Summary: An Academy course on seduction might just shed the light on some of the rivalries in the Elemental Nations
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Important Statistics.
"Now, that we have covered all the basic mechanics of sex we need to discuss some important statistics." Tobetsku Jonin Anko Mitarashi announced as she unveiled a list of the Great Villages as well a corresponding range of numbers that were associated with such Penis length, Width, Stamina, and Refractory period as well as average skill levels in manual, oral, and coitus skill. It even listed common fetishes. "Now this list has painstakingly compiled from reports of Kunoichi Seduction Specialist as a well as Civilian Prostitutes. It will help you prepare for what might happen."
"There must be some mistake. Are you telling me Kumo nin have way above average penis size and abysmal endurance and skills? What about the saying: Once you go Black, you never go back?" Ino Yamanaka was confused. She'd heard many Kunoichi mutter that phrase and then giggle.
"Ah yes, the in-joke among the villages. Kumogakure's main water source is tainted with a mineral that causes slightly enlarged male genitalia, but at the same time makes all Kumo Nin so sensitive that they orgasm extremely quickly. The phrase means that yeah, you'll feel like you're getting split in half for the five strokes it takes for them to cum. This doubly true for the darker skinned one as they absorbed more of the mineral." Anko explained with a disappointed sigh. "Worse, instead of improving on their skills the Kumo male's mind set can be summed up as: I got mine, that's all that matters. This doesn't bother the Kumo Kunoichi as they get satisfaction just as easily. In fact, just foreplay is enough to make the Kunoichi orgasm... repeatedly. That's why the Kumo Nins do not have seductions specialists. It's frighteningly easy to mindbreak any Kumo Nin with sex."
Sakura was frowning as she looked at the statistics. Konoha wasn't the highest in any particular area, but the overall scores were above the average across the board. On average Kumo had the some of the biggest cocks, but they lagged in every other area. Iwa had the smallest, but their endurance was just incredible. Kiri was known for their insanely short refractory period and superb oral skills. Suna was a little above average in size and endurance, but had a long refractory time. They made up for it in manual skills. What puzzled her was Ushiokagure scores: they were all insanely good. They were bigger than Kumo by a fraction, had better endurance than Iwa by a wide margin, made Kiri look like they took forever in refractory period and the skills section was just phenomenal.
"Anko-sensei? Where is this Ushiogakure? I have never heard of it before." Sakura finally spoke up. She was unable to hold back her curiosity.
"Ah, wondering where the village of sex gods are, huh? I like your style." Anko winked at Sakura causing the latter to blush. "Unfortunately Ushiogakure is gone. During the Third Great War the villages of Kumo, Kiri, and Iwa formed an alliance to crush Ushiogakure. Many people say it was because members the Uzumaki clan were so formidable as Ninja that the three Nations just wanted to crush the upstart village. Honestly, I think that was half the reason. The Uzumaki had a bad habit of accidentally seducing the best and brightest Kunoichi." She paused for a moment. "Whether it was the fuinjutsu and ninjutsu or their bouchujutsu, the village of five thousand was wiped off the face of the map by an army of thirty thousand ninja. Of which only three thousand survived to end up being slaughtered by Konoha who arrived too late to help. That is why our Chunin and Jonin flak jackets carry the Uzumaki crest to show the debts of gratitude and shame we owe them."
"That is a shame. I could really have some fun with an Uzumaki." Ami piped up. Even being only thirteen Ami had given into her lust a while ago. Rumors floated around that she slept with most the boys in the class with the exception of Sasuke and Naruto. Not for lack of trying when it came to the former.
"You will keep your skank hands off Naruto-kun." Hinata's normally shy demeanor evaporated when she heard that proclamation. She had literally snapped her desk in half with some rage induced strength. "He's too good for you. Keep chasing Sasuke-san."
"Pfft, as if I would go for that loser." Ami scoffed. "He's all yours, Hyuuga-san."