Author's Note:

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Gus Sorola.

"Look at you, fucking sulking over there in the corner, every point refuted *slams desk* point Gus!"

"I will go to Mars out of SPITE motherfucker!"

"Come at me bro!"

"Aw hell yeah I'm unique baby, there's no one else like me."

"Why does you saying it (make it) better than me saying it?"

"You're speculating!"

"God Gavino you're such an idiot you can't make an argument."

"This portion of the podcast is brought to you by fleshlight, fleshlight, go fuck yourself."

"Alright, is Gus excited? No. Gus is not excited."

What are your favorite Gus/RT employee quotes?

Cover Art: Cruz7808

Check my profile for polls and planned fics!

Review, point out mistakes, and flame!

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Chapter 25- Teaming With Problems

"Teaming With Problems" appeared on screen with the theme.

"Well it's no surprise that they have problems with their team." Weiss commented. "A clever title, as always."

"I like it when thought is put into chapter titles." Blake smiled.

Fade into a shot of the New Republic's base. A scorpion tank drives into a garage in the background. Cut to Matthews.

Matthews: "I just think that...if you would just reconsider sir."

Matthews is shown to be talking to Grif and Bitters.

Matthews: "(stutters) I mean, uh, I followed your order from day one with like, the burritos and...and... I'd follow you to the end, sir. Really I would."

"He's the one who smuggled food away from the quartermaster." Ruby realized.

"He did well." Pyrrha chuckled. "Though sadly it sounds like Grif is.. firing him?"

Grif: "Bitters? What do I always say?"

Bitters: "(unenthused) 'Nobody likes a kiss-ass.'"

Grif: "Nobody likes a kiss-ass."

Blake sighed. "He doesn't like him because he follows orders."

Matthews: "But, sir!"

Grif: "Matthews, you are in fact a total kiss-ass. And nobody likes that. Bitters, do you like that?"

Bitters: "Nope."

Grif: "Bitters doesn't like that. Because Bitters here is a maverick, a loose cannon. And people love loose cannons. I'm a bit of a loose cannon myself. Isn't that right, Bitters?"

"Felix is a loose cannon. Grif is lazy." Weiss pointed out.

Bitters: "Actually, I'm starting to think you're just kinda lazy."

Weiss chuckled, "Exactly."

Grif: "You see that? Total loose cannon response. I respect that, Bitters."

Bitters: "(sighs) Whatever."

Grif: "So, as much as it pains me, inside, I'm afraid I must deny your request to join our elite team, Matthews."

"I think that's a mistake. Teaming with problems already." Blake shook her head.

"Yeah loose cannons are cool, but he stole the burritos!" Nora crossed her arms.

"You'd think Grif would like someone who did whatever he asked." Weiss added.

"One kiss-ass is enough, he already has Simmons." Yang explained. "I kind of see his point in wanting a loose cannon."

"Yeah me too." Ruby nodded, "They can come up with crazy plans. You know I'm something of a loose cannon myself." Ruby beamed.

Weiss groaned, "Please, no."

"Most huntsmen and huntresses are." Ren pointed out. "Many of us are misfits who don't fit in anywhere else."

"Do you consider yourself a misfit Ren?" Jaune asked.

"In my own way." Ren deadpanned.

"Yeah! Misfits!" Nora cheered.

Matthews: "(tearing up) Very well sir. I understand."

Matthews walks off.

Grif: "Even in defeat, still a kiss-ass."

"He was being respectful, not a kiss-ass." Pyrrha crossed her arms.

"Which is exactly why Grif didn't pick him." Weiss shook her head.

"I think it's good that he chose Bitters, he sounds like someone who thinks on their own which is good because he can think outside the box." Ruby explained.

"But they already think outside the box." Jaune pointed out. "They need people who will go along with their crazy plans." Jaune glanced at his team. Nora gave him a thumbs up.

Simmons: "(offscreen) Grif, hurry up!"

Grif: "Speaking of which…"

Yang, Blake, and Weiss chuckled.

Cut to Grif joining Tucker, Simmons, and Caboose on a platform. Their four respective lieutenants, Bitters, Palomo, Jensen, and Smith stand below.

Simmons: "(clears throat) Hello. Welcome everyone. Thank you for joining us here. Um, why don't we just go down the line and introduce ourselves?"

Caboose: "Um, hi. Ugh yes...my name is Michael J. Caboose."

All recruits: "Hi Michael."

"Like an AA meeting." Yang commented.

Simmons: "No, I meant the recruits. Why would we need to introduce ourselves? They already know us."

"It is still polite." Weiss pointed out.

Pyrrha nodded, glancing at Jaune. And sometimes, they might not know you.

Caboose: "Yes, but do they know the 'real' us?"

Pyrrha chuckled, "He makes a good point."

"He does, their impression of the Reds and Blues is what they heard about their exploits." Weiss nodded.

Tucker: "What does that even mean?"

Caboose: "Well that is a very interesting question, Tucker. Why don't you elaborate on those feelings?"

Tucker: "(groans) Just state your name."

Simmons: "And tell us a fun fact about yourself."

Grif: "(to Simmons) Really?"

"It may sound childish but that's a great way to break the ice and get to know who their new teammates are." Jaune smiled.

"Did you guys do that?" Ruby held off a giggle.

Jaune put his arms to his sides, "Yes we did."

"It was fun." Pyrrha admitted.

Ruby giggled, "Hello everyone! My name is Ruby Rose and my fun fact is that I love weapons!"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Ruby, that is the most redundant introduction you could have given us. I might as well say, hello. My name is Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company."

"I'm pretending I've never met you guys." Ruby explained.

"Hi Weiss." Yang waved, continuing the introductions. "The name's Yang Xiao Long. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue. Ladies love it."

Jaune looked at Yang as if she had just slapped his mom. Weiss began to chuckle and gave Yang a nod of approval.

Blake chuckled, "I suppose it is my turn? Hello my name is Blake Belladonna and I like to read."

Pyrrha nudged Jaune who grumbled, "The names Jaune Arc, and I have seven sisters."

Pyrrha chuckled, "Hello again! I'm Pyrrha Nikos and my fun fact is that I once appeared on the front of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes box as a mascot."

Nora grinned, "The name's Nora Valkyrie! And I have the strength of 20 Ursa!"

Ren exhaled, "My name is Lie Ren. My fun fact is that Nora doesn't have the strength of 20 Ursa."

"It's nice to finally meet you all." Ruby giggled.

Smith: "(clears throat) Permission to speak, sir?"

Tucker: "Uh, go for it?"

Smith: "Thank you, sir. Lieutenant John-"

Grif: "Hey, G.I. Joe? Could you drop the act? We don't have all day."

Smith: "Oh, uh very good, sir. My friends call me Smith. I've served the New Republic faithfully for several years and I believe Captain Caboose is one of the wisest individuals I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sir!"

"…Caboose?" Weiss asked after a moment's pause.

"He does speak wisdom every now and then. A billboard sized TV would be bad for your eyes." Pyrrha chuckled.

"And time is not a line, it is a circle. History repeats itself." Blake added.

Grif: "Great. Another kiss-ass."

Simmons: "You mean our Caboose?"

Smith: "Yes, sir."

Simmons: "This one right here?"

Smith: "Correct."

Simmons: "…The blue one?"

Tucker: "Okay, moving on. Next?"

Jensen: "Hello, everyone. I'm Katie Jensen. I enjoy vehicle maintenance, biology, uh…"

Jensen grabs her throat and begins choking. She then falls over, gagging.

Yang stared at the screen. "..I like vehicle maintenance too. That's all I'll say."

Ruby, Weiss, and Blake chuckled.

Cut to the Reds and Blues staring at her.

Grif: "Uh, should we do something?"

Jensen gets up.

Jensen: "(coughing) Sorry. Choked on my own spit."

Yang groaned.

"I thought you weren't going to say anything." Ruby smirked.

"I'm not." Yang sighed.

Tucker: "Simmons, what the fuck is this?"

Simmons: "It was either her or the really hot one that plays volleyball."

—Azula's Twin Sister SS— Not Canon

As soon as Simmons spoke, Cinder knew he was referring to her character. A mental image of a burning volleyball net appeared on Cinder's mind. Any fool who dares to challenge me at anything will never be able to rise from the ashes of their shame and humiliation!

Tucker: "Then what the fuck is this!?"

Simmons: "She makes me less nervous, okay! Just leave me alone!"

"She's nerdy too, so I can see why." Yang shrugged. "Choked on her own spit." She grumbled.

Grif: "Next."

Bitters: "(unenthused) I'm Bitters. My fun fact is that I don't have a...fun fact."

Grif: "Total. Maverick."

Palomo: "And last but not least!"

Tucker: "(groans)"

"Neptune!" Yang cheered.

Palomo: "Private Palomo. Slayer of women, wooer of evil. (pause) Wait…"

Yang burst out laughing, "Oh come on, this is Neptune."

"Neptune's cooler than that." Jaune argued.

"Ha! No way, Neptune's a dork. He's just good at hiding it." Yang explained. "Watch out Weiss, Neptune is a ladykiller."

Weiss blushed, "Laugh all you want Yang. I like Neptune's dorkier side."

Simmons: "Is that your fun fact?"

Palomo: "Oh, uh...oh! I'm the only surviving member of green team. Suck on that."

Tucker: "I fucking hate you, Palomo."

"Tucker is turning into Church, while Palomo is the new Tucker." Blake commented.

"Palomo is less obscene." Weiss pointed out.

Simmons: "Alright, as you've all been informed, this team has come together for the sole purpose of rescuing the remaining survivors of a UNSC shipwreck from several months back. We all know them as Donut, Agent Washington, and Sarge."

Grif: "And maybe a Spanish robot named Lopez."

Caboose: "And maybe an adorable robot named Freckles."

Tucker: "Yeah yeah, we get it. The point is, we've only got five days to train you guys, so we're getting started right now! Now, any questions?"

Cut to the four Republic recruits.

Smith: "...Who is leading this team?"

"Oh no." Pyrrha realized where this was going.

Caboose, Grif, Simmons, and Tucker: "I am!"

The four look at each other.

"So.. who should lead?" Yang turned to the group. "Remember, as Doc once said. Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people. It's about telling other people to fire bullets and stab people."

"Leadership is more than that and no one cares about Doc." Ruby crossed her arms.

Tucker: "(confused) Uh, what?"

Simmons: "Well, I'm obviously the one who should be leading this. I'm the most logical of the group."

"And most emotional ironically." Ren commented.

Tucker: "Bullshit!"

Simmons: "I'm the one who set up this entire meeting."

Grif: "Yeah, and this meeting blows dicks."

Simmons: "(to Grif) Wait, why do you wanna be the leader?"

Grif: "Well, I'm really starting to get used to all this praise and pampering, and I don't wanna risk losing it all to one o' you jerks."

"I don't get enough praise or pampering." Ruby huffed.

"If Grif wanted praise and pampering. Mathews was the one for the job." Yang pointed out.

Weiss and Blake chuckled.

Matthews pops up on a platform in the distant background.

Matthews: "I could always praise and pamper you, sir!"

Grif: "Goddammit Matthews! What did we just talk about!?"

Yang, Weiss, Blake, and Ruby laughed.

"I like Mathews." Pyrrha chuckled.

Caboose: "Well, I think there's an easy way to settle this. Ahem, raise your hand if you were the leader of a team any time before joining this army."

Simmons: "Oh whatever, that was a fluke!"

"Simmons and Grif can raise their hands." Jaune pointed out.

Pyrrha laughed, "But Caboose still makes a good point. Prior experience is important."

"He nearly got his whole team killed." Weiss pointed out.

"To be fair, Grif and Simmons don't have a stellar record either." Blake chuckled.

Caboose: "Yep, and I forgot to raise my hand."

Tucker: "Hey, if you're looking for experience, so far I'm the only one who's been on an actual mission."

Grif: "(fake coughs) Two people died... (fake cough)"

"That's a low blow." Pyrrha frowned.

Smith: "Excuse me, sirs? We could always vote."

Grif, Tucker, Simmons, and Caboose look at one another. Cut to a title card entitled: Simmons. Cut back to Simmons standing center stage on the platform.

Simmons: "My fellow soldiers. If you elect me as your leader, you're not just voting for a kind, well-mannered leader, you're voting for victory. I've overseen countless skirmishes and calculated my opponent's every move. And although some people may not count Dungeons and Dragons as an acceptable example of military expertise, I beg to differ."

"What has Sarge told Simmons about Dungeons and Dragons references in combat situations!?" Nora huffed, crossing her arms.

"Dungeons and Dragons sounds like a strategy game.. it could be a good example." Ruby shrugged.

"Video games don't translate to real life Ruby." Yang reminded her.

"You stole moves from fighting games you hypocrite!" Ruby accused.

"Hey… those moves were cool." Yang smirked.

Simmons: "A vote for Dick Simmons is a vote for America!"

Palomo: "...But we're not in America."

Simmons: "...Fuck!"

"His campaign speech at Sarge's funeral was better." Nora giggled.

Yang and Blake burst out laughing.

Yang wiped her eyes, "I forgot about that."

"America is one of their kingdoms." Ren recalled. "It sounds as if Simmons was making a campaign speech for it."

"Caboose could make a better one." Weiss commented. "All he has to say is that he hates taxes."

Pyrrha chuckled, "You're right."

Cut to another title card, entitled: Caboose.

Caboose: "And I will put Kool-Aids in all the water fountains! And we won't have to wear uniforms...anymore! And Principal Kimball... will...allow us...double recess! (echoing) Recess, recess recess…"

Tucker: "Caboose, you're not running for class president."

Nora giggled, "He's got my vote."

"Mine too! I hate wearing our school's stuffy uniform." Ruby grumbled. "I like combat skirts, not regular skirts."

"I have no idea what a cool aid is but it sounds like it's a cool kind of aid." Yang shrugged.

"..what? You know what nevermind." Weiss quickly changed her mind.

"I loved getting double recess in school." Jaune added after Yang's terrible joke.

Pan in closer towards Smith.

Smith: "No, don't you see? We won't need uniforms anymore because the war will finally be over. Kimball will send us out into the world and we'll never have to raise another gun ever again."

Cut to a view of Smith looking up at Caboose.

Smith: "By god, he has such a way with words."

"…is he translating for Caboose?" Ruby asked.

"If he is, that's amazing." Yang laughed.

"He really is secretly wise, his inside voice is what Smith hears." Jaune added.

Grif: "Is this guy for real?"

Simmons: "Wait, what about the Kool-aid in the water fountains?"

Smith: "Oh yeah, that sounds awesome."

"Or not, Smith might just be reading too much into what he says." Blake pointed out.

"I think Smith translated very accurately." Pyrrha smiled.

Another title card: "Grif."

Grif: "...Dibs."

Yang and Nora laughed and clapped.

"Grif remembered when Church called dibs on the crashed ship that sister came in." Jaune realized.

"He's calling dibs on the leadership position?" Weiss asked.

Simmons: "What?"

Grif: "I call dibs on the team. Dibs."

Tucker: "You can't call dibs on the team!"

"You can't call dibs on a leadership position. That's ridiculous!" Weiss shouted.

"I call dibs on leader of team RWBY." Ruby quickly raised her hand. Weiss groaned.

Grif: "...You sure?"

Simmons: "Grif!"

Grif: "Alright, whatever! (mumbling) I don't wanna be leader anyway…"

Blake snorted.

Final title card: "Tucker."

Tucker: "S'up guys, Tucker here. Uh, speech...speech...oh, I've always said I'm a lover and not a fighter. I'm lookin' at you, Jensen."

Jensen: "Me?"

Tucker: "Yeah, tell your volleyball friend I said that. Anyways-"

Somewhere, in a non-canon reaction. Cinder rolled her eyes and scoffed. Idiotic wannabe womanizer charlatan.

Felix arrives on the scene.

Felix: "Please. God. Tell me you guys haven't been standing around talking all morning."

The group laughed.

"That's their signature move!" Ruby pointed out.

Tucker looks at Felix and then back at the recruits.

Tucker: "(to the recruits) ...Alright look, you want the truth? I don't wanna be your leader. Being a leader totally sucks. It's hard work and you have to put up with people you hate! But I wanna get my friends back and seeing as that's our mission, I will deal with whatever bullshit I have to do to make it happen! ...And if I was holding a mic, this would be the part where I drop it."

Brief silence.

"…being a leader doesn't suck and I don't have to put up with people I hate." Ruby said, almost as if she was worried that's what her team would think.

"We know, but for him it's true I think." Jaune commented. "He really sounded like Church."

Ruby giggled, "The way he described what being a leader is like is exactly what Church thinks."

Jensen: "..I vote for Tucker."

Bitters: "Yeeaah, I vote for Tucker."

Smith: "Me too."

Palomo: "Yeah."

"Alright no one answered me last time, again I'll ask. Who should be leader?" Yang asked. "Grif called dibs, he's got my vote."

"Tucker." Weiss admitted, "His true speech was the only one that wasn't selfishly motivated."

"In all seriousness I vote for Tucker too. Though I did like Caboose's speech." Pyrrha chuckled.

"Grif called dibs, he's the leader." Nora crossed her arms.

"You always have to follow the international dibs protocol and the no take backs accord." Ruby crossed her arms. "But I still vote for Caboose. I want to try whatever cool aid is."

"I'll vote for Tucker too. But Grif calling dibs is very bitterly funny to me when I think about real world elections." Blake chuckled.

"I vote for Tucker." Ren stated simply.

"…what about Simmons? I thought his speech was pretty good." Jaune commented. "I vote for Simmons."

"So that's one for Simmons." Yang said as she and Ruby giggled. Jaune crossed his arms. "Also one for Caboose. Two for Grif, and four for Tucker."

Grif: "Congratulations, Tucker! You got the job. That you hate."

"Tucker has come so far from the lazy womanizer he was to a reliable ally and soldier he is now." Pyrrha smiled.

"Couldn't have said it better myself, though sadly he still acts like a womanizer occasionally." Weiss commented.

"Anyone else want the job that he hates? I have my own speech planned." Nora admitted.

"You planned a speech in such a short time?" Ren raised an eyebrow.

"Please, let's not campaign for a leadership position. We already had a literal competition for a pretend leadership position." Weiss pointed out.

"One that you won, do you want a chance to defend your title in a true election?!" Ruby asked.

"A true election where the only ones voting are also the only ones campaigning." Weiss sighed. "Fine, why not? Nora you have the floor."

Nora cleared her throat. "I'm Nora and I'm the Queen of the castle! If you elect me as leader I promise that beheadings will be brought back to the Kingdom of Vale! I will end crime with an iron-fist and many broken legs! And pancakes will be mandatorily rationed to all starving peasants!"

"..Vale does not have a starvation problem, you're implying that by becoming Queen you would-" Weiss stopped herself. "Nevermind who's next?"

"Ooh ohh pick me!" Ruby raised her hand and stood up. "Dibs!"

"No we're not doing that." Weiss crossed her arms.

Ruby sagged, "Aww. Oh well, if you do vote for me. I will end all homework! No more long essays, no more collecting sap! And no more of Professor Port's lectures!"

"Well there goes my dibs strategy." Yang sighed. "You should vote for me because I'm the most charismatic. That's important right? I'll make sure we're at the top of the food chain. We'll be so popular because we won't care about what anyone thinks. When we walk the halls, heads will turn! And when we fight, heads will roll!"

"Instead of a petty popularity contest you should vote for me. If I'm elected as your representative I swear to you that people like Cardin will be expelled." Blake smirked.

Pyrrha chuckled and stood up, "Well all I can say is, that if you elect me. I promise to break legs as Nora once put it. If elected I'd probably wish to put in some form of advanced combat training.." Pyrrha became lost in thought for a second. "Oh! Sorry.. that is all."

Jaune stood up. "If you elect me I promise to do everything that Caboose said. No more uniforms, soda in all the water fountains! And no more books in the library, only comics! Oh and recess between every class!"

"This has been the worst campaign ever, of all time." Weiss sighed.

Ren stood up. "Not for long. Hello everyone, my name is Lie Ren, though I am not a liar. If elected I promise to do everything. All candidates have put forward their plans, I can and will utilize the best parts of each plan and accomplish them all."

"Hey, that's cheating!" Nora accused.

Weiss sighed, "This has been a massive waste of time. Though I will say that if I'm elected. All of you will get high quality dust at a significant discount."

"Oh! Weiss has my vote!" Ruby cast her ballot.

"I guess we can vote for anyone except ourselves?" Yang asked. "I vote for Nora."

"I vote for Ren." Blake shrugged.

"I vote for Pyrrha." Weiss stated.

"Me too." Jaune nodded.

"I vote for Ren." Pyrrha smiled.

"I'll always support you, Renny!" Nora smiled, not caring that he supposedly cheated.

Ren smiled, "As long as I don't vote for Pyrrha. I win, Jaune, you have my vote."

"Yay." Jaune chuckled.

"I'm still the leader of our toon." Weiss growled.

Felix: "Yeaaah, great. Yay. Happy for you. So, did you guys wanna start training at some point? Or, sorry, would you prefer to keep dicking around? Because by all means, I could watch this train wreck all day. Really, it's-it's like the Hindenburg footage. Ya-ya ever see that? Just, absolutely breathtaking... until you realize everyone's screwed."

Fade to black

"Whatever the Hindenburg is, it sounds like it sucked." Ruby commented.

I know Kool-Aid is spelled Kool-Aid but whenever the RWBY cast says it they think it's Cool Aid. They don't know the brand.

Also for christ's sake I tried so hard to find a good harry potter fanfic. And the one "normal" fic I found that is well written simply replaced slughorn with Gordon Ramsay. It's actually pretty good so far "Harry Potter and the Lack of Lamb Sauce"