34: Part Three, Chapter Six
Word Count: 3956, First Published 25 June 2021, Australian time
And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.
And thanks so much to Lee Kadiva who pre-read an earlier version of this chapter, and the next!
However, the final is Unbeta'd, so please forgive any mistakes, they are all mine!
Chapter Six – Practice
During Bella's fifth week as a vampire, Marcus made it a point to stay nearby after she had fed, allowing her only a short time to refresh herself and change her outfit from the large store of clothes he had had brought in for her.
When she had recently fed she was at her most controlled, but as the day wore on she became more erratic, rambling about Jasper returning, or sometimes shutting down altogether. He had found, during the periods she was the most unresponsive, he could sometimes draw her out with a well-aimed question about her previous life. After her explanation about reliving her human memories to keep them fresh, he suspected that was what she was doing during those times.
Still, he had only managed short conversations with her before she became lost in memories or meaningless rambling. He wondered whether she was not using more energy on her shield than they had realised. It was normal for a newborn to require daily feeding, but not quite as normal for the calming effect of the feeding to wear off so quickly. Not when they had reached her level of rationality anyway.
Of course, it may also be the effect of taking only animal blood, he supposed. Carlisle had been decades old already, when he had first found them, and even then, he needed to feed more often than a vampire feeding on humans did.
But the fact remained that her incredible control when it came to her shield and to feeding—or at least to avoiding feeding on humans—contrasted significantly with her appearance of instability in other areas. In truth, a normal newborn would be expected to be erratic and out of control at this point in her life. But Bella's abnormal control in some areas highlighted how irrational she sounded when she spoke, much of the time.
On the other hand, she was an unusual vampire in other ways too. She paced. She fidgeted. He frequently found her sitting in the armchair which, along with its rarely used pair, made up the only furniture in the room aside from the closet. Vampires really didn't need much furniture. They could stand all day and night and not tire. And this room was intended as a feeding room for a new vampire. Furniture was more a liability than an asset. But after he'd arrived to find her sitting, huddled in one corner several days in a row even after she'd started feeding, he decided to bring her the chairs to see if they made her feel more at home. And apparently they did.
Despite all these quirks, Marcus was not truly worried about Caius's accusations of instability—he knew Caius was actually hoping she would prove useful, and either way, Marcus's claim overrode any other concerns, unless she proved herself actually dangerous. Still, he did want to have her begin training to gain better control sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately, it seemed to him that she was becoming more agitated with time, rather than less.
"I can't stay here, Marcus," Bella began, a few days after she had explained to him about her 'remembering' activities, "I have to get back to Forks."
Her agitation was evident in the way she clenched her fists, her eyes moving constantly around the chamber. She seemed even more unsettled today than she had previously.
He spoke as gently as he could. "Bella...kórā mou, you are not ready to leave here, my dear. You are not a prisoner, but as controlled as you are, you will find being surrounded by humans very different. And learning to control not only your blood cravings, but also your speed and strength; to behave as an ordinary human—you will need to practise."
"So let me practise then!" She exclaimed. "I have to go back!"
"Belloula, you must understand that Jasper is gone. If he were alive, he would be here by now, drawn to you. You really are better off staying here."
It hurt him to see how much pain she was in. Vampires could learn to survive the loss of a mate, though god knew it wasn't easy, but they needed a reason. And he didn't know what reason he could give her, though in truth, she was doing amazingly well so far, despite her evident agitation.
"You don't understand," she told him. "Jasper will come back. And I need to be there." She put her head in her hands, a very human gesture, staring at the floor. "I need to be there!"
He gazed at her sadly. He had felt, when he bit her, that she was important somehow. That helping her live mattered. He now suspected that was nothing more than her defensive ability coming in to play, making bonds out of nothing. He still felt the bond, and it hurt to see her so distraught, but he wondered if she might not have been better off if he had let her die. Millenia without his mate had left him mostly numb to the world, but watching this vibrant young soul struggle with her own loss rekindled the pain he tried to suppress.
"Paidi mou," he began again, wondering if he could coax her into sense, "can you explain to me why you think Jasper will come back? And where he will come back to?"
"Well, I assume he'll come back to Forks, or somewhere near there," she said, quite calmly, if no more sensibly. "And what I mean is, he'll be reincarnated. And I need to be there to find him when he is!"
"Oh!" That was not at all what he had been anticipating. So she was actually accepting that he was dead. That was good. But reincarnation? The images of Jasper as a human, that Aro had picked out of her mind when she was changing, came back to him. He had been wanting to ask her about them, but hadn't yet had a chance while she was rational. Or rather, he hadn't wanted to bring it up and risk her falling apart again. Perhaps now was a good time.
"Bella, when Victoria first brought you to us, Aro was able to see some of your memories."
"Yes, you told me," she said. "But once you injected more venom into my system, he couldn't use his gift on me at all, right?"
"That is correct. But... What he did see was limited to images, and many of them were of a human Jasper. I have been wanting to ask you about that. Do you remember how you had those images in your mind?"
She raised her eyebrows in apparent surprise. "Oh, I assumed you knew. I mean, I thought Aro had seen more...Yes, I can explain." She paused as if to gather her thoughts, and then she began the most extraordinary story: of multiple reincarnations, dreams of another lifetime, and a Native American prophecy.
"So you see," she concluded matter-of-factly, "if I was reincarnated three times, to be with Jasper, he will surely be reincarnated too, now that I am a vampire."
"Why only now that you are a vampire?" he asked.
"Well, I suppose if we were both human, and would live a normal lifespan, we would have been reunited in the next life, by now. I mean, the afterlife, whatever that is, not the next human life. That's what I'm guessing. I think God—or whatever—answered my prayer to bring me back to Jasper when I died, despite my marriage vows. Only, because he wasn't dead, just changed...it had to be through giving me another human life."
"And so now you think the same thing will happen to Jasper?"
"I do," she said, with every evidence of fervent belief. "And I need to be there when it does. I need to get back to Washington."
"Alright..." he said, slowly, thinking about the possibilities. While her story was incredible, it actually made her irrational ramblings make some sense. Maybe she was even right. "But what I said is still true. You are not ready to leave here."
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Bella lifted her head and looked Marcus in the eye. She knew she had to get back to Forks. Whether Jasper was alive or…not, that was where she needed to be. She felt it, deep inside her. The desperate desire to return. Was it just her mind, her hope, playing tricks on her? Knowing that's the last place they'd been together?
She couldn't know, but she didn't think that was it. It felt more urgent than that. More certain. Like Jasper was going to need her. What if he was born into some difficult situation? What if he needed her protection this time? Or…she tried not to even let herself think it, hope for it, but what if he were still alive?
It was already mid-March. It had been thirty-four days since Victoria had taken her, thirty-four days since Jasper had—since she'd seen Jasper. And every day that passed she felt the urgency grow.
"So train me," she said to Marcus. "I'm not getting any better sitting in this room."
"That is true. Usually, time helps a newborn vampire to become more controlled, but each day this week you seem…more erratic. Paidi mou, would you consider trying human blood? I think it may help you gain control more quickly."
"No!" She felt her shield activating and pushing Marcus away, and with a great effort focussed on bringing it back towards her. She didn't know how to deactivate it—it seemed to come and go of its own accord, or perhaps it was more accurate to say, as Marcus had suggested, that it never fully deactivated, but she couldn't feel it when it wasn't stretched out from her—but she could control how far it went from her body. At least some of the time. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.
"It is nothing to worry about little one. Control will come with time and practice. But if you will not try human blood, I am going to try bringing an extra animal in for you to feed on. A normal newborn is focussed on little more than their thirst, but once they do begin to show some rationality they still need to feed every day in order to develop control over their emotions. But Carlisle needed to feed far more often than other vampires even when he was decades old. So perhaps it would aid us to feed you more often than a human drinking newborn."
"Okay," she agreed easily. She knew that her sense of self became harder to hold onto over the course of a day, as the burn in her throat increased. Feeding more frequently would be pleasant, even if the actual act of drinking an animal's blood still horrified her more than a little, once she was done. Although, perhaps it was more accurate to say her loss of control, each time she fed, horrified her.
"However," Marcus continued, "you will not be consuming the second meal as soon as it arrives. Instead, it will arrive with your first meal, but you will restrain yourself from feeding from it for as long as you can."
"Oh." That would be hard.
"Control comes with practice. So, you will practise."
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It was a long time since Marcus had resented Aro's intrusive gift. He had long since given up trying to keep anything from his friend, or hold off sharing his thoughts with him, knowing the next time they touched, Aro would see it all anyway.
Instead, Marcus was in the habit of speaking to him through touch, rather than forming coherent sentences. Aro would respond verbally to whatever he saw in Marcus's thoughts, and Marcus would sometimes then articulate a verbal response, but often he would simply let Aro "see" his response as he thought it.
Aro wasn't limited to seeing thoughts expressed in words. His gift was deeper than that. It was limited to thoughts and images though. He didn't experience other people's emotions, and could generally only understand or even recognise them to the extent that the individual concerned had thought about them. Consequently, he often missed the nuance of people's memories, or the unconscious assumptions that motivated them. Though the other side of that was that he could sometimes see the truth of people's feelings before they realised them themselves, seeing all their thoughts and reactions in one moment, as it were.
He knew Aro would be amused when he next read his friend's thoughts. And would no doubt wonder, as did Marcus himself, what had changed. Why did this young vampire have this strange effect on him? Was it, as he had wondered before, a side effect of her defensive ability? He was certain it wasn't a conscious effect. If it was her defensive power that created his initial interest in her, she certainly wasn't controlling it at the time, and he strongly doubted she had the slightest awareness of it now.
Either way, he undeniably felt strangely protective of the young women, and even more oddly, protective of his own feelings towards her. Nonetheless, he had shared everything with Aro for millennia, and he wasn't about to stop now, regardless of the sudden discomfort he felt.
.
"You see her as a daughter," were the first words out of Aro's mouth, two hours later when they met in Marcus's private rooms. "That is my interpretation of your protective thoughts, though of course, you have acknowledged yourself that all your feelings for her may be generated by her defensive power."
"They may be," Marcus admitted. "Then again many of the bonds in this coven are created or amplified by Chelsea. It doesn't make them less potent."
It was no secret that without Chelsea and Corin's gifts, Marcus would not have survived the millennia without his mate, much less stayed with the Volturi. He didn't resent their intervention, as he felt his presence was needed as a balancing force within the rulership of their world.
On the other hand, he was aware of the irony that the very sense of being needed—or of caring that he was needed—was largely created by Chelsea's use of her gift. It was something he had come to terms with long ago, though in truth, he had spent a significant percentage of the last three thousand years lost in his own mind, brought to the surface only when prodded to it by Aro or Caius. Chelsea's gift was powerful, but Corin's gift was very limited.
"This is probably as good a time as any to tell you that I took Jane and Alec to see your protégé."
"What? When?" Marcus all but growled in response. "Aro, if you hurt her—"
"I've just come from there. And relax, Marcus. She's perfectly fine. I just wanted to test her."
"You wanted to test their powers against her shield, you mean. And from your expression I'm assuming her shield held?"
"Well, yes," Aro agreed. "But I also wanted to test whether her ability to form connections would work on Alex and Jane. They weren't there when she was first brought in, and if they were using their talents on her it would make sense for that defensive power to come into play - if that's what it is."
"And?"
"And nothing, as far as I could see. You should take a look yourself, and see if you see any bonds. But they showed no hesitation trying their talents on her, even when I told Jane to turn it up to maximum intensity." Marcus growled at that, but Aro continued, unconcerned. "And they were both quite put out that they couldn't pierce her shield."
"Hmm… So if that really is a defensive ability, perhaps it only works when she is in mortal danger? " Marcus mused.
"Perhaps," Aro responded. "But from what you've seen, the bonds do remain, after the danger has passed."
"Yes." Marcus acknowledged. He knew Aro had already seen all his speculation about those bonds. Neither Caius's nor Aro's had changed since they had formed when she first arrived, while his own had only grown. That was natural, as he had spent the most time with her, as well as gifting her with his venom. He rather doubted it was the effect of her power, and the fact that she didn't affect Jane or Alec at all, validated that supposition.
.
Jasper strode out of the house towards the clearing he knew his family and the wolves occupied.
The wolves had taken some persuading, but Carlisle had convinced them that it was in the best interests of both the Quileutes—who they were sworn to protect—and the people of Forks, for whom they also felt some responsibility, for them to be on hand when the newborn army attacked, and also to allow the Cullens to train them in fighting vampires, especially young ones.
Jasper had hardly left his room in weeks, but Peter had called again and informed him that if he did not involve himself in training the wolves, he would be directly responsible for the deaths of several of them, and very likely of some of his own family as well. He also reiterated that he and Charlotte would arrive in time for the confrontation. However, as the wolves would not react well to their red eyes, they would not arrive much beforehand.
Alice couldn't pin down exactly when the confrontation with Maria would occur, and Jasper could feel her frustration. Once the wolves agreed to help, her visions had gone blank.
She had had a vision of Peter and Charlotte arriving, and Peter saying it would be within the day. But nothing in that vision had helped her narrow the time down. All Peter could tell them presently was that he would know when it was time to come—not entirely reassuring—and that they needed to focus on training as much as possible in the meantime.
Jasper still found it hard to trust Peter's word. Or rather, it wasn't that he thought Peter would lie to them, or that he had done so last time. He just wasn't sure, anymore, what the motivating force behind Peter's 'knower' was, and whether it really coincided with his own motivations.
Was it possible there could have been a worse outcome for Bella, if Peter had warned them about Victoria's ambush? He didn't see how.
Nonetheless, he owed it to his family—and to the wolves, he grudgingly admitted—to give them the best training he could. Bella would not have countenanced anything else.
And so he found himself leaving the Cullen house to help the very people who had wanted Bella to die, if not in the way she had. He couldn't repress the growl as he arrived in the clearing, but Alice was immediately beside him, her hand on his arm not restraining him, but offering her calm support.
Carlisle began speaking then, taking the wolves' attention away from Jasper, thanking them for coming. Jasper cleared his mind, determined to focus on nothing but the here and now, on preparing his family and the wolves to face Maria's army and come away victorious. The Bella that came back to him might not remember his family or the Quileutes, but she would be the same person, with the same compassion, and he had no doubt that she would want him to do this, if he could ask her.
.
Back in his room, Jasper stared out the window and allowed his mind to wander. It was dangerous, he knew, because if he lets his thoughts turn to Alice's vision, to Marcus sinking his teeth— No! He mustn't go there. That way led to madness and revenge and dying before Bella could be reborn. He accepted that his family were right in this. He must stay strong for her.
He didn't agree with Alice that she had been reborn already though. If she had, he would be pulled to her. Admittedly, that hadn't happened with her last incarnations, but that was before. Now that he'd rebonded with her in his vampire form, he was sure her next birth would be different.
But he hoped it happened soon. God, he hoped he didn't have to wait until September. Or worse, what if there were years before her rebirth, as there had been between her previous lives? He didn't know if he could survive that. He had promised her that if it came to this, he would wait for her. But the urge to go to Volterra was getting harder and harder to ignore. And if he died in the process? Right now, he almost felt he would welcome the oblivion.
"That's your grief talking," Edward said quietly, coming into his room after a brief knock. He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, as Jasper turned to look at him. "You can get through this; I know you can. You know you can. You know Bella would be horrified to think of you going after revenge. Let alone on a suicide mission."
Jasper growled involuntarily at that. "That's a low blow, brother," he said.
"Maybe," Edward replied. "But it's also true."
"I just wish this fight with Maria would hurry up and be over. I need to know what really happened to Bella. Whether she's truly dead or not."
"You still think there's a possibility she's alive?" Edward's surprise was palpable to Jasper. He knew they all thought it was crazy to hold onto that hope.
"Not really," he answered, turning back to stare unseeing out the window. "I know it's not logical. And yet... I still feel as though our connection is real. I don't feel the loss the way I have felt in other vampires. Don't get me wrong—it's agonising, her loss. It just feels different."
Edward came further into the room and placed a hand on Jasper's shoulder in an expression of support. "She's different," he said simply. "In fact, everything about this is different. Who ever heard of a vampire with a human mate, for starters? Let alone one that is reborn over and over again?"
"I know," Jasper said. "You're right. And besides, my desire for revenge feels just like it has for every other vampire I've ever known in this position. The desire to get to Marcus, to sink my teeth into his flesh the way he did to— To rip his head off and burn his body, piece by piece..." He closed his eyes and took a deep, unnecessary breath. This was what he mustn't think about.
.
Later, Jasper listened with half an ear to Rosalie challenge Carlisle. She'd clearly heard his conversation with Edward.
"Can't we just phone the Volturi?" she asked, the frustration no doubt as clear to everyone else in her voice as it was to him through his gift. "You've always told us they can be reasoned with. Wouldn't it help Jasper to know for sure that she's—dead?" He flinched, even as she hesitated on the word. "That the next time he'll see her will be her next life—the fifth life the wolves predicted—not in Volterra?"
How naïve Rose was, for all the cynicism she liked to convey. Knowing for certain that Marcus had killed his mate? That would not be helpful. Not for him, and certainly not for Marcus.
Not that it mattered, as Carlisle made clear. "The Volturi don't have a phone number," Carlisle gave the answer Jasper already knew. "The advantage Aro's gift gives them would be lost if they allowed easy phone contact. Aro would never countenance that."
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kórā mou = my daughter, a term of endearment in Aeolic Greek
paidi mou = my child
Belloula = a Greek way of turning a name into a term of endearment
Author Notes & Recs:
For those who read up to the last chapter a while ago, I have changed Marcus's terms of endearments from Italian to Aeolic Greek, since that is as close as I can figure out the language he would have been using before Didyme died - and I can't see why he would have developed a habit of using any terms of endearment in a newer language. However, I initially had him using Italian, so hopefully have now edited them all.
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practice=noun
and practise=verb
(in Australian English, which I am unapologetically sticking with)
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I am sorry this is taking soooo long to finish, and no, I have still got all the rest drafted, but I have gone over and over this chapter and the next, and although yes, it has hopefully benefited from that (no doubt there are still typos! Do let me know), I actually think I need to be done with it and move on.
It turns out, reviews really DO make me write more. And not having that immediate feedback AND sense of sort-of deadline, makes me write less.
Deciding to wait till it was already finished to publish any more has probably just dragged out the time it has taken, so forgive me, but I'm going to start publishing again as I complete a chapter (as in, when chapter 9 of part 3 is full drafted, I will publish chapter 7, which is already nearly ready to go, though it will no doubt change some still).
Recs:
Longing by Written with Joy (WIP)
This is a wonderful WIP that I happen to be helping out by pre-reading. Its slow going to get new chapters up, but they tend to be long. And worth the wait! :) And there is a LOT already there for you to read.
Jasper Whitlock refuses to acknowledge that he needs anyone or anything, let alone longs for them. When a mysterious girl enters the Cullens' lives, will all that change? Or will she just drive him crazy? Twilight AU, OOC. Rated M for language, adult themes, violence, and eventual lemons. Jasper/Bella, P/C, C/Es, Em/R, Ed/A. Includes outtakes.
I Wept Not by ArcadianMaggie
Jasper is a war weary soldier burdened by the weight of eternity. Edward is an uncomplicated high school student content to hide his sexuality. Together can Jasper find something to live for and Edward discover some things are worth dying for? J/E Slash, (With Bella as a major character too) /s/5683212/1/I-Wept-Not
Also The City Between series by WR Gingell
This is not fan fiction, it's an original urban fantasy series that I am LOVING. I think it's up to about 8 books, and there are another couple of go. It is available in KU at the moment, but the author has said she'll be taking it out of there (and thus will be able to publish it elsewhere) come 2022, so if you have kindle unlimited, I recommend getting on to it now. It's set in Tasmania (ie Australia), if that is any incentive! :)