Hi girls and guys! I'm trying my hand at writing twilight now. Never done it before but while the plot/romance of the book is not something I particularly enjoyed, I was fascinated by the world it build.

So here I come, trying out an alternative course for the romance with a Bella that is has more character of her own than just 'loves Edward' and knows when to stand her ground. She's still clumsy, still only has her vanilla mind shielding as a power, comes from the same normal divorced family background and still prefers being invisible to all the stares she gets as the new girl in town but other than that, I'll change a lot about her. I will leave Edward largely unchanged in the beginning but I believe he's actually kind of a jerk pretty often so he will have to change his attitude if he wants a shot at Bella's heart. Especially since he has to compete with Jacob. Also I take some liberties with how the whole vampire mate/imprint thing works. Basically, it's one-sided if you're human, the supernatural being just ends up bending over backwards to gain the love of the human until he changes into something she can love back.

Here we go!

BPOV

The first day Edward Cullen returned to school after his month-long absence I was less than pleased. True, I had known him for less than an hour on my very first day at high school in Forks. However this one hour had made quite the impression. This guy had looked at me with pure hatred. Like I stepped into the room and he suddenly realized I was the murderer of his mother that he'd been searching for a decade or something like that. He'd looked like he wanted to murder me.

It had been the most uncomfortable and scariest hour of my life, to be honest. I called myself lucky when he ran out of the room as soon as the bell rang and I was hopeful when I heard he wanted to change courses to get away from me. When he didn't show up the next day I was relieved, feeling like I dodged a bullet. I was a trouble magnet as it was, constantly falling on my ass on slippery surfaces (did I mention it was winter and the roads were iced over?), straining a muscle during regular sport exercises or getting surprised by the rain when it started just when I was at too far a distance from my home that it wouldn't be worth it to return to get an umbrella. In the past I even got sick more often than others until I completely changed my diet and started to regularly do the only sport that appeared non-dangerous, which was yoga. I really didn't need someone like Edward Cullen to be after my life on top of that. What do I mean by 'someone like him', you might ask. Well. Short answer: Edward is very pretty. Extraordinarily so. All of his family are. However, he's the only single male in their group and almost the whole female population of appropriate age (and some inappropriate) would fall over themselves to get his favor. If he really wanted to hurt me, he wouldn't even have to do it himself. All he'd have to do is ask one of his many fans to do it. Even if he didn't want to go that far, he could just spread some nasty rumors or even just be rude to me in public and it would probably be enough to turn me from new-girl-so-interesting! to enemy-number-one. You should never underestimate the power and influence that comes from being pretty.

I know that I myself are... reasonably pretty. Nowhere near the Cullen's level of course but not ugly either. However on my old school in Phoenix, which was a lot bigger than this one, just having a pretty face wasn't enough. If you wanted attention you also had to dress pretty, talk pretty, act pretty. I'm more of an introvert than a people person so I never had any desire to join in the power plays of the pretty people. I like flying under the radar. I like the quiet, I like the calm. I like being invisible. If you're quite obviously not trying to impress anyone, you're in less danger of attracting the attention of jealous bullies.

So Edward hating me was a real problem but when he showed up to school again I was not brave enough to do something about it yet. I didn't think anybody had noticed his behavior towards me in that first biology class but I wanted to see if he would still act that way towards me now that he was back. One month was a long time. Maybe he'd forgotten about it? My chance to test this came when I got into the line to get my lunch. He elegantly weaseled his way through the crowd with his own tablet and snuck in behind me just before the next hungry student could get the spot. Seriously, it looked quite deliberate. I gave him a fleeting glance to check if maybe he had a sharp knife with him to stab me or something. He smiled at me. It looked very pained.

"Hi" he said, which was all he managed before the line moved along and I used the excuse to take a step away from him. He followed.

"You're Isabella, the new girl, aren't you?"

"Just Bella" I answered automatically.

"Of course" he returned and his smile turned a little wry.

I started to analyze the food displayed and look less approachable. Why was he making small talk? Granted, his greeting was no different than any of the other dozen or so I had gotten during my first week here but it didn't fit with his previous behavior.

"I wouldn't take the meatballs if I were you" Edward offered his opinion. "They're not very good. Too fatty."

I really considered taking the meatballs just because he told me not to but decided against it. If I didn't want to catch my quarterly cold, I had to eat healthy.

"My name is Edward, by the way. Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you" I muttered without looking at him. If he wanted to pretend biology never happened, that was fine with me. I had my food. Escape time!

Edward did not follow me back to the table I shared with Jessica and Angela, thank god. He'd only taken a sandwich with him, sat down with his family and continued being his normal, pretty self. He didn't eat though. I checked. Twice. He was only picking at his sandwich occasionally, ripping bits of the bread and making a mess out of it.

None of the Cullen's ever ate at school. One more sign that he only joined in line to talk to me. I just couldn't see why he'd bother.

XxX

EPOV

Edward sat down next to Jasper and put his tablet with the sandwich he had no intention of eating in front of him.

His siblings were staring at him. He knew that Jasper had sensed his brief flare of bloodlust and he knew that Alice hat monitored him through her third eye but Rosalie was mentally packing her luggage already and Emmet was considering if he could grab Edward and jump out of the window fast enough that the humans would see only a blur.

Finally Emmet couldn't take the silence anymore.

"And?" he asked, leaning forward slightly with his hands on the table, just a tiny movement away from grabbing him.

Edward closed his eyes. Than he took a tiny breath.

It was fire in his throat. Not as bad as standing right behind her (oh so delicious skin of her neck, oh so sweet smell!) but he still felt as if someone had rammed a glowing red hot poker down his throat.

Unfortunately, air was needed in order to form words. Else he would never breathe ever again as long as he was in Forks.

"I took a small breath between sentences" he said, which took up half his lungful. "It was bad… but I resisted." There went the rest of it.

Emmet gave him a large grin and clapped his shoulder as if he'd just won something.

"That's great, Edward! You've got my respect! I know it can't have been easy." He was smiling but behind his eyes he was remembering the last time he had run across a singer. It had not been pretty.

"You did great, Edward" Alice chirped. "You're going to continue doing great too!"

Edward gave her a helpless look not confident enough to take another breath while she was still in the same room.

Suddenly he felt his chest swell with confidence though. He could do it – he would not be the reason his family had to move yet again after such a short time! He took another breath – and rammed his fingers into the tabletop to ground himself when the delicious smell hit him like a wrecking ball.

He glared at Jasper. "Thanks but if it's not based on fact, that is not very helpful."

Jasper shrugged and Edward's confidence crumbled into nothing.

"I just wanted to help" he said quietly.

Yes, I know Edward wanted to say but didn't dare. He was lucky to have such an understanding family that supported him and wanted to help him. Initially they had not agreed with his decision to return to school while Isabella Swan was attending it but he'd managed to convince them. Now there were all walking on eggshells around him, ready to take him out when necessary.

He hated that they had to do that. He hated that he had to ask them to do that. He felt like a liability to them, a problem, someone to worry about. Only Jasper felt differently. Edward caught him thinking that he was glad that for once he wasn't the one whose self-restrain was being tested the most. He'd immediately felt guilty over that thought and Edward felt guilty for having heard it.

It was always like this. Edward tried his best to block out the thoughts of his family but sometimes it just wasn't possible. Especially when he needed all of his concentration in order to not jump over this table and rip open that sweet throat, drink right from her headless neck and-

No. His family had developed techniques to block him out. To mentally sing a song or ponder over insignificant details when he was nearby. They shouldn't have to do that just to get a bit of privacy. More often than not his ability felt like a disability. Carlisle was so kind to him. He had disappointed him badly in the past and still he took him back in. They had to rearrange the very way they thought just to accommodate him. He didn't want them to have to change the rest of their life for him too. They were planning to remain here for at least two more years. Then they would all have their degree and could go off to college.

Two more years.

Edward felt like crying.

He chanced a glance at the new girl. In that moment she looked up and scowled at him. He still couldn't read her thoughts. It was utterly baffling. What was it about her that he couldn't get into her head? What was she scowling at? His… sandwich? Right. He wasn't eating anything. Edward started to pick at the bread. Stupid girl with her stupid delicious smell and her stupid locked-off mind. He wished she would've never come to Forks.

"When's your next class with her?" Rosalie wanted to know.

Edward glared at her. A question meant having to take a breath to answer. She knew that.

You've got to practice, Rosalie thought and raised one perfect eyebrow.

Edward took a breath.

- hot poker delicious smell wanna rip out her spleen -

"Government, fifth one" he answered.

"That's a lot of talking" Emmet said with worry.

"He's gonna do fine!" Alice reassured everyone. Edward saw himself in her vision sitting through a very stiff lesson.

"No talking" he said. He didn't care if the teacher called on him. He would just shake his head if asked if he knew something.

"I have chemistry in that period" Jasper offered. "It's right below government. If anything happens…"

Edward just nodded. He was still miserable.

"Maybe you should find out more about her" Emmet suggested. "Seeing her as a person, not a human. If you know what I mean. That usually helps me."

Edward took another breath. Rosalie was right, he had to practice. If he couldn't do this in a room full of other humans with his family nearby to ground him, he wouldn't survive government. Which he knew he could, he survived biology when he'd been completely unprepared.

Was it his imagination or was it already marginally less bad than at the beginning?

"It's easier said than done. She's like a closed book" he told his siblings.

"I wonder why that is though. Why you can't read her" Emmet mused.

"Maybe it's a hidden power" Rosalie suggested. "Some people show signs of it during life already, don't they?"

"You could still listen to the people around her" Alice suggested. "I did that and I know she's the police chief's daughter and she moved here from Phoenix."

It was a not so subtle reminder. If Edward killed the daughter of the police chief, not only would his family have to run but they'd never be able to return here again. There were other towns with a lot of rainy and cloudy weather of course, but Forks had always been one of their favorites. Far off from any other big cities, quiet, reasonably nice people and away from the usual nomad routes. They liked coming here. The Cullen's had lived here no less than seven times before, sometimes pretending to be relatives from the previous Cullen's, sometimes letting more time pass and moving here under a different name.

Another breath. He was getting the hang of this. Slowly.

"Why did she move to Forks?" he wanted to know.

Alice shrugged. "I don't know. She hasn't told anyone yet. You should ask her!"

"I don't think she likes me very much" he admitted.

Rosalie snorted. "How could any human female not like you?"

"Well she doesn't" Edward insisted. "I don't know, maybe I scared her that first day or something. I didn't really pay attention."
"Well if you apologize for acting rude, she's going to talk to you" Alice prophesized.

"I wasn't rude, I-" Edward snapped his mouth shut because someone opened a window on the other side of the hall and delicious singer-smell flew in his direction. Damn it, he had to concentrate more when he opened his mouth!

"Apologize" Rosalie all but commanded and pointed at him. "Girls like that."

"They really do" Emmet agreed with a wise nod and managed not to grin.

XxX

BPOV

When I entered the classroom for Government and Edward was sitting on a spot right behind mine, I cursed my bad luck. Of course he would be sitting behind me. The one spot worse than next to me since I would feel his gaze on my back the whole time, whether he was actually looking or not. Great, just great. AT least I would be spared his weak attempt at small talk… Or so I thought before I sat down, five minutes before the bell rang and he addressed me.

"Hey Bella."
My name sounded like a musical note when he said it. Stupid pretty boy.

"Hi Edward" I returned because unlike some people, I'm not rude.

"I wanted to apologize" he continued, forcing me to turn around again and face him.

His words surprised me. "Apologize?"

"Yes. I was acting… rude, I think, the first day we met. I'm not sure if you remember."

He fell silent. I stared at him. He really thought I could forget the way he stabbed me to death with his glares?
"I remember" I returned a bit cool.

We were silent. Just looking at each other. Edward looked as if he'd just bitten a citrus.

"Well?" I said in the end.

"Well what?"

"You wanted to apologize."

He continued to stare. Seconds passed. His nostrils flared briefly. He looked like he was constipated.

"I'm sorry for being rude. It had nothing to do with you personally."

I nodded. "I'll forgive you." Eventually. If he apologized for glaring at me though, I guessed that reduced the probability that he would murder me on my way home or something. So I was glad.

The teacher entered that moment and I could ignore Edward for the rest of the lesson. Angela was sitting next to me, which helped to distract me from the uncomfortable encounter of the second kind. She was nice and kind, explaining things to me that were new and giving directions when I asked for them but not talking overly or insisting I join in any interactions I didn't feel like joining. Over the past month I had found a group of classmates I got along well with but she was the only one thus far I would call a friend.

When the lesson was over though Edward caught up with me again as I made my way to the next room. I was walking together with Angela and he cut in during a lull in our conversation.

"Hey Bella. Do you need help finding the next room?"

"Actually I was going there together with Angela" I replied.

I exchanged a look with her but she must've misinterpreted my What-the-hell-is-his-deal look with a Pretty-boy-is-talking-to-me-can-you-believe-it and promptly stabbed me in the back:

"Oh, I forgot I wanted to get something from my locker first. I would see you later in arts." She waved and left and I suppressed an eye roll. I knew how to get to the next classroom on my own. I have been here a month already, thank you very much. But I suppose I should give this guy at least some chance to repair his terrible first impression.

"You are friends with Angela, huh? She is a good person" Edward said as we walked down the corridor together.

"She is" I agreed. "Do you know her well?"

"Ah, no. But I've heard good things about her" he replied.

He still looked pained. Why was he talking to me if it was clearly making him uncomfortable?

"What do you think of Forks?" he asked next.

"It's cloudy" I replied and then, being a bit fed up with his act, blurted out: "Look, you don't have to be nice to me if you don't want to."

He stopped walking and stared at me. He still looked like he had constipation.

"What makes you say that?"

"Every time you talk to me you look like you're in pain. You're normal with everyone else but you seem to have something against me" I tried to explain

"I don't" he hurried to say. "I already told you. It's nothing personal."

"Well I don't know what it is. Maybe you're allergic to my shampoo or whatever but you're obviously forcing yourself to be here. You don't have to do that. I already forgave you for last month."

"But… I want to get to know you, Bella."

"Why?" I spread my arms helplessly. "There's nothing special about me."

"There's something special about everyone" he replied but it sounded like an empty platitude.

"You misunderstand me. I like not being special. I like normal and quiet and disappearing into the crowd. Your presence next to me is making that rather difficult. No offense." I motioned a bit around for the students around us that slowed to watch the amazing once-in-a-lifetime event of Edward Cullen talking to a non-Cullen student outside of forcefully being paired up during a lesson. Most of them were girls shooting me dirty looks.

"I see" he said. "I will leave you alone then." He turned and left.

I breathed out in relief. Even though it had only been a few minutes, his mere presence was… intense. There was just something to him that drew me towards him and warned me away at the same time. He was a guy that just screamed 'complicated'!

I didn't like complicated very much.

XxX

EPOV

Isabella Swan. No, Bella Swan as she wanted to be called.

Once at a safe distance from the school Edward found himself pondering his singer. Half of his mind was still drawn to her delicious blood. He caught himself making plans to ambush her on her way home and sink his teeth into her perfect neck. But the pull from the memory of her smell was much weaker than actually standing next to her and he had a clearer mind now to go over his brief encounter with the new girl.

She was a mystery. On first glance she was an ordinary high school girl. At the same time though she was his singer and the only person whose mind he couldn't read. That alone made her interesting. Normally if he found someone interesting, taking one look into their head or those around them was enough to satisfy all curiosity. However when he'd taken his siblings advice to find out more about Bella in order to see her as a person rather than a snack, he found that doing so was ridiculously hard. His first avenue of gaining information was cut off for obvious reasons. She was not a very outgoing person and even when prompted by her classmates, answered their questions about herself very sparsely. Even engaging her into conversation had born no fruit. Rosalie was right, any other girl if approached by him would've gladly told him all about herself. But he'd apparently made such a bad first impression on her that she couldn't even stand a single polite conversation with him.

The mere fact that it was so hard to find out more about her woke in Edward the wish to do so anyway. Partly it was because he was angry at himself for his inability to do something that he was usually very good at. Even as a human he'd been very good at reading other people. Ironically now that he could read minds, he had apparently lost a lot of that original ability. He had no idea what went on in Bella's head and that bothered him. It bothered him a lot.

What was he supposed to do now? Try talking to her again? To what end? Striking up a friendship with the new girl the way her classmates did was a terrible idea. Just because he wanted to see her as a person did not mean he wanted to be close to her a lot. The opposite in fact. He wanted to be as far away from her as possible as often as possible.

Frustrated, Edward went to sit at his piano and let his emotions flow into the keys. He heard Jasper slip out of the house, probably bothered by all his negativity but taking the hint to not mess with his emotions either. It only frustrated Edward more. He didn't want to hurt Bella. He didn't want to kill another human being ever again. He didn't want to be that person anymore.

There had to be a way to… to desensitize himself against her smell or something. But in a safe way. An idea came to him. What if…

His phone rang. It was Alice who left for a shopping trip after school.

"Hi Alice" he greeted her. "Did you see something?"

"Oh yes, Edward, that was a wonderful idea! It's gonna work really well" she gushed. "I saw you and Bella becoming friends and no more of the, you know… other stuff."

Relief flooded Edward, followed by irritation. It was good that his idea apparently had merit and they wouldn't have to move but… him and Bella, friends? Vampires didn't do friends, not with mortals at least. It was risky and stupid and only ended in disappointment. Why would he do something like that?

"Are you sure about that? I don't think spending any more time around her than necessary is a good idea. I don't want to tempt fate" he told his sister in all but blood.

"Well no, I mean, you don't have to" Alice allowed and it sounded like she was grinning – he hated that he couldn't read her thoughts over the phone. "But you'll really, really want to."

Now what was that supposed to mean?

But before he could inquire further Alice hung up on him. Edward mentally cursed her and turned his attention back to the piano. It sucked up all of his stress like a dry sponge.

In the evening when Carlisle came back from work Edward asked to talk to him in private. He knew that Carlisle would have time today as he only hunted yesterday so he definitely wasn't planning on going anywhere and he also wanted to discuss the merits of his idea with him.

"You want to use the smell caught in her clothing to desensitize yourself, hm?" Carlisle summarized once he was done.

"Preferably I would even use some of her blood but that will be hard to get. You could keep your eyes open if she ever has to go to the hospital for any reason but other than that, I wouldn't know how to get it without looking suspicious" he admitted. "Her smell should be strong in her clothing too though."

"When do you want to start?"

"As soon as possible. I'll hunt again tonight just to be sure but right after that."

Carlisle nodded. "I could sneak into her house and get you a piece of her clothing. I'm sure she would forgive the misdeed if she knew that it was used to ensure her safety. I will also keep a look out for her file at the hospital. If we're lucky she's due for a refreshment of a vaccination soon."

"So you think this will work?" Edward asked hopefully.

"I believe it very well could. It will definitely bee unpleasant though and you should have someone with you when you do this. Have you talked to Alice?"

"She says it'll work." Edward grimaced a bit. "She said we'll be friends."

Carlisle' eyes lit up. "Well that's wonderful news!"

"I shouldn't be friends with a human" Edward disagreed. "It'll only bring trouble. What if I let something slip or we are together somewhere and the cloud cover lifts? What if she finds out what I am?"

"Alice could warn you of any such weather changes" Carlisle replied. "And if you can resist the temptation of her blood I'm sure you have enough control not to let anything slip. But really Edward, I think it would do you good to have a human friend. We shouldn't get too detached from the mortals or we will forget our own roots. At the core, humans and vampires are not so different. You do not have to be best friends and share everything but a good acquaintance and the occasional outing together will do wonders for your view of them as well as your self-control."

Edward nodded along. He knew that Carlisle was on good terms with pretty much all of his co-workers and while he was still distant compared to a normal human, he did occasionally join them on meetings and group outings. Esme was currently taking part in an online course for architecture. She knew more about the subject than the teacher but she mainly joined in for the after-lesson group chats and virtual tea parties where she could exchange ideas for house flipping with the other participants. His siblings had less interaction with humans outside of the occasional chat in online forums though.

He still didn't agree though. Humans were so… ugh. Shallow, greedy, mean spirited is what came to his mind. The thoughts going through their minds whenever he talked to one of them were just disgusting. There were very few exceptions, none of which would be interested in a friendship with him. That included Bella, he was sure.

If he talked to another human being, most of the time they were thinking either lustful thoughts about him (females) or envied him for his looks and riches (males). None of them realized that he was not in a privileged place. He'd lost his own humanity, his chance for a normal life and a family, he'd lost his very soul and had to fight temptation every day in order to not become a monster. And they envied him. What was the point in having any kind of relationship with people like that?