Chapter 3: Delores
When Harry and Dudley got back to Privet Drive (it'd been around twenty minutes since Harry had run out of the house) they heard voices from the living room as they silently opened the front door.
"Mrs. Dursley, Ms Dursley will be completely fine tomorrow. She'll sleep for the remainder of the evening and the night. We'll levitate her upstairs in a moment. She might wake with a vague headache, but she'll have no memory of this evening. Is there a possibility you'll be able to persuade her that she had one drink too many and just cannot remember this evening? The effects of the reversal and the memory charm will feel like a mild hangover."
"She's been known to have a brandy or two, I'm sure I can imply she drank a couple too many," said Petunia sounding confident, even if her voice was just a little higher pitched and tighter than normal.
Harry and Dudley made their way silently up the stairs, keeping an eye and ear out for Vernon. He wasn't upstairs so he must be in the living room, thought Harry.
Dudley put Harry's trunk at the foot of his bed as Harry settled Hedwig back in the corner of his room. They sat down on Harry's bed.
"Crap," said Harry.
"Yup," agreed Dudley.
They listened to the sounds of Marge being levitated to bed and then of Petunia letting two people out of the front door. They heard her go into the living room and shut the door behind her. And then the rumble of a conversation started. Shame they hadn't obliviated Vernon, thought Harry.
They'd been sitting on Harry's bed for half an hour when they heard a knock on the front door. The conversation in the living room came to an abrupt halt. They heard Petunia answer the door.
"Hello?" they heard Petunia say questioningly to the person on the doorstep.
"Hem, hem. I am Delores Umbridge, head of the Improper Use of Magic Office. May I come in?" said a simpering voice. There was a pause as Petunia gathered her wits.
"Yes, do come in," she said, not really having a choice as she looked up and down the street quickly.
"I wish to speak with Mr. Potter," said Umbridge.
"He's... he's not here," said Petunia sounding relieved.
"Oh, yes he is. He briefly left this address nearly an hour ago, and returned thirty minutes ago," corrected Umbridge in condescending tones.
"Oh," said Petunia. "Harry?" she called up the stairs.
"This is not good," said Harry to Dudley quietly.
"Come on, we'll stick together," said Dudley encouragingly, and hauled Harry off the bed. "Ministry, so you'd better leave your wand up here," said Dudley, as Harry reached to pick his wand up absentmindedly from the bedside table.
They both went downstairs empty handed. By the time they'd got down the stairs, Petunia and the visitor had gone into the living room. Petunia was perched on the arm of Vernon's chair with a hand resting gently on his forearm. The head of the Improper Use of Magic office was standing in the middle of the living room facing the door as the boys entered. She held a short, stubby wand in one hand, and an official looking envelope in the other.
Harry stopped just in the doorway. He eyed the woman in the living room nervously. She wasn't tall and imposing like Professor Snape. She didn't have that red-faced look of anger that Vernon so often wore. There was just something about her that unnerved Harry. Perhaps it was her neat, immaculate, and above all pink, clothing. Perhaps it was the way her eyes were boring into him. Perhaps it was the way she was fingering her wand. Harry couldn't place it, but he was very wary and on his guard.
"Mr. Potter," she said in clipped tones, "This," she said, holding out the envelope in her hand, "is your official warning about improper use of magic, to wit, underage magic, in the presence of a muggle who is classed as a non-immediate family member."
Harry extended an arm nervously to take the envelope.
"This is unfortunately the maximum penalty for your first offence." Harry breathed a sigh of relief. They'd learned details in classes last year about improper use of magic and its penalties. It was expected that after second year, students were capable of controlling their magic and that accidental magic would be very rare indeed, and it was only through negligence and deliberate choice that underage magic outside of school would normally occur. And oh how Professor Snape had reiterated that point!
Harry tensed as she continued to talk. "However, in light of who you are, and what you represent to the wizarding world, I will be taking a personal interest in your case. An appeal for this warning has already been submitted. The appeal states a review of the penalty, that is, this warning, is in order. I will oblige. I will be seeking a harsher penalty than this mere letter."
"But..." said Harry.
"Hem, hem. Do not interrupt, Mr. Potter. You have clearly disrespected this law on a previous occasion. Yet it seems all you got was coddled and rewarded." At that point she gave a pointed look at Dudley.
"That was an accident!" blurted out Harry.
"Through lack of self control and negligence, Mr. Potter! For this latest outburst, which included harming a muggle I will be seeking your expulsion from Hogwarts and continuing your education under the close scrutiny of trusted ministry personnel!"
Harry's jaw dropped. Expelled?!
"Yes, Mr. Potter," she said nastily, advancing on his position, "Expelled." Harry's heart fell into his stomach. No Hogwarts. No Ron. No Hermione. No! That last word he hadn't uttered, but he clearly heard the word out loud.
Dudley had spoken. "No! You can't do that!" he shouted, and he barged past Harry as if to physically protect his cousin from Umbridge.
"I can do what I like, Mr. Dursley! I, hem, hem, am the head of the Improper Use of Magic office, and you are a mere child. If you continue this outburst I will find a way to prosecute you for impeding a ministry official in her official duties," Dudley glared at her. "I suggest you leave the room and do not return until you can be civilised, Mr. Dursley."
Dudley's eyes narrowed. He turned and left the room and ran upstairs. And Harry felt alone. He didn't realise how he'd been used to having his cousin around this week. He didn't think there would ever be a day when he was unhappy that his cousin had left the room, but now, with Petunia and Vernon watching on like statues, there was just him and the witch. And he had no idea what to say.
The silence had continued for far too long as he just stared at Umbridge. His thoughts of terror were interrupted by the sound of Dudley stomping back down the stairs. His cousin burst back into the room and with horror Harry noticed that he was holding his wand. Harry opened his mouth to say something, but Petunia beat him to it.
"Dudley, no!" said Petunia horrified at the scene unfolding before her eyes, but her son ignored her. He raised his wand and pointed it at Umbridge.
"You cannot do what you like! You cannot expel Harry! Other students do magic outside of school. Wizarding children do it all the time and you know it. Leave my cousin the hell alone!" shouted Dudley, flecks of spittle landing on Umbridge's cardigan.
"Foolish child! Threatening a ministry official with a wand will get you expelled too," she smiled. "I think I'll take on your educations myself," she murmured as if to herself, but meaning them to hear, "It seems you both need a dose of hard work and discipline." Then she added in a sharp tone, "Mark my words. You will both be expelled before the end of the day."
"NO!" screamed Dudley and a weak blasting curse left his wand, hurling Umbridge into the far wall of the living room. She made an indentation in the plasterboard and slid down to the floor dazed.
There was silence. You could even hear the birds outside and a lawn mower in the distance. The world seemed disjointed to Harry. The last five minutes were so surreal. And Dudley was still standing with his wand arm pointed at where Umbridge had been. A dream, that's what this was. Must be, he thought.
Petunia stood up slowly from the arm of the chair and approached her son. She gently prised his wand from his grasp. There was coughing and a splutter from behind her and she turned to see Umbridge standing up.
An owl swooped into the living room through the open window, and a letter fell from its beak onto the floor. Petunia picked it up and read its contents. It was another official letter about the underage use of magic.
Umbridge broke the silence. "You won't just get a warning for that, Mr. Dursley. Assault of a ministry official. I will see to it your punishment is swift and severe. I have read your school records, both of you," at this she briefly glanced at Harry to include him in her statement, "The punishments you have received for misbehaviour have clearly been inadequate. A paddling indeed! I will make sure you are caned for this offence!" she hissed. "There will be no hearing and no appeal. My word is beyond contestation. Expect a ministry official in the near future to carry out the sentence."
Umbridge stalked past Harry and Dudley. "I will see myself out," she said snidely, and they heard the slam of the front door and a crack of apparition from the end of the driveway.
Dumbledore was sitting in his office completing his day's paperwork when his floo flared to life. It was Arthur Weasley.
"Albus! There's been underage magic at Privet Drive. I stuck my head around the door of the Improper Use office and Mafalda gave me a warning look and eyed Umbridge's private office. When I took a step inside she shooed me away and hissed at me to floo you. I've not got the details from her, but you know how that office is - Umbridge scares the living daylights out of everyone there now that she's the head."
"Leave it with me, Arthur. Thank you for the information," said Albus.
Albus stood up, carefully put on his hat and stepped into his floo, "Ministry of Magic, Improper Use of Magic Office!"
Albus dusted a few motes of dust off his robes and greeted Mafalda Hopkirk.
"Good evening, Mafalda, how is everything?" asked Albus in friendly tones.
"Oh, Professor Dumbledore!" said Mafalda, clearly relieved to see the wizard, "Delores hit the roof. We got an automatically generated report of magic at the Dursley residence and so I sent Nicola and Sebastian from the reversal squad to go investigate. They weren't gone long, and they came back in fits of laughter. It transpired Mr. Potter blew up his Aunt."
"Petunia?!" asked Dumbledore, momentarily aghast, "Is she alright?"
"Oh, no, no, no," said Mafalda quickly, "I meant blew up like a balloon, and it was Marge Dursley - the uncle's sister. Sebastian was laughing his socks off when he returned, he said she'd looked just like a hot air balloon you get in muggle parades, floating up to the ceiling. The problem was, Delores heard him."
Albus shut his eyes for a moment. "Let me guess," he said with a sigh, "She had one of her usual tirades about The-Boy-Who-Lived needing Ministry oversight and my inability to give Harry suitable guidance and boundaries."
"Yes, but she didn't exactly use those words," said Mafalda, flushing slightly.
"No, I'm sure she didn't," said Dumbledore. "Well, if you could just point me to her office..."
"Oh, I can't. Well, I can, but she's not in. She went to Privet Drive."
Albus' eyes narrowed. "Did she indeed." He turned to the floo just as Delores walked into the office having just returned from Privet Drive.
"Ah, Delores, always a pleasure," said Dumbledore with an inflection that said anything but.
"Dumbledore. I see you can't keep your nose out of Ministry affairs," replied Umbridge wrinkling her toad-like face.
"I understand that you visited Privet Drive," said Dumbledore, going on a fishing trip.
"And if The-Boy-Who-Lived were under the guidance of the Ministry, I wouldn't have to!" supplied Umbridge taking the bait and talking. "You are aware, I suppose, that those boys are both running rampant, doing as they will, with no boundaries or guidance."
"Are they?" asked Dumbledore quietly, waiting for more detail.
"You know very well they are. You encourage it!" Umbridge snapped, "They live with two muggles who they can both wrap around their little fingers. I didn't realise the cousin was as bad as the boy."
"I believe you're talking about Harry and Dudley. They have names. They are not just The-Boy-Who-Lived and his Family."
"You missed my point, Dumbledore. They are out of control. I will be filing with the Minister for them to be removed from Hogwarts immediately," said Umbridge in increasingly irate tones. "I am aware of the Minister's insistence that Potter remain with his family, although Merlin knows why, but I will not stand for them to continue without suitable guidance and boundaries. On a related note, I will also be prosecuting the Dursley boy for assault on a ministry employee."
"Assault?" asked Dumbledore, unable to keep the concern from his voice.
"He used a blasting charm against me. I was thrown clear across the room."
"This begs the question, Delores, what were you doing to the boy at the time?"
"As, hem, hem, I was within my rights to do so, I was informing him I would be expelling Potter from Hogwarts for assault on his aunt, at which point Dursley retrieved his wand and attacked me. I will not stand for it." Delores' face was flushed with anger as she finished speaking. She took a breath. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I will be seeing the Minister now."
"Then I'm sure we can see him together," said Dumbledore calmly. Delores huffed and stalked to the Minister's office. Albus followed.
The secretary in the Minister's outer office took one look at the face of Umbridge and the fact that she was followed by Dumbledore, and hurried to open the door to the Minister's office.
"Sir, you have two visitors."
Fudge was sitting behind his desk dunking a ginger biscuit into a cup of tea.
"Not now, Martha, can't you see I'm bu..." he was cut off as Umbridge and Albus marched straight in. Fudge put his biscuit down on his saucer.
"Albus. Delores," said Fudge, looking a little put upon.
"Cornelius! How are you today? Ginger biscuits do make a good cup of tea, don't they?" he asked, knowing it would annoy Umbridge.
"Let's get straight to the point," interrupted Umbridge before Dumbledore could go on a tangent into teatime confection. "I wish for Potter to be removed from Hogwarts and into the care of the Ministry for his own good."
"And I do not believe that would be for his own good, Delores," countered Dumbledore, "In fact I believe that would be to his detriment."
"I believe that you are deluded into thinking that you are providing him with a suitable upbringing," snarled Delores, "When in fact you are allowing him to run riot, and cause havoc and mayhem at every turn. I also think he is a bad influence on children around him. And as such I demand he be placed in Ministry care."
"So quickly you forget about Mr. Dursley. A moment ago it was both boys, now it is only one. I would hate for you to be so careless if you looked after The-Boy-Who-Lived," said Albus, giving Harry the moniker only to make a point.
"Dursley may stay at Hogwarts if you wish. After all, from all accounts, you'll be expelling him yourself soon enough. My issue with him is separate and nothing at all to do with you. I am charging him with assault."
Through this exchange, Fudge had remained silent, watching the back and forth like a man watching tennis. He cleared his throat and both witch and wizard turned to look at him, momentarily surprised to find him there.
"It appears you both want what is best for Potter, but do not agree on what that is. A very commendable stance. I will discuss Mr. Dursley in a moment. But first, Delores, you wish more ministry influence on Potter?"
"Yes, Minister," replied Umbridge tersely, as if the Minister was a toddler just grasping a basic concept that needed repeating.
"And Albus, you feel that Potter would be better suited to remaining with his friends and peers, rather than educated in a smaller, more select environment?"
Albus nodded, with the feeling that Fudge was trying to outmaneuvre them both, and he couldn't see how.
"Albus, I believe you have yet to appoint a DADA professor," Fudge left that statement hanging.
"The summer is still young, Cornelius, we will be interviewing as soon as we are able," replied Dumbledore with realisation of where this was going.
"I heard a rumour that there are no applicants. Something about the post being cursed and that no-one stays in the post for longer than one year," said Fudge pointedly.
"I choose to believe rumour is just that," replied Albus.
"Then perhaps I can make a suggestion," said Fudge. "Delores, how does a secondment into Hogwarts for a year sound? I believe you've spent a suitable amount of time working with the Improper Use office, much of which deals with underage magic and therefore children, to be able to tutor DADA."
"Minister!" exclaimed Umbridge, a touch shocked, "There are projects I am working on, the creatures bill, things I have to do for my career before possibly wanting to teach. Perhaps in a couple of years..."
"But Delores, you are so passionate about The-Boy-Who-Lived, such passion surely extends to his current welfare and betterment at school, rather than his removal from it. You yourself said that the boy needs boundaries. What better way to set them than to educate him every day. To be the person on the ground so to speak."
Delores stood in front of the Minister's desk making a face of revulsion. A whole year with children! Uuughh! Albus' expression was stony. He hated it when the Minister played politics with his school.
"Minister, I have a couple of suitable candidates in the pipeline. I would hate to have to give them back word," said Albus, making a final push for freedom from Umbridge.
"Really? Perhaps I can contact them for you, lessen the disappointment so to speak. Do you have their names handy?" asked Fudge, calling Dumbledore's bluff.
"That will be unnecessary, Minister. I'm sure I can make the necessary arrangements to let them down gently."
"Excellent! Now that that's sorted, Delores, you had a problem with Mr. Dursley?"
"Mr. Potter assaulted a muggle, and Mr. Dursley assaulted me. Both incidents involving magic. I would like them both charged with assault."
"You do know, that between me, you, Albus and these four walls, that will not happen," said Fudge firmly, "The publicity. Accidental magic and such incidents, will remain on their files, but details, especially when you bandy around the word assault, will not. Off the record, and I will make allowance for the fact that you are the injured party, what punishment would you see fit?"
"I believe I have made my point already about unruliness, boundaries, and the need for firm discipline..." started Umbridge.
"Yes, you made that abundantly clear," interjected Dumbledore waspishly.
Umbridge flashed him a particularly triumphant look, accentuating her toad-like appearance as she said, "I recommend they both be caned."
Fudge sat back in his chair and considered. Eventually he said, "If that is your wish, any punishment up to and including the cane is acceptable."
"Minister!" exclaimed Albus in outrage. "They are 13 year old boys! That is hardly a suitable punishment."
"As the injured party," replied Fudge, "Delores has a say, and I must admit, I see her point about the boys' unruliness. You know I keep up-to-date every term on Mr. Potter's progress, and you must admit, he's hardly a shining beacon of responsibility and good behaviour if you consider his assault of a member of staff. And I don't think I need to remind you of Mr. Dursley's actions. I feel perhaps in this particular instance Delores has a point. My decision stands. Good day to you both."
In clear dismissal, Albus turned and stalked out of Fudge's office fuming. He took the nearest floo back to Hogwarts, his mind working on how to extract Harry and Dudley from their impending punishment.