A/N: Without spoilers, but this chapter contains one topic that might confuse people. Therefore, a little Q&A is added at the end, but if anything is uncertain, please do not hesitate to ask me!

Chapter 29: Serious Talk

Edward POV:

´Bella, I´ve seen your dream,´ I blurted out. I bit my tongue as I was annoyed at myself for spilling it out straight away. I should have waited a few days before telling her. I should have waited until she was better again. How foolish of me to bother Bella with this information, just as she was fighting the flu. I should have explained I saw something and not immediately tell her I saw her dream.

But the deed was already done. Bella´s eyebrows drew together as she tried to make sense of what I was saying.

´I beg your pardon?´

If I had just kept my mouth shut! But at the same time I did not want to withhold any information from her, so maybe therefore I reacted so utterly irrational.

´I´m so sorry, Bella. As your fever grew, I saw more of it. I wanted to stop looking but your thoughts became so clear to me, I couldn't close my mind off of them,´ I tried to explain to her.

Just as always, Bella reacted differently than I would have thought. She smiled and I did not understand why. ´Were you therefore sitting in the chair?´

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of her. ´Yes. At first, I only saw something when I held you in my arms so I tried to give you your privacy. But as the night continued, I saw so much more. Carlisle thought I could only see your dream only because you had a fever.´ I looked outside of the window, giving her a second to process all of this. Her soft chuckle made me look up.

´What is it, Bella?´ I worriedly asked her.

´Oh, Edward. I'm sure my dream wasn't that exciting, to begin with. But the way you´re sitting here, all flustered and apologizing, it's a little bit funny.´ Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. ´I still appreciate that you wanted to give me a little bit of privacy though, even if it's only in my dream. And I also know I did ask you to stay that night and you did. So don´t think I´m angry or something like that. Now, was that all?´ She laughed again and her last question was meant as a joke. I didn't react to it, because I knew the topic of her dream was something we still needed to discuss.

Bella´s face fell. ´I'm sure my dream wasn't that exciting, right?´ She rightfully guessed why I was silent. Of course, she knew. She could read me much better than I could ever read her. With my thumb, I mindlessly caressed her hand in mine and hearing her body react to my touch eased a little bit of my angst away.

´It just… made me think,´ I started. ´Can´t you remember it?´ I hoped she could as it would make this conversation much easier.

´I have no idea. Just spill it out already.´ Bella rightfully grew a little bit annoyed at the way I was handling this. I took a deep breath I would not need and finally confessed what I was anxious about.

´Bella, you dreamt about us. And it certainly wasn't a happy dream since you were scared I would leave you again. You asked me to love you. You asked me to avoid the topic of your humanity and becoming a vampire. You asked me to ignore all of that and you asked me to just be with you. Bella, that hurt me. Since there is no place on earth where I would rather be.´

I reached out to cup Bella's face in my hands and much to my dismay, I saw tears glistening in her eyes. With my finger, I wiped them away. Bella's eyes were wide as she looked at me. I spoke each word carefully, in order for her to fully hear the meaning behind them, loud and clear.

´I would never leave you again and I do love you. Always have. Always will. It doesn't matter if you are a vampire or human since you don't just belong in my world, Bella, you are my world.´

Bella started crying and I wrapped my arms around her. I mumbled her lullaby, hoping that would calm her down a little bit. Hearing and seeing her pain was a torture that I had drawn upon myself when I left. Even though she had forgiven me and ordered me to forgive myself as well, I could not help but feel horrible at this moment.

´It's the fever, I swear,´ Bella cried into my shoulder. I shushed her and held her closer to me, as she had no reason to feel embarrassed for showing her emotions.

´No, I mean it. I'm normally not that emotional, you know that.´ Bella took a deep breath and tried to stop crying. She forced herself to smile at me. ´See? All fine now.´

Seeing her struggle to be strong did hurt more than seeing her dream last night. I held her close to me as I spoke in her ear. ´Bella, it's fine. I hurt you. I know that. And that might have left some scars that are still present right now.

But I´m going to fix that, I promise you. I´ll show you that you can trust me.´

Bella freed herself from my hug. Her heartbeat quickened and I was wondering if I had said something that might have upset her. ´No, Edward. I trust you and I do forgive you for that. I knew why you did it. I´m not sad anymore. I´m sick. I don't feel that well and I´m just emotional.

However, how you reacted was odd. You don't have to feel sorry for leaving. You need to let go of that. It's in the past, truly. I thought we had already established that.´

Bella pressed her lips together in frustration. Could it be true? Could she really feel this way? Her dream showed me she loves me. Could she really and truly forgive me for leaving? Has she already?

As if she had heard my silent questions, Bella leaned in and kissed me firmly. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils and after not kissing her for a few days, my body felt as if I welcomed my very own soul back. I was alive again. So I breathed in Bella, as she was the oxygen I needed. She overpowered all my senses. All the other sounds grew silent and we were the only two people in the world. She clung to me just as much as I clung to her.

Her insistent mouth then parted my lips and eagerly welcomed my tongue, which evoked sensations I had never even known I was capable of feeling. Nothing mattered but Bella and I.

I opened my eyes and the expression of pure delight and love I saw on Bella's face matched my own. We broke our kiss and I held her in my arms as we waited until our heavy breathing became calm again.

´It´s not easy,´ I whispered to her.

´What?´ Bella freed herself from my hug and faced me, her warm brown eyes concerned for what I would tell her.

´Forgiving myself for leaving you,´ I explained. ´It fluctuates. Sometimes I know with all that I have inside of me that you've truly forgiven me. And sometimes, I struggle with it and jump to the worst conclusions, like in your dream. But I love you, Bella, and I hate that I'm to blame if you´re feeling insecure about us.´

Bella signed. ´Edward, I also do love you, you know that. And I know you love me. So if I'm having a bad dream and I'm sick, please know that it's not that serious. I´m not feeling insecure about us. I can think about one thing but be certain of something completely else. My dreams aren't my thoughts and my thoughts aren't my actions. That might be hard for you to hear as you can literally hear what everyone's thinking, but normally, people are defined by their actions and not their thoughts.

But you did say one thing that alarmed me…,´ Bella did not meet my gaze and looked around her own kitchen, while working up the courage to tell me something she obviously dreaded telling.

´What is it?´ I asked. This suspense was killing me.

´You said you would love me if I´m human or a vampire.´ Bella kept nervously looking at something behind me.

´Yes…,´ I did not understand why that would upset her. I thought she wanted to become a vampire someday. And if that weren't the case, I would love her nonetheless.

´What do you mean by that?´ Bella finally dared to look at me and I smiled at her.

´I still remember your birthday wish, you know?´

That seemed to surprise her. ´Really?´

´Yes, you said you wanted to be like me. You wanted to become a vampire. You said I could think about it but then….,´ I winced thinking about the party and all the events that happened after our talk.

´We never had a chance to discuss it further,´ Bella continued. Hearing how light I talked about the subject made her less tense and encouraged her to explain herself further. ´The timing wasn't exactly right.´

´Are you saying the timing is right, right now?´ I asked her. That surprised me. Did she really want to become a vampire at such a young age?

´We could discuss it,´ Bella explained. I felt relieved. I understood where the thought of becoming a vampire came from, and we could indeed just discuss it.

´At your birthday, you said you wanted to become a vampire, because you wanted to be with me forever.´ I started. And there would be nothing I craved more than to be with Bella forever, but it did mean she would have to die someday. And I didn´t know if she truly understood what that meant.

´That's the plan,´ Bella added while nodding her head.

´I understand.´

´So tell me more about vampirism.´ Her eagerness made me chuckle.

I grabbed her hand again. ´Before you make up your mind about becoming a vampire or staying human, there are a few things that only humans can do, Bella. Some things only humans can give you and I could never. So you need to take that into consideration, before you enter the dark side.´ I winked at her.

´Like what?´ Bella´s brows wrinkled as she tried to guess what I was talking about.

´Imagine Bella, if I had never met you and you just came to Forks without me in the picture, how would your life turn out?´

Bella POV:

Edwards' question surprised me. I had no idea what he was trying to say. Why did he have to be so cryptic? But, I had no time to complain. He was actually talking about me becoming a vampire, so that's something. He did not do that last year, so this was definitely an improvement.

So, there were some things I could never have as a vampire? But what?! His family was loaded. Carlisle worked so I easily could get a job. The rest studied so I could educate myself forever. We could travel the world and visit all the other homes the Cullens had, so I could be in the sun whenever I was with them.

Them.

They would be my only family. I knew I had to let my family go eventually if I wanted to become a vampire. At first, the thirst for their blood would overwhelm me and after, they would notice I did not age at all. I would have to say goodbye to all of my friends and family and I would live on even long after they died. That was something I already knew, so Edward could not be talking about that.

Wait.

Family.

´Are you saying what I think you're saying?´ I asked Edward. I had an epiphany and I thought I knew exactly what he was talking about.

´I don't know what you´re thinking right now.´ Edwards dodged the question.

I grew annoyed at him. ´I´m thinking about your family. Some of them like being vampires, some of them don´t. And I´m thinking about Rosalie in particular. Am I correct that that's what you´ve been trying to tell me?´

Edward nodded. ´Yes, that is one of my concerns.´

I knew it! The one thing Rosalie is jealous of is my life. She would love to be mortal and to bear children. She would want to grow old and have her grandchildren run around her house. That is her one and only dream, while she knows she can never have that. That's what Edward has been trying to tell me.

´I have always wanted to become a mother.´ I admitted. ´And when I look at Rosalie or Esme, who both love to be a mother and can´t be one anymore… I still have a chance to become one, that's what you´re trying to tell me.´

Edward nodded. He held my hand in his and the gesture calmed me immediately. ´You have to take that into consideration, Bella. Once you´re a vampire, you can never have children.´

Hearing that so bluntly was a little bummer, but I was still happy we had this talk. After all, the solution to that problem was pretty simple, right? ´Then I might want to become a vampire after I've given birth since I have always envisioned myself as a mother. But how can I become pregnant?´ As Edward was technically dead, I knew his semen could not impregnate me.

Edward chuckled. ´Well, when two people love each other very much...´

I gently slapped his arm but I knew it would do him no harm, which sucked. ´I can´t believe you just made that joke.´

Edward held his hands in front of him. ´I´m sorry, I´m sorry. But luckily for you, your boyfriend went to medical school and Carlisle is a doctor. If you really do wish to become a mother, Carlisle could easily help you.´

Feeling the need for a little bit of payback, I made a stupid joke in return. ´So, could Carlisle impregnate me? He´s a little bit old for my taste and I´m not really into the daddy kink, but if it works...´ I smiled wickedly at Edward, whose face had fallen.

´Easy there, tiger. I meant that Carlisle could help you at the hospital.´

´How?´

´With the help of a sperm donor,´ Edward explained to me.

I thought about that idea for a second. So, I could become pregnant with a little bit of help. That thought appealed to me. I had an option. If I wanted to, I could do it. I could become a mother and Edward and I could become parents.

´How would it work?´ I asked Edward.

´Well, Carlile could inseminate you with an anonymous sperm donor if that's what you want. Obviously, you can tell that to your family and friends. You could tell them I can´t get you pregnant and that we´re trying to become parents that way. Or, you could wait until you're pregnant before you tell them. It really doesn't matter. Just know that there is an option for that.´

Edward kissed my knuckles and I smiled at him. Look at us, sitting here at my kitchen table and discussing such important topics, together. Edward opened up to the idea of me becoming a vampire and we could discuss all the ins and outs of it respectfully with each other.

´I think I really like that idea, but obviously, I still need to think it through. After all, I don't want to become a mother right now.´ I made a face. Nope, becoming a mother at 18 wasn't really the plan.

´How would your ideal timeframe look like?´ Edward asked me. I had to think about it.

´Obviously, I don't want to wait until I´m 40. If I become a vampire, I want to be your partner and look around your age, since I'm sure you do not have a mommy kink.´ I winked at him and he rolled his eyes at me.

´What´s up with you and kinks today anyway?´

´I´m sick, so I'm allowed to behave extra silly,´ I grinned and to my surprise, Edward laughed extra hard with me. Seeing him this happy, made me laugh even louder and my stomach started hurting from it.

´And just so you know, I have a Bella kink so it doesn't matter to me what you look like or how old you are.´ Edward said as we both finished laughing. I felt my face reddened by his compliment.

´Don´t be all cute.´

Edward quickly kissed my nose.

´So, you want to be 30 years old, max?´ He asked.

´I´m thinking 25 years old, max. I could always dress younger than my age.´

Edward checked me out and I felt slightly embarrassed because I was still wearing my unflattering pyjamas. Not even the cute ones, but the unflattering ´I think I´ll get my period soon´ - ones. But hey, I was sick. And this was my own house so I could dress however I pleased. Still, this outfit wasn't my best.

´You dress perfectly fine.´ Edward assured me. His eyes got dark around his irises again, and I knew exactly what that meant. Really? Even in these pyjamas? Really?

I rolled my eyes at him. It was only to hide how each muscle in my stomach tightened at the sight of him right now.

´You know what I mean. I want to match you once I become a vampire. I want to be equal to you.´

That last sentence caught his attention. His eyes were amber coloured again -damn it!- and he had such a dreamy expression on his face, it made me wonder what he was thinking about.

´Speaking of being equal to each other, what are your thoughts about marriage?´ Edward asked hesitantly but I knew him long enough to notice the hidden message behind his question. He wanted to marry me. It was as clear as if he had placed neon letters above his head.

´I don't want that right now,´ I answered truthfully. ´I would like to be married in the future though. But I´ve seen how my parents married young and it did not work out. I´m not saying we don´t work out but I just don't want to be married right now.´

´So, you are not opposed to the idea of marriage in general?´

´Of course not! Just not at 18.´

Edward´s relieved smile melted my heart. He grabbed my hand and he started kissing my ring finger. It sent sparks of joy through my whole body.

´I am so happy you said that, Bella. Because I would really want to make you my wife someday.´ Edward said in between kisses. I giggled. Look at us, first vampirism, then pregnancy and now marriage? We rocked!

´I figured.´ I said while I pulled my hand back. Edward looked up, surprised, but I had already leaned in for a kiss. Kissing my hand was okay but now I wanted to feel his cold lips on mine again.

And he wasn't complaining. On the contrary, he grabbed a handful of my hair and closed the distance between our bodies. Our earlier kiss screamed hunger, this kiss screamed love and respect. This kiss was a promise that whatever happened in the future, we could talk it through and discuss it, just as we did right now.

Softly kissing my mouth, my nose, my forehead, my eyes and my cheeks, Edward whispered in between kisses. ´What do you want right now?´

´Just be with you,´ I managed to answer while being slightly out of breath.

I heard him laugh in the little corner under my ear where he loved to kiss me. ´That can be arranged. And what about next year?´

What was he talking about? Then, it hit me. We were seniors and he was talking about college. I chuckled. From all these heavy topics, we were now discussing college options, just as normal teenagers would do.

´We go to college together.´

Edward rolled his eyes at me for stating the obvious. ´I sure hope so. What about Harvard?´

So much for a normal teenage conversation. What was he thinking? I wasn't loaded like him. Did he have any idea how expensive Harvard was? Then I remembered Edward actually went to Harvard once. I stared at him, waiting for him to burst out laughing but he was dead serious.

´Are you insane? I can't pay for that!´ Surely, he knew, right?

Edward gave me a half-smile. ´But I can.´

´But I don't want that.´ That would be even worse!

That seemed to surprise him. ´Really?´

´Yes, I want to pay for my tuition myself.´

´Really?´ Again, surprised.

´Yes, I mean it. And besides, if you buy me into Harvard what you will obviously do, I will always be wondering if I could go there on my own. However, if I go to a normal college and pay for it myself, I know I did it on my own. I might even get a scholarship and you know why? Because of my excellent grades.´ I smiled. This topic was nonnegotiable and he knew it.

Edward looked away for a second, a thin line appeared between his brows before he addressed it. ´Alright. You´re right. You chose our college and it doesn't matter which one you will choose, I will be there.´

This was an excellent truce.

´Good. I already have an option. Charlie has talked about Peninsula College at Forks or Port Angeles and that sounds appealing to me. I might do an honours Biology program there but I would love to check out the campus beforehand.´ I smiled as I remembered how happy Charlie seemed when he brought the topic of Peninsula college up. And I had to confess, it had also grown on me.

Edward grimaced in obvious displeasure. ´You really want to stay so closeby?´

I kissed his nose. ´I kind of like it here. It has grown on me.´

A smile formed on his perfect lips and his eyes lit up as if he suddenly had an idea. ´So, do you want to stay here, living with Charlie?´

I wondered what he was up to this time. ´What are you proposing?´

´Well, if I´m not allowed to pay for your studies, am I allowed to pay for a nice, small apartment for the two of us?´ His eyes flickered with hope and the image of a whole apartment, just for the two of us, flashed before my eyes. Oh my, that would be amazing. Imagine all the privacy we would have. Living as a couple, studying together, going to college together, going on dates together. And, doing other activities together. whenever we want and not just when our family members are away.

´You want to buy an apartment?´ I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice. It was a stupid idea, of course. I mean, did he really want to buy an apartment? That would be so expensive.

´Yes´

´Can´t you just rent one?´

´Buying is cheaper in the long run.´

´So you want to buy a small apartment for us while we study in Forks?´ I asked him again. I needed to be reassured this wasn't another fever dream. If it was, it was a damn great one.

´Or Port Angeles. Yes.´ My heart stuttered and he must have heard it. I grinned and he beamed as well. We were going to live together! I jumped into his embrace and he held me close. We really were going to live together!

´And you promise me to let me have a job to pay for college?´ I said while smiling into his shoulder.

´I hear what you're saying and it's remarkable. So yes.´ Edward kissed the tip of my nose.

´Do you mean that?´ I looked into his eyes and saw how honest he was. Looking at him, I saw my own emotions reflected in his eyes.

´I truly do. But, please know that I would gladly pay for anything.´

I smiled. ´Wow Edward, we've spoken about some major topics in life without being overly annoyed at each other. I´m proud of us.´

´Time to celebrate,´ Edward whispered before leaning in. His mouth on mine, his hands in my hair and my hands in his, his body pressed onto mine, I knew I was utterly and truly happy. I knew this is where I belonged.

Scratch that. I belonged in my room upstairs. As if Edward could read my mind, he grabbed me and carried me towards my room without ever breaking our kiss.

Q&A:

Why does Bella want to become a mother?

So, I did not like the Renesme storyline. I´m sorry, but I did not.

However, I was intrigued by Rosalie´s storyline and the fact that she was jealous because Bella could bear children once she was still human.

And loving Edward is wonderful, but wanting to become a mother in the future is something I always envisioned Bella to want. Because she wants to be a mother, not because she wants Edward´s child. So, in my head, I thought it would be very... ´cute´ for Bella to have this talk with Edward.

Why a sperm donor?

I´m born due to an anonymous sperm donor. As Bella can not get pregnant by Edward (in this story) I thought it would make sense for her to know what her options are. So she can make her ultimate decision.