of times. Anyway, at the end they mentioned that they were leaving Hillside and, well, they seem to be keeping to that promise."

Anna notes that it doesn't seem like her parents mentioned anything about why they were questioning Pastor Tom. In fact, it felt like they were more outraged by their beliefs not being validated and less about their own daughters walking out on them.

"Nothing about us?" Anna asks to get rid of any assumptions.

He shakes his head with disappointment. "Even in the comments, they ignored all the questions about you."

"What the…" Elsa sounds tempted to say one more word but holds herself back. "It's like we don't exist to them anymore."

"We don't," Anna reminds her. "The daughters they thought they had are gone." She thinks back to the conversation in the kitchen, and the distant look in her parents' eyes. Should she have known earlier?

Pastor Tom sighs, "Again, as a parent I'm severely disappointed. And before we're done here I want to know your plan when it comes to being home because if you're going back..."

"We can just tell you right now," Anna says, sensing that he doesn't want to say how he really feels just yet.

"Oh. Well if you feel comfortable talking about it right now, then by all means."

They don't feel comfortable with it. In fact, there's nothing comfortable about this conversation at all. But it's necessary. Anna goes to respond but finds that the words are hard to say. She looks to her sister who, with one look in her eyes, knows exactly what's going on.

Agnarr and Iduna are still, by all technicalities, their parents. They were born from them, raised by them, and yes they were inevitably shunned by them but…did they really deserve this?

Elsa reaches over and squeezes her hand, reminding Anna of the one thing she needs to remember: that this isn't about them. Not anymore. This is about her and Elsa, and the freedom they deserve to have. Nothing else should matter.

"We're not going home," Anna confesses. "We don't feel welcome there anymore, and I know we're supposed to honor our mother and father but...well you were there. Home's not home anymore. And besides, I'm eighteen and Elsa's twenty-one, they can't force us to go back even if they wanted to. I- we really don't think there's anything that could make us go back."

Pastor Tom nods, he doesn't look relieved by their decision but he doesn't look upset either. He probably knew this would be their decision. Still, this can't be easy for him to hear. "I'm sure this must have been a tough decision for both of you," he says soberly.

Tougher for Elsa than Anna, but only because Elsa's worried about how her sister's going to fare when she goes back to St. Joseph's.

"But what about your living situation? Have you thought that through?"

It's iffy, and they're sure Pastor Tom will find some flaws in it, but they do have a plan. Anna tells him that Rapunzel's parents have allowed her to stay at their home for as long as she needs. She's going to apply for community college where tuition is much cheaper, and she's already been looking for jobs so that she can save up enough money to get an apartment. And with her grades and extracurricular experience, there's a strong possibility that her community college can be fully paid off through scholarship money.

Elsa adds that at the end of her school year, she'll help her sister raise money by getting a job herself. Their hope is to get an apartment before she starts her last year at St. Joseph's. Preferably somewhere close to Copper Springs Community College so that transportation won't be too much of a problem.

And since Elsa's schedule will be fairly lax during her senior year, she can get a job during that time too so she can help Anna with the rent. It's not a perfect plan, but…

"It's better than the alternative," Elsa says, repeating the same words she told Anna yesterday.

Pastor Tom casually taps his fingers against his desk while glancing up at his ceiling fan. They don't expect him to be fully on board with this plan, but they aren't going to let him talk them out of it either. This plan has to work. And if it doesn't, they'd rather be homeless than live with their parents again. Still, their pastor's silence is eerie and unsettling, especially in stark contrast to the confidence he displayed when they were at his home.

Anna goes to say something to break the silence, but finally Pastor Tom responds with a heavy sigh. "I'm listening to you. I hear you. I hate that this is the path that you're forced to go down, and I'm trying to figure out the best way that I can help you both. Especially you, Anna."

"The fact that you're listening to us is more than enough," Anna assures, her heart clenching as she's now understanding how much of an ally he's trying to be. Despite his experience as a pastor, he still struggles to find a way to help. This is still new, sensitive territory for him to navigate through, not knowing what people like her need. But he's trying, and he's learning.

Just like Anna's still learning about herself.

Pastor Tom shakes his head, "It's not enough. As your pastor, I have a duty to serve those in my congregation. To be like Jesus. He loves people wholeheartedly, giving them everything that he can, and I have to do the same." He quickly types something and navigates through his computer in a way that feels like they should wait for him to continue. After finding whatever it is he's looking for, he looks back at Anna and says optimistically. "I have a friend who has a counseling center next to Copper Springs Community College, and she's currently looking for an assistant. I can't guarantee you the job, but if I let her know you're interested, then you can most likely get an interview."

Anna expresses her surprise in the form of a relieved smile, Elsa squeezes her hand in joyful solidarity. Finally, things seem to be looking up for them. "That would be amazing," she says.

Unfortunately, this act of kindness will make her next confession even harder to get through.

"Consider it done," he replies while beginning to type on his keyboard again.

"But I don't think I can accept it," Anna adds with deep regret.

This makes Pastor Tom stop and lean forward with his arms folded on his desk, looking at Anna with both surprise and foreboding interest. "What do you mean?"

Once again, Anna looks to her sister for support. Though Elsa looks just as uneasy, she manages to sincerely mouth the words "It's okay."

Anna gathers the courage to disappoint her pastor, speaking with just enough volume to let herself be heard by the only two people in the room. "I...I'm not coming back to Hillside. Not for a while at least. If I come here, people will only see me as that gay girl. The one whose parents disowned her. I don't want all those eyes on me, I just want to be free for a while. To be me and not be looked at like some...parable. Which is why I have...I need to take a break from the church for a while. So it wouldn't feel right to accept this opportunity from you. Not if I'm staying away from your church. It'd feel like I'm using you."

She waits for him to say how disappointed he is to hear that, and that this meeting is over. Out of all the ways she saw this playing out, that always felt like the natural conclusion to this meeting. But all Pastor Tom does is smile. Not out of disbelief, and not in a conniving way like he's itching to say some scathing words before kicking her out. His smile is softer, nicer than it has any reason to be given the circumstances.

To be honest...he looks proud.

"Anna, this isn't my church. You know that," he corrects. "I'm just the guy who gets on stage and talks every Sunday. Jesus built this church, and it's his grace that allows me to love his people, especially the ones who feel like they don't deserve it. Now, how many times have you been taught to give to those who have no way of giving back to you?"

Anna purses her lips, "Uh, like...at least seventeen times."

"Oddly specific number," he mumbles. "I'm not doing this as a bribe, or an incentive for you to come back. I'm doing this because you're a good person who's been dealt a bad hand, and I want to help you overcome that. It would never sit right with me as a pastor- as a person- to hear your struggle and do nothing but pray for good fortune. So please, Anna, let me help you."

Anna's impulse is to once again reject his offer out of guilt, but she closes her mouth before those words can come out. It doesn't make sense to let this new chapter in her life be needlessly difficult. She deserves better...she and Elsa deserve better. "I might never come back to Hillside, you know," she adds softly.

"That's your decision to make. If it happens, I'll cry for a few days, eat a gallon of ice cream, and get over it," he jokes.

And goddamn...that's all it takes. Finally, the last of the crushing weights disappear and for the first time in forever, Anna feels free. And she can't help but laugh once more. Not a long, hearty one, but a quick, cheerful one. Her regular laugh, devoid of all the pain she's had to go through, the pressure piled on her. Finally, she can laugh because something's funny. Finally, she doesn't need to think about survival or making the best out of another bad situation.

Finally, she's allowed to be happy.

And so she laughs.

"Don't worry Tom, you still have me," Elsa interjects, glancing at her sister with relief plain in her eyes as well. "I owe a lot to you and Hillside, and to be honest I can't see myself being at any other church but this one. Besides, someone's gotta be around to make sure you don't go overboard with the metaphors."

Pastor Tom smiles and says jokingly, "Good, now I feel less betrayed."

Anna gasps, "I said might!"

With that initial tension out of the way, he updates them on more of what's been going on at the church. Unfortunately, It seems that others followed suit after their parents declared they weren't coming back, including some staff. He explains that the unfortunate exodus is a good thing, however, because it allows him to make some changes to the doctrine and lifestyle of the church to make it more inclusive to those that have traditionally been looked down upon. The marginalized, the homeless, the LGBT community. Hillside's changing regardless if Anna comes back or not, but it sounds like it's for the better.

He doesn't say anything about Hans, but then Anna doesn't really ask about him either.

After some more casual talk about how their Christmas went and what else they'll be doing for this new year, Anna mentions they need to head out so she can pack. He lets them go, but not before giving a reference to Anna for the assistant job and some apartment listings close to CSCC. With a shaky promise that it won't be long till they see each other again, they leave.

Anna thinks that if this is the last time she'll step foot in Hillside...well it could have been worse. But it never should have happened like this.

She wipes a tear away as they walk back to the car, and during the drive back to St. Joseph's they let out a sigh of relief that seems to last the whole drive. Nearly tempted to go to Oaken's for a late lunch, Anna concedes to finding food closer to campus and eating in Elsa's dorm. There aren't enough hours anymore to do whatever they want.

With their stomachs full of Chinese food, Elsa helps Anna pack the two suitcases she brought with her, along with a couple of other extra things like one of Elsa's blankets and a container full of the chicken alfredo Elsa made a few nights ago.

As they're in Elsa's room, she remarks with her hands on her hips, "Funny. You didn't bring a lot of stuff but...this place still feels emptier."

Anna smiles, leaning against Elsa's bed, "That's a weird way of saying you're gonna miss me."

Elsa looks at her like she smells something funny and pokes her in the forehead, "Eww never. In fact, I'm going to be so happy having my bed to myself again."

"Really? Well, I didn't like sleeping next to you anyway. Your feet are like ice blocks."

Elsa gasps, "Take that back!"

"Which one?"

"Both of them!"

Anna purses her lips, "I'll take back...one of them." She walks over to Elsa and slides her hands around her waist, holding her like she's meant to be in her arms. "I'm gonna miss waking up next to you."

Without hesitation, Elsa returns the embrace. "I'm gonna miss holding you like this."

And finally, in the quiet, dimly lit space of Elsa's not-too-spacious dorm room, it dawns on Anna that this is the last solitary moment they'll have for at least a month. If not more. It doesn't sound that long, but they were just starting to figure out how to be together...and now they have to be apart again.

"This is so stupid," Elsa says after a sad chuckle. "Spring Break is in like two months."

"And w-we still have Sundays," Anna adds, trying to smile.

"Right, we still have Sundays. So like...we'll see each other really soon."

"Yeah."

Yet despite their words, the sisters hold each other tighter as if they'll be swept away if they part for even a second. It surprises Anna that she's not crying right now. But maybe that's because, aside from a few more months with her sister, she's not really losing anything. She has Elsa, and this new progression in their relationship means they're closer than ever before. Despite how unbelievable it still feels.

And they did everything to keep in touch even before they were a couple, so this won't hurt so bad. This won't break them. Nothing will break them anymore.

Besides, they have an entire future to look forward to, one they'll plan together. Maybe parts of that plan will change, maybe they won't, but the constant through it all is that they'll have each other. With God willing, their trial is now over even if there's still a lot of work to do.

And now they can live while figuring out what it really means to live.

They part at the exact same time. Elsa wipes away a tear from her eyes with her palm and says, "Got a lot of driving to do. Let me grab my keys and we can go." She goes to leave, but Elsa stops her with a hand on her wrist. "Anna, what's-"

Anna pulls her back again. But instead of a hug, she kisses her sister with everything that she has. This is no mistake, no fate-defining impulse, no fantasy. It's her showing the person she loves the most in the world that she's not scared anymore. They're sisters and together, and maybe no one else will ever understand or accept that, but that's okay.

Anna loves Elsa more than she'll ever let the world know.

When she pulls away, she doesn't run away or apologize. And Elsa looks shocked, but she clarifies it quickly with a sigh and a smile. "I've been waiting forever for you to do that again, you know?"

After a quick peck on her cheek, Anna remarks with a grin, "Sorry for making you wait."

Elsa kisses her back in retaliation, eliciting a happy little hum from her little sister. She pulls away this time and says, "It was worth it...I love you. So very much."

"I love you too."

They leave shortly after once Elsa ensures that the coast is clear and that they'll be able to get down to the lobby without raising suspicion from the RA. It's a four-hour round trip for Elsa which means there won't be any time for her to stay for dinner or give a long goodbye. Not unless she wants to be driving through the forest at night ("Absolutely not! I'll be screaming the entire time.").

They supplement the time they won't have after dropping Anna off at Rapunzel's house to talk about everything and nothing. They make jokes, talk about what they like the most about each other, and jam out to Listen to Your Heart. It makes the drive feel faster than it really is.

And when they finally make it to Copper Springs, Elsa fully goes into big sister mode by grilling Anna about passing her classes and applying to CSCC, and joking that she better stay away from boys.

Rapunzel and her family welcome them back, and it pains Elsa to decline the dinner invite but she knows she has to get back on the road right away. Still, she makes time to give Anna one last, long hug.

When they part, a momentary frown comes across Elsa's face. "I'm sorry I was never able to bring you back home."

"Elsa..." Anna presses her forehead against Elsa's. In a voice that maybe even God can't hear, she replies, "When I'm with you, I'm always home."