A/n Thank you for all the lovely comments/reviews on this fic so far. I've really enjoyed reading them and I find your thoughts interesting.

Most of the really heavy stuff we've got out of the way, which I am relieved about, but therapy sessions don't always go smoothly…

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Therapy – Lonely Days

Jane wasn't in a good mood when he arrived for his session, something that was immediately noted by his therapist who's been trying to determine the reasons behind his attitude since his arrival. He isn't giving her anything however, and she knows from the off that the next hour is going to be taxing. He's definitely on edge, his entire demeanour is stiff and the fingertips on his right hand are rhythmically tapping.

The reason is that yesterday Lisbon went into the field to interview a suspect and when he found this out, he was cross, too cross, mainly because he's been so worried about her. She's meant to be on desk duty, she's not meant to leave the Austin office, yet yesterday she interviewed a dangerous man who could have done anything. She understands her husband's upset, she did promise him after all that she would be careful, but they were short staffed and she has hated sitting around, watching her colleagues run around like headless chickens whilst she has been shackled to her desk. It doesn't seem right; she is an FBI agent.

They are fine though, Jane and Lisbon, after a short testy conversation he then did cool off before they kissed and made-up. She's told him that it will not happen again until after their son is born. Even though he was pleased about this response he still tossed and turned all night, dreaming up everything that could have gone wrong, everything he could have lost. She tried to help him calm by nestling into his side and gently stroking his torso, but he didn't feel like it was possible to properly relax, and he's now brought that anxious energy to his session today. "Let's talk about your exile." Dr Bailey decides, and he sighs. "You seem reluctant, Patrick."

He isn't just reluctant about this line of conversation; he simply doesn't wish to delve too deep into any of his emotions at this moment in time. He is too tired. "It wasn't the best time in my life." He admits. "It was… difficult."

"Do you want to expand on that?"

No, not really. Dwelling on that time of great isolation brings a pang to his heart because he used to think that was all his life could now be. He didn't think returning to the US would ever be at all possible. The FBI weren't going to stop searching for him, even after a decade or maybe even two. "It was lonely." He tries to explain and stops himself from going further, but when she nods encouragingly at him, hoping to be able to coax a little more out of him, he sighs again. "The routine was tedious, there wasn't many people I could really talk to, and my Spanish was much to be desired."

Franklin was the only person he could speak to in English, and they did build a great repour. He was a good kid, nothing was too much trouble for him, and he enjoyed listening to the ex-CBI consultant's stories of fighting crime. He always had a lot of questions, but Patrick didn't mind that because at least he was interested. He also used to listen to him talk about Teresa and the hotel worker always secretly hoped that his newest pal would return to the US to find the woman he so clearly loves.

"She sounds like a great woman." Franklin remarks, whilst sat on some steps behind the hotel he works at, with the mentalist sat beside him. They've enjoyed their little meetings every so often, but the local man is usually very busy working seven days a week at the resort. Jane is always sure to bring him some kind of edible treat when they hang out.

"She is." He replies, a frown threatening to ghost his lips. "I miss her."

"You could go back home?"

"I can't." He regretfully says with a sharp exhale. "I wish I could, but I can't."

"I missed her every day." He tells his therapist who hums, her eyes full of sorrow. "I didn't regret what I did to get there but… I don't think it really occurred to me how difficult it would be to leave her. When she had been such a huge part of my life for many years."

"And where was there?"

There is the island. It was... paradise – that's what it should have been anyway. If you look up "paradise" in a dictionary there would be pictures of its beautiful landscapes and the dolphins leaping in the bright blue sea, so close to the shore. Many would love nothing more than to be able to visit somewhere so wonderfully serene and at first it was the right place for him. It gave him chance to breathe, gather his thoughts, and let it really sink in that he had succeeded in his mission.

That's until he started missing her, so much.

Even when he tried his best to preoccupy his mind with other things, it always seemed to drift back to thinking of her. Her stunning dark locks, entrancing green eyes and wonderfully interesting but caring aura. Teresa Lisbon is a one off and the day he caved and started writing to her, was a day that began with him being pulled into darkness by his own mind and nightmares. The letters were cathartic and a good way to get thoughts of his chest, to make him feel less alone, even if he could never get replies. He didn't even know if she was receiving them or if she managed to get out of the mess he left her, he hoped that she did. Thankfully, this was the case.

Jane tried to create a life for himself on the island, but it wasn't living, not really, even though he kidded himself on a daily basis that it was. He was secretly pleased and very relieved when he was taken back to the US because even though there was a risk of his incarceration, he still would probably be able to see her again. Even if it is just through some glass during visiting hours at whatever jail he would be held in. He longed to see her face, even if it was for one last time. They never did get to say goodbye after all. "Two years is a long time to live so isolated like that." The therapist helpfully reveals, like he doesn't know that already. It was him who experienced it.

"And then there was the three months of solitary confinement when I came back here." A long three months, he wasn't allowed to leave his room and had no contact with the outside world. It was cruel from the FBI, but they were hoping that this punishing setting would force him to comply with them. However, he wasn't going to do anything on their terms.

"That must have been difficult." He hums at this, busying himself by playing with a loose thread on the cuff of his jacket. "Is there a chance you put yourself in that isolating situation to punish yourself for the crimes you committed?"

And suddenly he's angry. Her question riles him up almost to inexplicable levels that not even he was expecting. He knew from the moment he arrived that this session would not go well, he'd not had a good night and he's cranky from his lack of rest. But this… is unbelievable to him. "What? No- what?!" He stumbles over his words, his vexatious attitude taking him over. "Yes, I made the decision to kill Red John and I knew that I had to escape after that but it wasn't as punishment it was so I could avoid punishment!" He attempts to persuade her, but he can see by her raised brow that she doesn't quite believe it.

"Did you?"

"Largely, yes!" He exclaims.

The redhead pauses for a second, her piercing eyes blinking periodically as she gives him chance to calm a little. He's not exactly an easy patient, but at least he's been mainly calm during their sessions so far. This is the first time he's properly raised his voice. "To me Patrick, it looks like your time away was your incarceration. It affected you more than you let on and you try to block out it ever happening in the first place."

Jane knew that therapy would unearth things that he hadn't thought of or hadn't occurred to him, but he assumed it would be things from around the time his family were killed or during his pursuit for justice, not afterwards. Right now, it is difficult to process, probably because of his poor mood anyway. Dr Bailey is right; he knows that when he reflects on the session, he will see that but right now any rational thinking is clouded by resentment. Instead he is shaking his head with his lips stretched into a thin line as he tries his best to stop himself from bubbling over.

But he can't stop himself. "You're never going to get it." He states coldly as he stands to his feet, ready to take his leave. "I did what I had to do! Like I am doing now." And then he walks away, almost stomping, with her calling his name hoping that he changes his mind. He doesn't.

He does feel shame as soon as he clambers into his car and hesitates in turning the key in the ignition, but he has too much pride to return. He will just send a feeble text apologising and say he will be returning next week; he did promise his wife that he would persevere. Jane doesn't know how he is going to explain today, maybe he just won't... but he can't deceive her, he won't.

Those days are long behind him.

It becomes quickly apparent as soon as he pulls up to Lisbon's condo that he couldn't get out of explaining himself even if he wanted to. Her car is parked out front and it makes him frown. Yesterday she was telling him all about how busy the latest case is, hence why she had to head into the field breaking her desk duty promise. Desk duty is still very busy however, sometimes she thinks that she is busier now than when she was in the field, everybody wants a piece or her. "Are you alright?" He asks her as soon as he enters the house to find her sat on the couch reading a magazine.

"My back is killing me, so Cho told me to go home." He finds himself smiling at this, not because of the pain but because Cho promised him that he would look out for her, and he is doing, despite being busy running the unit.

"Well I will get you some food and give you a massage and-"

"You're back early." She interrupts his ramblings whilst knitting her eyebrows together and when he peers down at his shoes in shame, she realises that something happened at therapy, something that made him leave. However, she isn't mad. She's been impressed so far with his dedication to it and overall, it has gone much more smoothly than she was expecting, just obviously not today.

"Yeah I..." He releases a deep sigh. "I left early. I couldn't deal with it, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." The brunette attempts to assure but the regret is already eating him up inside, and she can see that from the pained expression on his face. "Do you want to talk?"

Patrick is already shaking his head, as he makes the short journey to join her on the couch which he immediately sits on with her. "Not really, I would rather cuddle up and watch a film with you."

"Sounds good." She agrees and he's already leaning forward to retrieve the TV remote from the coffee table, ready to kick back and relax... but she isn't going to make things so easy. "I'm sorry, didn't you mention food and a massage?" Teresa asks in an overly innocent tone, so he knows that she's trying to annoy him.

With a roll of his eyes and a chuckle, he's immediately getting back up, to go in pursuit of food, thinking about how he's feeling a little better already. It is amazing what a positive effect she has on him. The cloud hovering above his head doesn't seem as dark, no longer threatening to pour harsh rain down on him. Things are going to be okay. Lisbon isn't angry at him; she is trying to understand, and he can try again at his next session. Dr Bailey shouldn't be too peeved; he is sure that she's used to her clients becoming frustrated – she is a psychiatrist after all.

He heads to the fridge where the latest scan picture of their baby is stuck to the door using a Chicago Bears magnet that his wife was given as part of her Birthday present from her brother, Stan. He smiles at the image and feels some of the tension release from his shoulders as he pulls it towards him to get a closer look. In approximately sixteen weeks they will be welcoming a small human into this world, into their world, and he is going to get the chance to be a father again. He never thought that would happen, for a period he probably wouldn't have wanted it to, but now he is ready, and he is definitely more ready now than he would have been before his first therapy appointment.

She was right – like usual – he needed this, they needed this. He may still be neurotic about her safety, but he does think the pain of his past isn't as incapacitating, so that's progress. "What are you thinking about?" He hears his partner's voice from the doorway and when he turns, he observes the obvious concern in her eyes as she cradles her small bump lovingly.

"I need to get a move on and finish the house." Jane replies and holds up the scan picture which he then puts back where he found it before opening the refrigerator door to look for food.

She watches her husband aimlessly grab at items and notices the slight shake of his hand. He's struggling. Struggling to deal with his emotions and she is sure that their bust up yesterday didn't help, and that's her fault. Yes, he needs to get better at dealing with the fact that she does the job she does but when he's trying so hard to be better, she should have kept her promise. It is also did make her more nervous than she was expecting, being back in the field, even if it was just for a short time to interview a suspect. She felt so out of practice, and she also didn't have the upmost faith that the young Agent Wylie could protect her if something were to happen. She is sure that he would try, but he is a computer wizard, not a natural field agent.

When Jane drops some food stuff on the counter as it looks like he plans to make her a ham salad sandwich, she takes the few steps towards him and affectionately links her arm with his, stopping his preparations. "You know I'm proud of you right?" She asks, before standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek delicately. "And I love you, so much."

"I love you too."

A/n Episodes flashbacked:

None.