Harry had to admit he was delighted by his quest given to him by the Dark Lord. It had actually been given to Draco, but he knew that Voldemort expected him to do it. He was testing Draco. Harry didn't know why. He just knew that when he knelt in front of Voldemort and promised to kill Dumbledore if Draco failed to do so. Harry felt the thrill course through him. He finally got the order. He would have to suffer Voldemort for one extra year and by the time he graduated he would have taken them both down. The spell he wanted to create would take a year minimum. He needed to get the arithmancy sequence just perfect. He needed to possibly balance it with a potion. He needed a potion master and he knew just the one to ask.
"Severus." Harry greeted once Severus had opened the door to his house.
"Why does my day just keep getting worse and worse?" Severus drawled out annoyed that even during the summer he was busy dealing with students.
"You know I am your favorite, Severus. You would have strangled me ages ago." He teased moving to hug Severus tightly despite the fact that Severus was trying to bat him away.
"You are the worst child I have ever encountered," Severus mumbled lowly. He beckoned Harry inside. "To what do I owe the displeasure? I figured you would be hanging all over either your little girlfriend or your favorite Lestrange. I often get them confused." Severus said sharply.
"I am on a mission, Severus," Harry said, gliding his fingers over the books, plucking out one at seemingly random and flipping through it.
"For which master? Or one of your own, My Lord?" Severus said sarcastically. Harry hated when he did this. He hated when he held the fact that he was a double agent over his head.
"I need a potion to stabilize a spell I am creating. I could make it worth your while." Harry said leaning over the table.
"You sound like you are selling something to me," Severus said, his head tipping back tiredly.
"I usually am. I will go ingredient hunting for you. Use my own money. Sirius doesn't deny me anything when it comes to my experiments. I could get you something good." Harry said with a grin.
"What kind of potion do you want?" Severus finally asked.
Harry grinned and pulled out his notes. He put them on the table and showed Severus everything he had been working on. Severus had been his first confidant. He had been there when Harry had no one else to turn to. He had a small fond spot for the man no matter how bad he talked to him.
"Don't think I don't know what this is for, you foolish boy! Do you honestly think this will work? This is what you have been playing this game for?" Severus was pissed and Harry could see it. He looked up at Severus without flinching. He had seen worse from his relatives. He had seen worse at the orphanage. At least Severus cared about his well-being.
"And? Would you rather I was excited to be a murderer?" Harry asked and Severus seemed to deflate.
"I'll help you, but this will take years, two minimum," Severus stressed the word as if that would change Harry's mind. He had already played the game for a year. Two more were nothing to him. He had gotten past the angst of the first year which was the worst. Sirius knew about him now. Sirius was all he needed to know.
"I know. I plan to play the game until then. You should know better than anyone the lengths we go to in order to save our souls." Harry said softly.
"And your little group of friends? Will they approve of your decision to raise the Dark Lord? You are playing a dangerous game, Harry. What happens when it blows up in your face?" Severus asked. Harry couldn't help but glare up at him.
"It's not going to blow up in my face. I am going to take in a young child who lost their parents during the war. No one will question that with my background. I will be an adult and a war hero. Who will question me?" Harry asked his back straight and his head held high. He wouldn't let Severus convince him he was wrong not to kill someone.
"Maybe your girlfriend? Do you expect her to just answer at your beck and call and become a mother to a killer?" Severus asked. Harry flinched.
"Severus, please back off. I don't want to talk about Susan." Harry pleaded.
"Not all bright in paradise?" Severus pushed again. Harry slammed his hand down on the table.
"I said stop! Sorry. Sorry that was uncalled for. Susan… She doesn't deserve the life I want to live. She wants a normal life away from politics and games. I can't give that to her." Harry whispered. Severus shook his head.
"You are picking this over the woman that you love? Harry, you know my story. You know what that brought me. Is that what you want?" Severus asked gently. It wasn't often that they got into things like that. Severus was the only one who could push Harry to talk about things when he didn't want to so he utilized it to make sure Harry was okay.
"I want to not have to give up my dreams. I want to go into politics. I want to change things. I want to make things better. Is that so wrong? I have the entire wizarding world right where I want them. Why should I give it up for someone else? I adore her. I do, but I want her to be happy and if that means that I have to just be her friend then I will." Harry said softly. Severus shook his head.
"Okay. Okay, you obviously thought this through. I won't pry anymore. I'll work on the potion." Severus said, backing away from the table. Harry nodded.
"Thank you, Severus. I'll leave you to your summer. Try not to scare the local children." He said trying to get his footing back after their emotional confrontation.
Harry called the knight bus back home once he finished with Severus. Sirius hated that he was so close to Severus, but he never complained. Harry didn't feel like upsetting him by asking him to apparate them there. He also didn't want Sirius to know what he was planning just yet. When he got there he froze. Susan was sitting on the front step fiddling with the flowers that Harry had planted outside.
"I am assuming I am in trouble if you are waiting out here for me," Harry said quietly.
"You're keeping secrets from me again. I am worried. You- you feel distant." Susan said almost resigned. Harry shifted to sit beside her, his hand immediately dropping into hers. He did love her. He could imagine spending a life with her. He just couldn't let her live a life she wasn't happy with for him.
"Tell me honestly, would you be happy in the life I plan for myself?" Harry asked quietly, his voice shaking. He hoped to put this off for at least another year. He wanted to enjoy the time they had together knowing it was numbered.
"Would you be happy living a normal one?" Susan shot back, her smile weak. Harry moved to play with the end of her braided hair affectionately.
"I don't want to resent you. I adore you, Sue. You're my best friend and the best girlfriend a guy could ask for." He admitted softly. This had been a topic they tabled for later at the start of their relationship, but apparently, a year was long enough.
"I love you, too, but we can't keep doing this. What do you want, Harry?" She asked. Harry sighed and laid his head on her shoulder caressing her hand with his thumb.
"I want to change the world. I want to make things better. I don't want a simple life. I have the opportunity to change things. People listen to me even when I don't want them to. I'm sorry. But I can't just give that up." He whispered. Susan wiped away a stray tear but smiled at him all the same.
"Then don't. I'll always be right here as your best friend. I am not going to make you choose. I am going to choose for you so it's not on your conscience. I love you, Harry. I know you love me too even if you don't say it. But I think that we are both going in too different directions." Susan said. The speech was obviously rehearsed, but Harry appreciated it nonetheless.
"I'm sorry." He whispered out moving to kiss her cheek softly. He didn't realize he was also crying until he felt his own tears on her cheek. He wiped his eyes and pulled back.
"Sirius and Remus most likely have carrot cake if you want some. I know it's your favorite. I could send a piece home for Amy and Jasmine." He offered, patting her leg gently as he stood up. He couldn't linger anymore. He couldn't let the grief of losing her stop him.
"I'll take a slice to go if you don't mind," Susan said politely. They both knew that lingering would just lead to more hurt. They needed distance. When Harry opened the door they both pretended not to see Sirius and Remus making a quick exit to the kitchen so as not to be caught eavesdropping. Susan gratefully took some cake and then floo'd home with a parting kiss to Harry's cheek. When Harry came back to the kitchen Remus was already making his favorite. Sirius was sitting on the counter looking like a kicked puppy.
"So that's it then? You two are just over?" Sirius asked, obviously concerned about Harry. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Harry adored Susan. They had been best friends since their first year. The only other person Sirius even heard Harry talk about in the same tone was Ron. Sirius knew that Draco had feelings for Harry, but Harry never saw Draco as anything more than family.
"It's better now than later when we have started resenting each other," Harry said quietly as he slipped into his normal seat at the table. Sirius nodded and brought out the cocoa. He knew just how to make Harry feel better when he was upset and wasn't above pulling out every trick.
"How are you holding up?" Remus asked gently as he placed the treacle tart in front of him. Harry offhandedly wondered if he had put it in the oven when they saw Susan show up. Harry knew that Remus and Sirius knew their relationship was on the rocks long before even he did. They made a point of knowing what was going on in his life. Harry still didn't quite understand it, but he appreciated it after so long of having no one to care. He often thought about who he would be without them.
"I'll be fine. She was right to break it off now." Harry muttered softly. He also didn't want her involved in the plans he had for the future, but he couldn't say that in front of Remus. He still didn't know what Harry was doing. Remus nodded and let them fall into silence. They spent the night together watching movies and Harry almost felt like it was okay when he went to bed that night.