Her Greatest Struggle

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, except for the plot.

Rated M because there will be strong language throughout the fic. There will also be torture (and talk thereof) and anxiety.

Chapter 1

April 2001

It had been like this for years. Three years to be exact... But she couldn't forget. People had tried getting her to talk about it - Harry, Ginny and even Ron, but none of them had succeeded. Yes, they had heard her screams and pleas that day when Bellatrix had carved in her flesh. But none of them knew that they had only heard one of the times she had tried to scream her lungs out, and not the rest. And they never would. She would make sure of that.

Those were her thoughts as she swam her laps in the pool in Germany. She had been moving around the world for the last couple of years, never settling down, because she knew... She knew that if she settled down, found love, let herself relax - that he would find her again... That he would take her and claim her, and… no. She wouldn't think like that, she could not. So, she ran. She ran, she hitchhiked, she took trains and any other form of transportation just to keep. On. Going.

"We're closing up now!" a voice called.

"Thanks!" she called back, slightly surprised. Damnit. she couldn't let herself lose track of time like that again. But the cold water was so soothing, and it gave her the opportunity to relax a bit. And she did have her wards set up to alert her if she was in any danger.

She had created the ward a couple of years ago because she was getting tired of being paranoid and always having to watch over her shoulder. Now she let her magic do its thing, and that too calmed her. She could feel the magic all around her at all times - sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker, but she always felt the distinct tingle at her fingertips.

After a thorough shower she discreetly transfigured her bathing suit into her jeans once again, put on her clothes and left the area, only stopping to thank the guy at the reception for his hospitality. When she had arrived some hours earlier, she had tried to speak some German, asking if she could use their showers and then leave right after, explaining that she had no euros to pay for it. The guy had given her a bright smile and spoke back to her in English instead.

"Since it is a Wednesday, and we have no classes you can use the showers and pools all you want." he had said, "You do not have to pay for it. I am the only one in today so no one will know. It is always so quiet here at this time of day, anyway."

And, oh boy, had he been right. There had been about a handful of people coming in and out of the place and that was it. Today had, overall, been quite a surprising day. If it hadn't been for the fact that she had to keep going, she might have actually wanted to stay. For the pools of course. It definitely had nothing to do with the smile the guy had given her when she walked out the doors - never to return again.

.

"Finally, a proper meal!" she thought to herself. It had taken her about a week since she arrived in Europe to find someone who would exchange some of her galleons into euros, illegally. She had mostly moved around in Britain - and recently North America - for the years she had been on the run, always avoiding the magical populations as far as possible. But now she was back in Europe, she could finally sit down by a river with a plastic fork and paper plate filled to the rim with steaming hot schnitzel and potatoes with gravy. She was reminded of the first hot meal she had had with Ron and Harry when they arrived at the Burrow after the final battle. They had eaten so much food, they had had stomach aches for the next two days. This time though, she ate slowly and actually enjoyed the food she had found.

Halfway through her food she felt her wards alert her. She knew that she did not look like herself anymore, so what had given her away? She had always been small and while on the run she had worked up a healthy amount of muscle. Her hair was cropped and blond, nothing like the waist-long, bushy brown hair she used to have.

She discreetly looked around, she always sat in strategic places if she had to come out of the shadows, and today was no exception. She was sitting at the bank of a river somewhere on the outskirts of Hamburg. There were restaurants around her with seating also by the river and a market not too far away. The perfect diversion came up as a group of teenagers with some sort of guide came bustling past her. She acted surprised and looked up like she hadn't really been hoping for a proper diversion to take in the surrounding people properly. What she saw made her warm all over, but also chilled her to the bone. How had he found her?

Some 10 meters away standing by street was Harry. Her first instinct was to run straight into his arms. To feel the sisterly love that she knew he had for her. To cry on his shoulder as she had done so many times before.

Before she knew it, she was standing up, her food completely forgotten. She took the first step towards him, but then she stopped. No! If Harry could find her, so could he. She turned around, and walked away from her best friend, knowing that it would be very long before she would see him and hug away her demons.

She must have imagined it, because she thought she heard a "Her-Hermione?" the second she turned away from him. But it was followed by a loud "HEY!", and then she was running. Shit shit shit. She had to think fast. Damnit why hadn't she moved the direction she had come, at least that was she knew where she had been. She ran down the streets, behind cars, through alleys and finally when she had to stop, because she had to catch her breath, a big tree-filled, and luckily people-filled, park. She hurried through the first group and made for the trees behind them. The second she was behind the tree her wand was in her hand, transfiguring her clothes into a simple knee length dress, her rucksack was now a simple purse and her now black hair was piled on top of her head in a neat bun. While she had transfigured her appearance she had never stopped walking, although she had slowed down a bit. She couldn't see Harry which was freaking her out, but she kept walking in the same direction, like she actually knew where she was going. By now she was fighting to get her breathing and raging panic-attack under control. How had he found her?! She was now at the outskirts of the park, taking in her surroundings. Her gut and wards was telling her that there was still someone, somewhere near. But looking around, she couldn't see anyone except for the group she had walked through. There was noone she knew. she was alone again, and finally, she could breath.

"Hermione, stop!" He was in front of her before she knew what was happening and she yelped in surprise. She stopped, turned away from his open arms and sad eyes, and walked back in another direction trying not to make a scene. She did not need a scene right now. She needed to LEAVE!

"Hermione,I know. Please stop." and she stopped. She stopped like she was standing at the edge of oblivion, and she would fall to her death if she continued. Oh, how she wanted to live.

"Harry, I love you, but I need to leave," she said, still trying to control her panic attack. Who else was here with him? "Are you here alone?"

"Ginny's at the hotel taking a nap. I'm here alone. What is going on?"

"G-Ginny?" she hiccupped at the thought of another one of her friends, and turned around.

"Yeah. we're on our honeymoon." Harry replied with the soft smile that she loved so much. "Merlin Hermione, we miss you so much. What's going on with you?"

"What do you know?" she asked. There wasn't a thing in the world she didn't want more, than to go with him, but she couldn't let her friends get hurt because of her.

"I.." he was uncomfortable, she could tell. Rocking from one foot to the other, fidgeting with his sleeve and scratching his forehead like he had done so many times before. "I know you were tortured for the two weeks we were at the manor, until they figured out who I was. That enchantment you threw at me was bloody serious. I've never seen a curse take two full weeks to actually disappear without any use of potions. They never really did anything to Ron and I, so we figured that you were unharmed as well. I found out last year though, that we were so very wrong."

"Harry I have to go. If you can find me, then so can he. I'm so sor.." she was caught off guard when she felt a body with warm arms embrace her. "Please don't Hemione. I'm begging you. I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe. from anyone". With that she started crying, crying like she hadn't done for years. Crying for the love that she so desperately needed, and for the brother she cared about but had to leave behind again.

And she felt it again. The tingle of her wards that she never took down. She looked up over Harry's shoulder and saw three figures moving towards them from different parts of the park. It wouldn't normally make her anxiety tingle. After all, they were standing just by an entrance to the park. What did alarm her was the wand she could make out at the edge of the sleeve at one of the guys.

"Harry," she said as quietly as possible without whispering, "We have three guys heading our way and you need to leave. Go. Get Ginny, and protect yourselves. I love you." She shoved him out of the way. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him apparate after dropping some sort of item in the grass, and throwing a spell straight to the face of one of the guys. She ran for the trees once again, and apparated to the first thing that came to her mind. Big beautiful pine-trees, water and cabins. Once she arrived in the Swedish forest outside of Stockholm, she apparated immediately again to lose whoever would follow her. This time, ending up the mountains in Norway.

.

A few days later she snatched up a copy of a newspaper and sat in her tent reading the latest news. She found out that a massive swamp had "grown out of the grass" in a park in Hamburg, Germany, and that authorities were investigating the possibility of a chemical attack. She smiled, figuring that George still had the WWW up and running. As sleep was taking over, she wondered if she would ever see him again.

.

Authors note:
Thank you for reading my very first fic. I hhove you enjoyed the first chapter end will continue to enjoy what has yet to come!
Also a big thanks to my Beta Claire, who took her time to read og check my story.