I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy
.. đź’–đź’–
x
I promise you
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It was late at night, when Ana suddenly was awoken by someone repeating a sentence.
As she looked around her surroundings, it took her a couple of moments to realize were she was.
Where?!
However, after a few minutes Ana knew exactly where she was.
'Oh yes, I'm back in Oregon with Christian' were the words that swirled around in her head.
And then she heard it again...
"It was Christian!" She uttered, and jumped out the bed.
He was repeating something over and over again, his voice trembling heavily.
Without hesitation, Ana practically sprinted towards the living room.
He was tossing and turning in his sleep with his right hand up." Please, put down your weapon! Put it down, now!"
As Ana watched him, a gut-wrenching feeling cut right through her heart and soul.
In a flash, she closed the gap between them and lightly grabbed his upper arm, in an attempt to wake him up. Apparently Ana wasn't gentle enough, because Christian woke up startled, and swiftly grabbed and pinned her onto her back.
She yelped loudly, while looking up at Christian, him hovering over Ana.
When he realized that he wasn't in any danger, and saw Ana lying on her back with her eyes wide, Christian let go of her.
He immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry, Ana…" he whispered, his voice low. "I thought, I uhmm... I don't... I"
He turned his face to avoid Ana's gaze.
In response, she sat up and placed a hand on his wrist. "Hey, it's okay. Don't worry about me, I'm tough, you know that." She pointed out.
And yet, Christian still wasn't facing her.
So, she gently placed a hand on his warm cheek. "Christian, will you please look at me?" she asked, and traced his face lovingly with her thumb.
And still, he refused to do what she requested from him.
So, Ana cupped his face gently with both hands and guided his face carefully towards her own. Finally, he locked eyes with her for a brief moment, but then he broke eye contact with her once more.
"Christian, will you look at me please?" Ana asked again.
As those words tumbled from her lips, his eyes fluttered shut for a couple of seconds and then finally, he locked eyes with Ana…
What she saw in his eyes at that very moment, made her heart bleed for him.
He was suffering immensely, but maybe she could give it a try. Maybe he was willing to open up to her?
'Well, here goes.'
Ana lovingly locked her eyes on his, and grabbed his face." Wanna talk about it?"
He shook his head in response, his eyes teary." I want to, Ana... I do, but it hurts so so much" Christian confessed, making her heart contract inside her chest.
With all her might, Ana swallowed the tears that were about to spill from her eyes. Seeing him this way, was too much for her heart to take, but fortunately she still had the strength to comfort him.
It hurt her that Christian was in so much pain right now.
Her voice trembled, when Ana whispered." Hey, you are not alone, Christian. I am here for you, don't you ever forget that, OK?" She declared, and gently caressed his cheek.
He nodded, so Ana pulled him in a tight embrace.
She held him close, and disappeared in his warm arms. Christian held onto her for dear life, squeezing her so tightly, she almost had trouble breathing.
His whole body was shaking from the sobs, so Ana held him as tightly as humanly possible. "I didn't do enough... I should've stopped that ch- child, but I couldn..." he began, but then started to sob, his face landing in the crook of her neck.
Ana shook her head and whispered. "No, Christian… please don't blame yourself"
However, he disagreed with Ana and shook his head furiously. "I should have handled it d-differently, Ana" Christian insisted, dismissing her.
So, she just held him tightly, realizing that he was going to disagree with her no matter what she said.
Ana didn't say much after that, only kept Christian close to her and did her very best to comfort him.
The both of them were exhausted, so at a certain point they both fell asleep on the couch in a very uncomfortable position...
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{{ The next day, at Deidre's}
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"This will fit you perfectly, dear"
Ana was still in the fitting room, and said." Wait a second, Deidre... I'll be out in a minute"
While looking at her own reflection in the mirror, Ana smiled happily.
She was wearing a cute, blue dress that matched her sparkling eyes." Nice"
"So, how's Christian doing today, hon?" she heard Deidre ask, when she opened the door.
As those words reached her ears, Ana felt her heart drop.
It's been a whole week, since she and Christian were back in Oregon.
However, she barely has seen any progress in Christian's mental health.
"How's he doin', sweetie?" Deidre repeated, and gave Ana a concerned look.
In response, Ana smiled a fake one, and cleared her throat." He's doing fine, Deidre..." She replied, and twirled for Deidre, hoping that she wouldn't press the matter." What do you think of my outfit?"
"Sooo pretty... it is perfect, Ana" Deidre said, and noticed the slight change in Ana's demeanor, so she decided to let it go.
"Think so? It's cute, right?"
The older woman nodded in response." Yes, men will be gawking at you"
Ana chuckled at that." The men in this small town? Really, Deidre?"
In response, Deidre burst out into laughter and handed another outfit to Ana." You're right... men in this town are all married or old just like me..."
Ana had tears in her eyes from laughing, and grabbed the clothes from Deidre." Thanks, this looks cute too"
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Approximately an hour later, Ana parked her car in front of the house and grabbed the shopping bags and groceries.
After locking the car door, she walked towards the front door, and smiled when she saw it open.
Christian...
"Hi" she said, still smiling." What were you two up to, when I was in town?"
"Hi, Ana" he replied, and helped her with the groceries.
Christian had dark circles under his eyes, and didn't reciprocate the smile she was giving him. That really hurt her, but she knew it wasn't personal.
He was still dealing with his PTSD, and the night before had been a bad night... correction, a very bad night for him.
Methodically, he began putting all the groceries inside the fridge and cupboards without answering Ana's question.
"Christian? she said, and followed him into the kitchen." How was your day? I was only away for two hours tops, you know?" Ana said, and tried to meet his gaze.
"It was OK" he replied, his voice toneless." I'm teaching Daisy some simple tricks... that's all."
Ana gasped enthusiastically, though it pained her that he didn't even look at her." Oh, really?" she said, and gave Daisy belly rubs." You're such a good girl... yes, you are, girlie."
While Ana sat on the kitchen floor, giving Christian's puppy attention, she thought back on the evening, exactly one week ago.
Just thinking about how it all went down, made her heart break into small pieces all over again.
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** Flashback**
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Ana was sitting in the lavish living room of the Grey's mansion, observing her surroundings.
She didn't feel comfortable at all, wanting nothing more right now than to grab her handbag and flee.
However, she couldn't do that because her heart was upstairs having a discussion/ conversation/ argument with his mother and older brother.
"Hey, do you need anything?" Mia asked, and plopped down next to her on the couch.
Ana shook her head in response." No, I'm good"
"Thank you, Ana... for looking out for my brother." she heard Mia say." We needed him to be OK, you know?"
Ana nodded in response." Of course I know." she replied." I don't know what I'd do, if my dad and I didn't keep in touch regularly..."
Mia sighed, and suddenly had tears in her eyes." We miss him so badly, Ana... especially my mom" she told Ana, her voice shaky." We just want to help him"
Ana was just about to say something, when they both heard a door being slammed loudly.
Both Ana and Mia jumped up from the sound.
"Christian, wait!" they heard Grace say.
Ana instantly got up from the couch, and watched as Christian stormed down the stairs with a panicked look in his eyes.
"We're getting out of here, Ana" he barked, and grabbed her harshly on her upper arm.
"But, but Christian..." she began, but Christian was already dragging her away, in the direction of the huge, wide front door.
He was hurting her, but Ana was so dumbfounded, and everything went by so fast, the words stuck in her throat.
"Christian, come back here!" Ana heard his mother say, so her eyes darted towards the stairs." You need professional help, sweetheart"
At that, he stopped in his tracks right in front of the exit.
Ana watched the scene before her, as if she was watching a play or movie.
Finally, Christian loosened his grip on her, and looked at his mother. She was a sobbing mess, her mascara running, while giving him a pleading look.
"Please, Christian"
He shook his head in response." No, mom... I'm sorry, no therapist in the world could help me with my trauma" he pointed out." No one can help me..."
"But she can?!" they all heard Elliot say, as he too walked down the stairs and closed the gap between him and his younger brother.
Christian then looked at Ana, throwing her a desperate look." I need Ana..." he explained, so simply.
"What about us?" Elliot questioned, gritting his teeth, while giving Ana a look that made her skin crawl.
She saw only jealousy in his eyes right now.
"You don't need us, little brother?" Elliot said angrily, emphasizing the word 'us'. He was all up in Christian's face, his hands clenched into fists.
At this point, Grace and Mia were both crying silently, Ana standing in the doorway, trembling so heavily, that she had to grab Christian to stay still.
That action probably gave Elliot the wrong idea, making him even angrier and more hurt than he already was.
He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Christian chooses this stranger over his own flesh and blood... his own family.
Christian shook his head." I'm very sorry, big brother... but, I cannot stay in Seattle" he whispered, and gave him a sad look." Do not force me to stay here... please"
Ana watched, how Grace walked towards Christian and her.
She then gave him a loving look, and placed a hand on his cheek." We love you, and if you want to go... then go, my son... my second baby" Grace uttered, while tears streamed down her face.
She hugged him tightly, and whispered." I will always love you... and we'll always be here, if you need us..."
A loud sob escaped Ana's lips, while hearing those heart-wrenching words.
Words that can only come from a person who loves the other unconditionally; whether it was from a mother to her child, a woman to her lover or a grand parent to her/ his grand child.
The love Ana saw in Grace's eyes was definitely unconditional...
"Please, take care of my precious Christian" she heard Grace say, while looking her in the eyes.
"I promise you, I will..." were the words that tumbled from Ana's lips, and then she grabbed Christian's hand lovingly, gripping it tightly.
They walked out the front door hand in hand without looking back once.
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... End of Flashback ...
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" You bought me my favorite snack..." Ana heard Christian say, taking her out of her grim thoughts.
She cleared her throat, and nodded." Yes, cause I know you love those."
Finally, he searched for her eyes, and locked his onto Ana's." But you hate even the scent of cinnamon..." Christian pointed out.
She shrugged and stood right in front of him." I don't hate you... well, I like you a lot, actually. So, I bought it for you... it's that simple, Christian." Ana explained, and noticed the slight light in his beautiful gray eyes.
'You are amazing, Ana'. were the words he wanted to say.
However, they refused to leave his lips, something holding him back.
As the world faded around them, Christian gave her a pleading look.
Ana's eyes never left his, and as she gently caressed his cheek, he felt at ease.
"Ana..." he murmured, wanting to tell her so much.
Christian wanted to share his burden with her, but he was still sorting things out in his head for himself.
"I'm here for you, Christian..." she whispered, and pulled him into a loving embrace." Don't ever forget"
His eyes automatically fluttered shut, his heart beating steadily, his mind in a peaceful place...
That's why he wanted to go back here, just like this with only Ana.
She knew exactly what he needed and when he needed it.
No unnecessary intrusions from so called 'professionals' who assume they knew how to treat his trauma.
No, being here with Ana was all that he needed. That was the most important thing... for now.
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Till the next...
xoxo,
J