Seven Ways to Meet the Family

1st Way: Lisa, Runaway

Lincoln was nervous. This, given the situation at or soon to be at hand, was nothing new, of course. Especially given his family's reputation and who they'd all be meeting that evening.

The boy looked at himself in the little mirror he'd recently bought for his room, smoothed his shirt of wrinkles for the thirteenth time, tried taming his turkey tail for the twenty-seventh time, readjusted his blue bow tie for the fifty-fourth time, prayed to whatever kind gods were listening to him for the one-hundredth-thirty-second time…

"Please let them all behave, please, please keep them behaved…" he begged quietly into the void. He could hear the utterly normal sounds of his siblings all about the house, worried himself near to sickness. "Or, if not? Please, please let Mr. and Mrs. Charles-Marie be utterly forgiving saints!"

Marion and Maryanne Charles-Marie, the parents of one certain Mollie, were basically unknowns to Lincoln despite him having been dating their daughter for three weeks now, and they to his family. Mainly because Mollie and he had kept their relationship a secret from them all up until a certain little pink loudmouth got a hold of his journal that last week.

But now here they all were, getting together for the first time thanks to his father's suggestion of having them over for dinner. And Lincoln would be meeting, for the first time ever, Mollie's father, a decorated lieutenant colonel of the US army and the only man she and Lincoln knew to own an actual tank despite never serving in a tank regiment.

He hoped that, if her father decided to showhim the wrong end of said tank, her physician assistant mother could at least patch him up long enough to say his goodbyes to his family.

"-please let this go well, please let this go well-" Lincoln muttered under his breath, wringing his hands as he gave up everything else and walked to the bedroom door, "-please, please, please let this night just go-"

"Look out!" he knew, both from the sound of the voice and from where it came exactly what had and would soon happen. Thinking fast, he ducked back inside, grabbed one of the vials he'd started keeping prepared in his room, then ran back out and into Lisa and Lily's room-

"Hand it here!" he shouted, practically diving for the beaker and pouring the chemical inside just as the beaker's contents looked ready to blow. Lisa pulled back, stared at it for a moment, then readjusted her glasses as the contents turned from a volatile red to pink, then purple, then green.

After a moment, they both sighed. "Thank you, Lincoln. That was-"

And then, it happened.

"What," Lincoln coughed, waved his hand as he dug through the sea of thick foam that shot out of the beaker and littered the whole room, "was that, Lisa?"

The little girl shook her turtleneck free of the stuff before saying, "No worries, Lincoln. I was simply attempting to create a new, nontoxic firefighting foam," he looked at her, then at the beaker now in his hand. "I said nontoxic, not nonreactive."

Lincoln bit back the reply he wanted to give. But it was hard.

"Lisa," Lincoln begged as he helped her clean everything up. "Please, I am begging you, please be good tonight! Mr. Marion is-"

"A decorated military man, holder of a degree in military science as well as another degree in mathmatics while his wife, a certain Maryanne Charles-Marie, happens to be a multilingual physician assistant in high demand across Michigan as well as Kentucky and Wisconsin and has even-"

"Okay, where did you learn all this?" Lincoln looked hard at her, but it was tinged with fear; he knew Lisa was smart, but this was just creepy.

She sighed. "If you'd bothered to look their names up in any search engine, you'd know this."

Lincoln stopped, considered that. "Dang it," he groaned. He really should have done that.

But Lisa shrugged as she got back to her work desk. "Lincoln, why bother worrying when it won't do you any good?"

"If you'd all-"

Lisa smirked. "Do you really think us behaving for one night would fool them? They'd learn eventually, and would possibly be angered they were tricked."

Lincoln hated that everything she said sounded perfectly reasonable. He really did.

Just as she turned back to her work, began mixing chemicals again, a knock sounded from downstairs which sent Lincoln into a short bout of hyperventilation. "Dang it, they're here!" he squeaked, forgetting Lisa as he set the beaker aside and quickly rushed down the stairs.

Lisa just shook her head, turned back to her things. Accidentally bumped a different chemical into the trash, then breathed a sigh of thanks that it didn't seem to react with the failed fire foam.

"Dang it," she hissed, but forgot about it when she heard her mother call the kids down.

Lincoln hurried down the stairs, nervous as ever as his face fell when he saw Lynn Jr. answer the door, grinning evilly his way as she did so.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Charles-Marie!" Lynn Jr. greeted jovially, extending her hand and shaking both adults' proffered ones. "We're so glad to have you over tonight!"

Lincoln began silently hyperventilating in full at the events playing out, the older man, obviously Marion, in a dark suit and tie, flat-top cut and built like a tank himself smiled amiably at the girl. "Pleasure to meet you, young lady!"

The curly-haired brunette woman at his side, his wife, smiled at the friendly greeting. "May I ask your name, miss-"

"Lynn," the girl offered as she let go of the woman's hand. "Well, Lynn Jr, actually," she said as she welcomed the family into the home, her evil grin returning after a strange look crossed her face upon spying the young girl leading the pack. "Named after my dad-"

"Your father?" Maryanne replied, her conservative but still beautiful pink blazer, white blouse and long skirt remaining straight as ever to the quiet envy of Leni who was just getting up from the couch.

Lynn nodded. "Yeah, long story…"

"Ah, welcome!" Rita came out from the kitchen then, momentarily surprised at how well-dressed the family was compared to her and hers. "My apologies, my husband and I were getting everything ready!"

The parents laughed. "No need to worry," Maryanne stated as Lynn took Marion's hat and coat from him, put it away. "Oh, where are my manners? I'm Maryanne, Mollie's mother-"

"And I'm Rita," the blonde said, shaking Maryanne's hand while her other was full with Lily. "It's a pleasure to have you all over, especially given the circumstances."

And that was when all eyes in the room drifted to the two children in question.

Mollie ducked her head, so to did Lincoln. He'd been right in the middle of complimenting her on the beautiful purple long-sleeved dress and obviously new heels she'd worn just for that night when they'd become the center of attention.

"H-hello," Lincoln squeaked, offering his hand to Mollie's father to shake. "P-pleasure t-t-to m-meet you, I-I-" Mollie elbowed him, made him yelp slightly before he stopped, swallowed, then said, "I'm Lincoln, y-your daughter's… Mollie's b-b-b-"

"Boyfriend," Lynn 'helpfully' added.

Lincoln nodded feverishly. "Y-yeah, h-her b-boyfriend!"

Marion, a gleam in his eye, grinned as he shook Lincoln's hand. "It's so good to meet you, Lincoln! Hey," he smirked now, "ever wanted to ride in a tank?"

Without missing a beat, Lincoln said, "Inside? Absolutely! Best place to be!"

Marion smiled, enjoying this immensely. "Who knows? Play your cards right and you just may get to."

Lincoln wasn't stupid. He heard the tinge of warning that came with the word, 'right.'

But nobody else seemed to as the girls were soon introduced to the new arrivals.

As this happened, Mollie and Lincoln sidled up next to each other. Then, when they saw an opening, Mollie hissed, "I packed a bag, just in case."

"In case of what?" Lincoln whispered back as Rita called for the rest of her daughters and Lynn Sr. came out to introduce himself.

"In case we need to run away!" Mollie drew as close as she dared now. "You seriously think tonight's going to go well?"

He looked at the sea of girls introducing themselves, asking questions of the new arrivals, noted the stern but jovial man and beautiful but mysterious long-haired woman at his side. Then, "I really should have done that, too."

"Clothes, toothpaste, whatever money you have and things you can sell," Mollie quietly groaned, ducked her head into her shoulders. "Oh god, my stomach is twisting inside."

Lincoln wished he could comfort her, but his perfectly matched hers.

The family wasted no time at all getting to the proceedings, and soon all were sat at the table, Lincoln and Mollie between Leni and Luna respectively while the parents were at either end, Rita and Lynn Sr. sat beside their two youngest with Lola and Lana within reach in case of misbehavior.

And, for a short while, things were… peaceful… enough.

"-and that's how my husband and I met," Rita finished, explaining to Maryanne when she'd asked about hers and Lynn's meeting. "You?"

Lincoln paid only half attention to the talking as he whispered to Mollie, "You okay?"

Mollie, her face lighting up whenever she took a bite, still found it in her to show a bit of panic as she said under her breath, "I can't take much more of this. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop-"

"-but then my husband revealed he could actually burn soup!" Maryanne exclaimed, laughing while Marion mock-scowled. "To think, my future husband could actually-"

"Technically," Marion corrected, "the term would be 'scalded,' I do believe."

She gave him a look. "There was no liquid left, honey-"

Lincoln made sure to play along when everyone started laughing, but leaned close to Mollie and said, "I should have bribed them! It just occurred to me!" he motioned just slightly toward his sisters. "Maybe that would-"

Then they noticed something. Everyone had stopped.

Mollie and Lincoln gulped, worried they were again the center of attention, but when they looked up they noticed everyone staring… straight at Lisa.

"Is something wrong, sweetie?" Rita asked after a moment.

Lisa wrinkled her nose. "Hmm… does anyone else smell that?"

Lynn Sr. and Marion both took a whiff of the air. Shook their heads after exchanging looks. "No," Lynn Sr. finally said, the other man shaking his head. "Why? What does it smell like?"

Scratching her cheek, Lisa bit her lip. "I don't know."

Lynn Jr. grinned evilly, looked Lori's way, "That's probably just Lori and her gas-"

"Not so!" Lori piped up, aghast at Lynn's remark, "That's a completely different smell-"

Everyone stopped, looked at Lori. The blonde's mouth dropped open and she slammed her hands over her mouth as quick as possible.

Then, when she felt it safe, she removed them and growled, "Lynn!"

But Lynn Jr. just laughed. "Wow, Lori! What an admission!"

"Or emission, more like it!" Luan chortled, a short peal of laughter bursting forth before being followed by, "Get it?"

Lori glared her younger sister's way. "Oh, ha ha, huckster! Maybe we should ask who it was that sold practically all the shoes in the house last month!"

Luan giggled. "Oh come on! I only sold your soles-" before she could finish, Luan slapped her mouth with her hands and ducked down, the last month's events fresh in nearly everyone's minds.

"So that's what happened to my favorite galoshes!" Lynn Sr. burst out while Rita eyed Luan sternly.

But before anyone could say anything else, Lisa interrupted. "Hold it!" she hollered over the din. When everyone quieted down and looked her way, she said, "I believe we have a problem-"

"You're dang right we have a problem!" Lynn Sr. announced. "Do you know just how long I had those-"

"A bigger problem, father," Lisa stated firmly. "I do believe that we are under some form of truth-telling coercion, though I haven't the foggiest what form it's taken…"

As her words sank in, several of the sisters looked around the table… and their eyes fell square on Lincoln.

And a chance at vengeance for everything he'd ever done to them.

Everyone except Leni. She was still busy marveling at Maryanne's outfit.

"So, Lincoln," Lynn Jr.'s grin was so wide it threatened to split her face, "How is it that you like to read comics again?"

And then, "In just my underwear!" Lincoln's mouth hung wide open, his hands clapping over too late to keep anything from spilling out.

Mollie, however, nearly combusted right there. "U-underwear?" she looked away, her entire face hot red while her hair threatened to light up at any moment.

Her reaction didn't go unnoticed by her mother, who gave her daughter a pointed smirk.

Luna, meanwhile, leaned over and touched a napkin to the girl's cheek only to watch the paper start to smoke. "Cool…" she looked at the paper as it began to burn.

Lisa, however, simply stared in shock, "How on earth is that possible-"

But Rita, seeing the possibilities, cut her second youngest off as she looked to her husband and asked, "Honey?" when he looked nervously at his wife, she continued with, "What do you really think of Aunt Ruth?"

"I think she's the most horrifying thing to ever walk this earth and I still can't for the life of me figure out how any of us could be related to her and am only happy to know she never reproduced!" when everyone looked at him in shock, and the weight of what he'd just rambled out had finally hit him, he said as powerfully as he could muster, "And that, honestly, was worth the price of sleeping on the couch."

The kids, sans Mollie and Lily, tried hard not to cheer.

Some failed.

And then, as Rita growled at her husband, Maryanne became curious about this new state of affairs, turned to her husband and asked, "So, honey?" when the man looked her way, she asked, "How many women did you know prior to me?"

"Sixteen," he stated firmly, took another bite.

Everyone at the table save for Mollie and Lincoln, both of whom were still struck dumb with embarrassment, just sat there, mouths hanging open, looking straight at the military man. He looked up, smiled, then said, "I do, after all, come from a rather large family. Sisters, aunts, cousins of all-"

"That's not what I-"

But Marion cut her off with, "So, Lincoln? Was Mollie your first kiss?"

Poor Lincoln could swear the man was enjoying this far too much as the boy said, "No, sir! That was a balloon, sir!" and then groaned in embarrassment again.

"Oh, that!" Luna started chuckling. "That was funny, dude!"

But Lincoln couldn't help it, the likelihood of him being the target was too high, and so he looked over at Lynn and said, "Hey Lynn-" her eyes went wide now she was the victim, "is it true you were seen hitting on girls-"

"No way!" she stammered, her sisters, parents and the guests now looking at her. "I wasn't hitting on them because I liked them, I was trying to get that jerk face new guy at school to leave me alone and the cross-dressing wasn't enough-" and then she slapped her hands over her mouth, her siblings just gawking at her.

Then, seeking a way to get their attention off her, Lynn looked for any opening and spotted a purple one across the table, "Hey, Mollie? What was your most embarrassing moment?"

"Tonight!" the girl squeaked in a high pitch.

Realizing her mistake, Lynn said, "Second most embarrassing!"

Before Mollie could catch herself, she said, "Girl Jordan and I french kissed to get some boy to leave us alone!"

Things got seriously quiet then. A moment later, Mollie's eyes grew wide, carefully avoided her parents as she stared hard at Lynn Jr, whose own face had grown paler now.

"Girl Jordan?" Lynn asked in a hollow voice. "She have a… blue bow, by any chance?"

Lincoln nodded when Mollie seemed unwilling to speak. "Y-yeah, that'd be her. Why?"

Lynn Jr. just sat there, mouth open, and croaked, "I thought you looked familiar."

Lincoln's mind fried upon hearing that.

But Mollie could still feel the attention on her, especially after that admission, and so looked for a new outlet. And she finally found one, "Lisa! Is it true you have a nuclear reactor in your bedroom!"

Lisa, despite herself, became the next victim as she said, "Absolutely not, I'd never endanger my family like that. I keep it-" and then she smacked her mouth, clamped down hard as the whole house grew deathly silent.

After a few minutes, Lisa held up a hand, signaling for everyone to remain quiet. Those who knew her could tell she was thinking, and this proved to be the case as the little girl finally released her mouth and stated, as calmly as she could, "I think I know where our truth-telling problem originates from. Please, excuse me a moment," and with that, she hopped down from her chair and hurriedly rushed to her bedroom.

Lincoln and Mollie, however, silently mouthed, 'We're gonna run away!' then cringed.

While Lincoln and Mollie did this, however, Lisa arrived in her room and spotted the suspect materials. With a quick whiff, she nodded, sighed, then reached over and grabbed a fan, flung the window open and turned it on.

"Sorry, Lincoln," Lisa sighed again, frustrated. "I guess I was the cause of all this…"

But rather than sulk or bemoan her situation, Lisa instead hurried on back down and explained what had happened.

"-and so," she finally finished as she hopped back into her chair, "I should probably apologize to everyone present. It wasn't Lincoln's fault. He, in fact, did his best to stop this from happening. Please, forgive me."

The table had a few murmurs here and there, but after a moment Lincoln finally sighed, got to his feet, walked over, picked his little sister up and sat her down on his lap back at his seat with her plate near by. "No prob, Lis. Really. Besides," he started chuckling lightly, tried to lighten the mood as he rustled her hair, hugged her close, "it probably made this night more fun in a way. At least we'll definitely remember it."

Everyone agreed, but one of the adults stared intently at the boy as he spoke those words.

When everyone was finished and parted ways briefly to relax after such a stressful dinner, Mollie and Lincoln sat together on the back porch.

"-but you two really kissed?" Lincoln asked, Mollie nodding slowly, her face still beet red.

"It was before you and I started dating!" Mollie clarified. "And the guy, who was actually your sister, I might add, was insistent, and it was so totally Girl Jordan's idea-"

"So this is where you got off to," Maryanne's voice cut into Mollie's, getting both kids attention rather quickly. The woman leaned against the doorway, beckoned Mollie inside to have a short talk before giving Lincoln a knowing smile.

And then, suddenly, through that very same doorway, came Marion.

Lincoln gulped. "Hey—er, I mean, hello, sir-"

"Seat taken?" Marion asked, indicating the porch step Lincoln was sat on. Lincoln shook his head, moved aside so the man could sit down beside him. The two sat there in silence for a few minutes before the man finally said, "About tonight-"

"I'm so sorry," Lincoln groaned, bowing his head.

But Marion just laughed. "Are you kidding me?" when the boy looked up, the man grinned wide. "That was, quite honestly, the most fun I've had in forever!" after a laugh, he then noted, "Still, I was pretty surprised, all things considered-"

"I'm really sorry, I'll try to change, I-"

Marion shook his head. "I hope you never do." When Lincoln turned to face him, Mollie's father looked him square in the eye. "Lincoln, when we found out it was your little sister who caused all that, any boy your age would more than likely have been angry, probably rightly so. Or would have tried to save face with his girlfriend or her family. But you?

"You, Lincoln," Marion clasped his hands together, looked out across the yard, "made sure to care for your sibling, to show no hard feelings. You comforted her, rather than try to save face. You didn't yell, cry, or whine. You showed more maturity," he held Lincoln's gaze now, gave a wry smirk, "than a great many adults I have had the displeasure of commanding over my years."

Swallowing hard, Lincoln decided to ask, "So, do you mind if… Mollie and I, I mean… if we kept dating?"

He looked about to tease Lincoln again, obviously thought about it, but instead laughed quietly, extended his hand and said, "We'll have to get together sometime, you and I," then, when Lincoln looked up at him, Marion said, "after all, I said I'd give you a ride in the tank, didn't I?"

Lincoln was no dummy.

He couldn't help but grin as he shook the man's hand.

"Thanks, Mr. Charles-"

"Call me Mr. Marion," the man said, shaking his head. "The other stuff is a waste of space."

When the two finally reentered the house, Mollie, shame-faced but still smiling, came over to Lincoln and the two moved off to the side while the parents began talking amongst themselves.

"What did you two talk about?" Mollie asked when they were far enough away.

Lincoln smiled. "Oh, not much. Although," he smiled now, "your dad said we can keep dating."

When finally the night was over and Mollie's family were on their way out, Mollie stopped to say her goodbyes to one particular family member when she found her in her and her sister's bedroom.

"Seriously," she said as she hugged Lisa, the little girl returning it happily. "All things said, that was actually pretty fun."

"I could give you the recipe-"

Mollie cut her off. "I said it was pretty fun. I did not say I wanted to have a repeat," she patted Lisa on the head. "I'd rather hear the truth voluntarily, if it's not too much to ask."

Lisa considered this. After a moment, she looked up and said, "Then may I say something?" when Mollie showed she was listening, the little girl said, "I'd just like to say, I hope you'll come back soon. If it's not too much trouble-"

"That's a given, Lis," Mollie hugged her. When they pulled away, the girl thought, "You know, we'll have to go and do something together, each of you and I…"

"I hear you're into biology," Lisa noted, readjusting her glasses. "I may have some ideas regarding that."

As the two considered all the possible plans, Lincoln came into get Mollie for her parents. "What's-"

"Girl chat," Mollie dismissed with an elbow to his side, smiled. Lincoln wisely left it at that and walked Mollie down.

"Man," Lincoln sighed as they turned to go down the stairs. "Tonight really got away from us, huh?"

Mollie nodded. "Yeah. We may not have ran away, but the night sure did."

The two exchanged glances, looked around, and when no one seemed to be watching-

Of course, in the Loud house, this was a statistical impossibility.

"Hmm?" Lisa looked at the one camera feed in particular, spotted the two kissing, considered it, then stopped recording and deleted everything. "Well, that's odd," she stated absently. "The video cut out. Wonder why?"

End of 1st Way

A/N: Okay, this should not have come out so quick. I hadn't planned on writing anymore of these so soon, but...

See, I'd gone and selected more random instances, to store up a few in case I had some extra time to myself to write. Being that I'm rather busy, I figured maybe by December I'd have more time, then I could get to it, if I ever did. But as I started writing out the ideas from my seven random selections/mixes, I'd come across a rather odd mixture; Lynn's. And while I don't want to spoil the surprise, I have to say that, if you're happy to see another Seven Ways, and so soon, you have Lynn Jr. to thank for it. If not, then you have me to blame.

I don't want to say anymore right now, possibly spoil what lies ahead, but as before; all of these are one-shots, none of them have any relation to one another besides the main selling point, that being Mollie getting to experience the chaos of one of Lincoln's sisters, or merely the presence said sister has on Mollie's and Lincoln's relationship.

And because I worry about spoiling things, I'll keep my mouth shut now. Thank you for reading, as always, and have a wonderful day!