Chapter 5: Lupin

Snape was sitting in his office reading a back copy of the Daily Prophet and he was irritated. Not annoyed exactly, just irritated. Lupin had been at Hogwarts for a week. Snape recalled the meeting he'd had with Dumbledore a couple of days after Lupin had arrived. Albus had been smug. Albus knew he'd brewed the Wolfsbane for the wolf, but he hadn't mentioned it directly, no, there'd just been a smug little twinkle in his eyes.

There had been a meeting involving any faculty member available (thankfully Umbridge wasn't taking up residency until the end of the month), Shacklebolt from the Auror department, Lupin and a couple of members of the old Order, Mad Eye and Mundungus Fletcher. Snape had been a bit disgruntled with the inclusion of Mundungus, but he could see that with his shady reputation and illicit dealings, he could easily be someone Black would want to approach.

They'd talked about actions to take in the event that Black made contact with anyone, or how they should approach him if he was discovered. The Daily Prophet was reporting sightings of him all over the place which wasn't helping matters, but they knew that the man couldn't hide forever, and 'He's at Hogwarts' didn't bode well.

"Is there any further information on how he got out, or why?" Filius had asked.

"Or how he stayed so remarkably sane?" asked Mundungus.

"We can only speculate," said Albus, "He's been in there for over a decade and suddenly after a visit from Fudge he escapes. Fudge has said he couldn't remember him saying anything that could be a catalyst, and the only thing he remembers leaving behind was a copy of that day's Prophet. As for how he stayed sane, that's beyond me. The Dementors feed off a person's happiness. They can sense people, so unless he can hide in his cell somehow... well, let's be honest, we have no clue. Fudge said he was remarkably sane for someone sentenced to life in Azkaban for murdering twelve muggles and Pettigrew, but how he escaped, we don't know."

The meeting had rambled on and eventually broke up, no-one with anything concrete to add until there'd been a credible sighting of Black. Severus had taken it upon himself to scour through the newspaper edition that Fudge had left behind, but directly after the meeting, Severus had followed Albus back to his study to have a little 'chat' about the wolf.

"Severus, my boy, I wondered how long it would take for you to find your way up here," Albus had greeted him with a knowing, indulgent look that had made Severus want to scream.

"It's quite simple, Headmaster, I do not see the point of having Lupin around. He's not seen Black since before the death of the Potters. Exactly what help you think he can be is beyond me."

"I had hoped to cultivate him to teach DADA this coming year, you know how the rumour of the curse affects applicant numbers, but Delores has removed that option."

"Good!" Snape had said, venomously. Severus had wanted the DADA position for years, and each time Albus turned him down, gently pointing out that then they wouldn't have a potions professor, and just moving the problem around wouldn't help, but Severus resented being denied in favour of the bloody wolf!

"But Albus! He's the most irresponsible, childish, and not to mention dangerous idiot that ever lived. With the exception of his three friends, one of whom at least showed his psychopathic tendencies."

"Still, Severus?" Albus had said quietly, "It's been a long time. A lot of water has passed under that particular bridge."

"It might have done, but there are some things that change your life, send you down a different path, and sharing time with those four malicious bastards is one of them," Severus had snarled.

"Yet something in you must have seen something recently," said Albus, making Severus insanely angry for a moment as he'd remembered brewing a particular beneficial item for the wolf.

"We all have moments of madness. Chalk it up to that," Snape had huffed, and stalked out of Albus' office, knowing he wouldn't get any joy from continuing the conversation.

Snape had spent a good deal of time in the last couple of days analysing a single copy of the Prophet. There was nothing inflammatory in it. Each time he picked it up the front cover with the red headed family had waved back at him inanely. There was nothing in here! Snape threw the paper down on his desk with a sigh. All he wanted was a quiet summer to research and brew and tweak a few lesson plans, and so far he'd only been able to brew for the infirmary for the coming year, and brew some delicate potions for St. Mungo's that few others could. Admittedly he'd enjoyed brewing for the hospital - they were careful little potions that made him relax while brewing because he couldn't concentrate on anything else, but they weren't potions just for him, to satisfy his own curiosity about certain brews.

Then, he'd been called out to the Dursleys'. Merlin, he hated Umbridge. She was one of those people that made his blood boil. He'd never heard a single nice word spoken about her. He'd heard plenty of rumours, and a lot of derogatory comments about her character, usually involving the length of her wand, and you know what they said about people with short wands...

How Albus had ever agreed to let her teach here next year was a mystery, he must really have been backed into a corner. At least it wasn't a few years down the road though - everyone knew what a climber she was - she'd be terrible by then.

There was a knock at Severus' door that pulled him from his thoughts.

"Come in!" said Severus. It did not help his irritability when Lupin entered his office.

"Is there something you need?" Severus asked, icily.

"I was hoping we could have a conversation," replied Lupin carefully. Taking one look at Severus' face would indicate however that this was not the best time.

"And exactly what could we possibly have a conversation about?!" demanded Severus.

Severus was annoyed with himself about the werewolf if truth be known. In a rare moment of weakness he'd brewed an expertly concocted Wolfsbane and he'd given it to Lupin. Admittedly, Lupin had no idea it was from him, unless the headmaster had informed Lupin, but Severus didn't think that was Albus' way. Severus was annoyed with himself because he didn't like Lupin. What he felt for Lupin wasn't how he felt about Potter or Black, and Pettigrew had been hardly worth bothering over, just a weak-willed lackey, but Severus definitely disliked the werewolf. Not because he was a werewolf, Snape certainly wasn't that bigoted, but because of his history with the Marauders. He detested Black and Potter, but he had bitterness for Lupin. There was so much more that Lupin could have been, so much he could have done with his so-called friends.

Severus had thought carefully about Lupin a couple of times during the last week. There were a number of things that jarred in Severus' head. First, Lupin had gone out of his way to either ignore Severus, not maliciously, but actively staying out of his way, or when they couldn't avoid each other, Lupin had gone out of his way to be overly civil. The first couple of days, Lupin had completely ignored Severus bar the greeting that first morning at breakfast, but since then, Lupin had been extremely polite. Severus wondered whether Dumbledore had had words with the werewolf. But then, what could the headmaster have said? That bothered Severus just a little.

Second, Severus was finding it very strange that Lupin was so actively anti-Black. It wasn't strange from an outsider's point of view, a murderer had escaped Azkaban and was on the loose running freely around the countryside, of course Lupin, as a law abiding citizen, would be just as intent on finding Black as the next person. It was just that when Severus thought of all the history between the two of them, and Potter and Pettigrew, they had been so close, so inseparable, that Severus thought it just a bit strange that Lupin hadn't made an attempt to open some sort of dialogue with Black, to negotiate him handing himself in.

There had been a moment in the meeting they'd had that struck a chord with Severus, when they'd been discussing how Black could have remained sane. Lupin, for just a moment, had been about to speak and then stopped himself. Severus was intrigued. Severus didn't think Lupin would hide information about how to capture Black from them, but there'd been something odd there that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Third, Severus was cross with himself for brewing the Wolfsbane. He knew why he'd done it. It was that moment in the shop when Myrddin had told Lupin that there was going to be that disgusting bill passed into law. Lupin would have no choice but to either obtain a necessary potion on the black market or to forfeit freedoms such as the ability to hold down a long term job or even get a job. Severus wasn't an idiot, he knew that the restrictions of sale would soon be followed up with other anti-creature legislation, and he couldn't abide that kind of ministry oversight. Who was Umbridge to dictate how 'safe' creatures were. Severus was partially convinced it was all about money and the goblins, but with Umbridge being such an evil bigot, it could be any reason. Severus had brewed the potion because he firmly believed everyone should have the freedom to be themselves. Severus himself didn't. There was a mark on his arm that dictated his life, but he didn't see why others should be similarly bound because of the likes of a toad-face bitch.

He made a mental effort to get a grip on his temper when Lupin next spoke.

"We're both going to be living in this castle for what is the foreseeable future. I was hoping that we could come to a mutual agreement."

"An agreement," stated Severus flatly, not giving away what he thought of that statement.

"Look, I know we've never got on, but we're going to be at meetings together and we've got to talk strategy. We need to be at least civil and polite to each other," said Lupin. He then continued very awkwardly, "I don't know if the headmaster spoke to you yesterday evening at all, but he's suggested that I can work as a classroom assistant during the upcoming year for as long as I'm here, or beyond if it works out." Lupin hurried towards the end of his sentence, it was clear from the look on Severus' face that Albus hadn't told him.

"Classroom assistant," stated Severus, willing his blood pressure to lower. Severus suddenly thought of something that amused him. "I'm sure Umbridge will be pleased to have you in her lessons," he said with a smirk.

Lupin gave a wry twitch of his lips. "Won't she just. Albus said that with teaching here and being busy preparing for next academic year she won't be able to finish her draft bill about creature laws, but he thinks that the restrictions bill might go through. It was kind of Albus to gift me a couple of months supply of Wolfsbane. Did he ask you to brew it?"

"No, he did not ask me to brew it," replied Severus carefully. He was not about to lie, but he had no wish to be caught by the truth.

"Oh, I just thought that you might have brewed it. It hasn't been full moon yet, but looking at the clarity of the potion it's excellent quality."

Severus gave a grunt and shrugged dismissively, two actions he couldn't abide in his students, but he wanted to get the werewolf off the topic.

"Severus," said Lupin, taking a breath, "I wanted to apologise. I..." he trailed off, unsure of where he wanted his sentence to go.

Irrationally, an apology incensed Severus more than a lack of one. What could an apology do? Erase the past? Make everything better? Surely the wolf could work out the futility of the action. It was the actions of Lupin and his friends that had driven Severus away from Lily, that had caused irreparable damage that day, that sent him to the company of the wrong people. And once down that track there was no out. If you joined the Light, you could leave for the Dark, but once you joined the Dark, the only way out was in a casket. If enough pieces of you were found.

A bit of Severus knew it wasn't all down to the Marauders. It wasn't like he walked into the Dark Lord's meetings at wand point, but they'd been a catalyst. He could have said no. He should have said no. He should have walked into the Gryffindor common room and begged Lily on his knees for her forgiveness, but hindsight couldn't change the past, and Severus had been atoning ever since.

"You wish to apologise?" said Snape venomously, "Why? You never raised a finger back then, but now, when it is irrelevant you wish to make amends? Do you consider that your apology could be construed as worthless?"

"Severus, I know how badly I messed up. I even have an inkling of the might have beens. I have eyes. I know that you and Lily could have been, and I know that your life could have been different. But we both made mistakes. We were young and stupid, arrogant and stubborn. Both of us. I know that Dumbeldore made me a prefect to rein in Sirius and James, and I know I didn't and should of done. Albus knew back then that they would have let you alone had I insisted. But I didn't, and I left them to their own devices. For that I am truly sorry."

Severus stood up from his chair to be at eye level with the werewolf. "I have in the past seen you as harmless, not physically, but more a non-active component of your little cadre. But I learnt differently when you didn't control them, and believe me, I knew why you were made prefect. And you know what they say, once bitten twice shy. Why should I make peace with you? Why should I forgive that fact that between you all you ruined the single hope of happiness I had? And now, in your arrogance you come down here and expect me to what? Forget it ever happened? Become your bosom buddy?" the office had got quieter and quieter and Severus spoke. He'd started talking in a growl, but by the end his voice was just a hiss of built-up resentment.

"Contrary to what you might think," replied Lupin softly, "I do not have the luxury of arrogance left to me. My condition has left me reliant on others. Up until recently only financially, but soon I will be reliant on people's goodwill, their willingness not to report my condition. I hate the fact that I do not have control of even my ability to remain human. I do not have enough friends that I do not need to mend bridges with those I have wronged. I humbly request that you consider forgiving my past mistakes. And if not, then I would beg you at least to not to reveal my condition."

"Humble?" said Severus contemptuously, "None of you could know humble if it sat on your lap and slapped you round the face."

"Then name a penance." said Lupin, "I will do anything to prove that I am sincere in my request."

Severus considered Lupin for what was for Lupin an interminable amount of time. Lupin knew that in those moments Severus could have done absolutely anything, and Severus did not know a small amount of magic, and much of what he did know wasn't what you'd call nice.

"I hope you find the Wolfsbane potion effective. It is a slightly altered recipe, hopefully for the better," said Severus eventually.

Severus was suitably rewarded by Lupin's jaw slipping. "But you said you didn't..."

"No, I said Albus didn't ask me to make it for you," Lupin looked even more confused.

"But why?"

"When you have worked it out, come and tell me," said Severus. "I am not a forgiving person. I hold grudges, but I will give you my word that I will not tell anyone you are a werewolf. I cannot guarantee to be civil all the time, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to bring Black to justice. I have no wish to hex you today," he added.

"I don't know what to say," said Lupin.

"That's the point," replied Severus in dismissal. "The door is behind you. Please use it."

Remus left, more confused than when he'd entered.