A/n Hello, back again with a new fic but this one has been testing to write. Diving deep into Jane's mind is by no means easy but I hope I give this idea justice. I've been thinking about it for a while, repeatedly putting it off because I knew it would be a difficult write but I think I underestimated how difficult!

There will be some flashbacks during the chapters, I will include a note with the episodes at the end of each chapter. It should be fairly obvious, but flashbacks are in italics, some are from the show and others are ones I have made up.

Anyway, I hope this first part is okay!

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Therapy – He Promised Her

How did he get here? In a therapist's office, a woman with red hair and a piercing gaze staring back at him, whilst he tries to look relaxed when sat in a rather uncomfortable leather armchair. Why? He promised her that's why, Patrick promised Teresa.

Things got a bit crazy again. He didn't think they would now that Red John is dead and buried but they did. He got anxious about her on the job and then when another agent was killed, he lost the plot. Left her to get his head straight when he should have stayed. She was hurting too. They were all hurting. Reeling from losing a fine young agent but, more importantly, a good friend. While Jane was absent and not answering her calls, she discovered that she is pregnant, which must have been terrifying, but she managed to keep it to herself, a secret, until after they wed outside their future home. Lisbon is now his wife; they have a baby on the way and he's spending his time remodelling their forever home.

Being away from the FBI has helped his anxiety. He doesn't have to see the dangers she faces so he gets to live in blissful ignorance. However, she notices how tense he becomes when she mentions certain elements of her workday and she realised that he will never be fully okay with it. She doesn't know how long she will be doing the job for; she may have the baby and decide enough is enough, but she should be allowed the option. She loves him but her work matters so much to her, he understands that. For a long time, it was all she had. "So Patrick..." Dr Mary Bailey breaks through his thoughts and he blinks a few times to regain focus. "What do you want out of these sessions?"

What does Jane want out of therapy? He wants to be able to be a good dad and husband without the tragedy of his past clouding every move he makes. He wants to be able to let his wife do the job she loves without getting in the way. He wants to do better, for her, for them. "I-I just want to be better."

Opening up has never been something that has come easily to him. Growing up it was just him and his dad who made it clear to him on more than one occasion that being emotional is being weak. An archaic attitude really and he knows that, but it doesn't help when that's the way he was nurtured. If he has a son then he will be sure not to force these attitudes onto him. "That's good." The therapist flashes him a smile, in attempt to calm him probably, but it isn't working. She can see how tense he is. "Do you want to tell me more about that?"

"Did you look me up? Like I suggested."

"No, I prefer to get my answers from the person rather than the Internet." Of course, he thinks, but now his heart is hammering in his chest.

He's going to have to talk about it all. About what happened to Angela and Charlotte, his revenge mission that took over a decade, all the bad stuff that happened during that time with Timothy Carter, Lorelei and eventually Thomas McAllister. He will discuss the CBI, its demise, the hurt he caused to so many people, his exile, the loneliness he felt during it and his return, working with the FBI whilst trying to repair his relationship with his work partner, best friend and now his wife. Then there's everything that's gone on since the start of their relationship. She is probably going to want to hear about his childhood too. It is like it's only just dawned on him how he's going to need a lot of sessions. "I don't know where to start." He admits, and nervously runs his fingers through his blonde curls.

"It can feel overwhelming, the first session, so we will make it a shorter one than usual." She explains carefully, the nib of her pen resting on the lined notebook paper. "How about you tell me what made you want to start therapy? And we will go from there."

Lisbon. "My wife." He utters. "She's pregnant and she suggested to me that this would be a good idea before the baby comes."

"Jane!"

"In here!" The brunette walks into their future home to find her husband with his shirt sleeves rolled up, sweat beading at his forehead, as he saws at some planks of wood that she thinks will be used for the living room floor.

He greets her with a smile and a kiss before going to resume his work, but she stops him with a delicate hand on his shoulder making him cock his head. "Can we talk?" She requests in an unsure manner which just increases his confusion.

"Your wife... what's her name?" The redhead questions, already scribbling something down in her book.

"Teresa."

"And how did you two meet?" How did they meet? That shouldn't be such a complicated question, but it is.

"At work technically." He glances down to his hands on his lap, as if he is hoping to find the answers or confidence there but of course he doesn't.

"And what does she do?"

"She's an FBI agent." He states but what surprises him is the pride seeping through. He is proud of her, of course he is, but he also sometimes wishes that she no longer did the job – for purely selfish reasons of course. "Back when we met though she was a CBI agent."

"CBI?"

"California Bureau of Investigation." Jane clarifies, like that would be enough information for the Austin based therapist. "It no longer exists. I'm sure as to why will come up in later sessions."

Dr Bailey studies him for a few seconds, noting immediately how uneasy he is talking about his wife's work and how they met, meaning that this is certainly a topic area to delve deeper into. "I see and what was your role when you started?"

The mentalist meets her gaze and presses his lips into a tight, thin line, supressing the urge to snap and just walk out. He promised Lisbon that he would try, try and stick this out so they can have a better future. He isn't going to let her down, not again, even if this is going to be one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. His therapist observes his clear reluctance in answering her question but gives him time. She has learnt that in this profession you have to be patient.

"Mr. Jane. I'm Agent Teresa Lisbon. You wanted to talk to me?"

"Hi."

He was so broken, having not long been discharged from being institutionalised for six months, now looking for a cause and answers in the Red John case. Meeting her, even though she was definitely unwilling to spend the time with him, she gave him hope. He didn't go expecting to get the access he did to the files or to even land himself a permanent job in which he found purpose and a new family, but that's what happened. "I first met her as a bereaved man whose wife and child had been murdered by the serial killer Red John. Have you heard of him?" Jane isn't quite sure where he finds his confidence from, but he gets a burst of it from somewhere.

She does and she remembers the news story about the father and husband of two victims who took his life away and is now wondering if maybe some research into her newest client is a good idea. "I have... I'm so sorry for your loss."

I'm so sorry for your loss. He is sick of hearing those words, it almost makes it worse now. These people who apologise, it isn't their fault, it is his and that's something he has grown used to as the years have gone by. "I became a consultant for the CBI and then the FBI but now? I'm unemployed, I guess."

He may sound unsure about this but he's far from it. A few weeks after his wedding and he waltzed into the FBI Austin office and told Cho – who's now in charge of the unit – that he has no plans to return. Maybe on the odd case if they really need him, but they've not used him as of yet and that was three months ago.

The therapist continues to write some incomprehensible scrawl in her notebook, he knows it is illegible because he keeps trying to read it upside down. He's sure that she has noticed but he is also sure that most of her patients also have a go. People who need therapy aren't exactly known for being the most trusting of people. "Did you get help when you lost your family?"

"Tell me the truth." The serious crimes' lead requests of her consultant, staring him down seriously.

"The truth? Darth Vader? Luke's father." He tries to joke, not wanting this conversation to go any further.

"Seriously, I've stuck my stupid neck out for you for the umpteenth time. I think I deserve the truth. Why is Sophie Miller so important to you?"

"She was my doctor." He unwillingly reveals.

"She's a psychiatrist."

"Yes, she was my psychiatrist."

"But you hate psychiatrists, so you always say."

"She was a good psychiatrist."

"She must have been if she managed to keep you in the room."

"It was a locked room."

Lisbon's face when he told her… she couldn't quite believe it and he could tell. She was both touched that he trusted her with the knowledge but also horrified that he was in such a state. She definitely looked at him differently after that, she kept more of an eye on him. He noticed of course. "I was locked-up in a mental institute for six months. I don't really remember much from that time." This surprises her. Not that he was so affected by the murders of his family that he needed psychiatric help or because of the memory loss, she is surprised that the FBI (and CBI) would employ someone with deep psychological issues.

"Memory loss is common with trauma."

"Hm." He hums, shortly followed by a drawn-out sigh. "My mind is usually so... strong but back then... nothing." He's often described his mind as a fortress, he is a mentalist after all, but during that period of his life it is like it let him down. Life became so difficult to comprehend.

"And your wife, Teresa, why does she think therapy is a good idea?"

"Therapy?" His mouth is agape as he stares back at her like she has been speaking an alien language but all she has suggested is for him to get some medical help. He needs to learn how to deal with the demons of his past better, especially because they have a baby on the way. "I don't need therapy." Lisbon gives him a look of 'oh really' with her brow raised. "Okay, I'm not the only one in this relationship who needs therapy." His walls are up as he barks at her feeling all defensive but when he watches the frown ghost her lips and the hurt in her green eyes, he is immediately backing down with a shake of his head. "I'm sorry that wasn't fair."

"It's okay." She claims but he can see that it is anything but.

"No, it isn't. You just want what's best for us and our baby. I'm sorry."

For a moment she just stands, rooted to the spot, her brain working overtime at trying to come up with a solution, a way to put her thoughts across without him feeling so attacked. She then slowly makes the short distance to him and gently takes hold of his hands in hers, hoping the contact will cause him to destress, even if it just a little. "I love you and I love our baby. I want what's best for us all." She is almost five months pregnant and the more noticeable her bump gets the more real it all is, for both of them. It won't be long until they're welcoming another person into their world. "I don't want my child to go through having a parent with unresolved issues like I did."

"I understand that."

He didn't take much more persuading. Although he was defensive at first, there is nothing he wouldn't do for her and their little family. She is his world and more.

They then spent the evening researching all sorts of potential therapists, they wanted someone with a good reputation, not too expensive considering he's now out of work and remodelling a house. Plus having a child is super expensive and FBI pay is also not the greatest. "Okay so Patrick…" She halts in her writing finally and puts her pen flat on the pad. "I would say we leave it there for today but usually we would meet once a week for an hour, twice that if you think that would be beneficial. However, it is important that you don't get overwhelmed." He likes her, she seems to know what she is doing, and she isn't too forceful in wanting answers.

"Okay." He murmurs with a curt nod.

"Just one more thing…" Dr Bailey picks up her pen once more. "We could either work through stuff chronologically or in order of importance for you. Which would you rather?"

Order of importance? What does that even mean? Jane thinks he has too many demons in his past to try and put them in any such order. "Chronologically." He decides and that's that. From next week he will be telling this poor woman his life story from being brought up in the carny circuit by his father to the present baby stress and worrying about the safety of his wife. The thought makes his stomach churn, but he promised. He promised. This is what he keeps telling himself.

The drive leaving the therapist's practice is almost eerie. There are so many thoughts floating around his head and although the very capable Dr Mary Bailey repeatedly stressed that it is important that he doesn't get overwhelmed, he does feel a little overwhelmed right now. There are so many thoughts and feelings that he has buried for quite some time, some he hasn't even spoken of to his wife, and now some stranger is going to learn of them all. A few years ago, he would have point blank refused this particular mission. Perhaps this shows how far he has come and maybe he should take some solace in that.

He is surprised to find Lisbon's car parked outside her condo as he pulls up. It is the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday so she should, technically, be at work. His first thought is that something must be wrong but with a quick shake of his head, concluding that he would have had a phone call if there was, he realises just why she may be so insistent of him seeing a therapist in the first place. "Thought you might want some company after your first session." Is what she tells him when he enters her place. She is lounging on the couch, one hand resting on her small bump and the other pointing towards a fresh cup of tea – in his special cup that she rescued from the Austin office – sitting on the coffee table. He loves her so much.

"Thank you." He says earnestly as he kicks off his shoes and shrugs off jacket, which he then hangs up on the coat hook.

"How was it?"

"It was…" He doesn't quite know how to finish his sentence and she watches his brow knit together, as he wanders towards her. "A start of something." She opens her arms to him, and he softly smiles before sitting down and falling backwards into them, so she can lovingly spoon him. They just sit, in silence, for a few moments. Not needing to talk but relishing the companionship. They've got time to talk about it, over dinner or in bed tonight, but he's simply very happy and relieved that she's here so he doesn't have to stew all afternoon about it alone. "Teresa…" There is one thing he feels the need to say though, before he and his new therapist really get down to business next week and he starts to dig deep, showing the more vulnerable side of himself.

"What is it?" She tenderly replies, tightening her grip on him because that way he knows that she is there.

"I hope you know that just because I miss them, doesn't mean I love you or our baby any less."

"I know that Patrick. I know."

A/n Episodes flashbacked:

S05E05 – Red Dawn

S01E10 – Red Brick and Ivy