"Honesty, Ronald!" Hermione huffed in annoyance as the two of them followed Harry out of the Gryffindor tower. "What possessed you to accept Malfoy's challenge!? And for Harry, no less!"
"Because he wouldn't bloody shut up about it!" Ron grumbled. "Three days, Hermione! Three. Bloody. Days! Could barely do anything outside the dorm without hearing 'Duel me, Potter!', 'Duel me, Potter', "Weasley, you better tell Potter he owes me a duel!'". He made a strangulation gesture. "It was either that, or I was going to shove the serving spoon down his ruddy throat!"
"Ron!" She looked scandalized. "Annoying as he is, there's no need to ruin a perfectly good utensil like that!"
"To be honest, it was the ugliest-looking spoon I ever saw, Hermione." Harry threw his two cents in.
"Well, that is true, but still…" She looked back to be sure they weren't followed. While she'd never say it out loud, the castle was pretty creepy at night. Like something they didn't want to find could be wandering the halls.
That and she just really really didn't wanna get caught.
"Where'd he say he wanted this duel at?" Harry asked as they reached a t-intersection.
"The trophy room at midnight." Ron replied. "Wouldn't put it past him to just be trying to get Harry in trouble, though." He quickly cut her off before she started up. "If he is there, small as that chance can be, and Harry doesn't show, then that'll do way more damage to Harry then just his reputation."
"Ok, but that leave one question." Harry looked them. "Where is the trophy hall?"
"Oh it's…huh…" Ron looked down the side hall. "No wait, I think we missed the turn…" He looked back down the hall. "Hermione?"
She gave their options a one-over. "Well, it's obviously…" She trailed off, looking even more unsure than he did.
"Crap…" The three muttered in unison.
"I think this is the third time we've passed this picture." Harry said after ten minutes of trying to find their way to the trophy room."
"Fourth." Ron replied.
Hermione gave them a dubious look. "How can you even tell?"
Harry shrugged. "It's hard not to notice a face that ugly when you go past.."
"Harry!" She hissed. "That's a horrible thing to say about her! She-"
"That's a woman!?" Both boys blurted out before looking at the portrait in mild horror.
"I never…!" The woman in the picture huffed, affronted as she stormed out of her frame.
"She really should." Harry responded. "That moustache could use a serious trim."
Hermione looked ready to scold them when they heard approaching footsteps. "Someone's coming! The armor, hurry!"
All three kids rushed to duck behind a nearby suit, just in time for the grizzled caretaker, Argus Filch, to come lurching past, his cat hot on his heels.
"Could've sworn I heard something around here." He looked around, scowling. After a moment, he grunted and turned round. "Feh...got better things to do. Come on, my sweet, the Malfoy whelp claimed he heard some students planning to ruin the trophy room." He smiled nastily. "They'll wish they never even learned the word when I'm done with them."
The trio waited with baited breath as the man's footsteps slowly faded away. They waited a moment to be sure he was long gone before getting up.
"That little hobknocker!" Ron growled. "He went running to Filch!"
Hermione slapped his shoulder. "I told you! I'd be surprised if Malfoy even knew how to spell 'fair fight'."
Harry sighed. "Ah well, we better head back to the dorm before he comes back."
They started heading back, doing their best to keep from alerting Filch or a possible teacher. However, Hermione wasn't prepared for Harry to suddenly pull her aside as his other hand - covered in a light green glow - shot up towards a swarm of brown-colored, slimy-looking globs that came flying at them from a nearby open door.
"Harry...!" She and Ron almost yelled. Their alarm quickly turned to surprise and more than a little amazement at the sight of the two dozen or so globs now frozen in mid-air, covered in the same glow as his hand.
Ron's jaw nearly unhinged. "Bloody hell, mate, how're you doing that without a wand!?"
"My aunts taught me." Came the reply. "What the hell are those things? Did we just get manure thrown at us?"
"Those…they're dungbombs." Ron answered him. "They're pranks meant to explode, covering stuff and people in horrible-smelling sludge. It's easy to clean, but the stink kinda lingers."
"That's disgusting." The air suddenly turned colder as a scowl formed on Harry's face. He moved his hand a bit, putting the dungbombs into a tighter grouping before they started rocketing back the way they came…
And collided with something else that was floating just inside the room. The first couple hit with enough force that whatever they hit was pushed farther back into the room, covering it in the slimy gunk. It also had the added effect of letting them discover just what, or who, it was.
"Peeves!" Hermione pinched her nose from the smell. "You gross specter!"
Peeves however, was too busy being hit or trying to dodge the putrid projectiles to respond, crying in dismay and horror with each hit. Finally, with a wail that sounded like a screaming toddler, he flew past them out the door, the remaining dungbombs hot on his heels.
"Whew, and I thought natto stunk." Harry pinched his nose.
"Let's get *urk*...get out of here." Hermione gagged, leading them down the hall.
"Harry, how'd you even know he was there?" Ron asked. "Couldn't even see him until he was covered."
He shrugged a little. "Kinda surprised myself."
"PEEEEEVEEES! YOU WRETCHED PHANTOM!"
However, Filch's enraged scream stopped him from saying anything else. The poltergeist's irate bawling didn't help.
Ron paled. "That sounded close. Really close. Maybe we should find another place to hide."
They bolted down the hall until they hit a locked door at the end.
"Ahulamera! Alohamorey! Ahola...bloody open!" Ron panicked, hitting the door with his wand.
"It's Alohomora!" Hermione hissed, jabbing her wand at the door, causing it to open with a dull click. "Get in, get in!"
They quickly entered and shut the door. Ron gulped. "Please tell us he wasn't around when we got in here." He got an answer in the form of a loud growl.
Hermione froze. "Please say that was one of your stomachs."
Another growl.
"Huh, never seen a dog that big before."Harry spoke up, looking behind them. "Then again, I've never seen one three heads, either."
They both slowly turned to see what he was talking about. Less than ten feet away stood a massive, three-headed dog. Each head was staring at them, snarling and baring multiple sets of sharp teeth.
"Our luck can NOT possibly be this bad." Ron whimpered slightly.
The dog took a step closer, only to halt when Harry looked it in two of its eyes. Suddenly, with a trio of whimpers, the dog quickly backed up and rolled over in a show of submission.
Harry just chuckled. "Ah, you aren't so bad."
"Hermione, shouldn't we be worried that Harry just made a gigantic, three-headed dog back down?"
Hermione watched as Harry started scratching its belly, making a back leg twitch. "I'm more worried about the fact that I'm not surprised. Also, why was it standing on a trapdoor?"
Ron looked at her. "Harry! Huge dog! Belly rub! Who cares about a trapdoor, woman?"
"Who's a big softie?" Harry scratched a little faster, making the dog stretch happily.
After a few minutes, Harry stretched while the dog got back to its feet. "Well, 'fraid I can't stick around, big guy." He said over the pooch's disappointed whine. "We gotta get back to the Gryffindor dorm."
"Only question is, does anyone remember the way back?" Ron asked.
Apparently the dog understood him, because it started scratching something out on the floor while the center head let out a 'woof' to get their attention.
"What's it doing?" Ron looked over in confusion.
The dog continued to scratch out what seemed to be an image of sorts. Every so often, one of the heads disagreed with the other two about something on the image and take control of a paw to scratch out something different, which always made all three descend into an argument of growls, barks and huffs. Not to mention the occasional raspberry when one wasn't looking.
"Wait a minute." Hermione tilted her head a bit once she was able to get herself to step closer "That looks like the hall outside."
"Kinda does...and that's the left we took past the ugly lady." Harry nodded in understanding. "Ok, I think I get it. Head left outside, take the second right, then the left at the end of that hallway."
The heads barked in unison.
"Thanks!" Harry patted its shoulder before heading out, Ron and Hermione quickly following.
As they took the path laid out, Ron was the first to speak out. "You guy do realize that we're following directions that a big, three-headed dog just wrote out, right?"
"Yeah?" Harry asked
"Because, how do we even know that their even right? The heads were bickering half the time and I can't believe that's the part I'm most concerned about."