Recruiting Grandma

Lula dragged me to the dance floor and I didn't resist, leaving Connie and Sally Sweet gulping down a pitcher of cocktails. I shot Lula a happy smile as we shook our booty on the dance floor. The skirt of my red dress swirled out dramatically as I moved to the beat of the music; like a circle of flame surrounding me. We were doing our thing, swaying to the music. The R&B song eventually came to an end, and the DJ announced, 'This next song is Misfits by Third Eye Blind, and Lula says to Stephanie, thank you, because you did save her, and the misfits are the ones for you.'

Hey bro props at the after show
Can you tell me where the greenbuds grows?
I'd like to say you turned my life around

Lula turned to me, singing the last line to me, and I knew she meant it. Lula normally hid her emotions under a bluff exterior and illuminous spandex, but her heart was as big as her wasitline, if better disguised. I felt my eyes well up with tears, and I threw myself into her arms. I guess she was allowed to be emotional on her birthday, I'm not sure what my excuse was though.

I lost myself outside again
With the sound running through my head
Drowned out way out in the crowd
and the crowd goes singing

My people are the misfits
The ones that don't fit in
With the smile I know it comes within
I can feel you in the corners laughing when the lightings low

She was right, my people were the misfits, the people that made me laugh more than anyone else, the ones who made me smile, the ones I loved.

I was friends with stoners when I should be dragging their asses to the pokey. I was friends with a rocking cross-dresser, a woman with mob connections, and an ex-prostitute with an inclination towards spandex. I even felt a grudging liking for midgets with spiderman pyjamas. And then there was Ranger, he was a misfit too.

And then there was me. The biggest misfit of them all.

They say
Tick tick. tell me where the time goes
Oh life, you know it moves much to slow
Tick tick tell me where the time goes
Those are the ones for me
Those are the ones for me
The misfits, the freaks, the enemy, you and me
Those are the ones for me
Those are the ones for me
The misfits, the freaks, the enemy, you and me

My people are the misfits
I won't let you down
I'm dizzy from whatever we just passed around
I bleed for the moments when we're here
And we're all around

I felt something in my heart shift and I felt a wave of protectiveness surge over me; they were my people, and I would never let them down. I would do anything for my people. My misfits.

I hugged Lula tightly, reeling from my inner revelation, but revelling in the moment. The song ended, and both Lula and I had something in our eyes.

'Glitter in my eye.' Lula explained. It was a farily believable explanation to be honest, Lula was shimmering with inner beauty – not to mention outer glitter. She was covered head to toe in body glitter, and after our hug I suspected I was too.

Thinking fast I said, 'Eyeliner gloop in my eye.'

Lula grinned at me, 'You're not wearing eyeliner…'

'I am so!' I lied, 'It's just it's all in my eye…so you can't see it.'

Lula did an eye roll worthy of the Burg and we headed back to Connie and Sally for more cockatils. We gaped at the empty pitcher.

Then we ordered another - It wouldn't do for the party girl to be sober.

Half an hour later and my cell rang, I didn't recognise the number, so I mouthed apologies to Lula and made my way outside to take the call.

'Hello?' I answered.

'Steph? It's Tiina.'

'Tiina! How are you?'

'I'm fine.' She replied.

I didn't like the emphasis on 'I'm' - Tiina was a nurse working at one of the local hospitals, and I wondered which of my loved ones were hurt.

'What happened?' I asked.

'Your friend…Ranger, he's been stabbed.'

It's strange how you can go from tipsy to stone cold sober in an instant.

'Is he ok?' I asked, my voice wobbling with emotion.

'He's just come in now, he's heading to operating theatre, but he should be fine.'

'Can I come see him?'

'You know the rules, Steph, family only.' She sighed, 'Ok…I'll let you in…but if any of the doctors or nurses ask…say you're just scenary. They'll understand.'

'You have a secret code?' I said incredulously.

'Nothing so dramatic, it's just sometimes we twist the rules a little so friends can visit too.'

'Thanks Tiina, I owe you.'

'No you don't, just stay safe. Bye sweetie.'

I stood outside in shock, not noticing the drizzling rain; Batman was hurt. Superheroes weren't supposed to bleed.

I pulled myself together and dialled for a cab, and then I went back inside to speak to Lula.

I found her dancing on the table, and despite everything I smiled.

'What's up white girl? You look paler than usual.' She asked.

'The Joker stabbed Batman, is it ok if I go to the hospital?'

'Of course it is! Give him a kiss from me!'

I gave her a smile for being so understanding, and then I ran back outside to get the cab; my tummy was churning. God I hoped he was ok.

The cab pulled up to the high security hospital and Tiina buzzed me through, giving me a pass to clip on to my dress. 'He's still in the theatre, but the people that brought him in are in waiting room E.' I nodded and headed off to the waiting room.

I opened the door, nodded to Tank, Bobby and Lester, and sat down in the luxury seats. None of them questioned my presence, nor how I had found out about Ranger being stabbed.

The minutes dragged by while we waited in heavy silence. Eventually the door opened and a tired looking doctor came in, he paused when he saw me.

'Are you a relative ma'am?' he asked. I resisted the urge to point the others weren't related to Ranger either, but I suspected Ranger had long since come to an agreement with the hospital.

'Just part of the scenery.' I said easily.

He simply nodded, and turned back to his notes. Tank raised his eyebrow at this, but kept silent.

The doctor cleared his throat, 'Mr Manoso's surgery was a success, the stab wound to the chest has been closed and he should suffer no long-term damage. He's been put in room F103, he should come round in the next half hour or so, he's on pain meds at the moment-'

'Take him off.' Tank said firmly, 'his medical notes should state that he doesn't want any pain medication.'

I resisted the urge to eye roll, but wasn't overly surprised; pain meds would cloud his judgement and make it harder for him to be aware of his surroundings.

The doctor said his piece, mumbling on in medical jargon that I didn't understand. I resisted the urge to cheer when he finally shut up - I didn't want Ranger to wake up alone.

We trooped to Ranger's room; Bobby, Lester and Tank did some kind of ESP thing and Bobby and Lester left, letting Tank and me be the two allowed visitors. Guess they had things to do, wind to be.

We walked in the room, and I flinched at the sound of the beeping machines, god I hated the sound of those things…probably because I was normally the one hooked up to them.

Tank gestured for me to take the seat by Ranger's bed, and I didn't complain. As we waited for Ranger to wake up, the silence was only interrupted by the steady beep of the infernal machines.

Ranger didn't stir awake like a normal person, one moment he was unconscious, the next moment his breathing had changed and his eyes snapped open and focused on my face.

'Yo Babe.' He said, a myriad of emotions tangling in his voice and making it indecipherable.

'Yo yourself.' I said softly.

His eyes ran down my body, undoubtedly wondering about the dress and the heels.

'Lula's birthday.' I explained.

A smile tugged at his lips, 'You did ESP.'

'Miracles happen.' I acknowledged.

'You didn't have to come.' He said softly.

'You didn't have to get stabbed.' I pointed out.

'It was on my to-do list.' He said deadpan.

'Let me write that list next time - I don't like the way you're doing it.'

A smirk tugged at his lips, 'sure, just don't forget to include oral sex with Stephanie.'

I felt myself smile even as the blush crept up my cheeks, 'get better and we'll see.'

'An incentive,' Ranger agreed flashing me the wolf grin.

My smile faded, and I reached out to take his hand. I ran my thumb in circles on his palm, looking down, 'I was scared.' I admitted. 'I don't like being scared.'

He lifted our joined hands up, and brushed his lips across my knuckles in silent apology.

He tugged on my hand slightly and I lifted my eyes to meet his dark gaze, 'That's why,' he said.

'Why what?' I asked, confused.

'Why my lifestyle doesn't lend itself to relationships.'

'Yeah,' I nodded, 'I understand that-'

There was a knock on the door, and a nurse came in, 'Your family have arrived.' She announced, 'only two guests at a time,' she said, looking at me pointedly.

Ranger nodded, 'a moment.'

The nurse nodded grudgingly and left.

I turned back to Ranger, 'Relationship or not; I'm still here, I'm still worried, and I was still scared. I care about you, Ranger; it's too late to change that, and I wouldn't change it if I could. I'd rather have you in my life with added worry, then have a great big gaping Batman-sized hole in it.' I sighed, 'you're in my heart Ranger; there's no getting out of it now. You're one of mine.' My hero misfit.

I turned on my three-inch heels and walked out. My curiosity reared its head as I remembered the people crowding the hall were his family - and evidently theirs did too.

'Excuse me.' I said politely, avoiding their stares as I manoeuvred my way through Ranger's loved ones. A small old woman refused to move, I remembered Ranger's comments about his grandma – small, Cuban, cooking. That was the sum of my knowledge.

I decided to try out my amateur Spanish skills; I'd only been learning for a few months.

'dispénseme señora.' I said politely, gesturing around her.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Her eyes narrowed, '¿Usted habla español?'

You speak Spanish?

'Un poco, senora.'

A little, ma'am.

She started speaking to me rapidly and I held up a hand, '¿Puedar hablar mas despacio, por favour?'

Could you speak slower please?

She nodded, 'Si, lo siento. ¿Usted es la novia del Carlos?'

Yes, I'm sorry. You are Carlos' girlfriend?

I shook my head, 'No, somos apenas amigos.'

No, we are just friends.

She sighed and shook her head, 'Carlos es estupido.'

Carlos is stupid.

I smiled, 'Si - el es un hombre.'

Yeah, he's a man.

She laughed, and the rest of Ranger's family looked surprised.

'¿Usted es un católico?' She enquired.

You're a catholic?'

'Si.' I admitted, 'pero…'

Yes, but…'

'No pero.' She interrupted easily, 'Usted es un católico.' She nodded happily, looking like a decision had been made. '¿Era un placer de encontrarle, senorita…?'

No buts, you are a catholic. It has been a pleasure to meet you, Miss…?

'Plum. Stephanie Plum.'

She smiled again, 'llámeme abuelita.'

'Call me grandma.'

Uh oh, I thought, but I smiled and nodded. 'Adios abuelita.'

I made my way out of the hospital, and turned to Tank who had followed me out. 'What just happened?' I asked, dazed.

He grinned, 'You just recruited Grandma Manoso…and Ranger doesn't stand a chance in hell.'