Chapter CXXXV – Back in Your Life

"So you just travel around Skyrim, killing dragons?"

Faldaen gave Aeyrin a confused look as they continued to talk through the evening at the Moorside Inn. Despite his previous words about how who she was had inspired him to get his life together, he didn't sound very impressed with this now. Maybe he's never met a dragon before. But she was pretty sure that if he did, he'd not be sitting here right now, alive.

"Ummm… I guess you could say that," Aeyrin sighed. She wasn't very eager to get into the explanations about what was actually happening with the dragons in Skyrim and about what her role was in that whole 'world ending' business. She still had a hard time wrapping her own head around it, there was really no need to involve anyone else and risk the word of all this mess getting out. Panic would help nobody right now. And aside from that, what else could she tell him? That they were helping to take down a leader of a massive underworld organization? That they were getting mixed up in dangerous politics with Jarls, generals and paladins? It was much better to keep things simple and vague.

"Why?" Faldaen shook his head at her and a little smirk appeared on his lips.

It would have been a somewhat understandable reaction out of anyone, but still, a bitter thought entered her mind at that instead. About how the man that she used to know could never comprehend the urge to help anyone but himself. But she tried to chase it away. This man in front of her deserved the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully. She really hoped that she was doing the right thing by giving him a chance.

"I… don't know. No one else can… and they're killing people," she shrugged, leaving her tone purposefully indifferent to urge him to change the subject. She was too wary of hearing his reaction to that. She didn't want to have her fears come true that quickly.

He stayed silent for a while, scratching at the side of his neck. Aeyrin had noticed that his twitching got gradually more frequent. She wondered if this was normal. She's never seen any recovering addicts before, she only ever saw people deep in their deliriums or in fresh withdrawal. She's heard rumors of people recovering and she has read some books on the subject, in her wishful thinking, but she has never really seen anyone achieve that first-hand.

"Is that why you came here? To Skyrim?" The curious look was back on Faldaen's face as he raised his eyes to her again. He did show a surprising amount of interest in her life, to his credit. Although she wasn't exactly sure whether she actually wanted him to.

"No… that was before. I came here on a pilgrimage at first," Aeyrin explained curtly. Not that he'd really understand that either.

Faldaen scowled at her words immediately and he shook his head in a clear expression of disdain before scoffing derisively. "Right… errands for the brain-washers," he murmured under his breath, barely audibly.

"What?" she got caught off guard by his comment. Was he actually scoffing at the people who saved her from him? Was he really badmouthing the people who were able to take care of her when he wasn't? Even after all that talk about reforming?

She shouldn't have been surprised… he had made no mention of his past behavior the entire time. She wasn't sure what she was expecting. But she knew that it was unrealistic in any case. Why was she still not used to the disappointment with him?

"Nothing, rabbit. I know… that they do that to everyone… I don't blame you," her father sighed with a forlorn look on his face, before he threw a concerned look over to Bishop. "You're one of the temple folks too?"

Bishop's stiff scowl turned into a mean smirk within a moment. Aeyrin was already uncertain about even talking to her father and he decides to start bashing the people who took her in? He was an idiot. Someone like that could hardly pull the elaborate escape from his dealer that he had described earlier. But whatever the truth, it wouldn't matter in a second. Aeyrin would not take this in stride.

He was actually tempted to lie and to tell that wretch that he was from the temple, just to spite his words. It wasn't as if Bishop wasn't thinking the same thing, at times, but… not since he got to know Aeyrin. At least not all the priests were the same. He merely shrugged at Faldaen with that smirk still etched on his face. "Don't concern yourself with me. You won't be around much longer."

Faldaen gave him a confused startled look, but before he could react, Aeyrin threw him a nasty scowl, completely disregarding Bishop's comment. Her voice rose so much suddenly that it even drowned out the Orc's 'singing' at the back of the room. "'Blame me'?! What's that supposed to mean?!"

Her father's eyes went wide at her in shock and his eye twitched visible. Surprisingly enough, he did not seem like he saw that reaction coming? How exactly did he think that she would react to something like that?!

"I… I… well… I mean… for leaving me, rabbit. I… I know that they make up stories to… to steal children away for their cults. It's not your fault," he tried to smile at her reassuringly, but it came out weak and uncertain.

'Steal'? 'Cults'? 'Leaving him'?! Was he serious?!

"You're joking, right? Please tell me you did not just call the people who saved me 'children-stealing cultists'?" Aeyrin gave him a disgusted look which hopefully expressed just how much he had crossed the line of what she was willing to tolerate from him. For some reason, when he had said that he had 'a lot to answer for', she expected his answers to be something else besides pathetic excuses. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up.

"W-well… I… I know that it… it may not seem like it," Faldaen continued to stammer, squirming under her scowl. "But, rabbit, I always feared that they… turned you against me. I… I know they do this! Did you know I came to see you there? Did they even tell you? I tried so many times, but they wouldn't let me anywhere near you!" he gave her a desperate look while his fidgety fingers intertwined in a pleading gesture, as if he was beseeching her to believe him.

"Shocking." Bishop's mocking scoff interrupted the silence briefly, but it did not manage to stifle it at all.

Aeyrin didn't answer. She couldn't fathom how to answer. Of course that the priests had told her about his hysterical fits at the temple, about how he kept coming back, demanding that they return her to him and yelling constantly that the priests have 'stolen' his daughter from him. He just couldn't get the money for his habit himself and he needed her back. It was heartbreaking to know that this was happening back then, but he was… sick. It was much worse to hear this now. It was worse that he still tried to somehow come out of this innocent, even after all those claims he had made about answering for his past.

"I… I know that it's hard to hear… hard to believe," Faldaen broke the stifling silence nervously. "I'm sure that they told you all sorts of lies. Did they tell you about the day they took you from me? The priest just snatched you from my grasp! I couldn't do a thing!" he shook his head at her incredulously while his right eye continued twitching and while his hands were unable to stop fidgeting. "I know that they probably made up some excuse, fabricated some story… but they stole you from me! What did they say? That I tried to… I don't know… sell you, or something ridiculous like that?!"

Aeyrin almost didn't even blink while her level look remained directed at him. It was an all too familiar brink of hysteria from him, although, granted, he was much more coherent now. She was starting to wonder whether the skooma was to blame for his previous behavior, or if it was just… him, all along.

"Yeah, that wasn't a weirdly specific example at all," Bishop rolled his eyes at him when Aeyrin still didn't make a sound. Why did that idiot even try to get out of this? He was pathetic. But at least talk like this would ensure his fast exit from Aeyrin's life.

"I… w-well…" Faldaen stammered when he got even more caught off guard by Bishop's comment. "Rabbit, you were so young, of course you don't remember…"

"I remember better than you!" Aeyrin finally spoke, with a yell that carried through the whole room, despite the loud aggravating song in the background. Not for the first time, the Redguard innkeeper looked at their little group curiously, but she could hardly gouge anything useful from the sparse loud yells.

"At least I wasn't half-delirious at that time! I… I'm done," Aeyrin stood up resolutely and her outburst promptly changed into cold indifference. There was no point in talking to him. She thought that he had changed, but apparently that wasn't true. Skooma or not, he was always the same.

She set out to leave instantly, but she barely managed a step before Faldaen's hand grasped her wrist in an unsurprisingly weak grip, forcing her eyes to meet his.

"Rabbit, I… please… I…. shouldn't have." Something glittered in his eyes as he stammered his pleas. "I'm… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… please, stay. I… was just trying to… I'm so sorry… Please, stay." He actually looked at the brink of tears.

Bishop stood up from the table too, right after Aeyrin. He first directed another hateful glare at Faldaen, before his face turned into one of sympathy as he finally looked at her. "Leave him, sweetness. You don't need this. We have enough shit in our lives to deal with without him."

But Aeyrin hesitated.

She still worried that if she left her father now, she'd be racked with wondering and regret. Just like she was back then. She remembered Master Therien telling her about her father's attempts to take her back from the temple. She always told her old mentor that he did the right thing by chasing him away, but in the back of her mind, she still wondered. Did she do the right thing? Maybe her father needed her… maybe without her, he would never have the chance to get better. She could see now that he didn't need her for that, but… even with these outrageous outbursts, maybe he was still trying. And maybe she should help with that.

"Don't talk about the people at the temple ever again." Aeyrin fixed her father with a cold stare as she yanked her hand away from him, but she sat back down at the table, waiting expectantly for his next words.

Bishop let out a defeated sigh at her words, but he sat back beside her again. He did not forget to throw another angry stare at Faldaen though.

"A-alright… I won't. I'm sorry, little rabbit. I shouldn't have said that…"

He should have been sorry for so much more than his words just now. But it was a start at least.

"L-let us… let us talk of something else. I… I would like to hear more about your travels here," her father gave her a hopeful smile. He took his tankard in his hands, but they were shaking badly, too much to allow him to even bring it up to his lips, so he promptly let go of the cup again, seeing how futile his attempts were.

Aeyrin only nodded slowly in response.

It was certainly a more pleasant topic.

And hopefully it would spare her more of these lies.

…

"So… how long have you two been traveling together?" Faldaen fidgeted nervously throughout their conversations, as if he was trying his hardest to stay away from anything that might anger Aeyrin again.

They've mainly stuck to small talk, but talking to him was still strangely… draining to Aeyrin. It was almost like his mere presence was rattling her. She wasn't sure if it was a bad thing, though. He was… trying. It filled her with cautious hope, but at the same time, she feared another disappointment with each word he uttered.

"We… met shortly after I entered Skyrim. We've been travelling together ever since," she couldn't help but smile fondly when she thought back on the day she had met Bishop. Back then, she would have never imagined their relationship progressing this far. She would have never even imagined sticking with him any longer than necessary.

Faldaen frowned a bit and he seemed to be pondering something silently for a while, before he spoke in an uncertain tone: "So… you just started to travel with a complete stranger?"

Aeyrin chuckled a bit nervously in response. It was kind of hard to explain. Even now, she wasn't sure how a simple offer of assistance had escalated like this. Not that she was complaining. It was disturbing to think that with everything that had happened to her in Skyrim, she'd be definitely more wary of offering her help to a stranger like that. She might have missed out on one of the best things that has ever happened to her.

"Concerned, old man? Shouldn't you have started with that a long time ago?" Bishop scoffed at him derisively. It was rich, coming from him. As if that wretch was someone who has ever looked out for her safety and wellbeing.

"Bishop," Aeyrin only admonished him with an exasperated sigh. She did not want to get into an argument again. It was a small wonder that the strained conversation has lasted without altercations this long already.

"No, no. It's fine, rabbit. It's fair," Faldaen nodded. "But… the past doesn't prevent me from being concerned for my daughter now," he sighed somberly as his eyes turned to her with a surprisingly fond look.

"Pfft. Pathetic…" Bishop scoffed at him again. What was he trying to pull by this shit? To gain her sympathy by acting like a protective father after all the crap he had pulled when she was a kid? Bishop may not have known a lot about their relationship, but he knew enough. And someone like Faldaen must have had some sort of agenda in approaching her. Bishop was sure of it.

"Think what you will. She is still my daughter and I will not apologize for being concerned for her, even after all this time," Faldaen's hands shook again as he folded them across his chest defiantly, giving Bishop a level look. Well, as much as he could with the constant twitching.

This idiotic posturing, however, only server to piss off Bishop even further. "Yeah, you should be apologizing for a lot fucking more than that. Or better yet, stop with this whole fucking performance," he snarled at the elf with palpable disgust on his face.

"Bishop, stop," Aeyrin gave him another admonishing look, more defeated than angry. Her head hurt after all day of dealing with this – the constant conflicting emotions were wearing her down steadily. And what was it with Bishop and fathers anyway? He wasn't exactly wrong about her father having a lot to apologize for, but she was in no mood to escalate this again. He should know that.

"Thank you, rabbit. I… I think it would be best if we stopped this for now," Faldaen sighed as he began rubbing his forehead tiredly. "There… will be much more time to talk on the road. I… I think I need to get some rest now in any case."

"Yeah… that's probably for the best," Aeyrin nodded at him. She was already eager to end this for the day too. She had no more energy to deal with any of this. Especially not the constant involuntary attempts at discerning her father's intentions. And Bishop's open hostility wasn't much help either.

Faldaen got up to go towards the bar promptly, intent on paying for his room. It still surprised Aeyrin to see him paying for his own things at all. She constantly half-expected him to ask her for money. That was what he had always needed her for, after all.

Her father returned to them just as they were heading towards their own room. Aeyrin could have sworn that she noticed a brief frown on his face when he saw them heading in the same direction, but he said nothing. Instead, he clasped her shoulder with his shaky hand very briefly, as if he was afraid that she would brush him off. He gave her a small smile then and his words came out much more tired than a few moments ago: "Good night, little rabbit."

The man pointedly ignored Bishop as he headed towards the room next to theirs.

It was an odd relief to have him out of her sight. But this whole ordeal was still far from over.

…

Aeyrin sat down on the bed heavily after she slumped her pack onto the ground beside it.

She let out an exhausted sigh and her eyes remained downcast. How was just sitting in a tavern and talking so draining? But maybe it was more the mess of thoughts that she still had swirling in her head.

Bishop approached her tentatively to stand in front of her as she still sat there with a blank expression on her face. He began gently stroking through her hair until she rested her head against his stomach, allowing him to embrace her.

Asking her if she was alright was a rather pointless question.

They stayed like that for a while, silent, before she disentangled herself from him and tiredly got up to rummage in her pack for his old tunic. Without a word, she took off her clothes and draped the shirt over her head before she hopped back onto the bed and snuggled herself into the blankets at last. Bishop followed suit quickly by getting rid of his clothes and joining her under the covers. When he was lying next to her, he promptly placed his arm under her head and pressed her closer to him.

Aeyrin looked up at him for a while, obviously waiting for him to ask whatever he wanted to ask about her father. Although she did not look exactly eager to continue thinking about any of this, she must have known that there was no way this would be able to pass by without a word.

For quite some time, Bishop only looked into her eyes silently while gently stroking her hair. His brows were still creased, it looked like they had not relaxed since Faldaen appeared in front of them outside, and he was clearly pondering what to ask without upsetting her further.

"Do you believe him?" he finally prodded while his frown deepened.

"I… I don't know. Some of it… I guess. He's definitely… different. I… I don't know how it would be possible for him to be this… lucid… if…" she shrugged a bit while her brows furrowed as well. She still wasn't able to wrap her head around the strange shift from how she was used to seeing her father.

"I don't know," Bishop sighed in response. "I don't know much about this shit. I've never seen someone on skooma this present either, but still… fuck, that story did not sound believable."

"Y-yeah… I know. And Ri'zhassa would never be fooled like that, I think. But… I don't know… he obviously got out of that somehow… after all this time…" she shook her head as she closed her eyes firmly for a while, trying to chase away the thoughts in her head. She should be happy that her father was finally trying to turn his life around.

"Princess?" Bishop began stroking over her cheek with a worried tone in his voice when he saw her forlorn expression.

She shook her head again, keeping her eyes shut for a while yet, before she looked back at him at last. When she spoke, her voice cracked and she could feel a bitter taste in her throat. "Why… why now? Why not… why not for me?" She felt a tear involuntarily escape her eye and she wiped it away quickly.

Bishop pressed her closer to himself promptly and he placed a soothing kiss in her hair. It must have been a bitter feeling for her, seeing him change like this, only after all that shit he had done to her. But… Bishop was still convinced there was more to it. Faldaen's intentions could not have been so innocent, especially after the outbursts over her being 'taken away'. If he was still that sour about that, he would have hardly approached her like this, out of nowhere. Something strange was going on.

"I… don't know, love," he sighed while he continued to comfort her with gentle strokes through her tresses. "I… I know that you want to give him a chance, but… I still think that all of this isn't what he claims."

Aeyrin didn't seem to react to that at first. She was still pressing herself to him, as if she was trying to hide from dealing with this just a little longer. He had to wait for quite a while before she tilted her head back from his chest and looked back up at him.

"I know that there are… things that don't make much sense, but… why else would he be here? What could he possibly still want from me?" She thought about that for a while. He still looked like an addict, just like before, but he talked so clearly and he even had his own money. Back when he was demanding to take her back from the temple, she knew why. Now she had no idea. And she still wanted to believe that he just wanted his daughter in his life. It was what she had always wanted, right?

"I don't know, love. But… people like that… they don't really change," Bishop sighed bitterly and he began stroking her cheek again, as if he meant to soothe her after his words that way.

"Didn't you? Change?" she asked quietly.

"I… I'm not so sure," Bishop's brows furrowed in deep thought. "In some ways, probably. But… the main shit never changed. Back then, I just did what I had to… to protect myself and Jules. That hasn't changed. I'd always do whatever it took to keep myself and anyone I cared about alive." He looked at her intently and the crease between his brows suddenly looked even more pronounced with worry. "I'd do whatever it took to protect you."

Aeyrin kissed him softly in response. She appreciated his words and she liked to think that he was this caring before, that he was still the man she knew, even when he had to lead that awful life. But, at the same time, she still wanted to believe that people were capable of such change. She still wanted to believe that her father was. Didn't she?

She didn't really answer. She knew that Bishop didn't believe that her father had good intentions with her, and for a good reason, after what she had told him about her childhood. Maybe she didn't believe it either. But she still knew that she had to give this a chance. She did not want to be racked with guilt and regret again, like she was before, when she stayed at the temple and left her father alone to fend for himself.

"So… 'rabbit'?" Bishop interrupted her ruminations with a slight smirk before he gave her a questioning look.

Aeyrin instantly cringed at the question. She always hated that stupid nickname.

"It was… what Ri'zhassa used to call me," she groaned in annoyance. "When I was very little, he tried to make games out of his schemes so that I wouldn't know what was actually going on. Not that I was old enough to understand it anyway," she scoffed derisively. "But… one time… he led me to this large house. The owners were away. He wanted some… glass statuette in there that was worth a lot of money, so he told me to pretend that I was a rabbit. To 'hop into a window and find the greenest thing there'. Apparently I really liked that game… so he kept calling me that," she recounted the tale bitterly. Bishop had already noticed that her expression got much more hateful whenever she was talking about that Khajiit, rather than her father. There was no sympathy there, only disdain and disgust.

They stayed quiet again for a while and neither of their expressions have softened in any way for the entire time.

After a few minutes of silence, Aeyrin turned in Bishop's embrace to nestle her back against him comfortably. It would have been best just to relax and stop thinking about anything to do with her father. If only it was that easy. But she did feel a little better when Bishop kissed her shoulder, then her neck, while his hand idly played with the fabric of his shirt on her body.

They stayed like this for a long time, but sleep still eluded her. She couldn't stop thinking about the following day and how she would get along with her father. Today has been turbulent enough already and Bishop's hostility towards him would surely not help any things. Not that she could blame him for being abrasive to him, but… she really wanted to avoid unnecessary conflict. She was convinced that she needed to give the man a chance. If nothing else, then at least for the sake of her own conscience.

When she continued to squirm and writhe in his embrace, far from being able to fall asleep, Bishop snaked his hand under the shirt to stroke over her stomach for a while. He kissed her temple soothingly and she knew that the anxiety must have been still etched on her face all too visibly.

"You want me to help you take your mind off things, love?" he murmured in her ear, after a while, and his hand slowly slid down her belly, between her legs before his finger ran over her slit teasingly.

"B-Bishop… father's in the other room!" she gasped and there was a bit of panic palpable in her voice as she snatched his hand away from her and planted it firmly over her stomach. She was not comfortable with the idea of him overhearing that.

"Right. Let's not offend the delicate sensibilities of the man who tried to sell you as a child to any random passing stranger," Bishop scoffed bitterly, rolling his eyes.

She turned her head to give him a chastising look at broaching the subject again, but he only responded with an unapologetic shrug.

He was right after all.

After a spell, he only patted her thigh gently with a resigned sighing. He returned his arm to drape over her stomach and squeezed her closer to him. It seemed like there would be no taking her mind off things, no matter how much she obviously needed to stop agonizing over all this.

Tomorrow would be trying.

Just being in the same inn as that wretch unnerved Bishop. He could not imagine having to stand all those fables and pathetic excuses all the way to the Rift.

But if that was what it took for her to see the man was not worth her time, so be it.