Lost Souls: Project Humanity

Chapter One: Signs

December 19, 2012

Why does life feel meaningless?

Why was I even created for? What is my purpose?

These are the things I think about, especially lately. Everyone has been scared the last couple of weeks, everything had been leading up to the Solar Equinox that's supposed to happen tomorrow.

Life has forever changed.

I know that on a subconscious level but believing that on a surface level was still unreachable.

Some say that we are shifting from 3rd dimensional beings to 5th.

Some call it ascension.

Some call it awakening.

I have no idea what it is. Sometimes I see glimpses of the truth, small subtle escapes from a flesh made prison reality into a blissful spiritual freedom.

I feel something within me. I cannot describe it, I can only define it as 'Truth' for now. I understand that I am a trinity like God, perhaps that is what it means to be created in His image.

I am a man, cells, and atoms structured together to be alive and walking. The man has fleshly needs, desires for the material world it sees before it.

Underneath the flesh, a soul resides in me.

The soul is what I call the core of man. Wrapped around it is the breath of God, encasing it so one cannot exist without the other.

My soul is what powers my emotions, it vibrates and resonates from within me. It is an aura that extends beyond physical matter, an energy that reflects back to the Source.

I am high right now.

Because when I smoke marijuana and meditate, this is the truth that unveils in front of me. I can feel the connection of life and if I allow it, I can become one with everything.

Have I become insane?

What is the truth?

What is reality?

The sun was low in the skies, rising above the lush green hills in York, PA. It is six in the morning, and I cannot sleep. I cannot rest, something within me refuses to slumber. It forced me awake and I rolled up a blunt and snuck outside. My parents are still asleep as well as my siblings so I don't want to wake them up.

They all think I'm crazy too.

My name is Joel David del-Sol.

I was born half Puerto-Rican, half Spaniard.

My father David del-Sol was an alcoholic and an atheist, born in Puerto Rico and completely at distance from all things religious. My mother Mary del Sol was a Pentecostal, an extremist Christian group who completely isolated themselves from the world by sacrificing all semblance of life. Her mother had raised her a devout Pentecostal since they left Spain and moved to Puerto Rico. She too thought I was crazy because I was not religious, I stopped going to church once I woke up to the sham it was. She said because I was not a dedicated churchgoer I could not have the Holy Spirit and therefore not worthy of the light of truth.

My younger brother and sister Kati and Lucas del-Sol were still in church and just saw me as the rebellious black sheep and prodigal son.

My sister was fifteen and my brother was thirteen, much too young to fully understand the world that was beginning to unravel before my eyes.

Not that I was old myself, I was only 17 but perhaps because I was experimenting with weed it had opened up a "Gateway" except instead of other drugs, I was opened up to the truth.

My family wasn't too accepting of me smoking marijuana.

Really, they were hypercritical of me doing it. I found it hypocritical of my father for him to criticize since he was the neighborhood lush.

My mother said it was the devil's drug because that's what they brainwashed her with at church so that effect only trickled down to my brother and sister.

I didn't understand what was happening to me, mainly because the world had never made sense to me for as long as I could remember.

The world was dark, and it seemed as if the light would never enter it.

What I did understand was that the closest I ever came to the truth was under the dreamy effect that marijuana produced so I was forever chasing that 'Truth'.

I quietly slipping down the stairs, annoyed at the slight creaks that sounded as I tried to ninja my way downstairs. I opened the front door of our apartment and headed outside. Outside it was a cold, tendrils of smoke coming out of my mouth. Shivering slightly as I stepped on the frosty grass, I began to walk to the woods behind my apartment. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep and I was going to have to go to school in a couple of hours anyway.

The burnt orange sun hung low in the skies, the skies a light blue and the clouds a pale white.

I saw what looked like a jet fly across the skies, a trail of white streaking from behind the plane.

What the fuck are those things?

I've been seeing them frequently lately; I used to think they were UFO's until I started seeing them in the daytime leaving white streaks everywhere they went.

Ignoring the white streak in the sky, I continued walking onward until I reached the woods. Sitting down on the rock I sometimes sat at, I pulled out the blunt and smoked.

As I sat there contemplating the very meaning of my existence, I thought about what it meant to be human.

We really have a miserable existence.

We are born to die and probably go to hell… If my life were to be taken, what would I have accomplished?

What difference would I have made in the world to justify my existence before God?

For so long I didn't want to believe even though my mother shoved it down my throat. Living a life like my mother's was not what I wanted. What 17 year old would want to give up sex and everything fun in life just to go to church 3 times and week and still be miserable?

Fuck that.

I was still a virgin, regrettably.

I always tried telling myself that I hadn't found the right girl to give it to but I know that's a lie.

What girl would want me anyway?

I was nobody special, I didn't have the best clothes, just the little bit I could afford from my meager job at Burger King. To the population at William Penn Senior High I was just another stupid church freak, an ugly one at that. I wasn't remarkably athletic or really good at anything. I was moderately smart, but I wasn't going to get any scholarships or even go to college.

I was going to get another boring ass factory job like my mom and dad and work every day until I'm old and die…

…fuck my life.

I could join the Navy like my older brother David del-Sol II. He too had gotten tired of York, a small Podunk town in southeast Pennsylvania. He was 24 now, he had left right after his 18th birthday and became some sort of intelligence specialist for the Navy. He had gotten promoted each time he was up for it and was now a 1st Class Petty Officer. I haven't seen him much in the last two years, he had been gone to the Middle East to do whatever it was that he did.

But really I don't think that's my path.

It felt like I was being called for something greater.

I just couldn't understand it yet.

But deep down, somewhere in the core of my mind… I knew I was created for a higher purpose than this. I was meant for something, but I did not know what it was. That aggravated me more than you could understand, I wanted to know the biggest question that no one could give me the answer to:

Who was I?

I threw away the remains of the blunt onto the dirt before stepping on it with my shoe to put it out.

Feeling the dreamy state I was enveloping myself in, I decided to head back to the house and try to catch a few more minutes of sleep before school.

As I got up and turned the corner to look into the cold dark eyes of my older brother David.

What was he doing here?

He had on a serious look to his face, his dark brows furrowed and his dark olive colored skin tinged with sweat. "Hello little brother."

David moved with catlike reflexes and plunged a hypodermic needle into my neck. "Sleep…"

The world went black and I passed out in his arms.

What have you done brother?

He might hate me for this but I'm okay with that.

Certain steps must be taken to ensure my family's survival.

I had already injected the rest of them while they were sleeping and noticed Joel had not been in the room. I tracked him down into the woods and plunged the needle into his neck and watched as his dark brown eyes roll up into the back of his head and pass out.

I caught him as he fainted and placed him on my back, carrying him.

As I walked back towards my parent's apartment, I vaguely had the feeling that I was being watched.

I didn't doubt it.

I knew there was nowhere the All Seeing Eye couldn't reach.

Trekking through the frosty grass, I moved as fast as possible to conserve heat. I headed through the front door and up the steps and laid my brother down on his bed.

"I'm sorry little man." I bent down and kissed his forehead.

I loved him after all as well as my other siblings.

This whole intricate matrix that was life was designed to kill them, strip them of their humanity.

I would not let that happen.

They would survive now, no matter the cost.

I would not.