So, here's the deal. This is a story that has been sat within my plot-bunny's for a while, not really doing anything of note. And I thought that's a shame. Now, I make no promises as to how far this will go, and in fact this is basically just a power fantasy trip, but it'll hopefully be fun. Just don't expect regular updates or anything. Because, y'know... I suck at them.

Anyways… This is gonna be a mess. I'll tell y'all that right now. It'll be a funny mess, filled with more realized lore and major divergences from canon and a whole lot of context lost in between, but a mess all the same.

Hopefully it will be worth the pain.

"…Rick. Dude. Go to sleep."

"Dude, I can't!" I yelled into my microphone. "I'm just too excited! Can you believe it? It's almost here!"

"What, your period?"

Ouch, that was harsh. A good retort though, I'll give him that much. I would have also said I'd give it to his mother if he didn't live on the other side of the world. "No, you little shit. Classic! WoW Classic! It's almost here!"

"And the best way for you to celebrate that is to play retail for almost two full days?"

Wait, two days? Surely that's-… Huh. Well, look at that. It's been 46 hours since I started my binge. I'm sure my mom would be proud of her little man.

"I… didn't actually realize I'd been at it for that long. My bad. I just wanna be immersed in the lore that Blizzard made after vanilla, man. Get a feel for what I'm about to leave behind, y'know?"

"Leave behind- What are you talking about? You know that to play Classic, you have to be subscribed to retail, right? You're not giving it up, it's literally a couple mouse clicks away."

"One click too many." I said solemnly. I brightened up quick though. "And besides, now that I'm this far along, I have to keep going. My old record was 53 hours straight before I fell asleep, and I'm only a little tired."

"You're gonna crash like that stupid groundhog you Americans say determines how long Winter will be."

"At least we have proper dental hygiene."

"Ah, yes. How could I have forgotten? My one weakness, floss! Woe is me!"

I couldn't help but snort. With no real retort to be had, I instead continued to focus on my leveling train. This time around, I was working with a Forsaken Warlock named Rotdot, the most original of combinations and names there were. There was just an appeal to be had, that a soul trapped into the body of its corpse used a magic powered by the souls and suffering of others. A sort of full circle.

Right now, Rotdot was sitting at level 89; really close to 90. I was leveling him in Kun-Lai Summit, being my absolute favorite zone in the whole of World of Warcraft. I know, most people don't care about it. And honestly? I don't care about it that much either, which shouldn't make it my favorite zone.

But Kun-Lai Summit was, purely because of one singular storyline.

The resurrection of Lei Shen.

What can I say? He's my favorite character in the whole of the Warcraft universe, making his introductory zone my favorite zone in turn. A tyrannical despot that, through horrible means, actually meant to do the work of the Titans thousands of years before the denizens of Azeroth even knew what a Titan was. In his own, twisted way, that is. He was a slaver and a bigot and a racist, and more than that? He was unashamed in his actions, stating that they were necessary.

He gained his power by stealing the last of Aman'thul's essence from the Titan Keeper Ra-den, the same keeper that empowered Nozdormu, charging him with dominion over the timeways, and the co-creator of the elemental planes. Lei Shen literally took his power from a being revered as a god, and used it in a manner befitting one.

Interesting characters often had the worst flaws and beliefs. And Lei Shen was a very interesting character.

Honestly, Mists of Pandaria was my favorite expansion of all, for story purposes if for nothing else. It was the first time Blizzard's writers had the chance to really flex their muscles with complete originality and no background aside from panda's existing and liking beer. And they did great with it, going to town in the best of ways.

"But in all seriousness, you really need to sleep. Ignoring Classic, isn't there a big storm coming your way soon? Don't you need to prep for that?"

"It's already here." Even through my headset, through the noise mufflers strewn throughout my room, I could hear the heavy winds and the creaking of trees. "But the weather reports are saying it won't hit us hard. I doubt I'll have to evacuate." Not that I could at this point, anyways.

Honestly, I wasn't playing WoW because I felt the need to. I was doing it because I was stuck. I should have left town, but I was stubborn and prideful and didn't want to be away from my stuff. I'd left town for a storm once before that did essentially no property damage, only to come back to it having been ransacked. I didn't want to go through that again. That, and I didn't want to spend money on travel. So, to pass the time, I just started playing WoW. And time it did pass.

"Oh, because weatherman is always right. Sure, I get it. Here's a quick question though, do you know how many of your neighbors left town? Or, even better, how the storm even looks?"

"I've been playing the game for almost two days, remember? I don't even know what slop I had for lunch, let alone what my neighbors are up to. But the storm… Hold up."

I turned in a quest and started another one, a small cutscene starting. And literally just as I started the cutscene, I got ganked by a max level Alliance Paladin. And she was t-bagging me.

Great.

While the cutscene was going on over my characters dead and defiled body, I stood from my chair, my knees popping in their underuse, and moved towards my window. A blackout curtain covered it, dampening both light and sound, and with a flourish I opened it.

Which, as it turned out, was a mistake. For in that moment, I saw what was happening outside. What was really happening. I knew that it was a serious storm hitting my town, labeled as a hurricane even, but I hadn't thought that it would be strong enough to do much. That had been what happened the last time. But no, I was dead wrong. It was a storm of epic proportions that I had ignored out of comfort, with debris abound and winds strong enough to knock down a tree.

More specifically, winds strong enough to knock down a tree directly onto where I stood.

I screamed as the branches crashed through the window, the rest of the great oak that once stood as the face of my yard crushing my condo. I was forced onto my stomach, my legs shattered beneath the weight of the tree, and I felt nothing, too great of a shock was my body in. More debris flew into the room, smaller branches and trash from an outside bin. Water and wind poured in through the hole, ruining everything.

My laptop fell onto my side, static rolling over the screen, the last parts of the cutscene playing, the resurrection of Lei Shen.

Then the screen went black, and so too did my vision.

"Lightning strikes in an instant and is over in a flash. But thunder. Thunder! Thunder proclaims the coming of the storm. Thunder quakes the skies long before the lightning strikes, and thunder echoes in the hills long after lightning's power is spent. It is thunder that sends animals cowering and fills the hearts of peasants with dread. Let thunder be my herald, so that my power is felt throughout the land. I will be… The Thunder King."

Lei Shen

"Ugh… fuck… my head…"

I awoke with a splitting headache, a sensation that felt as though I'd slammed my head against a brick and then proceeded to use that brick as a pillow. Or a tree, in this case.

Blearily, I looked around. I had been conked out on a slab of… gold? It was a literal bed of gold, soft as silk and flexible beyond measure, but definitely gold. I'd recognize the sheen of the stuff anywhere. In fact, the whole of the room I was in was made of gold, with tapestries and ceilings and walls shining in various levels of purity.

What the fuck? Where was my bed? My computer? My room? My limited addition collection of vintage waifu figurines?!

"My king, you have awakened from your slumber at long last…" A voice called out from behind, feminine and lilting, and heavily accented with some Asian background. I turned and saw what seemed to be the most bizarre statue representation there could have been. It looked like a hybrid between a Chinese lion-dog and a human, with emeralds for eyes, stone for skin, generous breasts, and red and gold adornments depicting the… sun? At least I think it was depicting the sun.

Then it moved towards me, with a feline sort of grace, and the voice spoke once more as its lips moved. "How we have longed for you to return."

Now, it could be said that this was the start of a more common dream than should be, mostly involving women, sometimes involving strange alien variants with particular appearances. Some even involved my waifu figurines, I'll begrudgingly admit. A particular kind of dream, often leading to a wet and shame filled wakeup the next morning.

But those were very much more in line with porn scenario's, and this? This was real. The room was cold, the details too vivid, and my breathing ragged.

It all felt real.

And so, I did the one thing I could think of.

Bitched out.

"Back away!" I yelled, thrusting out my arm.

And from my arm, from my actions, from my anger and fear and confusion, a torrent of motherfucking lightning burst forth, crashing directly into the living statue, sending it careening onto the other side of the room. It splattered against a wall, thick cracks of gold echoing through the room.

I stared at where it landed, then looked to my hand with a profoundly dull sense of euphoria. A hand that was not mine, I noticed with a detached sense of interest. The skin was blue and it possessed blacked nails more reminiscent of claws, with heavy stone gauntlets accenting the appeal from the knuckles down. I then trailed the gauntlets towards the arm, and examined the rest of my body, in a more precise detail, leading me to a staring contest with the reflective surface of gold that I lay upon.

The face that was shown was that decidedly ugly, with a leonine aspect and strange, fleshy growths coming out of its chin. I'll admit that it took a lot longer to comprehend that I was looking at a mogu than it should have but cut me a break. I could barely even think. And it was not just any mogu, it was their damned king, the tyrant that once made to conquer Azeroth.

Lei Shen.

As in Lei "I'll fry your eyes out for looking at me funny" Shen.

What. The. Fuck.

"Has my sister troubled you, my king?" Asked another female. I turned to her, noting that while the one I'd blasted seemed to represent the sun, this one did the moon, with a darker coloration and subtler disposition.

"…Lu'lin." I said. If I was Lei Shen – which was a messed up line of thought, LET ME TELL YOU – then that meant these were the Twin Consorts. The one I'd blasted was Suen.

And damn, my voice even sounded like Lei Shen, with that heavy rumbling bass and powerful accent.

"Indeed, my king." She knelt before me. "We are joyful to have you amongst us once more."

For reasons I can't explain, I wasn't freaking out. At least, not externally. I wasn't having an out of body moment. I wasn't trying to fight against what was happening right now. I wasn't even questioning the fact that I had somehow become the fucking Thunder King.

None of this made sense, but if my years as a LARPer and a failed improv actor have taught me anything, it's that you roll with whatever comes, but always stay in character.

And I knew Lei Shen's character better than I probably should have.

"What has occurred, Lu'lin?" I asked, forcing a biting tone into my new voice. "Where am I? Why have I been brought here? The masses should be celebrating my return! And yet all I see are you and Suen."

"The Zandalari resurrected you, my king; as was foretold. And yet, though you were awakened in body, with breath now pooling from your lungs, your spirit had not joined with it in full. It was decided that your body was to be returned to your palace, where my sister and I would ensure your awakening."

"And who dares make decisions for the storm itself?"

"The troll known as Zul."

I paused, taking a moment to think. Zul was known as the Prophet of the Zandalari tribe, the troll who brought about the resurgence of the Gurubashi and Amani tribes in 4.2, the one that started the whole of the Isle of Thunder patch, the one that brought about the release of G'huun! The troll that tried to-

Yeah, no. Not gonna even think about that shit.

But that begs another question. I knew what was to happen according to canon, what Blizzard intended to do past Mists of Pandaria. Or at least, I should know.

"Do you know of what has occurred in recent years?" I asked. A trembling note of excitement whirled in my tone. "Has the Legion invaded?"

"I do not know, my king." Somehow, though her face was literally made of stone, she was able to look contrite. "Suen and I have remained within our chambers since your burial, awaiting your return as a servant must. Shall I bring one of the trolls to answer you?"

"Yes… But not this Zul." The less involved I was with him, the better. "I would hear it from the words of his lesser. Bring me another."

"It shall be done."

"And take Suen with you. I would be alone whilst you find my quarry."

"Of course."

And she did. She stood and made her way towards Suen, lifting her sister from the ground like a paperweight and leaving the room by way of a pair of heavy doors.

When they closed behind her, I shot to my feet – Paws? Pads? What even were these things? – and began to pace.

How in the world could any of this have happened?

I was playing WoW. That much I remember. Then the storm hit. I remember that too, as do I recall the damned tree falling through my house. But the rest? How did I survive, how did I get here? How did any of this happen?!

Am I… dead?

…

…

…Let's keep away from these thoughts. Questions of existential worth always confounded me, no matter how important they were in this case.

I couldn't make sense of it. There was no sense to be made at all, I would go so far as to say. Think. Whatever.

But then… Then I stopped. I stared at my hand, remembering the sensation from earlier, and pulled on that. Arcs of electricity danced along my fingertips, and with them then came a new thought.

Would this really be so bad?

If this was a dream, then fine. I'd wake up and all would be right, if not for a little confusion. But if it wasn't? What was there to lose? Sure, I'd had a supportive family and a good group of friends. But overall? There wasn't a lot going on for me.

This? This was more than anything anybody had ever gone through. More than anybody could have gone through, seeing as how it makes absolutely no sense. And I was in a position of power. True, I wasn't a member of the Horde or Alliance, wasn't one of the heroes that had saved the world over and over again. Instead, I found myself in an even more challenging, interesting position.

This body I now held, the power coursing through me, it was one that was met with hatred and scorn. Hated and reviled throughout the whole of Pandaria, Lei Shen's legacy was one of brutality and suffering. I would have no friends here.

However, I was not starting from nothing; I was starting with the power of the Titans. I had enemy's, but I also had the ability to wipe them out should it be necessary. Fuck, Blizzard themselves stated in a Q&A that when it came down to it, Lei Shen would be able to beat the Lich King in a one-on-one battle!

Yeah, to hell with my squeamishness. I'm gonna take advantage of this power fantasy while I can.

The doors opened once more, the Twin Consorts having come back. Suen had returned to the land of consciousness, though she was a little wobbly. And between them was a Zandalari troll, standing at half their height, a third mine own. Meaning that I was not only raid boss sized, I was also appropriately sized. Which was weird to consider.

"This is Al'tabim, known as the All-Seeing amongst the Zandalari." Lu'lin stated.

Al'tabim approached in a confused state of awe. He was bald, with upward curling tusks, white eyes, and pale dotted skin. He flexed his hands, each with only three fingers, and curled them into fists, saluting me in a strange manner.

"What can I do for ya, Thunda King?"

"Tell me, All-Seer. What has brought the Zandalari to me? Why now? What has occurred that requires my aid? The Legion? The Old Gods?"

"None o' that, but nothin' good neitha'. Our world be shattered with the rise of Deathwing, and Zandalar be hit with waves so large that many be thinkin' the island gonna sink. Zul brought us together, and we found the edict statin' that ya would give us land if we brought ya back ta life. We do that, and hope ya follow ya word."

"I would break no oath." I said. Especially not when the Zandalari tribe were so interesting. "But you resurrect me purely for this? For a new home? How… quaint. Only the Black Aspect has brought you here? Nothing else? You are certain?"

"Nothin' else. We needin' a new home, now more than eva'."

I nodded slowly, inwardly cheering. This was still the canon timeframe for Mists of Pandaria, not the current one. I was worried that I'd somehow been shunted into the middle of Battle for Azeroth, purely because that's the expansion I was leveling Rotdot in. But no, the Azeroth calendar was still firmly in the early stages of Pandaland.

That meant I knew what was going to happen in the coming months and years, with some heavy detail to boot. I knew about the Legion, about N'zoth, about Uldir and the Nightmare. I knew the locations of artifacts and tools used and then forgotten with patch updates.

Fuck. I could make it so that Warlords of Draenor never happened, couldn't I?

That settles it. Whatever come my way, whatever malarkey may happen, it would happen as Lei Shen, not the gamer formerly known as Rick (*$- what in the hell?

Hold up.

Rick (*$

…

... (*$?

…

(*$!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS EVEN HAPPENING?!