Author's Note:

My sister showed me a great book series. It starts with "Still Life" by Louise Penny. An amazing mystery story that's great for people who aren't that interested in mystery books.

Also thank you Guest Halo for the suggestion.

Cover Art: Cruz7808

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Chapter 29- Thin Ice

"Thin Ice" appeared on screen with the theme.

Blake read the title and shrugged.

Fade in to a row of cones lined up on a concrete barrier. A shot fires and misses a cone. Cut to Palomo and Bitters

Palomo: "Missed."

Ruby shook her head, "Why can no one aim?"

Pyrrha shrugged, "It is very simple once you learn the basics."

Jaune looked down at his swords and shield. I like the classics, I don't need another weapon to be bad with.

Bitters fires again

Palomo: "Missed."

Bitters fires again

Palomo: "Missed."

"Palomo is the worst person to shoot with." Ruby groaned.

"Heh, yeah he is." Yang snickered.

"You, Dad, and Uncle Qrow also always made a big deal out of my missed shots!" Ruby shouted.

Bitters: "Palomo, I know when I miss!"

"And I knew too!" Ruby threw her hands up.

"It was fun messing with you, they did the same thing to me." Yang reminded her. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to aim a shot with a punch? Dad was relentless."

Bitters fires again.

Palomo: "Are you missing on purpose?"

Bitters: "Oh alright, that's it!"

Bitters turns and begins to beat up Palomo. Cut to Jensen; punching and shouting can be heard in the background.

Palomo: "(off screen) Ow! Ow! Ow! It was a legitimate question!"

"I can't get over how much Palomo sounds like Neptune." Weiss winced.

Bitters: "Am I missing now?!"

Yang and Nora laughed.

"Am I missing now?" Yang repeated with a giggle.

"It's easier to aim when you punch right?" Ruby snickered.

"Not when you're punching something 100 feet away from you." Yang pointed out.

Jensen: "(sighs)"

Smith approaches Jensen.

Smith: "Well, I spoke with Kimball. Search and rescue has been denied."

"Why?" Nora asked.

"Maybe the extra troops can't be spared." Jaune guessed. "And they're not missing. They left."

"She might have trust in them, that they'll come back." Ruby hoped.

Bitters: "Yeah well good riddance. They never cared about us anyway."

Jensen: "How could you say that? They left because they didn't want us getting hurt."

Bitters: "Yeah, well what do you call this? They didn't take us to get shot, but they sure as hell left us to die!"

"That isn't fair, they were never a part of their war to begin with. They only joined to save their friends." Yang pointed out.

"But they joined, then left when they needed them." Ruby pointed out. "They left for a good reason but.. to the rebels it doesn't look like it."

Jensen: "(voice breaks) ...We don't know that, they could come back."

Smith: "Their message didn't exactly specify."

Palomo: "They'll come back. I know they'll come back."

Palomo raises his rifle. A shot is fired and hits a cone.

The group smiled.

"At least one of them can shoot." Ruby smiled.

Bitters: "Nice shot."

Palomo: "Wasn't me."

Cut to Felix behind them, revealed to be the one who shot the cone.

Felix: "You shouldn't be so hard on the guys. They did what they thought was best. Can't fault them for that. Still, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of those four when I find them."

Jaune grinned. "I hope he does… find them I mean. I'm worried about those special ops guys."

"Eh if he beats them up I'd love another scene like that." Yang laughed. "I doubt it'd top Tex's scene though."

Smith: "When you find them?"

Felix: "Tell Kimball I'm buying back one of the warthogs I sold her."

Felix leaves.

Jensen: "But Felix, she said we weren't allowed to go after them! It was a direct order!"

Felix: "Well orders only work on soldiers! I am a mercenary."

"He wants to be a mercenary so that he can help when he needs to. So he isn't restricted by orders." Jaune realized.

"And so he can fight Locus." Blake pointed out.

"Felix joined the rebels first, before Locus joined the Feds." Jaune pointed out.

"He is kind of restricted by orders though, he still needs to be paid." Weiss explained.

"But he doesn't care about money, he's going to help the reds and blues." Ruby smiled.

Cut to a Federal Army outpost base, located in an icy area. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose are seen standing behind a wall at the compound.

"F.A.C. OUTPOST 37"

Simmons: "This is it. According to our data, the Federal Army base is just on the other side of this wall."

Tucker: "About time! My ass was asleep for so long, I thought it slipped into a coma!"

"Neptune said riding on Bumblebee hurt after he woke up the next day." Yang laughed.

Grif: "So, we're here. Now what?"

Tucker: "We bust our way in. Anyone have any ideas?"

Simmons: "We could try scaling the wall?"

Tucker: "Uh, that's a little too obvious. Think dumber."

"Think smarter!" Weiss groaned.

"No dumber means that the feds won't be prepared." Jaune explained.

Grif: "We could knock on their door?"

Nora gasped, "Good idea!"

Tucker: "Too dumb."

Grif: "I was joking!"

"I wasn't, they could pretend to be someone else." Nora explained.

"Or lie and say they support the feds not the rebels." Jaune suggested. "Wait no.."

"Yeah they'd be walking in blind." Ruby nodded. "Knocking on the door is too dumb."

Caboose: "We could knock on their door?"

Grif: "I just said that?!"

Caboose: "Yeaah, but you were joking. I felt the plan deserved more serious consideration."

Nora nodded in agreement, "It does."

"No.. it wouldn't work." Jaune shook his head.

Tucker: "Hmm, How do you break into an evil ice fortress?"

"They said before that the rebels should be in a snow base but instead the feds are." Ren commented.

Nora gasped "What if the feds, ARE the rebels!"

"No, they are not." Ren sighed.

Caboose: "You melt it! Like evil ice cream!"

Tucker: "Holy Shit. We melt our way in!"

"What? I doubt the fortress is literally made of ice." Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose.

Caboose: "Whe- Wai- Rea- YES! I WIN!"

Pyrrha laughed, "He didn't expect to be taken seriously."

Grif: "What?"

Tucker: "We can't go through the wall, and going over it is what most people would do, so let's just go under it."

"They would expect that too. People dig tunnels." Weiss facepalmed.

"I think the plan is genius." Ruby giggled.

"Me too." Jaune laughed. "The wall can't go down that far."

Grif: "That's retarded."

Tucker: "Exactly! Damn, I'd never thought I'd say this, I mean ever, seriously but, good job Caboose."

Caboose: "Oh well I'm just really glad someone appreciates my genius. Now let's start melting!"

Caboose crouches down and starts breathing on the snow.

"It's amazing to see his genius at work." Weiss remarked dryly.

Blake chuckled, "It comes and goes."

Tucker: "Caboose, you're wearing a helmet. That's not doing anything."

Caboose: "Okay, well fine, then how do you explain my sudden light headed...ness."

"Lack of oxygen." Ren explained Caboose's sudden lightheadedness.

"But.. they've been breathing in their helmets just fine so far?" Ruby pointed out.

"It doesn't have to make sense if it makes you laugh." Nora grinned.

Tucker: "What about friction? All the ladies tell me I light a fire between their legs."

Grif: "That's chlamydia."

Yang laughed, "That was a good one."

Simmons: "Friction won't work. It's gotta be negative forty degrees Celsius out here."

The group stares at Simmons, confused.

Simmons: "That's negative forty degrees Fahrenheit."

Tucker: "Jesus, that's cold!"

Grif: "That's freezing!"

Simmons: "You people are idiots."

"They've mentioned Fahrenheit and Celsius before." Jaune recalled.

"Last time they did, Church said the canyon was 26 degrees and Tucker told him that it would be freezing. So I must assume that -40 Celsius is a lot colder than -40 Fahrenheit." Ren explained.

"Hence why Simmons called them idiots." Weiss chuckled.

Grif: "Well say it in American next time."

"American's must be a race." Ren guessed.

Tucker: "Oh! I've got it!"

Tucker pulls out his sword and stabs it into the ground.

Tucker: "STAB!"

"He shouted stab like when he stabbed the Meta." Jaune chuckled.

"Jaune, don't yell stab when you stab things." Pyrrha whispered.

Jaune blushed, "I've never done that, and I've uh.. never thought about doing it either."

Pyrrha gave him a knowing smile and patted his shoulder.

Simmons: "Is it working?"

The sword's heat begins to melt away the ice. Cut to the group falling into a tunnel.

Simmons: "Ahh, it worked!"

Grif: "Where are we?!"

Snowman Fed: "(off screen) Hey! What was that noise?"

Weiss facepalmed, "Their idiotic plan is doomed."

"Hey it worked, they're inside." Jaune pointed out.

"Step one, complete." Ruby smirked.

Tucker: "Oh shit, we're inside!"

Caboose: "I think bad guys are coming!"

Simmons: "(panicking) What do we do? What do we do?!"

Tucker: "I don't know! I didn't think this far ahead!"

Simmons: "Damn it! This is why winging it is a bad idea! No more winging it!"

"I agree, it is a bad idea. Why do we do it so often?" Weiss asked.

"Because no plan survives first contact with the enemy." Ruby raised her hand. "Except for ours! When we fought Torchwick, everything was fine. The plan worked!"

"We didn't plan for that." Weiss pointed out. "Though.. I suppose we did react rather quickly."

"A.K.A.." Yang grinned. "We winged it and it worked."

"We are not winging the tournament." Weiss crossed her arms.

Fed: "(off screen) I swear, I heard something just around the corner."

Grif: "Let's get out of here!"

Tucker: "There could be more guards! We'll be caught!"

Simmons: "Well we've gotta do something!"

The Fed begins to make his way towards the Reds and Blues.

Fed: "Just a few more feet and I'll be there."

"This fed is very polite." Weiss chuckled.

"I think he might just like to describe his own movements." Blake shrugged.

Caboose: "Tucker!"

The Fed emerges from the corner to see four snowmen in the tunnel.

"…I am at a loss for words." Weiss stated, clearly not at a loss for words. "What?"

Nora, Ruby, and Yang burst out laughing.

"Where did they get the carrots? Or coal?" Jaune asked.

"Also the snow shouldn't be malleable, it should be so cold that the snow is too dry to be made into anything." Ruby added.

"Well they are underground in the base. It might be warmer in there." Yang shrugged.

"Why are you three trying to explain this rationally?" Weiss asked.

The group laughed again.

Fed: "What the-? Huh... Well would you look at that, just a couple of harmless snowmen. You guys wouldn't happen to be the ones making all that racket now, would you? Heh heh... (raises rifle) Well, time for some target practice."

Tucker stabs the soldier with his sword through the snowman.

Fed: "Hugk! But... why snowman...?"

"Poor Fed soldier." Yang chuckled.

"Hey, he wanted to shoot a harmless snowman!" Ruby crossed her arms, "He's evil."

"Not even snowmen are safe from the feds." Nora shook her head.

Weiss paled a little, having once practiced on snowmen when she was younger. Well, they don't need to know that.

Cut to the Fed soldier, buried dead under a pile of snow.

Fed: "Blegh."

Cut to Tucker, Caboose, and Grif whilst Simmons is dusting snow off himself in the background.

Tucker: "I cannot believe that worked."

Grif: "Uh, you're welcome."

"It was his idea?" Weiss raised her eyebrows.

Tucker: "How did you do that?"

Grif: "I used the same trick to hide from Sarge all the time back in Blood Gulch."

"It snowed at Blood Gulch?" Jaune asked.

Tucker: "You constructed, and then hid inside of... a snowman. In the middle of a hot canyon."

Blake chuckled, "He sounds exactly like Washington, when Doc was talking about footprints in the desert."

Flashback to Blood Gulch where Grif is crouching behind a rock with melted snow. Simmons is standing next to him.

Simmons: "Hey Sarge! I found him!"

"Okay ignoring how he found snow in a hot canyon." Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose. "How did he get inside of it?"

"Easy, make the snowman shell with a hole for himself to crawl in, then once he's inside he can just cover up the hole." Ruby shrugged.

Weiss groaned, "How did he find snow in a hot canyon? I'd expect this from Caboose who seems to break reality the most. But not Grif."

"I thought we were ignoring it." Blake chuckled.

Cut back to the present.

Grif: "It wasn't always a perfect plan."

"I like that his snowman had a top-hat." Ruby giggled.

Simmons: "According to our intel, there's not much standing between the end of this tunnel and the detention facility."

Tucker: "That's awesome!"

Simmons: "No, I mean…(cut to them crouched down at the end of the tunnel) there's literally... nothing between us."

Camera shows an open space between the group and the detention facility.

Simmons: "We'll be spotted as soon as we leave the tunnel."

"So how do they get from point A to point B without anyone seeing them." Jaune asked.

"Oh they can take the armor from the fed soldier." Ruby suggested.

"But there are four of them and only one suit." Blake pointed out.

"Which is why only one person needs to wear it. They can walk everyone to the detention facility one by one. They just have to stand in front of whoever they're walking with and synchronize their steps." Ruby explained, using two fingers on each hand to symbolize walking. One hand behind the other.

"That has a lot of if's to it." Weiss commented.

"And what if Felix is right? The feds armor might not be their size." Jaune pointed out.

"It worked before." Ruby shrugged.

Tucker: "I don't know, doesn't look like there's anyone around to me."

An MLG air horn blares off from the speakers around the outpost.

Soldier on PA: "Alright, lunch break's over. Back to your stations, people."

"Aww if only they'd gotten there earlier." Nora sagged.

"Having a lunch break where virtually everyone leaves their posts is a huge security flaw." Blake commented.

Feds start piling out of the base and moving to their posts.

Soldier on a warthog: "Come on maggots, get the lead out! Move! Move! Move!"

Soldiers continue to move out of the outpost and set up stations around the base.

Soldier in a tank: "Woo! Brand new tank, coming in! This will kill any intruders for sure!"

"..."

"The feds like to state the obvious huh?" Yang asked.

"They are also more organized than the rebels." Weiss added. "If somewhat poorly."

Cut back to the Reds and Blues.

Tucker: "I hate my stupid mouth…"

"Me too." Blake chuckled.

Grif: "I hate it more."

"I don't think he hates it more than I do." Weiss smiled.

Simmons: "How are we gonna sneak past that?"

Tucker: "We're not."

"Which means they're doing something even dumber!" Ruby grinned.

"Which will inexplicably work." Weiss rolled her eyes.

Grif: "Glad to hear you're finally making sense, Tucker. Let's go home. Good effort everybody! We came, we saw-"

"We broke the law." Nora mumbled.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"What?" Nora asked back.

Grif: "We realized it was impossible, no shame in that."

Cut back to the group in the tunnel.

Grif: "Can't help but realize we haven't left yet."

Tucker: "We can't sneak past those guys, so instead, we're gonna make as much noise as possible. If we can cause enough trouble somewhere else, we can draw them away from the prison. What do you guys think?"

"That's actually smart." Weiss smiled.

"Yeah, distractions are great." Ruby grinned. "It always works on bad guys."

"They do seem very unaware of everything else when there is a distraction." Ren nodded. "Though that is how they are supposed to work."

Simmons: "Well, it fits with the dumb ideas theme."

Tucker: "I figure if we fuck up these important looking pipes and then haul ass, we can make it into the building."

"The pipes that are in the tunnel that they have to run from?" Weiss asked.

"Everyone is going to run straight to them." Ruby realized.

Grif: "Ugh, we have to run?"

Tucker: "We have to try. Worst-case scenario, we end up in jail with everyone else and just wait for this whole civil war thing to blow over."

"Which is a lot worse than he makes it sound." Blake commented.

Simmons: "I think worst-case scenario is getting shot. Or Grif getting shot and we have to carry him. There's only three of us."

"Pfft, Lopez the Heavy? More like Grif the heavy." Yang quipped.

Tucker: "(pauses for consideration) Fuck it. Caboose, do your thing."

Caboose: "Time to CLEAN THE PIPES!"

Pyrrha and Yang laughed.

Cut to two soldiers standing atop the base, as an alarm goes off.

Alarm: "Alert. Catastrophic breach detected in sewage pipeline. Sector 3."

Fed Soldier: "Sucks to be maintenance."

Alarm: "Warning. Sewage breach detected in the barracks."

Fed Soldiers: "Oh shit! My stuff! Noooo! Nonono-"

Soldiers suddenly begin to run off to the barracks to protect their belongings.

"Ha! That's actually smart, to attack their belongings." Yang smiled.

"It is, if they had simply caused an explosion. Not everyone would be needed to check it out." Ruby grinned. "But because it's their stuff- well no one wants their stuff damaged."

Tucker: "Now's our chance, run!"

Simmons: "Here goes nothing!"

Caboose: "Let's race!"

Grif: "Urghhh."

Fed Soldier: "Come on guys, gotta save our shit! From the shit!"

Nora laughed, "That's gross."

"Save our shit from the shit." Yang shook her head.

Soldiers continue to run off to the barracks, yelling indistinctly while doing so, whilst Tucker, Simmons, Grif and Caboose run across to the detention facility.

Fed Soldier: "Jesus Christ last night was taco night!"

Cut to the Reds and Blues entering the detention facility.

Caboose: "Yeah, first place!"

Pyrrha giggled, "He knew he would win."

Grif: "(panting heavily) Oh my god... I'm gonna die. I hope I die."

"The training really paid off." Pyrrha smiled, "Grif didn't collapse."

The four make their way to a locked door.

Tucker: "Simmons, do something about this door!"

Simmons: "What do you mean?"

Tucker: "It's locked. Hack the door controls or something!"

Simmons: "What makes you think I can just hack a door?"

"He did before in training." Jaune commented.

"That was different." Weiss pointed out. "This is a facility that will likely have a better password than password12."

"In this respect, their training didn't pay off." Pyrrha commented.

Tucker: "You're the smart one! All you're good for is hacking things and making me look more handsome in comparison!"

Simmons: "(panicking) I don't have any intel! I don't have any tools! I-I-I can't just do it, I need time!"

"I wonder if they're making fun of hacking in movies. It's always super easy." Jaune commented.

"I hope we never have to hack anything." Ruby mumbled.

Grif: "We don't have time, genius. Just pretend like it's a timed maths test or something!"

Simmons: "I don't work well under pressure! You know that!"

The door suddenly opens and the group raise their guns in response, towards the unknown enemy beyond the door.

Tucker: "Oh shit…"

Camera pans across to reveal Tucker aiming his gun at Washington, who also has his gun raised. The camera then reveals Washington, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez in the doorway. Everyone lowers their weapons.

"They're okay!" Ruby cheered.

"And Lopez has a working body!" Weiss grinned.

"I bet they just escaped." Jaune laughed.

"That would be ironic." Ren chuckled.

Washington: "Tucker?"

Tucker: "Wash?"

Sarge: "What in sam hell are you boys doing here?"

Simmons: "We came to save you!"

Donut: "But, we were supposed to save you?"

".." the group was in stunned silence.

The camera slowly pans away from the Blood Gulch group, who continue to stand motionless in the doorway.

Caboose: "Bum bum buuummmm... Cliffhanger!"

Cut to black, the episode ends.

"They were brainwashed." Nora gasped.

—Dumb War Plan SS— Not Canon

Ironwood sighed, "We expect dumb all the time, the guard core has to deal with it on a daily basis. It's incredible how some people think it's easy to break into guarded facilities."

"Well it actually is pretty easy." Roman shrugged. "The animals could do it."

"Because the White Fang don't plan stupidly, guerilla warfare is hard to combat." Ironwood explained.

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." Roman taunted.

—Dumb Schemes SS— Not Canon

Ozpin chuckled, "If the plan works, it isn't a dumb plan. Merely an unexpected success."

"Sometimes I think you disguise bad plans with seemingly wise words." Goodwitch glared at Ozpin.

Ozpin laughed, "Glynda please…"

"You're not denying it." Goodwitch raised an eyebrow.

Ozpin coughed.

Any more suggestions for the next two episodes? I've already received a ton of great ones but I'd love to hear more of your thoughts.