Chapter Twenty-One: Open minds
He started his next answer, to Bill's question concerning his family, by stating that his mother was an elegant woman with fire red hair and eyes like his own. His father was a protective man with his hair color and facial shape, his godfathers Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were protective as well, though Sirius was layed back and Remus was wise. The last question he had gotten was if he danced or sang and if he played the piano, which he answered with very different degrees of confidence.
He could sing, if he were given the right music, he was adept with the piano, though he did not consider himself a great composer by any means, and he could dance very well if led, and was considerably worse when leading.
He would not be giving anyone any demonstrations, as he was mentally exhausted by the hell he wrought upon himself by openly asking if the people around him had questions. He felt like an idiot, though he could not have known that the handful of questions he recieved would do so much to him. He would only take one more question, and to his surprise it was from his mate. "This will be the final question," Severus promised, cutting off the next set of questions he could tell was coming. "How often do you allow your animagus form out?"
It was simple for Harry to answer, as he hadn't been keen on letting her out ever since he had found out his form. She was an albino intersex lioness-- meaning a female lioness with male attributes. In that form she had a mane, lower octave voice, and an androgynous build. He was still getting used to her, though she had become a separate part of him not more than a year or so after his death.
In all honesty, he felt a bit ashamed while in that form, vulnerable and yet so sure of himself and easily angered. It was frightening to think of what could happen when she had the reigns, as he would not be in complete control, and though he had acted like he did not see the caged beast, he knew of the darkness that was being harboured within himself, and as far as Harry knew, she was that darkness.
"It has been a very long time since she has come out." He admitted, which set his mate to thinking. Could his animagus form be what he had seen before, as if she had soaken up all of the worst parts of the boy? And if she came out or broke out, what damage could she potentially do to the boys fragile mind??
"I am afraid that I can not answer any more questions. I am in a great need for a walk and time to settle my mind." Harry spoke nicely, moving is hand away from his mates. He then gave the man to his left a chance to speak as well, whether it was to agree, or dismiss those within the room.
Severus stood, and offered his mate his hand to take. "For the next two days or so, I would advise you all to stay within the castle, or alter your appearances, and go out in smaller groups. My coven does have dealings with many people, unsavory kinds of men and women. It is unavoidable these days, so keep on the look out, and you will be personally notified by myself or Harry should he decide to stay longer. Dinner will be searved here," He motioned to the long dining table which the family could not even hope to fill up, "With The section of my coven that are still within the castle, in five hours. You may stay here if you wish, return to your rooms, or have a guard escort you around the property."
With that and Harry's hand in his, the tall vampire helped the boy from his seat and turned to leave. There was nothing more to say, and he was itching to understand his mate a bit better.
Two guards began to follow them throughout the castle, as the man showed his mate different areas, from the kitchens, to the throne room, and the balconies: which had views of the garden, the forest, and the front of the property. He took the boy as far as he dared before turning back and escorting the other towards their individual rooms.
However while in a semi darkened hall the man remembered his urge to scent mark Harry, and he did not care if the guards saw him do it. It would only drive home to those beneath him that the boy belonged to him, and him alone. "Please stop for a moment." He whispered to the boy, who did as asked, and looked up at Severus with a confused tilt to his head.
Though his confusion turned to shock when he was lifted up by his legs and pushed a bit harshly into the stone of the wall. The man holding Harry above the ground buried his face in his neck, taking a large drag of his scent. Harry, after figuring out what his strong mate wanted, wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, and his legs around the mans waist before doing the same.
Normally people would not be seen in this position, but after being held like this in his mind, the boy was glad to have the real thing. No matter if the people tailing them saw, or spoke on the matter, he needed this just as much as Severus had, as they had been apart for two weeks before this. "It should not have been this difficult to stay apart from you." Severus said sneering inwardly, though he kept one arm under the boys thighs and the other on the wall to keep them both balanced.
Harry nodded his agreement, not stopping himself from rubbing his smaller nose against the elder mans throat. This was the spot on either of them where their scent collected, where they would mark the other as their own, and the area where their scents would stay potent the longest.
It took a while, plus the sound of several footsteps and the chatter of a family of freckled red heads, for the two to separate, Harry blushing profusely, though it would be some time before the Weasleys would turn the corners and see them.
Severus on the other hand sighed and shook his head good naturedly, resuming his walk with the undead wizard back towards their rooms. He had no intentions of letting the boy sleep because that would leave his sleep schedule off and would dig into the time that he could spend with the other. Severus wanted nothing more than to commandeer most, if not all of the boys time and attention.
Plus he had a few things to speak to his mate about; things that required privacy, which he felt would not be wise to let others hear. Leading Harry to his study, which was across the hall and three doors down from his bed chambers, he made sure the boy was settled in a cushioned seat at a table in the corner of the room. He sat in a seat on the opposite side of the table, and took the boys hands into his own. "My mate," He began with a short pause. "If there is anything keeping you from allowing your lioness out, please tell me now. What has kept you from unleashing that side of yourself?" He asked, keeping his voice low in order to not seem like he was pressuring the boy.
"I--" Harry answered slowly, pulling one hand away from the larger man to tap nervously at the table. "She remembers everything I want to bury, Severus. She deals with things differently from myself, and when I would let her out, we were so different to each other that I could hardly stand that part of myself. I love her because she is confident, and can stand up for herself, but those very same attributes make me second guess letting her out."
He took a moment to stop his tapping, and instead ran his free hand through his hair, disrupting his curls, though they flopped back into place right after he finished. His breathing was a bit wobbly, as though he couldn't find the breath to relate everything he was feeling in response to Severus' inquiry. The man had known that this was going to be taxing on the boy, as he had been pushed to reveal parts of himself he could not even remember on his own to the other male. Harry had gone through memory after memoy, both inside his mind and out. He had also just gone through his heat, which Severus came to understand was the first real heat he had experienced, and the boy was likely still low on energy from that as well.
Not to mention all of the other nuances in the boys everyday life that he had to go through, and his way of suppressing any and every negative thought he'd ever had. The potions Master had a lot to deal with, and Harry himself had a lot to come to terms with as well. He could not be the boys mind healer, though he would give the boy every bit of his attention if he was willing to share. "Could that be why you feel incomplete?" He asked gently.
The young man recoiled, as he had never once told the other that he felt that way. He never told anyone that he felt incomplete or like there was still a part of himself that was missing. "You not accepting that your lioness is an integral part of yourself, a piece of your magic that needs attention is damaging your self worth. My dear, you are not whole nor will you be until you are brave enough to face your worst self and innermost feelings. That darkness in which you ignore will haunt you, and may very well swallow the man I have come to care for, whole."
Taking the boys hand in his own again, Severus stood, and made his way around the table to kneel in front of the seated boy. "To push you is not my intention, I am solely offering you an ear to speak to, and a shoulder to rest your head upon."
Harry took the offer straight away, leaning forwards until his head hit the Potion Master's broad shoulders. He wanted his mate to think he was brave, to see him overcome whatever fears he may have, but that was nearly too much for him to take. He didn't want to face the darkness inside of himself. He didn't want to look the beast he had become in the eyes one more day. Playing the part of a Lord or a Lady of his estates, keeping his home life organized and his love life, however limited it was, in check was beginning to be a burden on him. Too much had happened in so little time for him to step up and process it all with a clear mind, and he had no idea where to begin. He just wanted to shut down and allow someone else to take over for him. To lead him in life, or in death in all actuality. He wanted to give up ownership of his actions to some degree, and let it be some other poor souls burden, but life did not go that way for him.
He was lucky to live a life like this, to have a mate like Severus, who Harry knew would push him to do things he would usually back down or shy away from. All he wanted was his mate's ability to tackle his problems and make them his bitch.
Severus shushed the boy sitting before him, whose shoulders were shaking, whose breathing had become laboured, and whose tears began to soak through his layers of clothing. Staying silent the man gave his bespectacled mate a few minutes to compose himself. As he had promised, he did not push the boy any further than he had nor would he for a while. This was simply to see just how much his mate had forced behind the bars of his mental cage. He had quite a bit left to address with the boys mental health, and he was out of his depth when it came to helping others confront their own demons, as he hadn't yet finished grappling with his own.
Pulling Harry up to stand, Severus lifted the brunette man up, bringing him over to his desk, where the vampire sat down, Harry settling on his lap. It was a bit of a concern for Harry because he did not want anyone to walk in on his breakdown, let alone for anyone to see him sitting on the mans thighs like a child. He certainly did not want to be seen as a loose person, letting the man beneath him have whatever he wanted without marriage. He was overwhelmed and these thoughts were only adding to his confusion and self hatred.
"I want to be anyone but myself Severus..." He said softly, and closed his eyes for a moment. Where his ear rested upon the others chest, he could hear the slow and calm beating of his mate's undead heart. "If I could hear my heart beat, or walk above ground without being stared at... If I could stand back for a moment and not have to worry about who I am or who I will never be... I believe I would be a bit happier."
Severus looked down at his mate in shock, though the boy had already gone to sleep. Which served to be a bit unnerving for the man, as the boy stopped breathing to do so, and never had a heart beat to begin with. It was uncanny for him to be holding the boy in his arms, the corpse of his mate, knowing that he was in all the ways that counted, still alive.
He studied the boy on his lap; long dark eyelashes and thin pouty lips, blue tinted skin that showed his expressions just as well as his closed eyes did, a normal to small sized nose that suited his youthful face beautifully... the boy looked so at peace and serene that the man could not make himself wake him. He wanted to watch Harry sleep for as long as possible, especially when the boys brain remembered that his body could still breath even in sleep and his chest began to move again, in a parody of life.
He felt as though he was a bastard for bringing his little love to tears, though he knew the boy would thank him in the long run. Neither of them would stand to gain anything from him coddling the boy until his mind was ripped apart from the inside. He needed the smaller man to see just how much he was damaging himself and their potential relationship by staying the person he was forced to be.
Harry was docile and gentle, but he had the ability to be fierce and confident in himself as well should he embrace the opposing sides of his personality rather than shunning them, or more specifically, her. His lioness was an integral part of the boy, and without her-- if he let her die in his mind-- he would be left with a hole that would never again be filled. People lost their animagus forms in many ways, and never had their been a report of them regaining that aspect of their souls back. It was as if they were forced to evaporate and dissapear from the witches and wizards cores, from their very DNA. He refused to let his mate become a shell of himself, even if the boy refused to speak with him over this for years to come. He had all eternity to win the boy back should anything too drastic take place, but no amount of time on the planet could bring his mate back from whatever shattered pieces he would be in if left to rip his soul apart for fear of the unknown. There were certainly worse fates than opening the tomb of his memories.
Though the vampire would simply have to wait for the boy to awaken, as he still had a few things to say. He needed the other to understand where he was coming from with his invasive questions, and he also needed the boy to know where it could take them if Harry simply allowed his mate to lead him in this.
Though it seemed like it would have to wait, as his study's door was knocked upon. Conjuring up a fainting couch for his mate and a pillow which was placed beside his desk and out of reach of anyone. Having set the boy down and made sure he was comfortable, severus granted the man on the other side of his door entrance.
And with a bit of a confident swagger, in walked one Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was a somewhat covert liaison between Severus, and the Ministry of Magic, as he was a powerful wizard and a trusted member of the Vampire King's coven. Human though he was, Kingsley kept the other man in the loop on the Ministries dealings, and any required appearances the man would have to make. Sometimes the man had simply shown up to beg the vampire to attend the ministry ball, and others to have a drink and speak about life.
Severus would count the black man as a dear friend of his coven, though he kept a bit of distance in case the man was put under scutiny at the Ministry. He would back the man up if anything had ever gone awry, as the other had done many times for him in the past, and as he was a member of his growing coven, the man was never short on allies or a place to hide out should the government wish him harm.
Nodding amiably towards the seated man, Kingsley made his way into the room, taking in the young man laying mere inches away from the other. Once the door was closed behind himself, the man took a seat across from his old friend and smiled. "I see you have your mate here as well. Should I give the two of you privacy?" He teased.
Laughing sarcastically, Severus shook his head. Of course he knew he could not be alone with his mate, though there was no reason for him to bother with the traditions with his mate so innocent and scarred. This did however give the man a bit of knowledge on why the other was there without any forewarning. "Have they heard about him, or is the Ministry simply scheming once again?" He asked, calling a house elf to bring both of the men a drink and two glasses as well.
Once the drinks, fire whiskey for the evening, were prepared and in each mans hand, Kingsley spoke up. "Both unfortunately. They have an anonymous source who claims to have seen you and your mate, whose identity is to them still unknown, strolling together through a predominately muggle village." He said before taking a sip of his drink, and listening to the clinks of ice on glass.
Taking a drink as well, the man on the opposite side of the desk sighed. "This is truly concerning... Have you heard any useful details over this developement?" He asked, leaning back a bit in his seat. The man was as truthful as they came in his circle of friends, colleagues and advisors.
"At the present moment, it seems they are simply attempting to find out who gained your favor, and if they could possibly sink their claws into him for valuable information within your dealings. They also seemed to want you and your mate to grace them with an appearance at the next ball."
"Hmm..." Harry mumbled in his sleep, coming to for a few moments before startling at the sight of the man across from his mate, and standing up, wand drawn. His eyes were glowing bright green in the slowly dimming room, though it was lessened by the light bulbs turning on as the sunlight faded.
One he saw that his mate was neither threatened nor bothered by the man sitting across the desk from him, Harry put away his wand and stood straighter. "My Lord, who is this man?" He asked softly, though his voice still held a dangerous lilt to it. He wanted to know if this man was a friend, or perhaps a wizard Severus had spoken about earlier before they had left the Weasleys. Was he an unsavory type? Someone who sold human organs on the market, or something of the like? Either way he was still cautious around the man.
Kingsley, having said what he had come to say, slipped into a more casual countenance. He regarded the man standing beside Severus with a respecting gaze, standing as well to introduce himself. "My name is Kingsley Shacklebolt, liaison between your mate and the Ministry of Magic." He said short and simple. This did not endear Harry towards him, as it was simply not enough for him to go off of.
'Yes beloved, he is a member of my coven and my informant on the inner workings of the ministry.' Was Severus' input on the matter, though outwardly he only looked over at his mate with truthfulness in his eyes. Calmer now that his mate confirmed the other mans identity, Harry nodded and offered his hand in response.
'And does he know who I am?' He asked, gaining a mental, negative confirmation from the other wizard this time. "And I am Lord Harry Potter." He said almost awkwardly. It felt so impolite to not add 'It is a pleasure to meet you' to his introduction, though saying it could imply some form of interest in the other male.
The boy was stuck at an impasse as he wanted to greet the man across from his and his mate properly, but as he was being courted by Severus, most anything he said or did in reference to any unmarried person could be misconstrued as a romantic interest in someone other than his mate. He was completely unsure of what to say, and until the man took his hand and said, "I understand, and it is my pleasure." Harry truly felt like he had said something horribly wrong.