Ugh... Full confession guys... I know most of you won't agree with me on this, but I am NOT a Heat Baby! As the temperature climbs over 30C and into 40C, my motivation drops to nil. It's not bad if I could spend the entire day at the beach, but when you have to work outside in it, it fucking sucks! Give me Spring, Fall, or even Winter any day. Of course, it doesn't help that my entire Province (BC, Canada) is on fire right now. Seriously, don't even fart in the woods out here...
Anyways, this one took far too long. Partly because of the heatwave, and partly because it is just really heavy. Fair warning. Hopefully you guys enjoy it. And hopefully I'll see you much sooner for the next chapter. Thanks for sticking with me! Love ya :)
_
Astrid would be lying if she said that Thursday afternoon hadn't been awkward. What with the deceptively kind looking snitch perched primly in her little chair at the back of class. Sporting a hideous peach pantsuit and watching Astrid and Hayden's every move as she scribbled endless notes on her little clipboard. Astrid couldn't even fathom what the woman was writing about. The entire class, the two of them had been as cordial as any other teacher and student. Maybe even a little less so. It was enough to make anyone want to scream!
Honestly, it wasn't just Mrs. Cooper's unnecessary presence that was chapping Astrid's backside. The whole week at school had been more than a little uncomfortable. Ever since Monday morning, the glares and whispers had followed her around. Only growing more persistent with Professor Haddock's continued absence. Astrid was determined not to let it get to her, but she couldn't pretend that it didn't suck. Still, she kept her chin up and carried on as if she couldn't hear what people were saying. The rude speculations that she had only used Hayden for some sort of personal gain.
It was all absurd anyways. Did they all think that Astrid had a crystal ball at home or something? Some magical insight into the fact that Hayden Haddock, the 'newly single' billionaire playboy, was about to become the teacher of the only class that Astrid was falling behind in? Did they think she had performed some sort of voodoo ritual that made Hayden show up to that particular house party and take her home? Like it was anything more than coincidence and circumstance that had allowed her to succeed where others had tried and failed.
Now that everyone knew it had been Hayden at that party, the stories started leaking out. Mostly from the gossipy jocks that had remembered seeing Hayden, or his sexy car, but not put two and two together until now. Astrid couldn't help wondering whether or not Scott was aware that his precious little girlfriend had tried to pick up Hayden that night too. Apparently in between moments of hanging all over Scott, Sabrina was also one of many girls that had been shamelessly flirting with Hayden and Eret. Too drunk to know who either guy was at the time, but still sober enough to recognize a meal-ticket when she saw one.
Unfortunately for Sabrina, Hayden had rebuffed her advances that night in August, and he was even more unlikely to jump into bed with her now. That thought cheered Astrid up greatly. Making it easier to see Sabrina around the school without punching her lights out. By now Astrid had a pretty good hunch that Sabrina, or at least one of her friends, had been the source of the rumours. Hayden was right though. Sloppy really wasn't worth getting expelled over, so Astrid resisted the urge to confront the bitch and simply shot her overly bright smiles and waves instead.
Still, Astrid was in a pretty good mood by Thursday evening - all things considered. Her and the girls opting to order in tonight rather than cooking. Working on their homework at the table as they gorged themselves on warm pita bread and hummus from a Greek restaurant a few blocks away. Astrid's mind more on Hayden than her English essay. Wondering idly what the rest of his day had been like.
Hayden had messaged her shortly after Physics to tell her the news. Apparently wanting to make sure that she was okay with it first before letting Scott come over on Saturday. Astrid had agreed of course, but she still couldn't believe that Hayden had actually offered to tutor Scott. Even more surprising was the fact that Scott had accepted Hayden's help. It seemed utterly insane for the two of them to willingly spend time together. Especially given the fact that Hayden had KO'd Scott in the middle of a snowy street just last week. Boys were so weird.
That is, everything was going well - right up until the point that Rachel decided to spring her newest discovery on Astrid while the girls were packing away the leftovers. "You WHAT," Astrid yelled at her friend. Hands balling into fists as she glared at the cringing blonde. "Are you seriously telling me that you broke into Hayden's storage room and went through his stuff without asking?! What is wrong with you?!"
"We just wanted to protect you, and it was all Tyler's idea," Rachel supplied as she pulled her shoulders up. Almost as if she was trying to protect her neck during a wild animal attack. "I told him not to, but…"
"Like hell you did," Heather cut in. Her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. "I bet you were elbow deep in Hayden's history right alongside your ridiculous brother. Does Hayden know yet?"
"Yeah," Rachel sighed. "Tyler told him today after practice. Apparently he already suspected us, and was none too pleased about it."
Astrid snorted a rude laugh at that. "I wonder why," she drawled. "I'm surprised he hasn't charged you both with trespassing. God, you two are lucky he's such a nice guy."
"Nice is a matter of perspective," Rachel muttered cryptically. Making Astrid raise a brow in response. "Did you know he got charged with assault when he was 17," Rachel asked. Then at Astrid's startled expression she added, "he even admitted as much to Tyler. Apparently Hayden nearly beat someone to death with his bare hands back when he was the lead guitarist for the Razorwhips. Turns out 'Ryder' has a bit of a temper." Even using her fingers to put quotations around Hayden's stage name.
What?! Had Rachel seriously just said what Astrid thought she did? Ryder was Hayden. Astrid's confused mind immediately flashed back to that concert. Vividly remembering standing in the front row with Scott and the twins as she gazed up at the masked and leather clad rockers. Somewhat envious of how badass and carefree they seemed when compared with her neatly ordered world. It had been one of the main reasons she had decided to try pot for the first time that night. Wanting some of that freedom, before promptly deciding that it wasn't for her. All it did was make her feel tired and thirsty.
"Rachel…" Heather hissed warningly. Glancing sideways at Astrid, who was still staring blankly at the female twin while her brain remained lost somewhere down a side alley on memory lane. "For once in your life, would you please just shut the fuck up!"
"Wait," Astrid finally managed. Heather's tone pulling her back to the present as she peered over at the raven haired girl accusingly. "You knew? And you never said anything?" Her head swirling with questions as she watched Heather struggle for words, before offering a half shrug and a sigh of defeat. If Rachel was right, then this explained why Hayden hadn't really wanted to talk about it. Almost killing someone was way worse than just crashing a car into a building or something…
Deciding to reserve judgement on the matter until she heard it from Hayden, Astrid just glared at her friends again. Seeing something almost like remorse in Heather's eyes, but she merely grabbed her pack and stormed off before she could throttle Rachel. Ignoring said blonde's stammered apologies, and determined to deck Tyler hard enough to leave a bruise tomorrow. How dare they snoop through Hayden's private life like that! Regardless of what they found, no excuse made that okay in Astrid's mind.
As soon as she was in her room, Astrid perched on her bed before pulling out her laptop and headphones. Bringing up her iTunes library, she scrolled straight down to the R's as she put the earbuds in. After clicking on the Razorwhips and pressing shuffle, she let herself flop back onto the bed. The music one notch above mute as she mulled it all over. If art was a reflection of the artist, then Hayden certainly had some demons.
Although the group's songs had always been pretty heavy in the lyrical sense, Madness was just darker somehow. Their style seeming to shift completely away from the youthfully emo high school melodies of the first album. Boasting a much more adult blend of angry, dirty, and self-deprecating instead. Many of the songs telling painful stories about everything from relationships gone horribly wrong, to drug use, violence, and even self harm. 'Darkness' being one of Astrid's favourites, as it still felt oddly hopeful even despite it's rather depressing message.
Astrid was the first to admit that she usually sucked at trying to interpret someone else's artwork. Unfortunately the message here was a little hard to miss, and her heart immediately broke again for Hayden. How many bruises had life left on him? How many scars had she and her friends been personally responsible for? Was it even possible to put all that behind you? Feeling uncomfortably guilty all over again, Astrid closed her eyes and let the music wash over her. A new appreciation at the real pain behind the familiar lyrics taking root in her gut.
Still lost in her thoughts, Astrid didn't even notice Heather coming into the room until she felt the side of the bed drop slightly. Then she was sitting up to glare at the intruder as she tugged her earbuds out. Half expecting it to be Rachel coming to grovel. "I know you're mad at me," Heather started softly. Her eyes tracing the decorative leaf designs on Astrid's comforter. "…but it wasn't really my secret to tell."
She shrugged before looking up to meet Astrid's gaze. "I didn't know about the Razorwhips thing," she admitted. "I only knew about the assault charges because Dagur was there when Hayden was arrested. I don't know exactly what went down because Dagur wouldn't say, but I do know Hayden. He wouldn't have hurt someone without a very, very good reason." When Astrid just arched a brow at her, Heather huffed a sigh. "I stand by what I said in August," she stated simply. "He really is one of the good ones."
"I know he is," Astrid agreed. Offering her friend a small smile. "And I'm not actually mad at you Heather. Rachel and Tyler, yes, but not you. It's just… A lot to take in…"
"Yeah, it is," Heather returned with a smile of her own. "I'm sure if you want to know, you just have to ask him." Then she patted Astrid on the knee before pushing to her feet and leaving the room without another word. Astrid gazing at the closed door for another moment before flopping back down on the bed again. Wondering just how in the hell she was going to broach this subject with Hayden. Thank goodness it was Friday tomorrow, so she wouldn't have too long to dwell.
The next day Astrid and Heather were still not talking to Rachel. Tyler steering clear of their group too, which was probably lucky for him. Astrid wasn't exactly in the mood to pull her punches right now, and Tyler deserved one. Honestly, she kind of felt like they all deserved a good punch for being such jerks when they were kids. Her head so distracted with old regrets that she didn't even notice the morning flying past.
As she sat through her afternoon Physics class, she was barely even aware of Mrs. Cooper perched in the corner. She was too busy studying Professor Haddock. Trying to find some hint of that hurt and angry kid beneath the charming man. With his laughing green eyes and laid back humour, it was hard to picture this Hayden getting angry enough to almost kill someone. Sure, he had told her months ago that he had a temper, but she hadn't really believed it back then. It was still a little tough to envision, even after his fight with Scott the other night.
If Hayden noticed the intensity of Astrid's gaze today, he never let it show. His posture and tone remained just as casual and carefree as ever. Though he did briefly meet her eyes as she was packing up her stuff at the bell, and there was the smallest hint of worry buried in those green orbs. As if he knew that she knew. Then again, he probably did.
After getting home, Astrid let Stormfly out for some exercise while she tried and failed to tackle her homework. Then she cleaned the bird's already spotless cage again, tidied her own room a bit, and then checked over the contents of her overnight bag twice. All with an uncomfortable mixture of guilt and nerves churning in her belly. She knew that her and Hayden had a pretty heavy conversation ahead of them. What she didn't know was how he would take it. Wasn't even sure if she really wanted to hear it anymore. Maybe Hayden was right and it was better left in the past. It was pretty late already, so maybe she should just stay home tonight. Go over tomorrow afternoon instead, after Scott had left…
Firmly halting those thoughts before she could talk herself out of it any further, Astrid zipped her bag closed and auto-started the car. Slinging the duffel's strap over her shoulder with a sigh and heading back out to the main room. "Don't worry about Stormfly. I'll take care of her. You just try to have a good weekend," Heather offered with a smile as Astrid pulled her jacket back on. Astrid returning the smile along with a muttered thanks. Then she scowled at Rachel once more before making her way down to the parking lot. Shutting the door loudly behind her.
The snow was starting to fall again, and Astrid glanced over at where her poor little Beetle sat parked by the back fence. The bulbous blue car was beginning to look more like a snow covered hobbit mound than a vehicle. Feeling somewhat guilty, Astrid tossed her bag into the back of the warm Jag. She hated leaving Bug out in the cold like this, but Hayden had insisted she hang onto his car for now. Stating that it was likely better in the snow, which was admittedly true, while also reminding her blandly that it wasn't as if he needed it. Of course, she probably could have argued harder, but Astrid couldn't pretend that she didn't love driving the flashy sedan; if only just a little.
She tried to focus on the traffic as she made her way to Butterfly Tower. A part of her still a little surprised by how familiar the drive was already. The fancy hotels and glistening business towers almost feeling more like home now than her shared condo did. In this car, Astrid herself even looked like she belonged in this district. The diamond-dripping well-to-do's on the street wouldn't even suspect there was a middle class intruder currently in their midst. Her Beetle, on the other hand, would've stuck out like a sore thumb.
Pulling into the garage, she eased the XF into the empty space Hayden had left near the elevator for her. Taking another deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach before climbing out and grabbing her bag. When the elevator opened at the top, she could hear music playing softly in the other room as the smell of curry wafted through the air. Making her stomach grumble - and she suddenly remembered that she was hungry. Then her thoughts were promptly interrupted by the sound of Toothless barrelling down the hallway towards her.
She barely had time to drop her bag and brace herself before the mutt was on her. Jumping up to place his massive paws over her shoulders in his unique greeting, and she was laughing as she hugged him back. Not even hearing Hayden's approach until he was right beside her and picking her duffel bag up off the floor. "Thank goodness… I was starting to worry Tyler had frightened you away," he drawled when she turned her head to glance at him past the mound of black fur. Though his tone was meant to be joking, his green eyes betrayed his nerves.
The sight of his grey plaid lounge pants and green hoodie combo reminded her that they had both been home from school for several hours already. Making Astrid feel guilty all over again for making him worry, and she gave Toothless one more scratch before lowering his paws gently to the floor. "Of course he didn't scare me away," she shot back with an eye roll. "You're a rock star with a shady past and an anger problem, not a serial killer." Then she wrapped her arms tightly around Hayden as he snorted a laugh. Stretching up on her toes for a kiss, and feeling him noticeably relax in her embrace as he leant down to meet her.
"I'm not a rock star," Hayden retorted blandly. "No one ever saw my face. We could easily tell the tabloids that Tyler was actually Ryder and then watch him get stormed by his new fans instead. You have to admit, he has almost the same build as me - and he looks more the part than I do." That had Astrid giggling even as she shrugged in acknowledgment. Hayden grinned down at her before moving away and linking his fingers through hers. Tugging her down the hallway as he asked, "did you eat yet."
Astrid shook her head no, and he chuckled softly. "Well, you're in luck. Dinner is just about ready mi'lady."
"Good," Astrid smirked back. "You know I'm only with you for your dog and your cooking." Hayden rolled his eyes at that as he set her bag in the bedroom. Heading back to the kitchen, Astrid hopped up onto one of the stools by the centre island as she watched Hayden at the stove. The deliciously spicy scents making her mouth water as he added diced peppers to the gently simmering sauce mixture.
Astrid just couldn't get over the conundrum that was Hayden Haddock. On the one hand, she had always known that he was dangerous. Had seen the signs right from the beginning. From his devilish charms to his daredevil lifestyle, Hayden didn't play it safe with much of anything. On the other hand, he was also incredibly sensible and dependable. Strong, sensitive, thoughtful, and kind. Well, she wasn't going to get any answers just sitting here…
"Hayden," she started slowly. Hearing him hum in acknowledgement as he started placing naan rounds on a pan. Brushing a light layer of olive oil over them with his fingers and sprinkling some course salt over them, just like her mom always did, and Astrid felt her chest tighten with love for this wonderful man yet again. She also resolved to put in an extra hour of cardio tomorrow after two days of gorging herself on copious amounts of bread. Not that you would ever catch her complaining about carbs... "Are you an addict, or a recovering addict?"
It was not really the question she had meant to ask. It was, however, the one thing that was bothering her most. When she had first heard he and the others talking about drugs on Monday night, she thought they had just meant something relatively harmless, like marijuana. Now, after listening to his songs for hours last night, she wasn't so sure anymore. Having virtually no experience with drugs herself, she didn't really know the first thing to look for in someone who was high. Surely not every addict was scarred and twitchy like the junkies down by Crescent Bay. If he needed help though, she would be here for him.
Hayden glanced over his shoulder at her with an arched brow for a moment. "Neither," he replied blandly. Wiping his hands with a piece of paper towel and placing the pan in the oven before turning to face her. Crossing his arms as he leant back against the counter. "I freely admit that I messed around with drugs, but it was only recreationally and never as a means of escape. Frankly I was young, stupid, and it seemed like fun. My personal favourite was cocaine, though ecstasy also proved to be a blast. Although the comedown the next day left a lot to be desired."
At Astrid's startled gasp, Hayden just shrugged. "I was preparing for high school finals during the day, completing my degree through night school courses, and playing with a rock band on the weekends. Anything that kept me awake and alert was good in my books. After my arrest, I decided it was time I try to act like a grown-up for a change, and I kicked the habit - if you could even call it that. If you don't believe me, you can ask Toby. Drivers have to take regular drug tests, and Mr. Winger wouldn't let me drive his car if I was still getting high. I haven't touched the stuff in nearly 4 years, and I don't miss it."
"Oh…" Astrid trailed off as she suddenly felt embarrassed for assuming the worst of him. "I'm sorry for thinking…"
"It's alright Astrid," Hayden cut across her. "A lot of people seem to think that anyone who does hard drugs becomes an instant addict. If you listen to anti-drug ads and media hype, that would certainly seem to be true. Fortunately that's just not the case. I mean, I definitely wouldn't promote the use of them, but I personally didn't have a problem. Atali struggled a fair bit more than I did when she decided to quit, but she's clean now too. We all are."
Astrid felt her shoulders droop as she breathed a sigh of relief. Hopping off her stool to come over and hug him again. "Oh thank goodness," she muttered against his chest as his arms wrapped around her in return. "I was fully willing to help you go through rehab if that's what you needed, but I wasn't looking forward to it." She felt Hayden huff a soft laugh, and she glanced up to see him smirking slightly. "Just what, may I ask, is so damn funny about that," she demanded.
"Nothing," he spouted quickly - still smirking. "I think it's very touching that you would suffer through the mood swings, nausea, and fever sweats with me. It just got me wondering if you're as open to helping me with other problems. You see, I seem to have this uncontrollable sexual addiction where I just can't stop fucking my students…" He trailed off with a laugh as Astrid stepped back and decked him in the shoulder. Trying to force her face into a glower, and failing horribly.
"You are the absolute worst Haddock. I was trying to have a serious conversation," she grumbled. Even as her scowl finally gave way to a full-on grin. Then she was laughing with him as he picked her up and set her on the counter. Standing between her thighs now as she rested her arms on his shoulders. Her hands fiddling idly with the silky hair at his nape.
"I don't do serious very well. Though it is nice to know that you care," Hayden grinned back. Gazing into her eyes with a look that made her belly flip-flop and her thighs ache. Her stomach forgotten for the moment as she grew hungry for Hayden instead. "Besides, I'm not lying. I think I might actually be addicted to you," he added deviously. "I think the fact that I agreed to tutor Scott because of you just stands to prove that you're a terrible influence on me."
"I'm the terrible influence," Astrid scoffed in mock offence. "As if! I was a perfectly innocent little angel before you came along and lured me to the dark side. Head cheerleader and honour student with a full scholarship. Now look at me," she stated as she gestured between them pointedly. "Speaking of the dark side though," she added in a much more sultry tone as she brought her legs up to encircle his hips. Watching as his green eyes darkened with lust. "I've always kind of wondered what it would be like to sleep with a rebel rock star."
Hayden's lips lifted in a wicked smirk at that. "And I've always wondered what it would be like to bed the head cheerleader," he quipped. "Too bad the only ones in this kitchen are a dirty old Professor and his slutty little student…"
That had Astrid snorting in surprise. "Fair point," she assented with a shrug. "Ah well, naughty hot teacher sex was fantasy number two," she added with a smirk of her own. Then she pulled his mouth to hers. Kissing him passionately as her hips rocked forward against him. His warm fingers gripping her thighs tightly as he groaned against her lips.
The moment was ruined by the irritating beep of the kitchen timer, and Hayden broke away with a laugh. "Dinner first," he joked. Making Astrid laugh too as he helped her down from the counter. Astrid heaping two pasta dishes with the butter chicken and shutting off the stove as Hayden sliced up the naan rounds with a pizza cutter. Placing the slices on a platter before following her back to the centre island. Chatting idly over lighter topics as they ate.
Once they had cleaned up the dishes, they meandered out to the enclosed section of patio with two steaming mugs of tea. The dark sky wide open above them as only a sliver of moon hovered over the city, and the fairy lights dimmed to a gentle golden glow. Hayden lighting the gas fire before settling on the couch beside Astrid, and she draped her fuzzy blanket over both of them. After a few moments of easy silence, Hayden finally spoke up again. "I'd love to keep avoiding the inevitable, but I'm guessing my possible drug habit was not the only thing you wanted to know about," he stated mildly. Making her shift her position on the couch so that she could face him properly.
Gazing up into his surprisingly open eyes, Astrid took a moment to consider her response. There were so many things that she wanted to ask. About he and Atali, their relationship and why it hadn't worked, and those ominous assault charges. He had already as good as confirmed that he was Ryder, but that just reminded her of those painful song lyrics too. Had he written them? "Do you have Depression," she asked simply. Figuring it was best to just dive right into it.
Hayden almost seemed to mull over his answer. "I don't think so," he finally said with a half shrug. "At least, I've never felt depressed. I've been sad, angry, and downright miserable at times, but it never felt like a crushing weight that I couldn't escape from. I always managed to remember that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, even if I couldn't see it yet." Then he shrugged again as he added, "Atali… Not so much."
Astrid felt her brows furrow in confusion at that, and Hayden sighed gently. "When I met Atali, she seemed like everything I needed. I was a scrawny and abused whipping-boy with low self-esteem, and she was this beautiful and badass girl who didn't give a shit what people thought of her. Unfortunately Atali also struggled with a severe and undiagnosed personality disorder for most of her youth. I knew she had some issues when we started dating, but I did too, so I didn't think anything of it. I never realized just how bad it was going to get. How bad we were both going to get because of it."
Astrid felt her eyes widen in shock as she gaped up at Hayden now. Her own aunt had suffered from Bipolar for years before being properly diagnosed. Astrid had heard so many stories about it from her mother, that she was acutely aware of just how intense it could get. For the unfortunately misdiagnosed, as well as all those around them.
"Yeah," he chuckled without humour. One hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck in discomfort. "It started out pretty good actually. I was usually able to calm her down when she started losing grip. In turn, she brought me out of my shell. Showed me how much fun bad could be."
"She didn't really turn me bad per say, since I already tended to be a bit of a rebel like my mother. Atali just taught me not to be ashamed of my dark sides. Even encouraging me to join kickboxing so that 'no one could ever bully me again' as she put it." He smiled at the memory before his lips twisted into a frown. His eyes seeming far off as he looked out towards the city, as if he was gazing into the past instead. "Then her mom died when she was 16, and everything suddenly changed."
"Atali would be loving and wonderful one moment, and then volatile as nitroglycerine the next. It seemed like everything I did set her off, and eventually I just gave up trying and started fighting back instead. Before I knew it, we had settled into a repeating loop of screaming fights and emotional meltdowns. She would lash out and shove me or hit me, I would put my fist through the drywall instead of her face, and then we'd have tearful make-up sex afterwards. Dragging the carcass of our failing relationship around as we both told ourselves that it would be different the next time, but knowing it was a lie. It was never going to get better."
"The funny thing about rock bottom is that you never really know you're there until you start trying to claw your way back out," he continued. His gaze coming back to her face now and Astrid felt tears prick her eyes at the pain in his. "It took far too long, but I finally figured my shit out and told Atali that we couldn't keep doing this. That we needed to end it. Of course, that started another fight. I stormed out and went for a drive, which was incredibly stupid since I was not exactly sober. She stormed off to a party at one of her classmate's houses instead, which ended up being even more dangerous…"
Astrid watched in trepidation as Hayden's entire posture changed. His shoulders pulling up as the muscles in his neck tensed. "One of the guys from the football team, that'd be soccer to you, saw Atali there alone. He could tell she was upset and offered her a shoulder to cry on and a drink - spiked with a pretty hefty helping of GHB. Then he proceeded to take her to a bedroom and assault her once she passed out. When she started seizing partway through, he thought she was waking up and panicked. Trying to wrestle her and pin her down, and then when that didn't work, he slammed her head against the headboard before running away instead."
"When Minden called me in a panic because she couldn't get ahold of Atali, I thought I knew where she might be. Once I got to the party, a few people remembered seeing Atali, and assumed that she was still upstairs with Lance. I considered just leaving at that, but some instinct told me not to. I went looking for her instead, and found her lying on the floor of a spare bedroom. Partially stripped, bleeding, and barely conscious. She ended up at the hospital with a near fatal overdose, fractured skull, and swelling on her brain. They had to put her in an induced coma just to keep her alive."
"Oh my god," Astrid near-whispered. Feeling a tear threatening to break free of her lashes and she blinked furiously a few times.
Seeing her struggles, Hayden reached out to pull Astrid towards him almost reflexively as he wrapped his arms around her again. "Yeah, she was in pretty bad shape," he agreed as Astrid nestled her head against his chest. "Minden rode to the hospital in the ambulance with her, while Toby followed in my car. I, on the other hand, went to find the fucker and turn his face into hamburger."
"I don't even really remember hitting him. Just a red haze of rage and the sound of sirens and girls screaming. Honestly, I probably would have killed him if not for Eret and Dagur. They had decided to follow me, and it took both of them to pull me off the guy, even after Eret dislocated my shoulder during the struggle. The cops actually had to taze me before they could get me to stop fighting long enough to put the cuffs on," he added with a bland chuckle. "Of course the copious amounts of both coke and alcohol in my system probably helped keep me from feeling the pain until after I was already in a jail cell."
"Needless to say, Lance also ended up in the ER. When the cops went to get his statement, Lance insisted that the sex had been consensual and that Atali had taken the drugs on her own. Claiming that I had hurt Atali in a jealous rage before coming after him. Painting me out to be an unhinged woman beater, Atali to be a strung out cheater, while he was just the poor, helpless victim caught in the middle."
"What a piece of shit," Astrid growled as she sat up abruptly. Her hands clenching convulsively into fists at the sheer gall of some people. "Why would anyone even believe him?!"
"It wasn't a secret that Atali and I both had a history of drug use and domestic violence," Hayden offered. "I suppose it was easier for people to swallow the lie. It was either that, or admit that they could have saved her, but didn't. It helped that his Daddy paid off a witness to corroborate their statements in the hopes of keeping his precious son out of trouble. It was a rough time for everyone, but my friends, Gobber, and my mom all stood by me."
"Of course, once Atali had recovered enough to give a statement, Lance's pathetic defence began to unravel. Especially once other women and several people who were at the party finally started to come forward too. Then the girl who laid claims against me admitted that she was paid to lie, and that was that. I was let out with time served and my record essentially disappeared once I turned 18." He finished with a noncommittal shrug, as if he had not just told her a story to rival the plot of a Hollywood Drama.
Turns out Heather had been right. Hayden had been given a very good reason to hurt someone. Astrid, herself, knew she likely wouldn't have behaved any differently if someone hurt one of her friends like that. "What happened to Lance," she asked quietly. Her brain starting to ache a bit as she tried to process it all.
Hayden snorted as an ugly grimace graced his face. "Nothing, of course. His family doctor testified that he was on the Autistic Spectrum and had a difficult time differentiating right from wrong. That, along with some high paid lawyers with no morals, got him off with a slap on the wrist. He had to write Atali an apology letter for his actions, but what the fuck is that supposed to do. 'I'm sorry I drugged and raped you. I didn't know it wasn't nice to do that to people…' Like fuck."
"You should have killed him," Astrid found herself grumbling in outrage at the injustice of it. "I would have."
That had Hayden barking out a surprised laugh now. "Unfortunately, that would definitely have landed me in jail for quite a while - justified or not," he pointed out with another laugh. "At least I left him with some lasting reminders." Astrid arched a brow, and Hayden chuckled darkly. "They had to reconstruct most of his face, pin the bones in his arm together, and one of his busted ribs punctured his lung. He will be scarred forever, both inside and out, and he will likely never play soccer again."
"Good," Astrid exclaimed vehemently. Knowing that her face would be flushed with her anger, and not caring in the slightest. "The fucker deserved that and more."
"God you're hot when you're angry," Hayden suddenly quipped. "Come here you." Then he was tugging her closer with a grin, and she shifted to climb onto his lap now. A smile on her lips as she gave him a cheeky shrug of agreement. "Anyways, his father ended up paying me a pretty decent sum of money to keep me from countersuing. Money which I then publicly donated to a shelter for battered women, which I thought was rather karmically beautiful."
"How very Hayden-ish of you. I bet he was super pissed at that," Astrid giggled. Hayden smirking to confirm it, and she laughed again as his hands started drifting over her thighs and hips. "After all of that, you and Atali still broke up?" Astrid couldn't pretend that this fact didn't surprise her a bit. Wasn't that the kind of trauma that made people realize they were still in love?
"Yeah, we did," Hayden replied simply. "Nothing had changed for us, and Atali agreed. I visited her almost every day while she was in the hospital, and then we went our separate ways. We then both spent the next year and a bit beating ourselves up with guilt over what happened, but eventually we got in touch and reconciled. We're in a much better place now."
"So… Did you two ever think about trying again," she couldn't help asking. Bringing her hands up to toy with his hoodie strings. Eyes cast downwards while trying to pretend that she didn't care about the answer.
"With each other? Or with the band," Hayden asked as he tilted his head slightly to try and meet her eyes.
"Either… Or both," she offered with a shrug.
She felt more than heard his gentle huff of laughter. "No Astrid, we didn't. Sure it had its good moments, but when it was bad, it was really bad. Yes, Atali got the help she needed, but that doesn't change the past and we both know that. Some people just aren't meant to be together."
Then he brought one hand up to cup her cheek. Bringing her eyes up to meet his as he smiled softly at her. "Besides, I'm pretty sure my real forever is right here…" Before he could say anything else, Astrid was pressing her lips to his. Her heart feeling like it might just burst right out of her chest.
_
I did warn you that it was heavy...
Additional song: 'Darkness' by Stitched Up Heart (I kind of adjusted the chorus for my chapter title)